Shit tests or comfort tests?

Aerik · 2018-01-12T01:12:53+00:00

Problem: Sunday: She told me that she didn't like me grabbing her butt, etc. I replied with, "ok, but I do." Then STFU. She got really upset and cried for a couple hours because I didn't apologize. Said "it feels like you don't care about me and if you don't, then who does?" She seems really in despair. Held pretty strong to STFU and it felt kind of awful.

that's b/c you're committing sexual assault and ignoring a person's "no", i.e. lack of consent. you're a douchebag.

and this sub is helping you be a sexually assaulting douchebag.

Rocky_Bukkake · 2018-01-12T12:47:28+00:00

are you a fucking moron, stop doing that to her and apply empathy

FF0000_captain · 2018-01-10T14:52:11+00:00

You’re going a bit Rambo. Not really a shit or comfort test imo, you’re just being more of a dick than usual and she’s picking up on it, doesn’t know why you’re acting differently and it’s making her feel insecure about the future, the relationship, whatever. Instead of producing tingles by grabbing her ass and being all cocky, you’re simply causing her to recoil in disgust. Slow your roll, STFU more and keep working on you.

maitre-pingouin · 2018-01-10T14:54:30+00:00

I am just getting started.

Exactly : you're two weeks in and you expect her to behave as if you had been like this all your life. You should read /u/BluePillProfessor 's book, he really insists on how long it takes.

And before changing everything : frame. If you have no frame, every improvement is built on sand.

UEMcGill · 2018-01-10T14:54:32+00:00

Shit tests take the you form. Comfort test take the me form. Look for the focus of the statement.

"Can you get me some water?" while she's seated next to you; shit test.

"I feel like you never want to get water for me!"; Comfort test.

The first is about testing your resolve, do you have frame, are you confidant in your actions, etc. The second is about her place in your life.

She told me that she didn't like me grabbing her butt, etc.

Harvey Weinstein was like this. Even though he was fat and unattractive women still sucked his dick, why? Because they were complying with him, not attracted to him. First rule, be attractive. Second rule, don't be unattractive.

She gets mad, I STFU, and she starts to pull away and cry again. I say, "it's sad if you choose to let this ruin your whole day." She says things along the line of "you hurt me" "I feel like you are taking advantage of me" and "I don't feel like you care." She obviously doesn't want me to touch her.

This is you trying to get her to feel a certain way. Stop. Her feelings are hers to manage, no matter where they come from; be it attraction or deep seated problems.

Your next recommended reading on the list should be WISNIFG. Recognize in yourself and others when you are being manipulated or vice versa.

In the long run, become attractive. Lift, be a man of action, and raise your value. Understand that you cannot change her mind with words so quit telling her how to feel. If she is a victim of sexual abuse, that's her burden to bare, as her husband you can only set boundaries about care and addressing issues.

For now, Shut the fuck up (and read WISNIFG). Quit listening to her words and watch what she does. Lift. Lift and keep Lifting.

BluepillProfessor · 2018-01-12T01:08:09+00:00

She seems really in despair. Held pretty strong to STFU and it felt kind of awful.

Oh Good Lord. Take your woman in your arms. Look her in the eyes and tell her stop being ridiculous. Of course you care about her. STFU doesn't mean you don't tell her that when she needs to hear it.

So yes. You are being a Rambo. And autistic.

It was hard and she said, "ouch, that hurt, I don't like that" as I walk away. I come back and do the same thing on the other cheek. She gets mad, I STFU, and she starts to pull away and cry again.

OK, I see the point of some of these fools claiming "sexual assault" or whatever. This reads like a 12 year old bully pinching his little sister and making her cry. Then when she stops crying and the little girl calmly asks you to stop you do it again?

What the ever living fuck?

she didn't like me grabbing her butt

Try squeezing her butt to show your appreciation for the nice shape but do it while you hug her. Not all girls (especially 'good' Christian girls) like a hard slap or pinch on the ass. You have to tailor your approach to the woman and watch what she does, not what she says. If she whines and bitches and then throws you down hard that is one answer. If she cries when you fucking hurt her that is something else entirely.

drjamesstone · 2018-01-10T14:43:25+00:00

Problem: Sunday: She told me that she didn't like me grabbing her butt, etc. I replied with, "ok, but I do." Then STFU.

You STFU three words too late. Next time, just say "ok"

"it's sad if you choose to let this ruin your whole day."

Not really S'ing the T F U here, you're telling your wife how things should go. Next time just be quiet, let your actions guide her hamster. Be happy, upbeat.

My wife gets like this, feeling as though I don't respect her boundaries, grab her when she's not in the mood. A kiss on the cheek and spending a little less time in the house usually fixes that. I've been where you are, kids of that age.

Next time there's a weekend where you don't have plans, on the Friday night, tell her you're taking the 3 kids without her, to the zoo. Don't present it like you're trying to give her a break, do it because it's important you and the kids spend time together without her. You will develop your own parenting style. You and they need it.

Is it a Shit Test or a Comfort Test? No clue.

justpickanyusername · 2018-01-10T15:31:36+00:00

You realize that in your post there is a lot of "I said this" and then STFU. Then "I said this" and then I STFU. No, just STFU. Most of the time there are no verbal words required. Smirk and move on for now. There will come a time when you can say things, but it ain't now brother.

So, when I started MRP, my wife would not even kiss me. It was actually the wake up call I needed to find this place. I started hitting the sidebar and read about 10 second kisses and being flirtatious etc. I tried doing the things I read and received a similar response that you did. "Stop grabbing my butt!" "I don't like that!"

Here's the deal. Right now, you are creepy. It's okay. So was I. Why? You are not attractive enough yet. My advice would be to hit your MAP hard, lift hard, start passing fitness tests, and then STFU for reals.

She doesn't want to have sex with you right now. That is why she is responding so negative. Have you ever seen any of those YouTube videos where an ugly guy will ask the girl something and she will think he is icky and creepy. Then, they will have a hot guy ask her the same thing moments later and she is all for it. There is no difference in the two men's actions except for one is attractive and the other is not.

I wouldn't call you Rambo, but I would just focus on you for a few months. When you aren't attractive and you keep pushing sex you come off as needy which is unattractive and makes your climb even steeper. Build up your SMV and OI. It will do wonders for your attractiveness and then your ass grabs will be welcomed. I have been there. I can do things now that I couldn't do 9 months ago. If I grab her ass now, there certainly won't be a "don't do that", and more than likely she will subtly grind me when I do it.

It's all a part of the process.

rocknrollchuck · 2018-01-10T16:34:15+00:00

Read this: Every Unhappy Wife is a Rape Victim

It will help you understand what you are actually facing here, and how to overcome it.

dcapt46 · 2018-01-10T20:32:43+00:00

Your name is appropriate. This is like "surprise wife I am Red Pill now!". And she thinks it is all just an act, something temporary.
When you have been regularly going to the gym for months even after she says "I don't really like big muscled guys..." then she starts to believe you. When you take care of shit at home instead of drinking and playing video games for months then she starts to believe its real. When she has rejected you for sex and it has no effect on you (not angry not, petty, bitter, butthurt). And with the touching if she is not accepting it you might need to ease it a little. Make sure it is gentle, and persistent and as much as possible when it is not possible to have sex.

Also make it FUN. When I know she is going up to the bedroom to change (probably because she has to drive the kids somewhere). I go and kick back on the bed hands behind my head and look at her with a smile. She says "What are you doing" I reply "I just came here for the show!" bigger smile. She will complain.... I ignore and when she is done I say "mmm liked what I saw (maybe refer to panty color)" And yes, it will take time. So use this time to lift, it will be the difference. Since you didn't open with your lifting stats I assume you have a long way to go.

snatch_haggis · 2018-01-11T08:30:16+00:00

Help figuring out if I am screwing up comfort tests for shit tests. Or going Rambo?

...

Put the red pill in my mouth a few weeks ago

Didn't need to read any more after that, really, man. Of course you're going Rambo.

Slow down. That's it. Just slow down. Especially with her history!

I mean, you're even freaking yourself out, hence the ED.

Read NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, SLSM, and lift. Just that. Don't even try to implement any of this yet. Let it marinate for a while.

You have a long way to go, but the good news is, you have no reason to hurry. Your marriage isn't particularly broken, clearly you weren't actually starving for sex 6x a week, and your wife apparently sees you as her whole world.

So stop scaring the shit out of her and calm the hell down.

Take your time. Implement this stuff slowly and try not to be such a toolbag about it. Be subtle, and nudge the dial forward a little bit every week.

Also, are you a fat fuck? Because you told us you were lifting, and you told us you were signed up for BJJ, but you omitted your height and weight or BF%.

You know none of this works when you're physically unattractive, right?

Every time you feel like being a creep to your wife, do me a favor. Go walk over to a mirror, take your shirt off, and flex. Do you like what you see? Do you think she does?

SurpriseRP · 2018-01-12T06:32:18+00:00

Again, thanks for all of the feedback. Had been saving some details for a thorough OYS post.

To address some questions,

Of course I'm fat (6'1", 243, 28%). Lifting started last week 5 rep numbers are squat/dead 255, bench/row 160, ohp 105, chin-ups 2 w/o assistance. Starting slow. I've always been fat, but have been much stronger. The main red pill "aha" moment for me was finally accepting that I am physically not attractive enough for my wife. She has a six pack after 3 c-sections, I do not after 0. The good news is this is low hanging fruit and almost completely in my control.

Some of the other assumptions were off about being an alcoholic loser, but I certainly was a drunk captain. And regarding the 6x/week sex, aren't AMALT?

The kino was not new, but just more intense, and it was received well about 50%. The BPP book starts with shit tests, and since she liked it a lot of the time, I thought this was one. Since she initiated that night, I thought "watch what she does not what she says." And I'm still not sure what to make of it, but the crying and drama wasn't worth it at this juncture.
Regarding STFU, in both situations I opened with complete STFU and reported the climax of my response because complete STFU was horrible for her. Maybe I am too emotionally weak. I wasn't sure what to do when she is crying and saying, "why won't you answer me?" Any ideas? Will have to see what strategies work best, but for now I am going to focus on me and slow things down.

To close this chapter, she had a bad day, went and had dinner with a friend, and then came home in a fine mood and was cuddly last night and this Morning. For all those pointing out the insecurities being central, you are clearly correct. Thank you.

Title	Shit tests or comfort tests?
Author	SurpriseRP
Upvotes	0
Comments	33
Date	January 10, 2018 2:28 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7pfw8s/shit_tests_or_comfort_tests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/shit-tests-or-comfort-tests.204968 https://theredarchive.com/post/204968

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