Seeking advice on how to lead in this situation. My wife seems to be constantly frustrated at the fact that she is a SHAM and Because she is a SHAM, is at home, looking after kids, cooking etc. I would like to lead her to a place whereby she can be positive and happy about this, rather than feeling constantly drained.

I may also be misinterpreting her, so let me give an example.

I get home from work last night. I walk in the door and as usual, the house is a mess, my son (aged 6) is downstairs watching TV 15 minutes before his bed time eating apples. I say hi, sit with him a bit and catch up on his day. Tell him I will go and get changed and then read him a He-man story before bed. I go upstairs and my wife is putting my daughter (aged 11 months) to bed. I get changed and after about 10 minutes she walks into the bedroom.

The first thing she says is "fffaaarrrkkk, I am fried, I hate this stage (meaning baby stage), I just get screamed at, that girl needs to grow up and that boy is so naughty, I am going to shower and then watch tv, I am sick of everybody always wanting something."

Ok, I just say hi, smile, carry on getting changed, give her head space to have a shower, put my son to bed, make dinner for myself, tidy up, sort out breakfast prep for the morning - you know, just get stuff done.

Then I sit with her for a bit while she watches some terrible chick program (scripted reality about rich kids living their emotionally charged lives). She is fine, pleasant even, pauses it, we chat a bit, I go and shower and do stretching / meditation before bed.

She eventually comes upstairs (now 10pm, I got home around 6:30pm). Brushes her teeth while venting how shit/domestic/logistical her life is and then goes to bed. I fog, cheer the heros and boo the villans, none of this is personal. I go to bed shortly after, make her laugh a bit, chill and then go to sleep.

I get up at 5am to go to work, she usually sleeps in until 6:30.

Now we have a nanny 3 days a week, cleaners 2 days a week. On the weekends if we want to go out at night, nanny takes care of it and I am super engaged with the kids - so we have infrastructure and support and I am not simply expecting her to suck it up.

Question is, how do I lead her to a place whereby she views her life positively. In reality she has a top 1% of the developed world lifestyle, but I get that she isn't some high flyer with a dramatic rockstar lifestyle - who is, probably nobody, but I would like to help her feelz positive (maybe I misunderstand chicks and what I actually need to do is simply replace Mom Feelz with Woman Feelz of any kind, but how?)

I am DL5 and been at this for almost a year. Beta for 18 years since we met so Relationship frame shift is a multi year process more than likely. Currently starting on DL6