Wife prefers it slow

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November 4, 2017

Despite what I read on here about women liking having their hair pulled, slammed hard and fast, thrown around the bedroom etc, my wife apparently hates all that stuff. Every time we do it she wants it slow, as this is how she gets off. We have good sex but sometimes I do want to bang her like a whore, but it's hard when you can tell she's not into that & would rather do missionary slow and romantic.

Now does this mean I'm a beta? Or that NAWALT? i.e. Do we accept that all women have different likes/dislikes when it comes to sex and not all like it rough?

Post Information
Title Wife prefers it slow
Author Technostatin
Upvotes 16
Comments 41
Date 04 November 2017 08:49 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205207
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7apljj/wife_prefers_it_slow/
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[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (8 children) | Copy

my wife apparently hates all that stuff

with you.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is it exactly . Exactly.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So basic, yet so extreme

[–]IckyStickyPoo8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

with you.

If she's like me, then it's with anyone. Hard and fast is fine for a change-up, but slow, teasing and practised is the only thing that will get me there. Overwhelming desire, colours-in-my-head, losing-my-mind build-up and orgasms will only come from slow.

'Hair pulled and thrown around' would leave me dead stone cold. The husband I married when I was very young was super dominant and ended up liking rough sex after we got married. I hated it.

To me, hard and fast feels like a boy getting off, and I still enjoy it, but slow and practiced feels like a man who knows what he's doing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's cool. Sexual desires should match

[–]Technostatin[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Interesting because this goes against over 90% of the responses on here.

So in your opinion this is her, not necessarily me.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

her opinion is about her. awalt doesn't mean all women ARE the same. just means there are similar trends. So, take advice from one girl about her own life, even if fully conscious of it, or the advice of men who have made the changes.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is askMRP.

If you want the opinion of a woman about how you as a man are not getting the sex you need... WAy WRoNG sub.

I'm sure those other subs will give you all the feel good validation you seem to need.

We're here to fix broken men here. Not broken wives, not broken relationships. You. So don't listen to a woman's advice about how to fix a man. Especially by continuing to give her the sex that feels good to her, but you need more. Icky's solipsism is leaking out, and it's so ingrained she doesn't see it.. See how she automatically twisted your question and made it an opinion piece about what a woman needs? "It's not what You need - maybe this woman is different, like me. I'm different."

Nope. You just proved AWALT.

There a chance Icky is right? Sure. Maybe you guys are just not sexually compatible. In that case the relationship is fucked. Or your wife truly doesn't have a dirty naughty slut inside just waiting to be freed (hint...all women do.. you just need to find the key. But sometimes the key is buried too deep, making mining cost prohibitive.)

But again, we're talking about things we don't fix.

So that leaves you.

Fix you. There is a prescribed standardized step by step "unfuck yourself" posted often. You got one, just scroll down. Click on his post history to see how similar your situation is to all the other guys who jump in here expecting to find a quick simple answer to a superficial issue without realizing there are deep roots attached to the surface problem.

Cool thing is, when you unfuck yourself to the point where you're sure the problem does not lie with you anymore, but truly with her, you'll have self actualized to the point that you'll realize you can't fix what you can't fix..

You're the prize, you're the most important thing in your life, and well, too bad if wife/relationship can't keep up, it was a good run, but you have to be you.

Is it her or is it you? Well, you fixed you, so that leaves her.

Funny thing is, during your journey, you'll realize the problem is virtually always YOU. We have a saying - women take the shape of their container. That container is you. How does she behave/what does she do/how does she act... all dependent on what you allow.

Now you know.

[–]IckyStickyPoo3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it's not necessarily you. RP has a distinct group of people in it who have a distinct set of opinions. And if you look online, the women who are the most vocal about sex will be the most adventurous - having had sex with lots of men, threesomes, bdsm'ers etc. They are also the women that men are most likely to have casual sex/one-night sex with, which may skew men's view of what 'most women' like.

Some women do like rough or BDSM sex. But also many don't, or don't want or need that in order to gain the maximum satisfaction. Sex comes up in convos with my girlfriends quite often, after they've had a few drinks ;) They are very varied in what they like and don't like. Hard/fast/rough can make the pelvic area go numb, but some of my friends like it anyway because it means he's getting off or/and because it feels sexy/hot to them. And a bit of that for a change can be fun. But there's generally not enough sustained contact for orgasm. Most women can only orgasm via oral (during sex) because it's slower and uses sustained contact. If they orgasm via PIV, then generally it's slow and deliberate - he has a lot of control and knows what he's doing and what she likes.

Personally, if a guy slapped, choked, pulled hair etc during sex, then I'd find that super weird and ask him to stop. Out of my friends, one said she liked it, and we know her husband and he's a nice guy, so we assumed they're into BDSM-lite. A couple of my friends are into real BDSM. So it's very, very varied.

Basically, research says women vary a lot more than men in their sexual anatomy and accordingly in what they like: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476762090/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

Slow can be good if it's done right: https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Sex-Craft-Female-Orgasm/dp/0446567183

[–]beta_no_mo27 points28 points  (3 children) | Copy

Coming from a dude who went from duty sex to her screaming "I love being daddy's whore" with her face in a pillow, it's almost purely a reflection of her perception of your SMV (OYS, OYS, OYS), how much she's attracted to you (lift and OYS) and therefore how much she trusts you sexually and nonsexually.

Domination of a woman is a product of attraction and trust (unless she's just one of those damaged women that loves to be used by anyone). She has to be attracted (see: you must OYS to be worthy of her submission) and she has to trust that you're in control of yourself so she can let go and enjoy your desires as her own.

Every woman wants a man that is worthy of following in and out of the bedroom. OYS outside the bedroom and watch her blossom when the lights go out (or when you make her leave them on and watch).

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can concur with this.

All of the rougher stuff that has become common was strictly off limits when I was a fat drunk captain. Now she comes home and jumps in my arms, grabs my junk, makes comments about my package etc. The other day she came home and started bending over, grabbed her ankles and started grinding her ass into me within a minute of walking in the door.

Sex has gone from starfish to steadily increasing porn star. Lights always off to always on. The more I push the envelope with dominance the wetter she gets and the harder she cums. She still has her boundaries, but the goal posts are slowly moving each and every time.

If you told me 2 years ago that she would be telling me how wet she gets at work thinking about how hard she's going to get fucked later I wouldn't have believed it was possible. She's not "like that".

For OP, I'm living proof that she can change for the right man. I wasn't that man before MRP. Do the work, and OYS. You just may be surprised at the outcomes.

I think what ends up holding back a lot of guys is an inner reluctance to truly internalize the materials in the sidebar and "RP truths". Their is still self doubt on wether or not this can work for them, on wether or not their snowflake is special. They hit their first shit test, fold like a cheap lawn chair, and get put right back in the beta box they tried to crawl out of.

TLDR: Lift, be attractive, internalize the sidebar, and trust in the process that has worked for others.

[–]resolutions3167 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Human sexuality is a combination of reproductive drives, social conditioning, personal history, physical make up, relationship dynamics, and momentary issues (like the kids crying or whatever).

Every person will have a complex and completely unique combination of these going on in their heads at any moment.

That said, The problem here is that you’re so concerned about how she feels that you’re unable to immerse yourself in the actual event. This is a classic nice guy situation and it’s going to lead to you constantly doing what “works” to get the reaction from her you seek.

This makes everything completely boring, and boring is unattractive.

Definitely see to her needs. But also give yourself permission to just pursue your own needs every once in a while.

[–]hystericalbonding12 points13 points  (7 children) | Copy

Do we accept that all women have different likes/dislikes when it comes to sex and not all like it rough?

Nope. All women are exact carbon copies of one another, with no preferences or minds of their own.

Dominance - give and take pleasure as you desire in the moment. That doesn't necessarily mean D/s unless that's your kink. Rough stuff out of thin air is also kinda weird. It makes more sense if things are intense, which requires EVI.

Emotion is the reason normal people like sex more than masturbation. I don't have a sense of where you are with that.

Variety means it's sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes silly, sometimes with a donkey and two midgets. Sometimes she gets her slow sex, maybe for the whole session, maybe for part. Sometimes you get what you crave at that moment. Experiment as you become more attractive.

Immersion may be missing on your end.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

Is there a method or plan to be such a "God" in bed?

I'd gladly pay for such a guide.

[–]WarBoruma0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

"Sex god method" Only 150 bucks. Or find the pdf.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I went online and found an ad from Ramona V. Gina for $300. Maybe she read the book? Might be easier than reading the whole book. Seems pricey.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most people are not going to get the sarcasm.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He would have to give more fucks.

[–]Neoduder5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't post much here as being 31% Body Fat it's clear that my initial single goal for the next year is to stop being a Fat Fuck.

Having said that, my wife was/is not unlike yours in that she generally professes to prefer slow/romantic love making. Over the past couple of months of lifting, keto and IF, I'm beginning to look slightly more masculine and I have been toying with being more dominant with her. My wife is definitely coming around to liking a good hard pounding and has even recently responded well to me smacking her ass and calling her "my little whore".

Seems in my experience that there is a definite link between attraction and sexual energy with women (kinda obvious when you think about it)

Getting the best sex of my life these days after only a couple of months of work and I still consider myself at the very very start of my journey. Will be interesting to see what happens when I'm 15% body fat and jacked. Think my cock might fall off. :)

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're living in her frame, capitulating and subverting your own needs.

Of course she can't be submissive to such a submissive man.

You need to start leading. Only when you're dominant can she be submissive.

Your bedroom life mirrors your external dynamic.

So, I'm willing to bet you're the stereotypical "nice guy" and "feel guilty when you say no".... If there were only two books over on the sidebar with similar titles that could start you on your journey to becoming a man that your wife want to fuck the shit out of....

Get to work. You want pornstar sex you need to be a pornstar for her.

2 submissives cannot have a mutually satisfying sex life.


has a step by step plan you can follow to realize that you can become the man you want to be. DO it.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wow, we don’t have much to work with here, do we? For all we know, our boy Techno is gay, married to a man, and the kids are adopted.


He hasn’t deleted his posts yet after 12 hours and having his ass handed to him 55 times across two posts.

OP, are you paying attention?

After reading over 1000 comments across 10 posts in askTRP today, almost every single post had at least one turd flinging monkey lobbing shit at us. But almost always in a, ‘don’t poke the bear’ kind of way.

Now why the fuck would that be?

Do you remember one of the most memorable quotes of the 20th century by Isoroku Yamamoto?

No? Fucking google it.

It would be handy to know your ages, length of marriage, time in relationshit overall, etc, because then the general information could be tailored to you.

But all that shit ISN’T necessary because the principles apply, regardless.

This sub doesn’t care about your special snowflake, your fucked up marriage, your kids, your job, your car, your house, or your fucking dog.

Well, maybe your dog. You come in here talking about abusing your dog and we will dox you and hunt you down. (Sorry, inside joke)

The point is, this sub is all about YOU.

The praxeology here works when you realize YOU are responsible for EVERYTHING in your life. You do not directly CONTROL everything, but you are RESPONSIBLE for everything, and when you embrace your masculinity, and take RESPONSIBILITY, or as we say, Own Your Shit, OYS, then everything starts to work the way it’s supposed to.

Including, but not limited to, your little snowflake that secretly wants you to cum in her ass while pulling her hair and choking her.

Yes, YOU can get there. There are people here who have done it, BUT, you’re not ready.

I’m going to cut and paste my starter guide to the sidebar, where ALL of the answers are.

You work your ass off for one year, be operating at solid Dread Level 6, and THEN I will show you the keys to unlock your anal craving, submissive slut. But, on your road to manhood you just may find that shit on your own.

So, here we go.


First, watch the movie, The Matrix. I don't give a fuck if you've already seen it 3 times. Watch it right now. 80% of the metaphors here are based on that movie.

Next, as an overview, read this:


Before you ever post again anywhere around askMRP or MRP, read this:


Now, go here; find out which drunk Captain you are and WRITE DOWN the prognosis/reading assignments.


Next, go here, read it word for fucking word, twice, and use it as a pacing metric;


It is said that you need to do one month for every year of your relationshit. You, one fucking year.

Once a week, go here, and read a new article/book.


Every single time you come to an exercise in your reading, a book, or an article, fucking DO IT.

There is no skipping shit allowed.

You have two primary goals;

Develop your body in the gym.

Develop your mind/frame in the sidebar.

I have posted twice in five months.

You’ve posted twice in 13 hours.

I don't expect to see you post for another couple of months unless you have a legitimate fucking question about something you've actually read.

If you come in here complaining about her ghosting you on twatfuck while you're out of town, or some other “She/Her” bullshit, a whole bunch of us will tear you a new asshole.

The mantra is:




LIFT: 3-4 days a week, primary lifts. No fucking talking, no fucking around, BECAUSE YOU HAVE READING TO DO.

READ: aforementioned

STFU: you do not talk about fight club. You do not become an asshole fucking retarded autistic moronic Rambo, go off on the wife, lay down the law, set new boundaries, or other bullshit.

It is business as usual. STFU about your changes. Let them and her acknowledgement of them be natural and organic. You will avoid a lot of shit this way.

EVERYTHING I have just written IS IN the sidebar. I just saved you an hour figuring it out.

Now, welcome to MRP.

We look forward to an awesome FR in MRP in 3 months because this shit is so awesome and you are doing it right.




Get to fucking work.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read all of your comments just for my own motivation, if nothing else.

[–]ReddingtonsShitList2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hell, even if he could say yes without being resentful it would be a start. Abundance, it's not just about pussy.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is how she gets off.

That's your answer. Rough sex is not an AWALT.

Watch what they DO, not what they SAY! If she cums one way and not another those are ACTIONS that you should watch very carefully.

On the other hand, if YOU like it rough, then mix it up a bit. One for her, one for me. Or fuck her hard the first time that night and then take it slow and gentle the next time.

[–]HB32342 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some women orgasm from slower stimulation. It isn't am alpha or beta thing. However, if she wants to do other styles and paces and positions than only her favorite -- that is a reflection of you. I can only orgasm in a handful of positions, but that does not mean those are the only ones in the repertoire-- just that they must be included at some point.

How deep you can go is also a function of how turned on she is. When turned on, the vagina relaxes and "tents"- penetration that is amazing when fully aroused can be agonizing without it. So, definitely OYS with your technique, foreplay, oral, etc.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You do realize there's like 23 hours of foreplay and a certain personality behind that, right?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"AWALT" does not mean that every woman is identical to every other woman.

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I hope you can see the common theme. Your wife is a reflection if you. In this case her lack of enthusiastic sex is a reflection of you as a man.

Let that sink in.

I truly believe that there are multiple anger stages in regards to MRP. And much like the greif stages it is not linear. You can progress and regress as you out in work.

The above might make you regress, or feel like your situation is different. It is not, make your life awesome as you define it and it will be awesome to include your sexlife.

So take a couple hours and do some real honest introspection. Think about, AT minimum, the following areas:

-is your financial life squared away? Note: this isn't how much money you bring in. It is how you manage it. Are bills paid on time Everytime, preferably by you unless required that she pay it. Do you have a plan for your financial life? You don't have to be there you have to progress to there.

-are you fit? If you don't have a true vision for your fitness, use someone else till you find one. If it's powerlifting, cross fitting, marathoning....the reality is it doesn't matter if it's your vision and you pursue it. If you are overweight any of those are a viable path, find it.

-are you fun? You don't have to be the literal life of the party, but you should not be affected by her mood as much as I bet you are. Enjoy your life. This, I think, is one of the hardest problems for new MRPers. They get so pensive about his actions, her actions, meanings. They don't see improvement and withdrawal at the very least mentally into themselves. They may not be intentionally withdrawing time and attention, they are just living and that's it.

-what do you want? For anything. For any part of your life what do you want. Pick something small and go from there.

I have talked with alot of Doms and subs and much like the other responders mentioned or alluded to a woman will submit to a dominant man. If she gave submission freely it's not worth anything. The exact way we say your time is valuable to you and if you just give it away you decrease it's value.

The reality is, your path isn't that hard. You don't have to fit her idea of an alpha or dominant man. You need to fit your idea of it (Frame) be your own man and she will gravitate towards you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

A lock any key can open is worthless.

A key that can open any lock is called a master key for a reason.

You wouldn't want your SO to be a shitty lock, right?

So get her excited about opening for the master key.

Tl;DR - She'll start sucking when you stop sucking.

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good phrasing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can’t believe I am saying this but they aren’t all into rough sex. Some girls do prefer more gentle/ touchy sex. Others really get off in the hair pulling/ rough sex. So long as she is open to different positions and blows you, I don’t necessarily think this means she sees you as beta.

[–]wolvesnsheeps0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women are definitely different from one another. There are a handful of traits where AWALT the rest is the differences. Bottom line, you've been fucking her all this time how she enjoys it. That's great. Now time to talk to her about what you want/like. Does she really give off the signs that she doesn't like it? Or is this all in your head because you know she "prefers" it the other way? There is an oceans worth of space between hates it, likes it, loves it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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