I have been here 9 months now. I was really hoping to fix my marriage when I came here, and initially I thought this is going to be easy. I will lift, dress better, pass a few tests, and everything will fall into place.. This is not where I thought I would be in 9 months, hello "covert contract".
Over the past 9 months, I have made progress: physically, mentally, emotionally. Not as much as I thought I would, but then I have my whole BP life to unfuck.
The relationship has not been going well. My wife has not been responding to my "game" or leadership. I have said this over, and over in the past, she acts like an unwilling passenger. My time and attention have gradually been reducing over the past few months, I simply don't have any patience left for shity behavior. There was little pleasant behavior from her, for me to give my time, and energy. I have been doing my best to NGAF, works most times. However, past 3-5 weeks, shit tests increased, bitchiness increased, moodiness increased. I have gradually, been stepping back, further and further.
This morning another shit test about our sons birthday, I wanted to invite my uncle and cousin. She said she doesn't want to see my aunty in a snarky voice. I said " you don't have to be there" She stormed out and left for work. Yes it sounds a bit nasty, but my wife will find issues with most people, and I am getting sick and tired of losing family, and friends because of her.
This evening we had a conversation, she told me she was extremely hurt by what I said this morning, I tried to fogg it, I know its a comfort test, but her response to my comfort tests lately been to push me away, and I am no longer interested in dealing with her BS anymore. The conversation was mostly shit/comfort tests, I mostly STFU. She suggested counselling, I said I am not going, we have tried it and it didnt work.
She said, may be we should try trial separation, I said fine. I said I will leave the next day. We talked a bit more, and then I left to go for a drive, and come to work to write this, and try and clear my head.
Question: Have you guys tried trial separation? How does it work with kids? How long for? To be honest, I dont know how it will help, but at least it may give us both some space.
I thought I was at a point where I accepted that this may or may not work out, and yet as I am processing tonight, its scaring the shit out of me.