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Trial separation question.

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September 21, 2017
8 upvotes

I have been here 9 months now. I was really hoping to fix my marriage when I came here, and initially I thought this is going to be easy. I will lift, dress better, pass a few tests, and everything will fall into place.. This is not where I thought I would be in 9 months, hello "covert contract".

Over the past 9 months, I have made progress: physically, mentally, emotionally. Not as much as I thought I would, but then I have my whole BP life to unfuck.

The relationship has not been going well. My wife has not been responding to my "game" or leadership. I have said this over, and over in the past, she acts like an unwilling passenger. My time and attention have gradually been reducing over the past few months, I simply don't have any patience left for shity behavior. There was little pleasant behavior from her, for me to give my time, and energy. I have been doing my best to NGAF, works most times. However, past 3-5 weeks, shit tests increased, bitchiness increased, moodiness increased. I have gradually, been stepping back, further and further.

This morning another shit test about our sons birthday, I wanted to invite my uncle and cousin. She said she doesn't want to see my aunty in a snarky voice. I said " you don't have to be there" She stormed out and left for work. Yes it sounds a bit nasty, but my wife will find issues with most people, and I am getting sick and tired of losing family, and friends because of her.

This evening we had a conversation, she told me she was extremely hurt by what I said this morning, I tried to fogg it, I know its a comfort test, but her response to my comfort tests lately been to push me away, and I am no longer interested in dealing with her BS anymore. The conversation was mostly shit/comfort tests, I mostly STFU. She suggested counselling, I said I am not going, we have tried it and it didnt work.

She said, may be we should try trial separation, I said fine. I said I will leave the next day. We talked a bit more, and then I left to go for a drive, and come to work to write this, and try and clear my head.

Question: Have you guys tried trial separation? How does it work with kids? How long for? To be honest, I dont know how it will help, but at least it may give us both some space.

I thought I was at a point where I accepted that this may or may not work out, and yet as I am processing tonight, its scaring the shit out of me.


Post Information
Title Trial separation question.
Author 223552
Upvotes 8
Comments 52
Date 21 September 2017 01:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205404
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/71iz8x/trial_separation_question/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
leadershipshit testcomfort testliftgamecovert contract
Comments

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret40 points41 points  (3 children) | Copy

The relationship has not been going well.

I wonder why?

I suspect I come across sometimes as angry and aggressive

I can't help still getting butthurt, still getting this huge bouts of anger, still use sex as validation, still get dragged down by her shitty/moody attitude.

I am finding myself disappointed with my wife displaying some low value traits.

I have been working my ass off for the past 6 months, and feel little change in my marriage

Oh, from the very beginning until now you've been angry and butthurt and disappointed that your wife isn't responding positively to your MRP self-improvement covert contract, so the entire time

I have gradually, been stepping back, further and further.

Lots of push there, cowboy, but what have you been doing to engage her in emotionally positive ways to pull her into your frame?

I have shit communication skills

in theory, I understand a lot of things, but in the middle of a particularly heated (when she is very agitated/angry/emotional) argument/tests I still freeze, and my brain stops thinking, so I will mainly STFU.

Oh, you've done nothing but emotionally withdraw, because your communication skills are shit yet that is too hard for you to work on with your wife because you have social anxiety, so you've focused entirely on the easy-for-you shit like lifting, dressing nicer, and not talking, and you've withdrawn even more from her into your autistic little safe-space shell.

But it's all her fault, because

There was little pleasant behavior from her, for me to give my time, and energy.

and you're a total follower who can only react to her frame, rather than build your own positive, emotionally attractive frame that pulls her in and leads your marriage to a better place.

 

OP, you're just a sprinkling-alpha one-trick STFU pony who has withdrawn into an aloof faux-IDGAF shell to wait passively and resentfully for her to reach out to you and become your MRP unicorn. You're a disengaged Debbie Downer; no wonder your wife finds you frustrating, emotionally detached, and unattractive. Look yourself in the mirror and ask "Would I follow this guy?" "Would I friend this guy?" (Hint: the answer is "Fuck NO!")

Pull your head out of your resentful, autistic ass, OP, and start doing the hard work needed to make the real changes you need to make to be a human being worth liking and following.

[–]470_2_700_nm14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah note to all reading: This OP is showing how it is not done.

[–]SailorAground2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP, this is great advice, dude. I was butt-hurt and rambo'd my wife super hard because I wouldn't take the time to do some self-introspection and work on my own anger issues and fear of rejection. This is why the red pill tastes so bitter: It points out ALL of your flaws and challenges you to fix them. I pushed my wife away hard for like 6-8 months, and eventually she left to move back in with her folks.

You gotta confront yourself, bro. Then and only then can you start making progress with your relationships with other people. I highly suggest starting a meditation practice.

[–]223552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, started meditating a few weeks ago.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

I said I will leave the next day.

Wrong answer. Correct response is "you are free to leave tomorrow." Don't kick yourself out of your own house!

[–]GalaxyBlaster6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Correct have her leave.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not leave the house without talking to a lawyer.

Trial separation is because you are too much of a pussy to divorce your wife. You prepared to have your wife take cock on the side and then you move back in? No? Then just get divorced.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

A "trial separation" is really just a phrase which would better be described as "the beginning of the end". You are confused by what is a shit test and what is a comfort test. You also note this is scaring the shit out of you. So, basically you have not managed to increase your SMV and OYS enough to fix whatever problems there were. Alternatively the marriage was always going to be fucked, even if you did more work, I don't know. So work harder. Go to the gym and treat your diet and exercise more seriously, OYS. Whether the marriage ends or not you are going to need to man up. Get to work.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. She checked out a while back. You now have a sparring partner from which to practice for your single days

[–]PitchingGranite5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

"This is not where I thought I would be in 9 months."

Well where are you? What's ur bf%, what's ur progress been on the main compound lifts? What step are you on in the 12 steps of dread? You've been with this chick for 13 years and want to eject after only 9 months of "work", which I am guessing you haven't done because even you thought you could just sprinkle a little alpha on it. What are you gonna do when she doesn't come home one night while you are "trial separated" cause she stayed over at some guys place? Could you even land a better looking and acting woman with how you are now?

The more I write the more this trial separation seems like you trying to scare/threaten her into fucking you. Hope she doesn't call your bluff.

[–]470_2_700_nm5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is no way OP is in a great BF%. No way he has made increased gains at the gym, and no way he has internalized abundance mentality or made himself to be his own mental point of origin.

[–]2ndalRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

As far as MRP is concerned, this just another event on a long series events that make up your life. You keep doing you - progressing through life in accordance with your values and sticking to your plan. You have a plan right? Okay good. You keep progressing through your plan.

You and your wife are in a bad spot. Got it. Do you want to be there? Are you done with the marriage? Refer back to that plan you have. Where does she fit into it? How about your kids?

With a trial separation you're trying on divorce for size. Let's see about this thing...does it fit? Is it what we really want, or do we want some other thing? Be prepared that your wife is going to try this divorce on for size and potentially find she really loves it and is better off with just the kids in her life permanently. Are you ready for that? Is that what you actually want?

As others have said, this trial thing -- if it's what you want -- is really just masquerading for divorce for someone who doesn't have the balls to go through with it, or doesn't really know what they want in their own life. But the fact that you're asking these questions tells me you really don't want it, or that you don't know what the hell you want.. That you expect things to return to "normal" but "normal" in this case is fucking depressing.

So what do you want? My guess is a trial separation gets you nowhere closer to what you want. What does get you closer? Advocate for that. Do that.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why did you offer to leave? I'd have to be escorted by the state.
 
"I am not leaving my house or my family. If you would like to leave, there is the door."

[–]223552[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know I shouldn't have, it was a BP moment, she was crying she has no where to go (no friends, she doesnt speak to her family), I said I will go.

[–]crimson_chris4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

So, let's get into it. I took a look at some of your old post as well...

I have been here 9 months now. I was really hoping to fix my marriage when I came here, and initially I thought this is going to be easy.

You know this. This shit ain't easy. The theory is easy, the application is hard work. You can't fix your marriage. You can only fix you - and the marriage MAY follow. That being said, there is most likely something wrong with you that is causing the issues in your marriage. At some point you have to own up to those issues or nexting your wife will not matter. The issues will just keep following you and keep fucking with your life. From this and all your other post it looks like you have trouble communicating with your wife. You are listening to what she says and not what what she feelz. You also probably have a big ego - so when she tells you how she feels you most likely get butthurt which does not allow her to feel connected with you. You are not her rock.

The relationship has not been going well. My wife has not been responding to my "game" or leadership.

I have only read a few of your post, but I think you need to prioritize what you need to work on in your life. Is "game" the reason your marriage is in the shitter? You say you want to be a leader, but it looks likes you have become a commander. Meaning, you are not inspiring you wife to follow you. You are commanding her to get on your boat vs. her making hew own decisions to join you. While you may have been "a follower" for most of your life, it looks like you lack a real connection with your wife. You need to determine if "game" or "leadership" is really your issue. If leadership is your issue, what qualities of leadership do you need to improve upon (honesty, passion, patience, communication)?

I have said this over, and over in the past, she acts like an unwilling passenger.

What reason have you given her to follow you. You admit that you have been a fucked captain for 10yrs. I think that general rule is 1month of MRP for every year of marriage to right the ship - and that is if you are consistently putting in the work. What you wife sees is "hey mommy, I know I have been peeing the bed for 10yrs, but I did not pee it last night - see, I've changed, now validate me".

I said " you don't have to be there"

Communication and comfort are not your strength. You co-captain feels like there is a rift between you and you just chose you family over your partner. If you want a divorce, you are on the way there. You lost frame. You were not able to lead you wife into your frame so you just tossed her overboard. You held frame, but you did not lead.

I tried to fogg it, I know its a comfort test, but her response to my comfort tests lately been to push me away, and I am no longer interested in dealing with her BS anymore.

"I have been a shitty husband for 10yrs, and my wife is not responding well at my shitty attempts to comfort her - so, I am purposefully failing her comfort test". Again, great strategy if what you really want is divorce. It looks like you are hurt when she does not accept your advances. Again, is there a comfort/communication problem here?

I thought I was at a point where I accepted that this may or may not work out, and yet as I am processing tonight, its scaring the shit out of me.

Ding, ding, ding! You are fucking scared. You don't want a divorce, right? You are afraid to lose her (which will cause her to eventually leave her). You want to be a better man and save the marriage but you don't know how. Find our the right things you need to fix about you - again, probably not "game" or the generic "leadership".

I tried to help my wife deal with her issues, every time she brought up the subject/issue, I would jump in and start planning how to help her, or what she should do. As our marriage became more distant, I dragged her to therapy, to make her better.

Okay, this is from one of your old posts. So you wife tries to talk to you about her issues and you try to fix her issues. You have no idea how women work. You have no idea how to comfort your wife. You listen to her words and not her feelz. She wants someone to understand what she is saying, not someone to fix her problems or to "fix" her. And you dragged her to therapy "to make her better"? Are you starting to see where you fucked this marriage?

i am tolerated for decent income, and being a nice guy [ from your old post]

No need to address this. Weak and sensitive, but unfortunately you have bigger/deeper issues to fix first.

"I disregard what she thinks, and feels, and she feels unimportant." [from your old post]

Ding, ding, ding! As much as you want to be the "big ALPHA" on the block, that is not your immediate issues. You don't know how to lead through communication and comfort. You can lift, sidebar, game and what-the-fuck ever else, but if you cannot learn how to connect with the fairer sex - you will always end up in a fucked relationship - which is fine if that is what you want. Which it does not look like it is what you want.

From reading your "New Member" and "The boat is rocking" post it's clear that you are MASSIVELY failing your comfort test with your wife. Is it a big deal? If you want to be single, no. If she provides value and you want to stay married, yes. From looking at your history it does not look like you want to exit the relationship. Start working on connecting with your wife (comfort and communication) - it's all in the sidebar.

If you have been a shitty captain for 10+ years, it's is going to take +1yr for you first mate to fully trust being part of your crew again.

[–]dandar46002 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said, may be we should try trial separation, I said fine. I said I will leave the next day.

Way to get divorce raped and see your kids every other weekend if you're lucky.

My brother in law was going through divorce where she moved out and they shared kids 50/50. It ended with her coming to the house to clean and cook and they eventually reconciled. She found that living in an apartment and seeing her kids for half a week wasn't as fun as what her divorced coworkers made it out to be.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

There are no trials.

Never leave your own house. You have been reading rp for 9 months and didn't get this at least?

I'm just wondering where you are at:

This morning another shit test about our sons birthday, I wanted to invite my uncle and cousin. She said she doesn't want to see my aunty in a snarky voice. I said " you don't have to be there" She stormed out and left for work. Yes it sounds a bit nasty, but my wife will find issues with most people, and I am getting sick and tired of losing family, and friends because of her.

So first off. Why was this optional and up for debate then? Make the list, have her add people you forgot. "You don't have to be there." is pretty severe if you're trying to lead. Better would have been to ignore or A.M. at this point instead of immediately going for the jugular. I mean "Close your eyes" or leading with a "Talk to other people this time" may have sufficed.

This evening we had a conversation, she told me she was extremely hurt by what I said this morning, I tried to fogg it, I know its a comfort test <maybe>, but her response to my comfort tests lately been to push me away, and I am no longer interested in dealing with her BS anymore. The conversation was mostly shit/comfort tests, I mostly STFU. She suggested counselling, I said I am not going, we have tried it and it didnt work.

Or maybe she parlays a scold into a fitness test or probe of your mindset.

You went SLAM to fog instead of consistency of frame. Family events are family events, if she sucks at having them you have to lead it and make the list, if she pouts then you could scold, but be consistent. If you slammed her before and she comes back complaining of tone and severity, then MAKE CLEAR you aren't tolerating any wrenches in the plan.

After 9 months does she know where you stand? Is there consistency? I mean... great for lack of boredom, but if that wasn't your problem then it can come across like is a schizophrenic mess. What is your goal? Have you clearly outlined what it will take for this marriage to work or have you randomly applied techniques and are waiting to see if it'll shake out?

The separation isn't a key to success here. Fine if you want to burn it down and start over, but what do you want? I mean reading some of your old posts , it would appear you're kind of divesting yourself of her and seeing her as more and more not-worth-it. Could be. Could be you're using the tools to make a zit to pop. She could just suck and is falling off the new boat, or you could be handing her assloads of rope and setting her up to fail.

Are you miserable by being around and it shows? Welcome to inviting tests galore. How is she when you are relaxed , jovial, devil-may-care kind of ngaf?

She suggested counselling, I said I am not going, we have tried it and it didnt work.

While we know it doesn't work , can you think of other reasons why (if you want to not 100% destroy comfort and turn her into self preservation mode) you couldn't have said "Sure" and go play the session right? From the list you found in the previous post it seems like you'll know what she's going to say. A councilor will just give you marriage building exercises and tell you to talk more, duh. Going ,yes, doesn't help in the long run, but you never want to appear to be throwing in the towel if you are hoping to not just blow the comfort away.

Are you solid as a rock...only to yourself? If you do want to keep the marriage, have you had a come to Jesus talk yet? Is your SMV to that point where it is a guaranteed outcome (the only time to have the talk)?

[–]223552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I reacted in anger regarding sons birthday, could have handled it better, her attitude got to me.

I will be fine on my own. My SMV is not where I want it yet. I would like the marriage to work out. Tried marriage counselors before, did nothing, thats why i don't see the point of doing it again. We sort of had the come to Jesus talk this morning, I made it clear to her that I will not accept some of her behavior.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

In my nearly 4 months here, this is some of the best advice I've seen to an OP.

These men took the time to write this shit, and it's very good, so read every comment here TWICE.

DO NOT LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE.

For that matter, do not leave your bedroom.

You give up more than you can imagine.

For some reason, your post struck a nerve with me. Recently, my marriage counselor suggested we trial-separate because of my anger issues surrounding her affair. I just smiled and said, "I know what that means..." and walked out. She blew up my phone and begged me not to leave. I told her not to worry, "I" wasn't going anywhere.

I went back and read every one of your posts. They all read basically the same, and could have all been written yesterday.

You openly contradict each other in front of the children.

You are an autistic fuck with social anxiety so you can't internalize the sidebar, you can only check off the box, 'I read the sidebar.'

Your wife is a harpy bitch.

Your marriage is probably FUBAR.

In reading your posts, everything you say and do is ALL ABOUT HER.

LIFT. You checked that box because you went to the gym. But you admit to not losing much/any weight. Unless you put on 20-30lbs of muscle and lost 20-30lbs of fat, you basically wasted your time in the gym. It seems if this DID happen, it would have stood out somewhere in your posts.

READ. You list what you have done mechanically in MRP as a caveat to minimize your responsibility for, and highlight her egregious behavior. But the bottom line is that you have not engaged the material enough to have it form your praxeology. I want you to look up that word, and see if the definition fits your assimilation of the sidebar material.

STFU. You have not used this correctly. You have used it to feed your social anxiety and inability to communicate effectively even in your interpersonal relationships, including the most personal one of all, your marriage. You told your wife she didn't have to be at your son's birthday party if she didn't like the guest list? That's what you learned from MRP in 9 months?

Start over.

I AM TOTALLY FUCKING SERIOUS.

START OVER!

You have missed so much shit along the way, you have created an MRP Frankenstein monster, and now loose it is destroying the countryside and the village, scaring and driving off the villagers, because it doesn't understand how to get laid.

I am not going to validate your feelings, because your feelings SUCK. I'm not going to validate your actions, because they SUCK EVEN MORE. I AM going to make a few suggestions.

DO NOT LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE or even your bedroom for that matter.

LIFT. In your case, if you are going to the gym for 9 months and not losing weight, and you don't look GREAT from the neck down, then your diet is shit. Download a diet, download an app, see a nutritionist. OR, you can always hit the EASY button and eat foods without ingredients listed. Apple, banana, almond, orange, carrot, meat...get the idea?

READ. Start over. Go back to the beginning. Use the dread levels as a metric and pacing tool. You read NMMNG twice. Did you do the exercises? No, so do them your third time through. Fuck, you didn't take the time to do it right, so now you get to do it over. Start from the very fucking beginning, and if you don't know EXACTLY where that is, ask me.

STFU. For now, you need to use this to NOT ARGUE with ANYONE, especially the wife. She may be a harpy bitch, but arguing with women is like beating your head against the wall, you will never feel good about it until you stop.

So, what CAN you talk to the wife about? Let's start with your collective parenting style. You BOTH suck at it. I mean, you're creating little versions of yourselves that are going to be more fucked up than you are! STOP IT! She wanted marriage counseling and you said, no. Wise choice. Find a PARENTING class to go to.

Next, YOU need help with your social anxiety because you are failing at life, marriage, and parenting because you are an autistic moronic retard. Go see a counselor about this. Just YOU.

Finally, throughout all of your posts and comments you have not internalized one of the pillars of MRP. You have acknowledged it a couple of times, but you have not INTERNALIZED it.

This praxeology is all about YOU.

That EXCLUDES your wife, your marriage, and even your children.

Your wife may NEVER respond to you. That doesn't matter because if she doesn't respond to the awesome YOU that YOU become when YOU actually do this shit right, then YOU will be able and ready to find someone ELSE who will.

Now, there's a storm coming. In your life, this storm will be so devastating you'll wish you'd been on the beach when hurricane IRMA made landfall.

Start preparing. See a few lawyers, start building your war chest, and go read every post and comment by u/Red-Curious before you even think of asking him a question. He has posted thousands of dollars worth of free shit in this sub.

Now, pull your head out of HER ass, do not insert it into yours, stop being an asshole(pussy full of shit), get your shit together, take MRP seriously, stop skipping shit, and act like your future depends on it..

Because it fucking does.

Edit: spelling and references

Edit 2: I'm no longer seeing a marriage counselor.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just to clarify, it's u/Red-Curious , not u/Red_Curious.

Take a look at his posts, especially the gilded one.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Your wife had an affair and you are in therapy with her?

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes. Outlined in my original victim puke.

My current state is working on DL3. Doing a slow burn, locking everything in from the sidebar, and when I am rocking DL5 in 3-4 months, I decide whether to stay or go. It all depends on my feeeeelz at that time.

If by then she hasn't done enough to earn my trust and increase her value, then I'm moving on. The plan to get to that point is exactly the same.

Based on gains and increasing IOIs from a growing spectrum of women, I won't have any trouble spinning plates in my mid 50's. I also have some other good things going for me.

And yes, marriage counselor's SUCK.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is not how I would handle it.

I'll PM you in a few days

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough.

I look forward to it

[–]223552[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Based on all the responses, my head is clearly deep up my asshole. Thanks for the reply.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes it sounds a bit nasty

The fact you think standing up to your bitchy wife is "nasty" shows how far you still have to go. That sounded like a man asserting himself and not nasty in the least.

extremely hurt by what I said this morning

Trickle truth? She was extremely hurt that you said she didn't have to go when she didn't want? Methinks there is more to the story and you may of omitted some things that you actually said.

I will leave the next day

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. IF SHE WANTS TO LEAVE THAT IS HER DECISION. YOU DO NOT LEAVE THE HOME WITH YOUR KIDS UNTIL A JUDGE ORDERS YOU OUT.

trial seperation

These lead to divorce most of the time.

I know most of the guys will tell you to hold frame or whatever but....before you blow it all to shit have you actually sat the wife down and TOLD her calmly about your expectations and what you want? This is not a negotiation and it is almost always going to make things worse. However, it may be time for a Hail Mary.

What do YOU need to stay married to this person? What does she bring to your life that is positive?

[–]223552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No trickle truth, situation went down exactly as described. She acted/said that she was extremely hurt, I think it was an emotional manipulation attempt.

I will be spending a few days away from home, I said I will, and I dont want to go back and change my mind. This morning, I can see how things can go horribly wrong (changed locks, clothes thrown out..) I dont think my wife would do it, but who knows. I also want a couple of days, away from everything to clear my head.

I spoke to her this morning, and outlined that I will not put up with some of her behaviors, hence my reasons for withdrawing my time/attention. She carries a baggage of some really shitty behaviors/attitude which I put up with for a long time, and was hoping it would changed. I now realize, I can not change who she is, but I can choose how to spend my time, and how to live my live.

Over the past 9 months I tried to foster an environment to bring out her positives, but it was not working, as I started to pull away from shitty behavior, it only started getting worse, and I was pulling further away.

The truth is, right now I dont think she brings many positives to my life (apart from being a good mother).

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she wants to walk, let her. Better to not leave the home.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I skimmed your post. It goes 30% "I" and 70% "she". There is your problem right there mother fucker.

Who's life are you living?

Important edit: Trial separation = other dick(s) in her

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Has you applied yourself in the past nine months, you would be posting something else

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wanted to invite my uncle and cousin

I am inviting my uncle and cousin

you don't have to be there

STFU

Do you see the difference?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why do people go straight to nukes... were you truly at a point where you had to push the red button?

[–]RealityTastesGreat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By no means certain but a woman wanting a trial separation can mean she has someone else and she wants to make it easier to see him without pulling the trigger on divorce. Separate if you have to, but what makes it a trial, and a trial of what?

Of course her weak response to your new game could reflect weak/fledgling game, but no game will work if she is on to someone else

[–]SailorAground0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This morning another shit test about our sons birthday, I wanted to invite my uncle and cousin. She said she doesn't want to see my aunty in a snarky voice. I said " you don't have to be there" She stormed out and left for work. Yes it sounds a bit nasty, but my wife will find issues with most people, and I am getting sick and tired of losing family, and friends because of her.

I'm working on Dread Level 1 and trying to recognize shit tests and comfort tests. What would be the appropriate response to this complaint? This is what I think the right answer is from internalizing WISNIFG and NMMNG:

Her: "I don't want to see your Aunt Delores at the party."

Me: "Yes, Honey, I'm sure you don't" (Fogging) cue smirk

Her: Mind explodes from lack of DEERing or rambo response

Me: Give her a hug, kiss on the forehead, and walks away to own my shit around the house

[–]princeoscar-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Clearly, you didn't smirk enough or give her plenty of shit-eating grins. Double up on that, that should bring your wife back in line.



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