In my OYS I have been talking about looking better then I ever have, mentally feeling better then I ever have and becoming involved and doing things for myself now. My wife has been noticing and staying quiet. She has been shit testing like crazy and overall has had a shit attitude not just to me but the kids as well.
Last night she stayed quiet no longer. I have been getting hard no's and withdrawing my time and attention the last couple of weeks. Not in a butthurt way at all but in a your loss way. I havent been a dick either just busy. Last night was no different. I tried to initiate got a hard no and grabbed my book and gave her a kiss and said I am not real tired I'm going to read for a bit. She stammered and finally asked if we could talk. All she said was "whats going on?" I replied, I am going to need more detail then that. Thats when she lost it. Waterworks unloaded, sobbing, etc. She said "that right there", "I don't know you anymore", "I don't trust you, I live with Jekyll and Hyde". I let her keep talking because there weren't any questions to answer.
In a nutshell she expressed that the OPSEC I had done and she found out about has ruined her trust in me. My response to that was, yes I did that but I am not in that mental place anymore and I am over it. Her response was I dont believe you. I just fogged by saying I can see how that would break your trust but I am not in that place anymore. This infuriated her and escalated the tears.
Her second statement was to bring up the coworker who was flirting with me and texting. Nothing happened and I never intend for it to at this current spot. However, the wife saw the texts and has been sitting on them. This is where she got overly dramatic by flipping on the lights and glaring at me. Asking me who this girl was etc. My response was, nothing happened but I am a man, you have expressed previously that sex and affection are the only things you feel you have control of in this marriage. I dont want to cheat on you but now you see that I do have options. I can not continue to give my time and attention to someone who clearly is so unattracted to me. This was followed up by hysterics, way more sobbing and her admitting that she looked through my phone. This was also followed up by, "jesus christ is this some psych 101 bullshit??!!"
Third item she brought up was a charge for a lawyers consult. She knew I had talked to a lawyer a year ago to discuss options. I had a follow up consult with my lawyer to make sure everything was still in line. This was where she really lost it. She flat out asked me if she needed to get a lawyer. "I said you do what you need to do. If the question is do I want to divorce you then the answer is no, I would have left a long time ago." Her response was that it doesnt matter anyway because she can't leave, she wouldnt have anywhere to go and she doesnt want to leave the kids.
After all that she proceeded to tell me how she doesnt know me anymore and doesnt trust me. She stated how unhappy she is and doesnt know if she can ever get past everything that has happened and is happening to us. Today she has gone completely silent, which I expected and I am doing business as usual and will continue to be a fun guy. I know this is only the beginning and this may very well drag on for a week or more.
The long and the short is that she bottled everything in from when I walked out weeks ago and she unleashed it all last evening. I let her talk until the hamster ran itself tired. I doubt I handled most of it correctly but I know I did better then in the past. Did I stay in my frame? That would imply I have a strong frame to stay in. Probably not but I felt I stayed in what frame I have. I know it was a shit show and I know I could have done better. When she was finally done talking and her sobs lowered themselves to a snivel I put my arm around her and hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and held her for a minute. I then let go, told her I loved her and went downstairs for a bit. I do not intend to cave and placate her but at the same time I do not want to set myself back to the beginning again.