Fix her feelz?

captain_my_captain22 · 2017-08-03T17:05:12+00:00

Think of her feelz like a fiberglass splinter in your forearm, hurts like hell, can't seem to find it, and the pain just won't subside.
How do you fix this? Couple of ways;

Dig around with a pocket knife until you hit meat, leaves a big hole, and lots of blood. Effective but messy, good chance it's going to leave a scar and hurt like hell (This is like fixing the actual feelz)
Try wrapping it in duct tape and yanking it off, sometimes it works, but pulls a lot of dam hair out, wow, not feeling the splinter so bad now huh? (This is talking around the issue, and making her feelz about other things)
Wacking your thumb with a hammer, wow that's a nice color purple you got going on there. Splinter, what splinter? (Distracting her with another feelz, one that has a bigger impact, than the current feelz, she's mad at you loading dishwasher incorrectly, you bring up dead father, etc)
Go pull a beer out of the fridge, take a pull and say man that hurts, and know that splinter will work itself out eventually. (Acknowledge the Feelz, say that must really feel bad now, and know eventually she will get over it. It's her forearm, her splinter, she needs to deal with it)

Lots of this is in the sidebar books, you are not responsible for anyone feelz (or feelings) but your own. Your goal is to be able to get to option #4 in your head.

Most men start at #1, (blue pill thinking), Go straight to option #3, which has the ability to blow up relationship, Option 2 is in WISNIFG (are you reading the sidebar?), Option 4 means you're getting where you need to be.

(I will admit, there are times that Option 3 has merit when you need to nuke things from orbit)

FF0000_captain · 2017-08-03T17:13:59+00:00

If she's nagging you for something YOU did or didn't do, you fix her feelz by letting her know her emotions don't effect you, so there's no sense in her trying.

Example:

"Ugh, you left your towel on the bathroom floor again! Why can't you ever pick up after yourself?!"

"Sound the alarm. Alert the pentagon. This is a disaster of epic proportions."

"I'm serious! You're so disrespectful!"

"How about the towel stays on the floor and we add your clothes to the pile?"

You fix the feelz by overpowering her bad attitude with your fun playful attitude.

That's my take anyway.

Countpudyoola · 2017-08-03T18:25:35+00:00

Here's an easy one that may sound comical, but those coming from massive BP land some may recognize.

She's mad at you for something you did in a dream.

BP Guy: ACTUALLY gets concerned. Fears her being mad at him. And in some sick and twisted way tries to apologize for the way her dream of him wronged her. If you think this is a joke, a strawman, or never happens... you haven't been or met the sad sack yet that I have and was. This actually spirals her into getting mad, turning this into real world grilling, and you fight after trying to fix it as you scramble and go on defense.

RP: Laughs at how silly. You feel NO AGENCY for helping her along this path of recovery.

Now take it to the other end.

Daddy issues. A girl who had a shitty relationship with her father will have emotional landmines occasionally hit. You know, those moments where one is like (half hour after getting chewed out) "Who the fuck are you talking to and about?" #1, you better scram if the red flags are blatant , deep and you aren't the Duggars with 1000 kids and child support payments. But even on the mild side... it's a loving husband thing to feel bad she went through that shit, and hope's she copes...but you aren't her emotional tampon, or therapist. She can buy a punching bag and pay for therapy, but you don't want to be either.

Free agency. She has it. Her emotions on everything are not things to manage, mitigate or take on. You manage you.

Back in BP land most of us remember dissagreements that would last for weeks, and the more you try to "fix" or "discuss" the longer it keeps on going. Now... you let that shit FEBERIZE and magically recovery times shrink to less and less. You help by not helping.

straius · 2017-08-03T16:38:57+00:00

It means ferreting out the covert communication and understanding what is a shit test and what is a comfort test and responding with the appropriate attitude/action.

It's about establishing a balance of aloofness and emotional detachment from shit tests vs identifying comfort tests which require you to solidify the bond by providing some compassion/touch/reassurance.

If I'm missing anything, I welcome feedback on that.

screechhater · 2017-08-03T21:56:52+00:00

Shit test, comfort test

Tell me where in the sidebar it dictates being responsible for other's emotions, choices, anger ? If thou is not responsible, then why should thou fix it ?

Note, I didn't say to ignore, I said do not fix them. Acknowledge and then ramp up the jester behavior as she goes on....... about literally nothing

Sepean · 2017-08-04T07:36:23+00:00

Don't try to fix her feelings. Don't engage with that shit.

Title	Fix her feelz?
Author	starky000001
Upvotes	3
Comments	25
Date	August 3, 2017 4:31 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6rdhfy/fix_her_feelz/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/fix-her-feelz.205758 https://theredarchive.com/post/205758

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