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[–]ReddJiveRed Beret15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
YOu're only a week in. Your successes aren't really that, be mindful. Watch what she does.
Being new several things going on here.
Her crying is a comfort test. A lot of you hard ass studly alphas like to be big champs on campus. You are all forgetting the Oak Principle here. To maintain a relationship you have to know when to engage your beta traits. Sure you can be hard ass alpha if you want but realize that the further on the Alpha Spectrum you go the less of relationship material you become. You will have women in your life, but due to your Alpha nature relationships are not your goal To maintain them some level of beta is needed. Learn to use this wisely.
The dogs. Stop being a dick. /u/cholomite gives a good rule here if it is not a reoccurring issue. All depends I guess. IMO How you handle it once the emergency is over is more important. Now I know some of you very manly studs out there are tired of feeling like you are run over. Fuck her. She deserves it. Yeah...that's the ticket.
See that's the thing. How Alpha is it if you are sitting on your ass while your wife is out running around looking for dogs? Whether she did it or not...multiple times even. Why aren't you addressing the root cause? Get the dogs back. Calm the family. Show her your Rock, your Oak....that the emergency is nothing. BUT...you will address the issue. Otherwise what are you teaching her here? That you're a dick? That she can't depend on you even if she did fuck something up? Her crying here could have been that acknowledgment she did do it wrong. You ignored it. Good moment there to show her comfort. You ALL are failing these. Failing a comfort test makes it hard for her to find refuge in your shadow.
Don't be a dick. Get over the emergency. Then teach her what should and should not be done. This is the difference between positive and negative reinforcement.
You new alphas are all about negative reinforcement which is akin to revenge. Sadly this is a woman's trait. Note this is different from tough love. A tough love approach would be to correct her actions that in the future prevent the dogs from ever getting out and holding her to that standard until she started meeting it.
[–]JDRoedellRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This OP. ^
[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, this OP.
[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gotta say I agree with this, that and train your dogs better.
That said I have one intact male that just loves to escape and chase bitches especially at this time of year. He's a great dog, obedient, sits, stays, recalls on command, all that. But if there's any way for him to sneak out and there's a female in heat within miles, he's fucking gone in an instant.
Lucky for us we've learned where all the bitches live now so it's just a process of elimination. Horny little bastard. Can't say I blame him.
[–]mabden0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How Alpha is it if you are sitting on your ass while your wife is out running around looking for dogs?
Story, gf and I move into an apartment (bottom half of a house) together. She locks herself out of the apartment (not the first time) and calls me at work, in panic. I leave work (with corresponding loss of pay) and unlock the door for her. As she is apologizing, I take her into spare bedroom put her against the wall, remove her pants, and fuck her standing up. The only thing I said was, your welcome.
[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"no, u get them, u shouldn't have let them out"
That sounds pretty butt hurt and condescending man.
The old me would have gotten them
Was her previous habit to not care about the dogs getting out because she knew you would go get them back? Or are they the type of dogs who blow out the door the second it opens and your arms aee full of groceries? Be honest.
she went straight to bed and balled her eyes out, loud sobbing
Did you let her fall asleep like this or give her some comfort? I'd say that letting her cry herself to sleep because of the dogs is fuckin weak ass shit. You don't need to apologize or anything. A hug and a kiss on the forehead goes a long way.
this is a crying shit test right? Which I've just passed?
What the fuck is a crying shit test and how does one pass it?
[–]Life_advice_me points points points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Can we use this as a textbook example of going full Rambo?
[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For real...
[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't know what your house, yard, or neighborhood is like but if my gf let our cats out by accident, I would have helped her look, as long as it's not a recurring issue. Sometimes a captain has to get down and dirty with the crew to help get the ship out of stormy waters. You've just set a precedent that if she genuinely and honestly makes a mistake, you won't be there to support and help her. That's not very "rock" like.
But I don't know, if you have a fenced in yard or something and all she had to do was chase them around without any risk of them running off, then maybe it's ok. If she was scared of losing them and you left her on her own, I think you fucked up.
[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are failing so bigly.
Dogs running out of the house (potentially to their death as they cross a street) is a family emergency. Not necessarily to the same scale as the house on fire or your kid in harm's way, but still something that the Man of the house needs to help manage. You had an opportunity for leadership, instead acted like a useless prick.
Better would have been to get up, help direct her on how to help if needed, then execute. Then afterwards, don't act like a bitch and try to admonish her for fucking up, instead you accept that shit happens sometimes, and if it is a recurring issue have some leadership to come up with a plan to avoid future incidents. If it is a rare occurrence she will be comforted to know that she is with a man of action.
You are far too early to start making any significant outward changes.
[–]Terribledragon4Hire1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would think this falls under leading the family. She fucked up and was looking to you to help.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude! You need to train a dog recall.
This is the #1 thing you should be training any of your dogs. I wrote an old FR here, as a metaphor. My dogs have broke free a few times, and I run away. They catch back up to me, because the idea of losing me scares them more than their lack of freedom.
Dogs are a great divining rod. They don't do manipulation, just react.
As for the woman, dogs ran out, dogs came back. Not worth tears. Whatever ran her feelings off a cliff, it ain't that. I wouldn't worry about it. If it's important, she can use big girl words with you.
Embrace the solitude BTW. It's like a micro bachelor vacation.
I will say this. If the dogs bolt, you give them a quick call, and they come running back (because you exercise them regular, and trained recall, right?) that's all the alpha you need. Preselection is more than having chicks flock to you.
[–]atlhartRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Failed leadership all around.
Why do your dogs run? Why don't they stop when called? Train your dogs. You're beta bitch even to your dogs if they don't kowtow when Human Master calls.
Depending on how old your dogs are, that's more or less challenging. Easier to establish yourself as Alpha when they are young, but not impossible as they get older.
Be the Alpha of your pack. Lead your dogs. Dogs are easy to train. Practice your Alpha behaviors on them. Basic behaviorism. Reward postive behavior. Don't reward negative behavior (I've got a neighbor that will scold his dog for trying to lick/steal human food, and then say "well, he already licked it, so he can have it"...now the dog knows that he gets rewarded for licking human food). Personally, I also punish extreme disobedience. I don't punish failure to obey, but I punish bad behavior: shitting on the rug, playing too rough, trying to eat my food.
Funny thing, slightly off topic, is that my dog won't touch my plate of food. I could put it on the floor in front of her, but she knows it's mine and she'll just kind of side-eye it uncomfortably. When my kids came along, she imediately viewed them as below her in the pecking order and she tried to eat off her plate. That's was a bit of a challange, to show her that my kids plates are my plate too.
[–]2235521 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are pushing back too hard... You are only a week in, and trying to change years of (YOU) fucking up, not her. Go easy.
[–]beta_no_mo0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dogs, like women and children, are reflections of you. Train them. Involve your wife in the process so the dogs learn to respect her too, but you should be the leader (sound familiar?). You'll likely learn a thing or two yourself in the process.
[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's just a woman. She's going to fuck up and you're going to have to fix it. If she drives the car into the garage door, you're going to have to fix it. If she accidentally lets the dogs out, you're probably going to have to go get them.
It's good that you're standing up for yourself. But sometimes there's man shit that has to get done, and since you're the man, you're going to have to get it done. When this happens, you're going to get it done quickly and efficiently. You're not going to bitch about it, but when the dogs are back in the house, a quick, "Don't let that happen again." is fine. Once you've said that, drop it and forget it. It doesn't matter any more.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You got a long road ahead seeing as how you appear to be married to a child. Keep up with the program but next time you go get the dogs since she isn't a grown up and they'll never let you down. Le meilleur ami de l'homme.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What happens when you open the door? Chien goes running off like a fool?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oui, il s'enfuit. Je suis a Montparnasse en ce moment et Chien est avec mon fils. Si je reste, je l'amenerai a moi.
Comment est le livre?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
ca va.
j'ai le discours en premier. il serait la fondation pour la livre (j'espiere). c'est 90 minuites... ou 15000 mots. la duree du un livre, non?
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[–]ReddJiveRed Beret15 points16 points17 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]JDRoedellRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mabden0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Life_advice_me points points points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Terribledragon4Hire1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]atlhartRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2235521 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]beta_no_mo0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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