Long-time lurker, first-time poster. Throwaway account cause my wife is on Reddit too and I don't want her to read this as of now.
Been on TRP for a while without even knowing it. LTR'd my now-wife at 18 while in college, been 15 years together. I was her first and only boyfriend. Everything went fine, moved to another country with her, married 5 years ago, 5 year old kid. Sex dwindled, sometimes to 1-2 times a month. Routine set. We have a relatively healthy relationship, she's a great mother, a good cook, helps a lot in the house. I take care of most of the admin, harder work etc. However, her communications skills are lacking -- realized this year she was most likely on the spectrum of Aspergers, at a very minimal level. She never takes decisions and is usually pretty emotionally removed from our couple but I put this on her being on the spectrum. For the 15 years we've been together, I was always the one initiating conversations about us and how to improve things. When something doesn't work out, I'm the one fixing it. She knows it and acknowledges it, but I feel like I'm still following typical Blue Pill behavior. I was beta as fuck for a long time.
I recently decided to take the matter in my own hands and started working out (only needed to build muscle mass), holding frame at all times and going for dread level 5. Sex life immediately (and greatly) improved. In all but 3 months, there has been more communication on her part, and I think a true willingness to work things out. I passed all her shit-tests easily. I brought out the topic of divorce at some point but she never talked about it again, and I didn't insist on talking about it either. Thing is, getting on TRP has given me more confidence and I'm now having second-thoughts about my love for her. I'm having multiple opportunities for NSA sex with attractive girls and am thinking of hooking up with one of them for a ONS, partly to see what I've been missing out by getting in an LTR so early in my life, and partly to validate I can do it. See it as an exit plan draft if you want. Now my wife is a solid 7, started working out too and has always been faithful. Also don't want to jeopardize my relationship with my kid. So I'm basically having a 30s life crisis like every other dude around.
What do you guys think?
Guy in his early 30s, on TRP for about 4-5 months, in LTR with wife for 15 years. Wife is nice and hot, having a lot of communication problems. Guy tired of her shit and always trying to resolve things by himself, having doubts about his relationship. Opportunity for ONS, low-risk.
Please don't refrain from calling me out. I'm here for that. And I know I'm still into TBP patterns. That's what a life of being a beta leaves you with.
Just wanted to thank everyone for their input. You guys were a tremendous help. FWIW, I decided not to cheat. First because it would mean I don't own my shit. Second because if I'm questioning it, I'm not ready anyway. Third because I never liked taking the easy way out and won't start now. Let's call this a moment of weakness on my part.
Thanks again for taking the time.