I'm doing better than ever owning my shit in the standard areas. I'm lifting, passing shit test, improving financially, hanging with bro's, started a 3rd business. I've plenty of room to improve, but I've come a long way. I'm no master, but I'm no longer a rookie either. My problem is more philosophical in nature.
About 3 months ago, my wife had an emotional affair with her college boyfriend. It happened for about 3 months, at a time when I thought we were happier than ever. I had begun the redpill journey about 6 months before she began the affair. We were having the best sex of our lives, shit test were batted off with a smirk and we were having fun. I thought life was easy sailing for the foreseeable future. Then I found out about the daily phone calls with Mr. Ex. We've got kids and businesses and houses and shit. Those things made divorce more painful than staying. I'm willing to walk, but I'd prefer to avoid it if possible. I did see an attorney and made it clear that if it happened again it was over.
Fast forward a few months (present). I'm thankful for the affair because it showed me the true nature of reality, but I'm having trouble adjusting to this new reality and reconciling some contradictions.
Is it my fault that she did this because I didn't give her the tingles or is it hers because AWALT?
If it's my fault, then it seems too focused on the woman. She did this because I wasn't giving her the tingles? Rephrased: her feelings are my responsibility. I'm building 3 businesses, being an awesome dad, lifting, maintaining friendships, reading tons of books on how to deal with her evolutionary sexual strategy and that's when she pulls this shit? WTF!? I really don't think I can pack much more self improvement in a 24 hour period.
If it is her fault, because AWALT, then she'll just do it again, especially considering she did this when I was at my best and our relationship was at it's highest point in 10 years of marriage. This means there's not much I can do and I might as well bail or start cheating (both of which I'm too busy to deal with right now.)
This has condensed into a lack of attraction on my part. I really don't want to touch her. When I do, all I can think about is her wanting this other guy. The few times we've had sex in the last two months I've developed a P.E. problem. I know that this stems from some sort of anxiety. It sucks because I can't just work harder to fix that problem. It's some reptilian brain shit that I can't reach. It's like saying, "Make your heart stop beating for 5 seconds."
So on one hand, I should step up my game and give her the tingles, show OI and be the shit. On the other hand, it feels like a big phony act. It feels like I'll never be attracted to her again. In fact, it feels like all women are just cum recepticles, not worth the effort. I thought mine was better than most, which I still feel is true. That doesn't make her great, it just makes all women really vile.
I'm caught in a catch 22. If I put on a happy face and game her to give her the tingles, I'm being phony and ultimately acting within her frame. If I do what I feel, which is ignore her and focus on me, then she won't get the attention she apparently needs and she'll just chat it up with Mr. College Sweetheart.
I'm starting to have a very negative view of my wife and women in general. They can not be trusted and I don't like having people in my life I can't trust.
How do you have relationships with women when you know they will look you in they eye and lie for no other reason than it feels good?
Have any of you come back from infidelity, either with your partner or with women in general?