automatic responses and STFU

Coniferous_88 · 2016-12-11T22:38:08+00:00

I struggle with this with my LTR sometimes...Remember, she isn't afraid of your emotions, why should you be afraid of hers? I've found it's best to choose your battles, but when she really disrespects you on a fundamental level...call her out on that shit!... let her know you don't expect her to treat you like that.

...or, STFU, say something like, "We can discuss this when you're ready to act like an adult" and leave the room, house, county, whatever...just leave.

DarkAges1 · 2016-12-12T03:16:30+00:00

I suspect because part of me is in her frame. That is, I am still afraid of her being mad.

If you are still afraid of her being mad, then ALL of you is in her frame.

Why are you afraid? What power does she have over you and why do you choose to give that power to her?

man_in_the_world · 2016-12-12T01:07:19+00:00

Sounds like you've arrived at Amused Mastery much sooner than most ex-betas; congratulations! Or at least the Amused; now become comfortable with the Mastery. Laugh and leave is AM.

Edit. Thinking back on the alpha men I have known who headed all-female households, every single one existed in a semi-permanent state of Amused Mastery. They didn't say a lot, but they usually smiled when their wives or daughters were talking. They were entirely unfazed by their women's emotions, but were neither oblivious nor walled off to them; they were constantly Oak from an AM perspective. These men really seemed to enjoy dipping in and out of the emotional stream as it amused them, while always riding above it in that permanent AM state. They occasionally actively stepped in as needed when (and usually before) things got out of hand, and also for their girls' own emotional well-being when they were getting overwrought. Phrases I remember hearing them say are "Now that's just silly, Jane," and "Cool it, Jane; let her speak her piece."

I think the keys are that these men were entirely unfazed by and above their wives' and daughters' negative emotions of the moment, but were still present to them as an amused but loving Oak. Their women seemed incredibly secure in those branches. The women could then let their emotions run more freely, which I think brought more amusement to their man. (I bet the bedroom was great.)

You may be closer than you think, /u/logger1234! It is absurd, as is

"this is why people don't tell you things."

Why would you even care whether you're told absurd things? As if they can avoid eventually telling you about anything important... it really is hilarious, and your AM helps them realize that and obtain the emotional security and stability they need. So laugh at it and then enjoy the fireworks, as did/do these men I've known. Eventually you'll learn to turn it into E in DEVI.

BTW, these women adored their men; even years after they died, no man could ever compare.

innominating · 2016-12-11T22:32:52+00:00

Stop being afraid of her emotions.

mrpthrowa · 2016-12-12T08:28:23+00:00

"this is why people don't tell you things."

Another shit test.

BobbyPeru · 2016-12-12T04:40:22+00:00

If you're amused that's fine- just don't let her guilt trips pull you into her frame

UEMcGill · 2016-12-12T13:24:07+00:00

These guys are spot on with their assessment, so I would offer you this as a method for interacting. Try the 2 second pause.

It's a method I use when negotiating. Your time perception is relative (thanks Einstein) to you. So when I need to gather my thoughts instead of just spewing out whatever, I take a 2 second pause; its imperceptible to those around you. If it's a heated debate I'll breath out slowly for a good 5 seconds. This triggers the lizard brain to say, "Oh hey, we're relaxed? So no fight or flight huh. Cool"

Treat all the women in your life like they were your daughters when they were 5 years old and spewing absurd ultimatums at you. "I'm never going to brush my teeth again!"

"Oh, ok honey. That's a great idea!" You don't take a five year old seriously because she's five right? Reality is she's just expressing her emotions, albeit less eloquently, than your wife. So why would you take your wife seriously?

InChargeMan · 2016-12-12T11:09:44+00:00

"this is why people don't tell you things."

Right now your response is a laugh like she just farted while trying to be serious.

In the future when you are holding frame better you can respond: "This is why people don't tell me STUPID things". Then laugh, walk by, grab part of the sandwich off her plate, take a bite, then smack her in the ass and leave the room.

ReddJive · 2016-12-12T13:32:45+00:00

I have no fucking idea what you are talking about here. Its a seriously low quality post. Which in itself tells me you're mind is not well organized.

You need to learnt that AWALT is not an excuse for poor execution. It's a reflection of your poor abilities. AWALT is really a range of behavior that defines the left and right limits of what your woman or women will act like.

Some people choose to accept these behaviors and use them to their advantage, others seek to change them (or at best work through them), and others still are completely oblivious to them and therefore seem like raging lunatics. Either way, its how you react, and handle.

You are completely in her frame. This post was more about her then about you and your actions.

Ned_Beaumont · 2016-12-14T16:43:40+00:00

Spousal unit then doubles down, deeply offended I don't take her seriously, "this is why people don't tell you things."

Yes. And if you don't continue to not GAF, you are essentially training her to escalate when she doesn't get her way.

It's frustrating to read a FR where a guy DGAF about getting some shit from the wife, but then reports what "she says" in response (which clearly upset him) to his not giving AF as evidence that she "still won" or that "this stuff doesn't work on my wife".

Maybe this will help you. It helped me, a ton.

"What other people think is none of my business."

This will save you the trouble of giving a shit about "convincing" her to change her thinking.

The next progression is a little more difficult, but it's one of the most freeing thoughts in the world:

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

This one is difficult because people often feel they have a right to know or influence what others think about them. They don't.

Take some time to let each one sink in.

redearththeory · 2016-12-12T13:41:37+00:00

It starts with an annoying shit test. Typically a disrespectful tone complaint.

I try to STFU, but end up either breathing heavily (a "puff") or laugh.

Huffing and puffing is a bad response here. STFU is better than victim puking, but not great. Laughing is a good response though. But the thing is, if you laugh at the first shit test, then she escalates the criticism, you need to escalate the humor and refuse to take her seriously. This is key. Make her choose between taking herself less seriously and backing down ir getting more butthurt which you then ridicule further. Give me an example if you don't understand what I mean.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-12-12T16:03:05+00:00

I think you have analyzed the situation correctly and you don't need our input.

Title	automatic responses and STFU
Author	logger1234
Upvotes	4
Comments	21
Date	December 11, 2016 9:37 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5hskoc/automatic_responses_and_stfu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/automatic-responses-and-stfu.206787 https://theredarchive.com/post/206787

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