Fuck. I AM dumb. Help please!

redearththeory · 2016-12-11T16:04:59+00:00

When she accused you of throwing the soup out, why wasn't your response a shrug? Why do you care what she does or says?

Scubastyles · 2016-12-11T15:33:52+00:00

Dude she set you up for the freakout. I've been there before. What worked for me was owning my mistake, apologizing once without over doing it and without justifying why I freaked out - there's no justification for entering her frame.

Take a breath, own your mistake, and carry on your day in a positive manner. This isn't the end all be all

BluepillProfessor · 2016-12-11T17:23:48+00:00

You change tone and wiggle around the truth like a woman.

i did exactly as what has been agreed.

No, you did exactly what mommy ordered you to do.

How do I get myself out of the shitty situation and come out on top?

You don't. The play is over. You got your ass handed to you and everybody in the crowd who knows the game sees clearly that you were 100% at fault for the busted play.

The good news is it is already way past the time when you need to line up for the next play. Try not to get bulldozed into the quarterback this time.

sunthas · 2016-12-11T16:00:37+00:00

I dunno, I'd Oak or Rock this I guess. Yup, I threw the soup away, sorry sonny. Mom will make you something else. or I will make you something else.

onmyownpath · 2016-12-11T19:20:54+00:00

Don't apologize for throwing away the soup. Apologize for acting like a pussy and letting her control your emotions.

Persaeus · 2016-12-11T19:56:55+00:00

Who in the fuck throws soup away? Stupidest thing I have heard today. Stop asking your wife questions and just act.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-12-12T02:46:28+00:00

First mistake: asking if the soup was to be thrown away.

Make your own decision. You can ask specifics, "Do you have plans for this soup?" but don't ask for her to do the thinking for you.

It might seem small, but it's not. It's huge. When you ask that question, you are putting her into the leader position, and you into the follower position. Stop doing this and many other problems will evaporate.

UEMcGill · 2016-12-12T13:37:56+00:00

So let's approach this from a different perspective. How did you get yourself in this mess? Why the fuck, you a grown-ass-man, is asking mommy if he can throw out the soup?

Then on top of it, your wife throws you under the bus in front of son (Poor boundaries)?

Here's the right way to go about it next time.

You: "How old is the soup?"

Her: "It's been reheated a bunch."

You: throws out soup

2 hours later

Son: "Mom is there any soup?"

Mom: "there's no soup because daddy threw it away".

You:"Come on boy, Dad'll make you something for lunch. What do you want?"

Hero proceeds to make son awesome lunch

Your problem wasn't her being a bitch (she was). Your problem is basic side-bar shit. Quit asking her for permission on things. She is crew, you are the captain, approach it that way. Ask for input instead.

When she asks what you want for dinner, the answer is "I want X"

When she asks where you want to go for vacation, the answer is "I'm thinking of X place"

None of these are, "I don't know, where ever you want?"

When you are doing stuff around the house, it's the same thing. Start treating the house like it's your house. "Hmm, is this soup old? What would I do if she was not around? Fuck I'd throw it away!"

"Hmm, I have to put all this shit away. Here's a good spot for it."

Her, "Why did you put it there."

You "Because that's where I wanted it. It works here."

Her "Oh ok, I put stuff here because xyz."

You:"Oh, actually, that's a good idea."

In all of these ideas, I'm giving myself permission. If she has input I take it and use it as I see fit. Never once did I ask her, if I could.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-12-11T16:32:51+00:00

Why would you throw away perfectly good soup? What sort of example does that teach your kids? Extra soup? Meh, toss it out.

SampsonBrass · 2016-12-11T17:17:46+00:00

Throwing out the soup is the least of your problems. More like her throwing you in the grease with your son is the bigger problem. I'd work on that.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-12-11T18:40:12+00:00

Let it go.

Have a goldfish brain

screechhater · 2016-12-11T19:34:23+00:00

Don't mention it and if she brings it up- doubtful, ignore.

Big question at hand fir you, was there enough to save ? Then why the fuck be wasteful ?

At some point, you are going to have to embrace getting out of her frame. Permanently.

Asking for direction in life on any level is just weak. Shore up your confidence

Are you lifting yet ?

Ignore her shit words, shit tests and do not react. You are the fucking prize that can't be fucked with, right ?

Well. ??? Go lift

PurpleVeteran · 2016-12-12T04:18:40+00:00

Almost the same thing yesterday...

Was running errands, and called to ask if anyone had eaten lunch. "I did, but the kids haven't yet." It was a busy day, so I said I'd bring something home. Walk in the door, and she's like "where's mine?"

"Sorry, you told me you that you'd eaten, so I didn't get any for you."

Her: "That's not what I said".

Me: <nothing, as I'd already apologized>

Her: Grumbles while going to fix something, then eats sullenly at the table with the rest of us.

Me: "Here's the plans for the rest of the day..."

Normally I'd have DEER'd or volunteered to go get her something. Now, her failure to communicate her needs when I ask is her problem.

470_2_700_nm · 2016-12-12T01:21:42+00:00

Fuck this troll he is not answering any questions about how much of the sidebar he has read.

blarggggggggggg · 2016-12-12T03:00:00+00:00

Sure, 'daddy threw the soup away' is fucking passive aggressive bullshit but she only does it cause it gets a rise out of you.

I would have ignored what she said completely. If she continued to harp on it for whatever dumb reason, I would just have said something either straightforward and stupid like "yup, I sure did throw it away" or something completely stupid like "Did I throw it away? Who can remember? It was such a long time ago."

As far as getting out of the shitty situation, you can't undo getting butthurt and losing your cool in the past, all you can do is accept that you made a mistake and move forward. Don't let it happen again. Don't ever lose your cool and get butthurt in front of a woman or you fucking lose. Don't let her win. Never ever ever.

BobbyPeru · 2016-12-12T04:42:17+00:00

She's pushing your buttons and you are falling right into it. Read the sidebar and lift

iloveairplane · 2016-12-12T04:54:26+00:00

Bro - did you tell us what kind of soup it was? That could be an important part of this story.

ex_addict_bro · 2016-12-11T18:00:27+00:00

You forgot to tell us you prepared the lunch.

How do I get myself out of the shitty situation and come out on top?

Tell her you want to ride the strap-on cowgirl style tonight.

The_Litz · 2016-12-12T08:26:52+00:00

OP, it is not about the soup.

It is fact about ASKING her for directions.

She has to learn that it will not help her being a bitch, and you need to learn to lead.

ReddJive · 2016-12-12T15:05:40+00:00

You don't get out of it. Listen to the advice here and move on. She will dwell here for a long time.

You should laugh. Smile. Realize that this is over soup. Fucking soup.

It's all bullshit.

drty_pr · 2016-12-12T18:26:22+00:00

You don't. You lost. Better luck next time. Don't mention another wors about it

FireTempered · 2016-12-12T18:37:22+00:00

Here's a couple of ways to think about this:

Option One:

My dear queen, what shall I do with this soup, as I am too stupid to know what to do and I need your direction. Once I have your direction, then I will act on it like it is the Queen's Law, and be sure it gets done. Thank you Queen for directing me. (when Queen decides the soup should be there)…… On dear Queen, I thought it was Queen's Law to throw away this soup. Please understand that I would not do anything to offend your royal person. Please have mercy on me, I was only doing what I was ordered to do.

Option Two:

I think to myself, this soup is not worth saving, and I throw it out. Later my wife (aka teenage girl) complains that I threw out the soup, and, our child will not eat. I do not explain, I do not defend my actions, as this is an emotional being I am talking to. I fix lunch for the child and do not engage this girl in discussion/drama about the soup.

The problem starts when you ask permission, then gets worse when you defend it.

Now let this situation be past and work to understand how you are going act better next time, then the next time. It gets better with doing, sometimes failing, but doing.

So your high water mark here, is that you know what does not work.

Mildly_Sociopathic · 2016-12-13T01:53:06+00:00

she asks the son if she wants to eat the soup

"Hey Ben"

"Yes mama"

"Do I want to eat the soup?"

Title	Fuck. I AM dumb. Help please!
Author	alpha_as_chiwawa
Upvotes	1
Comments	51
Date	December 11, 2016 3:27 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5hqj2u/fuck_i_am_dumb_help_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/fuck-i-am-dumb-help-please.206789 https://theredarchive.com/post/206789

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