Late Date. Do you wait or leave?

lacyvulture · 2020-09-12T17:43:30+00:00

Pre FDS I had a date with someone at a bar that was late by an hour. So I met someone else at that bar, he bought me drinks and when my date showed up I was like “maybe you should have been on time because I am on a date.”

hakunnamatatamfs · 2020-09-12T08:13:28+00:00

I agree w all that you said and I'm also aware things happen. I lived more than 10 years in a really big city (like millions of people) and even though I did my very best to be always on time (for a date and yes even for a job interview once..), there were situations where it just wasn't possible... Like that time someone killed themselve in the subway train I was in and I got late to one of my final exams in university...

I'm not saying wait for him an hour but my rule is 15 min and a legitimate reason to be late. My best friend is a neurosurgeon so I know sometimes I have to wait for him a bit bc emergencies happen. That is understandable. Waiting for my date bc he's late bc he forgot it (yeah that happened to me to) its NOT.

circescircus · 2020-09-12T08:35:23+00:00

Showing up late is a common 'abuse test'. Think about it from a scrote's point of view-- if a woman sticks around after he shows up late, she's a good candidate for future disrespect and bad behavior.

Being late and changing plans last minute are both very common abuse tests. They choose these methods because they seem plausible... there was traffic/insert another excuse, I'm busy and have a social life (changing plans last minute). It all seems plausible and almost innocent, but it almost never is.

Men just don't get female interest like that, not even hot men. They have to work hard to secure dates, so why do they do this? Because it's a great strategy for them to find women with low self-esteem. Men don't live the same reality as hot, flaky self-absorbed women who show up late or change plans because they have too many options. When men do this, it's because they are testing you to see what they can get away with.

balladwilds · 2020-09-12T11:02:05+00:00

I wait 15 min and then leave. I don't reschedule

Neorago · 2020-09-12T10:10:01+00:00

Your standards are yours to set, girl! If you don't like even 1 minute late, then that's totally OK.

I agree, a man should be there waiting early if possible, if he planned it and asked you out then he should be making that effort to ensure it all goes smoothly including getting there on time.

I would personally give a man 15 minutes max only if he was using public transport (I've been 5-10 mins late myself due to transport!) AND let me know he was running late, otherwise it's just bad manners. I definitely wouldn't be pleased if he was late for the first date but I would let him make it up with a) letting me know he will be late b) apologising for being late and c) giving me a great date.

MagpieMelon · 2020-09-12T19:54:09+00:00

A guy asked me out and then called me whilst I was waiting for him to show up to the date asking me what I was doing that day. I told him I was waiting for him and he apologised and said he’d be there in about 20 minutes.

I had waited about 10 minutes already, so I just left. He called me about 5 times after that and I ignored every one. Looking back I know it was the right thing to do, but I was a mess at the time wondering what was wrong with me that he didn’t remember the date.

I’d say to only wait if there’s an actual reason, and if you want to.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-12T13:49:03+00:00

I have very very little patience for lateness and most of the standard excuses for lateness - traffic etc- can be avoided by better planning. People don’t allow enough time to get places, they live in a city for years but still act as though it’s some huge unexpected shock when they run into traffic, or transit delays or whatever. I don’t buy it. Men should be moving heaven and earth to show up on time and by on time I mean early!

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-09-12T21:55:38+00:00

I wait 15 minutes and then I order an expensive drink and an appetizer. Their audacity brings out my audacity. I don’t mind dating myself liberally and often either.

That is also the last date/communication effort. I’m not looking for perfection. I’m looking for communication and someone to give a shit about my happiness.

Longirl · 2020-09-12T11:15:34+00:00

I think it depends on the circumstance. My date was 15 minutes late picking me up last night but he got stuck in traffic (London 🙄) and what should have been an hours drive turned into an hour and half. He rung me before the pick up time to explain and apologise and when he got here he said sorry again and commented that he doesn’t want me to think he’s ok with running late for me and he won’t do it again. We’re at the start though so he’s on best behaviour - I’ve got my eye on him.

darkandstormyone · 2020-09-12T13:36:54+00:00

I once went on a coffee date with a man who was 10 minutes late. No text or phone call to let me know he was running behind. He walked in right as I was packing up my stuff to go. He showed up sweaty and smelling as if he hadn’t showered or changed his clothes in several days. He didn’t apologize for being late. We finished the date and walked out together. Turns out, his home was right next door to the coffee shop. 🤔

Punctuality is bare minimum. I’ve tolerated lateness before (and others have tolerated it from me), but part of my leveling up process has been coming to understand that being late is generally rude. I think a 5- to 10-minutes grace period is reasonable, since I live in a city where people my age generally don’t have cars and I know that public transportation can be unreliable. But if punctuality is your standard, it’s not too harsh to reject people who don’t meet it.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-09-12T18:48:15+00:00

I'd say a 10-15 minute window is reasonable. The "stuck in traffic" reason BARELY gets a pass bc everyone of driving age should know their area's traffic patterns and how to rat-run (take backstreets) to avoid it. Even if there was an accident, you can verify it. And you can easily beat traffic by LEAVING EARLY!

When your boss writes you up or threatens termination for tardiness, you tend to learn how to get your ass there on time. Who wants to be fired over something as dumb as being late too many times?

Think like a doctor. You always have clients lined up the wazoo. Your new patient paperwork is 6 pages long and can be printed off your website in advance so there's more time for treatment and consultation. You're one of the few carers in your town specializing in that field and you're the best at it. You're picky with what insurance coverage you accept so you can't treat everyone. Clients will rearrange their entire day to fill whatever of the few time slots you have available bc they're lucky to get to see you. Being dropped by you would heavily inconvenience them at the minimum and if you do, good luck to them finding another one that offers what you do.

SeaNegotiation8 · 2020-09-12T11:35:32+00:00

I think this is a very healthy mentality, sis. Totally agree with you.

iamaninsect · 2020-09-12T13:50:40+00:00

Because it’s just who I am, i would wait a tiny bit. I know how stupid traffic can be. Nobody knows how to drive and nobody ever expects the bullshit we deal with on the way from point A to point B. So I would wait like ... 15 mins. 20 max before saying “hey so sorry but I actually gotta run”. They’re not giving a reason for their lateness so you don’t have to give a reason for your needing to leave. Shouldn’t be a big deal either if they haven’t even arrived yet. Still plenty of time for him to turn around lol.

naamshiko · 2020-09-12T17:52:06+00:00

I think that depending on the situation, I would give them a 15-minutes window. Past a certain age and when you're working I get that shit happens. Now they need to have a valid excuse (bad traffic, unexpected event etc.) cause "I forgot about the time and I just got out of the house!" would get his ass blocked.

They'd also have to communicate that they are running late and apologize. If they think it's a given that I should be waiting for them then they are clearly trying to waste my time.

vmuzondi · 2020-09-12T18:13:22+00:00

I wait at most 5 minutes, 10 if I’m feeling generous. If I don’t get an excuse as to why they are late in that time frame or before hand I’m gone and I’m blocking.

2020-09-12T14:08:29+00:00

He needs to be there before me. Even if I’m early. If I’m 30 minutes late in traffic and he is only 15 minutes late in traffic that’s fine to me. The man should be earlier than me because he wants to impress me. I have waited an hour for 2 different bfs in the past on the first date, both were always very late. It’s a pattern. I need the man to be on my wavelength for a successful relationship. So if I was a woman who is always early, he would need to be a man who is always early too. I’m normally 15 minutes late and the man is early, on time, or 5 min late. All of those work for me as long as he doesn’t mind me being late.

Title	Late Date. Do you wait or leave?
Author	nycgirlhere
Upvotes	37
Comments	26
Date	September 12, 2020 6:33 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ir7loj/late_date_do_you_wait_or_leave/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/late-date-do-you-wait-or-leave.214206 https://theredarchive.com/post/214206

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