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Wife will study in a different state for 2 years

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February 27, 2019
10 upvotes

Hi, guys. So today I wrote my life situation in OYS https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aux2jc/own_your_shit_weekly_february_26_2019/ehbs3t3/ , and it got buried under a ton of other entries, which is fine. Nonetheless, I know the issue I have is worthy of an askMRP entry. So here I go. I'll try to make it short.

Me: 42. Her: 32. We have one daughter who is 5. I have read the whole sidebar, and I am reading The Rational Male for the third time. I've written cringy posts to askMRP in the past, but I have learned my fair share, and, despite what I'm going to tell you, I think I am at my best (me, not my marriage).

I have lost 3 jobs in the past, and my wife, who got sick of it, decided she wanted to study nursing at her parent's city, which is in a different state. And, after she finishes (she says), she will come back.

She promises me she will come and "visit me" (along with our daughter) during her vacations.

She's totally adamant that she won't study nursing here because there "her parents help her with our daughter"; plus it's cheaper (free food and home for her).

Before I continue I want to emphasize that I am 200% sure she doesn't have another man (chuckle all you want but I know it's true). Also, I married her when she was a virgin, for whatever it's worth; we didn't have sex before marriage. She's all the time busy and, evidently, doesn't care about my feelings (I have learned that women don't do anyways; plus I don't want anyone's pity).

I have been a drunk captain (and I still am), but at least I am aware and working on it. I was asked by a friend: so your wife is going to study abroad for two years and you're going to put up with that? Honestly, I think I shouldn't care: I cannot control her. It makes me so angry, but in the end, it's all because I've lost jobs in the past and, in her words, she cannot trust me, so she wants to have her degree and work just "in case I lose another job".

Believe it or not, the situation now is better than before, when I was without a job and I was living with my in-laws. It was hell.

I am saving you tons and tons of backstory.

My plan is (the stay plan is the go plan): Make the best of this time in which I will be alone: finish writing a book and keep on working on myself (gym, etc.). Be excellent at my job (which is going very well). Also, leading the family remotely (if such a thing is possible): taking care of finances, etc.

So, I really fucking hate that I won't raise up my daughter for 2 whole years.

I talked to a pastor yesterday about my situation. He was very blue pill, but extremely good intentioned, and he suggested that I told her that if she stays longer than those two years abroad, then I will divorce her. I don't know; I think ultimatums are not good... especially if I am not even in Dread 4.

Instead of predicting doom scenarios or calling me a pussy, I'd like your advice, guys. Looking to the future, not to the past.

Shoot away. As always, thanks in advance.

Edit: Format.

Edit: Ok, so I should have explained that she started studying in that state before I moved to this new state, so technically i am the one who's moving to a different state; she's the one who is not moving with me. We're both in the USA. Still, totally fucked up.



FINAL EDIT: Well, this totally blew up.

First of all, thanks for your answers.

I am amazed at the variety. Some were of the style of "You're a faggot; shoot yourself in the eye". Others were much more understanding and "looked forward". Thanks to everyone.

I just want to say a couple things before leaving:

I am in a bad state, sure, but I was even worse when I was living with my in-laws. That was fucked up shit right there. I was working in a job I didn't like, in a city two hours from my in-laws (where my wife and daughter were, and still are). I hated visiting my in-laws, who would complain of everything, and not having my own place. I felt totally lost. It was so bad that I probably lost my last job because of it...

And then after I lost it I had to go and live with my in-laws! That was so fucked up!! I swore to myself me and my family would live in a different state, far from my in-laws, and, guess what? I found that job in this state and gave that bold step! My wife didn't want to follow me before finishing her studies, but isn't the stay plan the same as the go plan? Should I have stayed in a place where I cannot buy a house, living in a situation I dreaded, or give a bold step to change, knowing that I probably would have to sacrifice some of my comfort for two years? I think giving the bold step was the right thing to do. I had the hope that my wife would follow me immediately. She didn't (and she is treating my daughter as her possession, by the way), so perhaps I should have had done things differently, or given her the "you come with me or this is over" speech. Perhaps.

In the end, though, I don't repent for what I did.

My wife and I had visited the city where I am living 3 times before deciding that moving into it was a good idea. So she knew very well I was moving here. She saw me apply to the companies and talk to them over the phone. I got the job here, after almost a year of applying (I was applying over there too, but the job in this new state came first). Of course, I took the job. I didn't abandon them out of a whim.

This is the best job I've ever had in my life. I love it. I feel empowered, I own my shit (at the job, at least), I understand things and my boss likes me. And I am looking into buying a house here, where prices are affordable. So not all is lost, bitches.

Yeah, living far from my daughter sucks and it's fucking wrong, and definitely the possibility of a divorce is a big one, but, I thought, the stay plan is the go plan, right? Well, I am 110% sure I want to live in this city (not only the job is great, but I can actually buy a house in this city!!). Perhaps I could travel frequently to see my daughter and work remotely every now and then, or something of that sort (no one suggested it, by the way).

And if I get divorced, I get divorced and that's it. AFAIK, the Red Pill is not pro-marriage but anti-divorce-rape. So I will be talking to a lawyer if things start to go South.

So what I'm going to do is: - Not committing suicide, motherfuckers. - Reading your answers again, taking the best from them. Thanks, really, for taking the time to respond. - Working on myself (gym, sidebar, the works). - Trying to lead remotely. Finances, etc. as if we were under the same roof (thanks, technology). - Use my free time to write the book I have always dreamed to write. - Flying frequently to see my wife and daughter and work remotely when I do so. - And yeah, perhaps fuck random bitches if I cannot live a chaste life (although I'd prefer my wife to sext with me, but, heh, I think that's just a stupid hope).

Thanks.


Post Information
Title Wife will study in a different state for 2 years
Author mundocorde
Upvotes 10
Comments 74
Date 27 February 2019 12:52 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/220246
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/av710v/wife_will_study_in_a_different_state_for_2_years/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
dread game
Comments

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red34 points35 points  (4 children) | Copy

She's ten years younger, you're an unfit dad and husband.

She's cutting her losses.

Why in the hell wouldn't you move there as a family if any other option was true?

Don't bother answering, I don't care. But think about it.

Eject

[–]JudgeDoom698 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's cutting her losses

And u/mundocorde she is being very savvy about it. She goes back to mommy and daddy for free room, board and babysitting. Then she files for divorce and gets full custody because you abandoned your family.

You will see your daughter one weekend a month and two weeks each summer, while paying out the ass for maximum child support so she and Dr. Chad can take some nice vacations on your dime.

Depending on the state, she'll also rape you for spousal support since she deferred on going to school to raise your daughter.

You need to get your ass back in the same town as your kid and establish yourself as an involved parent. Go to her activities, parent-teacher conferences etc.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hey, did you change your username?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

He is appropriately flaired.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep.

[–]Ivabighairy128 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

The marriage is over, she’s not coming back. She could have found a school closer. She’s taking the kid and going back to her parents to start over. See a lawyer immediately.

[–]dll1420 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed! Don't let her leave and establish a status quo in another state. You WILL have a difficult time with custody. I don't know the law in your state, but I have two kids and an ex-wife that is campaigning to move out of my state and she is unable to. My point is, if your wife sets up shop or a life in another state and you allow that, guess what.... you'll be going to where ever she is to be part of your child's life.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet42 points43 points  (8 children) | Copy

It doesn't matter who moved first or from where. Girls vote with their feet. You're not worth her being around, so she's leaving. That's it. A girl would work at mcdonalds to be around a man they're attracted to.

For the record, I think this situation is fucked and I wouldn't put up with it for a second and I don't think you should either. But, I can also tell you're a pussy and no matter what you're going to stick with her and let her go. So I'm going to tell you the least pussy way to live the next 2 years that will honestly probably save your marraige if you handle it right.

Stay married but improve yourself and just fuck random girls for the next 2 years. You can tell her you are or not, it doesn't matter, but don't spend any second of your time on her while she is gone. Do right by your kid, but don't waste any time thinking about your wife or trying to keep her interested in you or any of that shit. Get hot, go and build a social life as a single guy and fuck sluts, even if you have to do it behind her back, but I wouldn't worry too much about hiding it. I really don't think this works unless you're fucking other girls while she is gone. If you stay celebate for 2 years while she is miles away doing who knows what while her parents watch your kid, there's no fucking way she will ever respect you again.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy

I support this plan 100%

[–]mundocorde[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Me too. I think this is the way to go.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Definitely get your shit together legally so you're ready when she slaps you with a divorce, but at least you'll already have some plates lined up.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you stay celebate for 2 years while she is miles away doing who knows what while her parents watch your kid, there's no fucking way she will ever respect you again.

That's my problem, at least one of them, with all of this. If he just sits around pining for his superior, goddess like wife there I just don't see how it can work in the future. She will have no respect, no desire, no passion, and no need to stay faithful.

He literally would have a much better chance if he cheated on her and got himself a girlfriend. At least she would respect that!

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret25 points26 points  (9 children) | Copy

“ My husband left me and the kids alone and I had to go to school to support myself.

The doctors where I do my clinicals totally aren’t fucking me and I’m totally not going to beta buck one of them after I’m done taking shit from you”.

Wanna bet fucker ?

Source - I’m the doctor they just fuck.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

Do they still have candy stripers?

The doctors must fucking lick their chops when they see the new batch of nursing co-ops and interns roll through every year.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

It’s half and half. Most of the guys are whipped fatties. To be honest a lot of new talent is out of shape too. Mostly beta game

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's just sad on so many levels.

The pareto principle never fails to find its way into systems.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is one 6 ft + former football player who is done being out of shape and now looks great. I don’t have direct evidence, but I don’t doubt he gets through half the nursing students.

[–]helaughsinhidden-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Hypergamy allows for you to be a somewhat fat nerd when your in high demand and starting wages are $250k for your position. Especially to a woman that obviously doesn't set the bar high.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Meh. Not really

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not really.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Could be coincidental, but I live in "Med City" and I've seen 2 marriages this year where the wife, who is an RN or CNA, left their husband for a co-worker who happens to be a physician assistant and a resident respectively. One of the guys is my actual brother and her new guy is exactly like him but makes triple his salary.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fat nerds ?

[–]FlyingSexistPig22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

Her leaving is a lie.

She's not leaving to study nursing. She's leaving the state because she doesn't want to fight it and lose custody to you in your current state.

DO NOT LET HER LEAVE. File for divorce NOW and fight for custody of your daughter NOW.

If she leaves to another state, you're going to be fighting the divorce there.

I know. It cost me in excess of $25,000 in lawyers fees.

[–]Kpwn884 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. File now.

[–]CircularFileWorthy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy does not deserve custody. He isn’t capable of taking care of his kid. She’ll be better off with the Mom who is actually motivated to improve her life.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are all over the place. She is leaving, you...well, you are leaving her...but she isn't following...kids....parents...jobs...

I don't know what to make of it all, but generally it seems like whatever you think you are achieving isn't working out.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

OK, so according to your post history, you've been reading MRP for 2 years, but you don't lift. You started lifting, but hated the gym and made no progress. Now you just fuck around with a few machines twice a week. Why? "coz the gym doesn't have a bench". Faggot.

You have some underlying problem that you won't tell us about but it's so bad that you can't hold down a job and have been fired three times. Three fucking times. Double faggot.

Things got so bad for a while that you had to move in with your in-laws and then wondered why your bedroom was dead. Treble faggot.

11 months ago, you wrote " By the way, tomorrow is Steak and a Blowjob Day. Celebrate, gents! I will be having a beer and a smoke instead, and daydreaming of celebrating it, next year. "

How did that work out for you? Did you get your steak and blow job? No. Instead your wife is leaving you, taking the kids with her and you don't know what to do.

Fuck you man - you are a lazy cunt who won't put in the work, can't hold down a job and after two fucking years of MRP, appear to be totally fucking clueless.

Normally, I side with the men in these situations, but tbh, I don't blame your wife for leaving you. You are an out of shape, unnatractive baby man. The only thing you can be thankful for in this situation is that - because you are a sorry, broke ass fucker - at least you won't get divorce raped.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red26 points27 points  (7 children) | Copy

Ain’t a single motherfucker on this planet that could take my kids away.

You are next level faggot.

Go with her or loose her and your daughter forever. Understand one is not replaceable.

She is killing the puppy on your pussy non job holding ass.

She is going to move, establish residency, wait the residency requirements for divorce, file, claim abandonment and get sole custody.

Have fun paying CS forever.

Oh and fuck off.

[–]mundocorde[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Ok, so I should have explained that she started studying in that state before I moved to this new state, so technically i am the one who's moving to a different state; she's the one who is not moving with me. We're both in the USA.

Still, totally fucked up.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy

Still. Fuck off

What do you want from me?

I can not even come close to giving you a non dooms day answer cause I had this shit come close to happening to me. My wife tried to do it.

But I have balls where you clearly do not.

You are to old to be this dumb.

And you did her a huge favor by moving.

[–]mundocorde[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I had this shit come close to happening to me. My wife tried to do it.

But I have balls where you clearly do not.

OK, so what did you do? Did you tell her you'd divorce her if she did that or what?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

Here is my direct advice:

I don’t know why you moved and I don’t care. You can get a job anywhere. Don’t try to tell me you moved for awesome XYZ job.

Your priority should be to drop everything and move back establishing residence in the same town as you child. PERIOD.

If you have to rent a 300sq foot apartment and live alone then FINE. Same county. Period. You understand?

You have put yourself in a very dangerous position with both child abandonment and setting the standard for no geographic restriction WHEN she files for divorce.

Not IF but WHEN.

I cant stress this enough. If you want to be a Disney Dad then fine. But if you want to be involved in your kids life then my advice must be followed at all costs.

She will find another nursing student with goals, drive and ambition, all things you lack and start swallowing his hot come while you sit 100’s of miles away.

Do you understand?

[–]animalapemachine9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

To the o p you have to move back. A few years ago my wife at the time prompted me to move out of state for a job while she would stay in my home with my son. Three weeks after I got there I started hearing things through the grapevine and I promptly returned home. She was definitely disappointed to see me and have me back. A few months later she filed but I did not lose my house nor my son. So o p, you have to go back and maintain your residency and your paternal rights.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

That fin.

Coming right at him.

Screaming to him to get out of the water , but he's standing there like "Huh, wha, nah..isn't that a dolphin? Wait, get where? I should get out of the water? Huh?"

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

My story is to long to post on mobile.

I was in a detox facility for 10 days due to Xanax abuse.

Bad times, Ill admit.

She took the kids back to her home state while I was in getting clean.

As soon as I got out I flew there, walked in her parents home with several of my close friends. She was told I would be there with XYZ bro and if necessary the cops. I wasn’t leaving without my kids. I am Italian, so use your imagination.

I also had an order from a Texas court to have the kids returned to their residence. So it wasn’t as wild west as it could have been.

We walked out with my kids and we flew back to Dallas. I left her there. A few weeks later she came crawling back and I allowed it.

I then suffered for 12 months.

Divorce was filed. She tried to get the geographic restriction lifted. She failed.

The rest is easily readable in my history.

[–]Tiway228 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you kidding with this shit? You are truly a weak man.

She’s trying to leave you. It’s not for 2 years. Its forever.

How out of shape, and out of touch are you? Get your ass in a REAL gym. STOP making excuses for yourself.

My god have you ever seen how real men operate? Try and do that, because you have a whole lot of un-fucking to do.

[–]weakandsensitive8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Clearly you're not interested in people telling you she's leaving you.

Let me ask - what reason does she have to stay with you?

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

You lost three jobs recently. Exactly what is keeping you in the current state?

[–]Grimsterr6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Piecing together the info given in comments, they were living with his in laws, she started school for nursing, and he moved, presumably for this new job that he's TOTALLY going to keep and excel in. She didn't move with him.

He is sugarcoating that he's basically abandoned his family and spinning it that she's the one leaving him.

[–]mundocorde[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not sugarcoating it. Yes, that happened. Dumb me thought my wife was going to follow me. She preferred to stay with their parents. That’s all.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

“I'd like your advice, guys. Looking to the future, not to the past.”

She’ll most likely find Dr. McDreamy at her school to start fucking- Someone who gives her a lot of feelz from his high status and salary.

[–]Reach180Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nah. It'll just be some schmoe from her past who is even more of a life loser than mr. unemployable here but has a little game.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, you two! Let's be friends, and, just agree: she'll fuck both!

AND, a whole cast and crew of students at the school. Not only nursing students, but, the whole of the University!

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a polite separation. Act accordingly.

You ignored too many warnings and waited too long to get your shit together, and this is your painful wake up call. The only question is whether you are now fully awake, and if so whether you start moving, or press snooze again as you have many times before.

[–]RPeed4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro I'm another guy whose dealt with many relocation/career change situations in the past. Before and after kids. Always by choice but at different degrees of risk vs financial security.

Your family needs unwavering confidence that you will provide consistently before expecting them to move and stay moved for you.

The more hits you take, the more fans desert. Your wife was likely your second last fan. And given she is overtly communicating she is leaving you: you are down to one. You.

Realistic damage control advice has been given. If you choose to remain with your one true super-fan, she will be wind up getting spit-roasted around the clock on your dime while her folks babysit. Being present might at least keep slow the countdown. You will need to bite the bullet and do what it takes to clean up your provider status in any case.

I did this first. Then gave my wife a clean out: get on a plane or don't. And she did.

Fans love a comeback.

YMMV.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

What the pastor said, if you want to keep the bleeding going.

Read what all the posters are saying.

From our point of view - what the duck is going to actually wake you up ?? You are 42.

She is running from you. Don’t you fucking get it ?

[–]testy684 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

After reading through this and the replies, I finally realized how you misled the group.

YOU are the one that left. After using multiple jobs in a short period of time, YOU picked up and left your wife and child for a new job.

She was already enrolled in school and didn't want to leave. She wasn't starting anything. She had already started it. YOU were the one starting with the next new job.

YOU were upset she didn't follow you. I'm sure the reason she didn't is because YOU have a pattern of starting lots of things that YOU don't finish. This is behavior she is seen in the past and she is done with it.

Good luck with your new life. When the divorce judge determines that YOU abandoned your family, YOU will be paying child support at the premium rate for a really long time after the judge is done giving YOU a tongue lashing.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dense ass motherfucker.

She decided to kill the puppy. That's why you think things are better.

She's feeling pretty good about manning up and taking control of her life. It makes being with you more tolerable now knowing it's temporary and she has a game plan in place to eject (light at the end of the loser tunnel).

I am 200% sure she doesn't have another man

She doesn't need one at the moment. She can at least plan for the future and is creating a future opportunity that is worth more then than the now she has to deal with , with you. I applaud her restraint and conviction , I'm sure her parents are helping not only with the child rearing but are coaching her as well, if it were my daughter I should as fuck would. She's also ensuring money funneling to her education and future. Again , regardless of it's tie to you.

All this talk about how you are going to better yourself and fuck around with a book while she bails for your "STAY" plan is sticking your head in the sand /rearranging deck chairs on the titanic. It's comical. She's picking every card out of the deck first to create her hand while you're happy with getting dealt with what is random or left.

I'd for fuck sure be talking to a lawyer if you have interest in seeing your kid on the regular in the future to see how this will effect things with divorce laws in your state and her new one.

So she's establishing a great separation and single parent pattern here. If it were me I'd for fucks sure get a job where she is moving to or at least in the same state and establish a residence on the border of your present state and commute to work. I get there can be some distances but for 3 years of my life I had a 1/2-2 hr commute one way to work.

You NEED to check out all of the legal ramifications of the patterns established should you remain in a separate state. If you care.

Fuck man. I'm not sure how it works but her willfully separating the family now could theoretically work against her. Check into it.

Sadly, she sounds like she has the brains and cunning in this outfit, so maybe just work on and up your life now, smile and nod your head if it legally really makes no difference what she is doing... pull off the band-aid and invest in a new family down the road while remaining that pleasant but barely involved dad who is doing better with family #2. With a child support payment...and hopefully no alimony. Wouldn't that be icing on the cake for her? She betters herself for the future, while you increase your pay over that time that makes for a larger pool when it comes to judge time.

One positive in all of this is you can kill the hope that she wants to work things out. She's showing you plainly you are done. Now you can wait around to see what crumbs she allows you at the end or take action now and have some say in it.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Going to reply to your update, but I suspect it will get buried. /u/mundocorde

And then after I lost it I had to go and live with my in-laws! That was so fucked up!! I swore to myself me and my family would live in a different state, far from my in-laws, and, guess what? I found that job in this state and gave that bold step!

Good for you, this is doing what you want

My wife didn't want to follow me before finishing her studies, but isn't the stay plan the same as the go plan?

No, the stay plan is not the same as the go plan.

Should I have stayed in a place where I cannot buy a house, living in a situation I dreaded, or give a bold step to change, knowing that I probably would have to sacrifice some of my comfort for two years?

If you want to be with your daughter, yes.

I think giving the bold step was the right thing to do.

Ok, your call. Only you can make this bed and sleep in it.

I had the hope that my wife would follow me immediately. She didn't (and she is treating my daughter as her possession, by the way), so perhaps I should have had done things differently, or given her the "you come with me or this is over" speech. Perhaps.

I think there is a ton of DEERing in here, and Ill be direct with you - you are not an involved Dad. You are the kind of guy who is ok taking a minor role in their kids life. You lack the pair bonding with your child to not do everything in your power to keep her around.

But its ok. Nearly 80% of men are like this. I am not, which is why you get a different answer from me than others.

You sound perfectly selfish in your goals and what you want. So you need to interalize that there is a 99% chance you will get divorced in the next 2 years and loose access to your kids. Sounds like you are ok with this, you just need to admit it to yourself.

Good luck.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So I will be talking to a lawyer IF things start to go South

He still doesn't get it.

OP is a fucking moron. Maybe he will start to give a shit when his daughter starts calling her mom's new boyfriend "dad" instead of him.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

when his daughter starts calling her mom's new boyfriend "dad" instead of him.

Hold the phone...

This just fucking happened. My girlfriends 5 year old was on FaceTime with his Dad that sees him 36 hours a month. They were talking and he goes "Hey red-sfpplus, look at my car"

His Dad flipped the fuck out.

"I am not red-sfpplus, I am your Dad"

He hung up on him about 5 mins later...

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She ain't coming back. You should have banged her sister instead of being a chronically unemployed man. You could have at least built dread. I agree with u/red-sfpplus you are next level.

Ok, your begging for advice, so here it is.

Stop lying about reading sidebar, just admit you skipped it all and thought you'd sprinkle a little on the open wound that is your life. You will get more patience and understanding for your extreme faggotry. You aren't lifting either. There is an awakening that happens. I was posting and commenting for a year before going to lift and BOOM. I think that's your problem now in this far. You are a pathological liar and full of excuses and rationalizations for your situations.

Start by becoming an honest person. What do you have to gain by being dishonest with complete strangers?

[–]CircularFileWorthy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife has just announced she’s leaving you and you seem to think you’re still married and all is good.

It’s over. You blew it big time.

Get your shit together or you’re never going to see your daughter again and she NEEDS you. Have you seen the stats on kids being raised without strong male figures???

You suck. Stop it.

Forget your marriage that is done.

Start looking for a job and a place to live in the place your ex wife is going so you can be there for your kid. Take ANY job live ANYWHERE near your daughter and get it done or go throw yourself in a gutter where you belong.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I agree with other posters, don't lose the kid follow them if you need to. Also securing a job is a good idea, find a dirty gym, they are cheap and everywhere. Lift heavy it will un-fuck your head. Forget the wife for a moment treat it as a lost cause it's not important you are the only thing that's Important. You got yourself into this, you can get yourself out of it. If not with this woman but with a different one. You are priority one, Don't go rambo just be calm dude be calm. Kid is priority 2. Priority 3 is owning your shit. Stay strong.

[–]mundocorde[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for your answer. This is the way to go. I should be calm and don’t go crazy.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are the man now...

House in a mess... You clean it!

Shit needs fixing at home... You fix it!

Dressed like a tramp... You fix it!

Kid needs X done... You do it!!

Don't stand around waiting for mummy to tell you what to do. Do something, make lists of shit you can do.

Pretend she is dead, be a fucking awesome single dad and don't you dare bitch about it. Stop sitting still and get up and do something. Do it for you. Like right fucking now. When there is 30 minutes left in the day and you can barely keep your eyes open then and only then is it sleep time. Fuck off and get going.

[–]ParaXilo1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Favorite quote, "You fucked up a long time ago."

I have lost 3 jobs in the past, and my wife, who got sick of it

No fucking way? Shocking.

after she finishes (she says), she will come back

She won't need you. Nursing makes a livable wage I know several single mom's in the profession. They do fine without their failure ex-husbands.

She's totally adamant that she won't study nursing here because there "her parents help her with our daughter"; plus it's cheaper (free food and home for her).

Because she has no one else to help her. No one to lead.

Also, I married her when she was a virgin, for whatever it's worth; we didn't have sex before marriage. She's all the time busy and, evidently, doesn't care about my feelings (I have learned that women don't do anyways; plus I don't want anyone's pity).

Has to be the gayest thing I've read in a while. You're not special. Just because you were her first dick doesn't mean she can't branch swing.

Honestly, I think I shouldn't care:

She's having to improve herself in order to become the provider? You should care that this is your fault that she is having to forcibly take the reigns from you. Do you think I wipe people's asses out of joy? 3 days of work per week and easy to work extra. There's always a need.

I talked to a pastor yesterday about my situation. He was very blue pill, but extremely good intentioned, and he suggested that I told her that if she stays longer than those two years abroad, then I will divorce her.

You said it yourself. You're in no position declare ultimatums.

Instead of predicting doom scenarios or calling me a pussy, I'd like your advice, guys. Looking to the future, not to the past.

You're not gonna get any hand holding faggot. If you can't handle the shit thrown at you from a bunch of people on the internet. What the fuck are you doing here? The past is important because it ALWAYS comes back to bite you in the ass. It's typically a women's best weapon with their hamsters spinning. You did X so I should be able to do Y. Etc etc etc.

so technically i am the one who's moving to a different state

Way to start with that and blame her. It comes down to being a choice. If it is something you are determined to do then you do it.

End of the day. I'm gonna say I agree with what was said. If these are cards you're holding and that's your choice then live single. Get your shit together. Fuck randoms. Might as well live a little.

[–]Kpwn881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just because you were her first dick doesn't mean she can't branch swing.

If anything, it just makes the prospect of a new dick more exciting.

[–]Bedtimeshine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you let your daughter be away from you for 2 years and believe for a second that your wife isn’t leaving you then you deserve this.

[–]RPeed1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Replying to your final edit bro.

I hope you learn from this. But honestly I am just unpacking my own shit.

I've lived in 3 different states, 5 different countries and been in dozens more. 3 stints of zero income. Poor, well-off, poor, rich, broke. I've read my stoics and my Tao, met interesting people and fucked women that are not my wife. I am a serial addict, gambler, artist, entrepreneur and in every way a dumb motherfucker who has chased every color of dragon to the ends of the fucking earth and back.

I know what it is to make a comeback and what it is to slip the noose for a time.

A comeback is when the artist reinvents themselves. They accept their art has become stale and they change medium or play with the old one in a new way. They legitimately find some fun and purpose in it. Fans are quick to detect trying to randomly inject novelty. And that's one reason you shouldn't be doing it for the fans.

When an artists does make that legitimate transformation. They always get new fans. There are always people out there looking for a fresh new sound. Some of the old ones might even turn around. But they are more likely to not get it. But fuck them, maybe you were stuck in a rut trying to please them anyway.

Doing it for real is hard work and it takes time.

The point is, long term, as long as you end up producing Quality, even the harshest critic will look back and say "ya know, I didn't see it then but that was a real vintage record.".

A real critic will do that while acknowledging it is not their cup of warm piss.

But I am not a music guy, I am thinking of some post-modern novelists I enjoyed and maybe the critics are different.

Anyway.

Why I do not think you are inventing that rare, fresh new sound: your in-laws.

In the back of my mind somewhere, I always disliked my in-laws, thought I was better than them, thought they were judging me. All that good stuff. Wasn't that big a deal because we traveled and had little to do with them, so fuck them right?

When I washed up on THEIR couch. I humbled myself. Internally.

Fake it till you make it bro. But that internal humility is the only way you can know when you are doing what it takes while acknowledging things are what they are.

I took out their garbage. I cooked. I spoke respectfully to them. I had have a thousand reasons excuses why I ended up there and how temporary it would be but I swallowed my pride and CHOSE to think respectfully about them.

They owned the couch. They earned the right.

They got to see me at my lows. They got to see me hustle everyday. They got to see me work like [a word you can only say on 4chan], get a plan, get a home, get our lives back. They got to see me on the days I believed in it and they also saw the days I gritted my teeth to get through it.

They let me do what I needed to do and we all moved on.

I would like to think that I earned their respect.

But THEY earned MINE the first day I sat my three-time-loser-ass down on their couch.

Now I highly recommend blowing up your life over staying in a rut.

But you are just heading to let yours wither on the vine.

If you find yourself incapable of aligning your actions with other people's actions and earning their respect when you are down, or you think that a new job has saved your shit life, and "attaboys!" from your boss are worth a fuck, you are just going to drift from disaster to disaster when the going gets tough.

You are stating on record that you are doing this.

Fact.

You are never going to write a book if you can't hold down a shit job.

Fact.

Simply running away to another state is not bold or courageous in anyway.

Fact.

You are never going to win the critics that matter if you can't face down the ones that don't.

Fact.

You are never going to BE the critic that matters while you're burying the criticism with your ego.

Fact.

You are not talking about making a comeback right now.

Fact.

Best case you give away a few free tickets to a sad "evening with a has-been" event that no-one is going to go to. Find the "alpha" that is authentically fulfilled by that.

This is NOT what it takes to nuke your life into black glass and start over.

Fact.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hmmm, another story that seems oddly familiar!

Please read and internalize what the guys are telling you! The fact she is demanding to stay in her parents town rather than moving with her husband is very, very strong evidence that this woman is checked out. She only appears interested in controlling and manipulating your behavior, not in having a relationship with her husband.

You have 3 options, none of them particularly good:

  1. Stay put and wait out the 2 years. Normally this would be a nonstarter and give a 99% chance of divorce. Even in your case, being from a traditional culture and family, and having married a young, virginal trad girl, the chance of divorce is still probably in the 80's. In addition, sitting still is going to be a gigantic hit on her respect (and therefore her attraction) to you and that doesn't need any more hits!

  2. Force the issue using her extended family or any other weapon you can think of and make her move to where you live.

  3. Find a job near your family and move back. I would not be a bit surprised that if you do this grand gesture that you will find out your wife has not been honest (or faithful) with you. Still, better to find out now than 2 years from now after you pay for her schooling.

Perhaps I could travel frequently to see my daughter and work remotely every now and then, or something of that sort (no one suggested it, by the way).

Yes, somebody certainly suggested that as an option. This is the same thing as the "stay put" plan and it was just assumed you will be traveling frequently and so on if you are living in another State from your family.

fuck random bitches

Remember, you don't have to actually commit adultery. You just have to be able to commit adultery. If you rule it out completely this creates a classic double bind or no win scenario and then the only solution left is to change the rules of the game.

[–]Movinfast11141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How is writing a book going to help you at all? I am just saying this so you realize how ridiculous you sound. It sounds like your wife is leaving you and you are completely oblivious about everything going on in your life and you decide to write a book on your spare time?

[–]testy682 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you seen Waterboy where Roberto leaves bobby boucher's mom to go work in another state? Your wife is Roberto. She isn't coming back and after she establishes that you have been out of the child's life and files for divorce, you will get visitation rights every other weekend and pay full child support. You better get a job and hold onto it. You're going to be paying her money every month for the next 15 years. That's 180 payments of hundreds of dollars each month. You may want to reconsider your strategy.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Before I continue I want to emphasize that I am 200% sure she doesn't have another man

Yet

but in the end, it's all because I've lost jobs in the past and, in her words, she cannot trust me

Bullshit excuse

Also, leading the family remotely

Good luck with that

Listen, she’s leaving you, and you are in deep denial. I don’t know what else to say beyond that

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You cannot control your wife, that's true. But you absolutely have right when it comes to your daughter. You can demand that your daughter stay with you in the only home she's ever known. Your wife (soon to be ex) doesn't have to stay in your state with you, but she can't take your daughter from you.

[–]Grimsterr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Reading through the dick dribbles of info he gives in comments, he just moved from the home the girl knows, her grandfather's house, where OP and his family lived because he couldn't keep his ass employed and his family taken care of.

[–]light-----------dark0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re delusional.

[–]Dialerstring0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro if your stay plan is your go plan then continue working that shit. Also go see a lawyer to figure out where you stand. Stevie Wonder can see what’s going on. Hopefully everyone that has commented is wrong and you can work a voodoo ritual and turn thing around; but I agree with the masses. This is her way out. Best of luck.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I really don't understand, can you please spell out to me why you aren't going to go and be with your family?

Is that not an option?

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start looking for your wife's replacement. She's already looking for yours.



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