Hi, guys. So today I wrote my life situation in OYS https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aux2jc/own_your_shit_weekly_february_26_2019/ehbs3t3/ , and it got buried under a ton of other entries, which is fine. Nonetheless, I know the issue I have is worthy of an askMRP entry. So here I go. I'll try to make it short.
Me: 42. Her: 32. We have one daughter who is 5. I have read the whole sidebar, and I am reading The Rational Male for the third time. I've written cringy posts to askMRP in the past, but I have learned my fair share, and, despite what I'm going to tell you, I think I am at my best (me, not my marriage).
I have lost 3 jobs in the past, and my wife, who got sick of it, decided she wanted to study nursing at her parent's city, which is in a different state. And, after she finishes (she says), she will come back.
She promises me she will come and "visit me" (along with our daughter) during her vacations.
She's totally adamant that she won't study nursing here because there "her parents help her with our daughter"; plus it's cheaper (free food and home for her).
Before I continue I want to emphasize that I am 200% sure she doesn't have another man (chuckle all you want but I know it's true). Also, I married her when she was a virgin, for whatever it's worth; we didn't have sex before marriage. She's all the time busy and, evidently, doesn't care about my feelings (I have learned that women don't do anyways; plus I don't want anyone's pity).
I have been a drunk captain (and I still am), but at least I am aware and working on it. I was asked by a friend: so your wife is going to study abroad for two years and you're going to put up with that? Honestly, I think I shouldn't care: I cannot control her. It makes me so angry, but in the end, it's all because I've lost jobs in the past and, in her words, she cannot trust me, so she wants to have her degree and work just "in case I lose another job".
Believe it or not, the situation now is better than before, when I was without a job and I was living with my in-laws. It was hell.
I am saving you tons and tons of backstory.
My plan is (the stay plan is the go plan): Make the best of this time in which I will be alone: finish writing a book and keep on working on myself (gym, etc.). Be excellent at my job (which is going very well). Also, leading the family remotely (if such a thing is possible): taking care of finances, etc.
So, I really fucking hate that I won't raise up my daughter for 2 whole years.
I talked to a pastor yesterday about my situation. He was very blue pill, but extremely good intentioned, and he suggested that I told her that if she stays longer than those two years abroad, then I will divorce her. I don't know; I think ultimatums are not good... especially if I am not even in Dread 4.
Instead of predicting doom scenarios or calling me a pussy, I'd like your advice, guys. Looking to the future, not to the past.
Shoot away. As always, thanks in advance.
Edit: Ok, so I should have explained that she started studying in that state before I moved to this new state, so technically i am the one who's moving to a different state; she's the one who is not moving with me. We're both in the USA. Still, totally fucked up.
FINAL EDIT: Well, this totally blew up.
First of all, thanks for your answers.
I am amazed at the variety. Some were of the style of "You're a faggot; shoot yourself in the eye". Others were much more understanding and "looked forward". Thanks to everyone.
I just want to say a couple things before leaving:
I am in a bad state, sure, but I was even worse when I was living with my in-laws. That was fucked up shit right there. I was working in a job I didn't like, in a city two hours from my in-laws (where my wife and daughter were, and still are). I hated visiting my in-laws, who would complain of everything, and not having my own place. I felt totally lost. It was so bad that I probably lost my last job because of it...
And then after I lost it I had to go and live with my in-laws! That was so fucked up!! I swore to myself me and my family would live in a different state, far from my in-laws, and, guess what? I found that job in this state and gave that bold step! My wife didn't want to follow me before finishing her studies, but isn't the stay plan the same as the go plan? Should I have stayed in a place where I cannot buy a house, living in a situation I dreaded, or give a bold step to change, knowing that I probably would have to sacrifice some of my comfort for two years? I think giving the bold step was the right thing to do. I had the hope that my wife would follow me immediately. She didn't (and she is treating my daughter as her possession, by the way), so perhaps I should have had done things differently, or given her the "you come with me or this is over" speech. Perhaps.
In the end, though, I don't repent for what I did.
My wife and I had visited the city where I am living 3 times before deciding that moving into it was a good idea. So she knew very well I was moving here. She saw me apply to the companies and talk to them over the phone. I got the job here, after almost a year of applying (I was applying over there too, but the job in this new state came first). Of course, I took the job. I didn't abandon them out of a whim.
This is the best job I've ever had in my life. I love it. I feel empowered, I own my shit (at the job, at least), I understand things and my boss likes me. And I am looking into buying a house here, where prices are affordable. So not all is lost, bitches.
Yeah, living far from my daughter sucks and it's fucking wrong, and definitely the possibility of a divorce is a big one, but, I thought, the stay plan is the go plan, right? Well, I am 110% sure I want to live in this city (not only the job is great, but I can actually buy a house in this city!!). Perhaps I could travel frequently to see my daughter and work remotely every now and then, or something of that sort (no one suggested it, by the way).
And if I get divorced, I get divorced and that's it. AFAIK, the Red Pill is not pro-marriage but anti-divorce-rape. So I will be talking to a lawyer if things start to go South.
So what I'm going to do is: - Not committing suicide, motherfuckers. - Reading your answers again, taking the best from them. Thanks, really, for taking the time to respond. - Working on myself (gym, sidebar, the works). - Trying to lead remotely. Finances, etc. as if we were under the same roof (thanks, technology). - Use my free time to write the book I have always dreamed to write. - Flying frequently to see my wife and daughter and work remotely when I do so. - And yeah, perhaps fuck random bitches if I cannot live a chaste life (although I'd prefer my wife to sext with me, but, heh, I think that's just a stupid hope).