Where to go from here?

stripethrowaway · 2019-04-16T17:10:06+00:00

There's no redder flag than a momma's boy.

She's got him wrapped around her finger and there's nothing you can do to change that. Consulting him, her, or trying to put a foot down will only make it worse unless he himself, with no outside influences, (highly unlikely) decides to make changes to the relationship with mom.

There's no bigger sign that you have a partner who is outcome reliant than this. You're going to have to decide if this is something you can live with. I can promise you that it doesn't get better, especially not if you're planning on having a family. I wish I had better news for you. Good luck.

Side note: this is the fifth time you've posted here about this. Not to be rude, but are you expecting new answers or?

redwatch95 · 2019-04-16T17:38:54+00:00

I hate dump him advice. But I think it’s time to really put your foot down.

SilentG33 · 2019-04-16T18:07:37+00:00

I had a similar situation with my ex-husband and MIL. I hoped that he would stick up for me and “us” more after we got married. No such luck and 7 years of my life wasted.

Kara__El · 2019-04-16T17:57:55+00:00

Whats the goal in this relationship? Marriage? Can you do this forever? Can you handle this kind of behavior when he has no boundaries with wedding plans, buying a house, kids? You're understandably upset about the here and now, but you need to be thinking longterm about how this lack of regard for your feelings is going to manifest and whether or not you can sign on for it. I, personally, could not.

eazolan · 2019-04-16T21:33:49+00:00

This is an easy fix. Start sending him dirty messages through Facebook until she wants her own account.

HB3234 · 2019-04-17T16:14:35+00:00

If you are unwilling to leave, please realistically realize you submit to a man who submits to his mom. His mom is your captain now. Live accordingly.

unlikelyred · 2019-04-17T12:32:41+00:00

The only experience I have had with mama's boys are my husbands three brothers. Both of the parents keep the sons in this controlling death grip...or at least they used to. My husband was the only one of the four who was not having it and set boundaries. Two of his brother's wives came to me exasperated while pregnant with the level of intrusion from the mother-in-law and so upset their husband's would not set boundaries with her. She was engaging in some over the top toxic behavior that blew me away to hear about. The husbands never stood up to mom because they loved her so much and she would have guilt tripped them so much for doing so...and she refused to listen to the other wives. For some reason she handles me differently...maybe because I immediately shut her nonsense down from the first moment she tried it with me. Or maybe because she knew my husband would not tolerate it either? I am not sure, but I used my professional credentials as a base to address how problematic her conduct with the pregnancies and new babies was and she listened. At the same time my husband had a chat with those two brothers about how they needed to break away and cleave to their new family. She backed off and the boys broke free. I honestly think part of why my husband's parents were responsive to me is that I was more direct than anyone has the guts to be with them while not being nasty. And, I manage to keep my cool and don't get rattled even when they are trying to get under my skin. I know my brother-in-laws had multiple fruitless fights about this with their wives and consistently sided with mom. It got to a point where my husband and I were actually concerned for the well-being of their marriages. But the mama's boys would not fight for their own marriage when it came to mom and if it had not been for outside intervention, I am not sure if they ever would have. Some parents are outstanding at burying themselves so deep in their children's psyche that the grown children can not fathom real independence because it might hurt mom. But it is impossible to forge a new family if the family of origin won't release their death grip. This situation won't change without intervention and some kind of resolve on his end to gain independence. Now it is true that a girlfriend should not be given higher priority than family because that is a lower level of commitment but he still needs to respect your privacy in the relationship and understand that he can not hope to ever have a healthy marriage with anyone if he doesn't make his boundaries with his mother healthier. I personally could not date a mama's boy. It would kill my attraction so fast and I would lose so much respect for him. My thoughts have been that I am such a high dominance woman by nature, how could any man possibly have what it takes to lead me if he is still following orders from mom on the regular? That signals to me that even if he broke free from mom that he would have me step into that same position of running the show that mom used to have. My husband broke free by moving out of state immediately after college while all of his brothers stayed local. If your boyfriend does not have interest in branching out on his own then you can rest assured marrying him will mean also marrying his mother and having her claws deep in your personal life in ways that could seriously harm your marriage. If he does not want to set boundaries now, chances are he isn't going on his own down the road.

schielegirl · 2019-04-17T01:38:54+00:00

he's violating your trust. make sure he knows that and knows how it makes you feel. makes you feel unsafe, unsexy, anxious and like you need to take control because things are out of control. ask him if he is safe to give up control to. ask him if he has your bed interest in mind. also, withdraw yourself from him. it is a privilege to have you. needs to be earned on a continuous basis. stay with your mom or a friend fo a while. get a hotel and put it on his credit card. who cares? he doesnt.

HarshaCity · 2019-04-17T03:22:05+00:00

Gonna put somethings into perspective so you hopefully know what you should do.

You should know that a relationship must serve both of your interests, and that includes yours. A relationship that hurts or has the potential to hurt more than benefit you isn't a viable one.

The thing is, a woman will be highly dependent on the man in guarding her interests, so she must only accept dependable ones.

Can you depend on someone who has his life heavily dictated by somebody else, a woman, that doesn't particularly like you? Do you think that depending on a man like that will not put you in danger?

As far as love goes, he can love his mother more than anything in life (even you). As long as it doesn't interfere with the health of your relationship with him.

Good luck.

loganlogwood · 2019-04-16T22:32:41+00:00

Tell him that you’re dating him and not him and his mother. Tell him flat out that you know he’s loyal to his mom but either he needs to learn to respect your wishes and your boundaries or you’re moving on. And if he reacts unreasonably to your response just ask him how he would feel if you exposed all his private matters to your dad.

Heytheregeorgiegirl_ · 2019-04-17T08:50:44+00:00

This is so inappropriate and I feel for you. My ex was a mummas boy. Honestly I would end things with him, a guy who can't be a man and stand up for himself is pretty useless. If you let things carry on he'll let her get away with anything. Sounds like she doesn't want anyone taking her "precious little boy" . You can do better girl, trust me

sunflowergirls85 · 2019-04-20T23:47:01+00:00

I would get out now if I was in your place. This is an issue I’ve had to deal with a lot in my marriage. It’s gotten a little better over the years, but still difficult because I feel like a lot of times my husband puts his parents needs above our own family. I was very young when we married and came from an unloving family and I think I just didn’t know what normal was. It has been the number one issue we’ve had in our marriage.

scallopkid · 2019-04-17T03:59:22+00:00

She's already seen anything that's on there, so you might as well accept that. If you don't want her to see any more, I recommend that you delete your Facebook account. It's basically garbage anyways. Be aware that Facebook games are essentially gambling, and people with gambling addictions, like any other addiction, are not to be trusted.

You have to decide if you trust your boyfriend's judgement. If you do, then really trust him and stop worrying about BS like this. If you don't, just break up with him.

GlamGemini · 2019-04-20T20:48:04+00:00

Also, why do men just have to play games? I have tried to just focus on doing my own things. Not be so available concentrate on myself. All that happens is he just doesn’t text.

I just don’t think I’m a priority to him. Especially during the holidays when his son is over. I used to go over all the time in the beginning when he was there but now there’s always some excuse when his son is over. This could be coming from his mother, his ex etc but he is fine with it.

I haven’t seen him since last Sunday. The Facebook situation was Monday evening.

Zegiknie · 2019-04-17T14:21:28+00:00

You again?

This is too much.

Next. Sorry.

Title	Where to go from here?
Author	GlamGemini
Upvotes	32
Comments	49
Date	April 16, 2019 5:07 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/bdwezi/where_to_go_from_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/where-to-go-from-here.225613 https://theredarchive.com/post/225613

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