Girl hamsters on 2xC about boyfriend not wanting marriage. Gets not so surprising replies.

_Dog- · 2014-09-09T12:08:11+00:00

The cliche happy husband and wife living together in harmony, but I feel like my dreams have been shattered.

Dreams. She wanted to be married, to whom did mot matter. I wonder if she subscribes to traditional marriage roles?

edit

There's no way to fix that. You will be very, very sorry you wasted your pretty years with a man who doesn't want to legally commit to you.

My favorite comment. Ah the pretty years, ironically this is being said to a 30+ woman.

[deleted] · 2014-09-09T20:29:37+00:00

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trajanconquers89 · 2014-09-09T13:10:26+00:00

This woman is unfortunately a casualty in the cultural war that is tearing our society apart. The institution of marriage is being broken down by feminists, legislators, the court system, and corporations (single, childless women make for better workers, who spend more on consumer goods).

Marriage nowadays has become such a raw deal for most men that avoiding it has become an increasingly logical choice. I feel bad for the good women who want to live up to their traditional roles but can't b/c of the environment that 100+ years of feminism has created.

[deleted] · 2014-09-09T14:33:09+00:00

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Vioret · 2014-09-09T13:45:28+00:00

I love how she blatantly says she doesn't care who she is married to so long as she is married.

wakethfkupneo · 2014-09-09T13:55:55+00:00

So men are finally starting to get it. The trend is spreading. Recently I stumbled upon some thread on Quora (IIRC) about feminism being possible cause for skyrocketing divorce rates - the answers were as you would expect and someone even showed the graph proving that the number of divorces is actually going down. And it's true, however on the graph there was also a line showing that the number of marriages was also going down and when you plug in the numbers (marriages #s going down faster than divorce #s combined with population #s going up) you get totally different picture.

In b4 bachelor tax <- I do actually mean it, no joke. Think it's stupid/impossible/'no way in hell'? So was today's feminism 50 years ago.

VarsitySlutTeamCpt · 2014-09-09T12:55:39+00:00

Well if he doesn't want to get married then he isn't going to get married.

This girl thinks that instead of him not wanting marriage, she's thinking how can I get him to marry me.

thebears1986 · 2014-09-09T15:19:15+00:00

This girl is in a rough spot. Any new boyfriend is going to think, "What did the guy who dated you for 6 years know that I don't?"

doubleecho88 · 2014-09-09T16:25:08+00:00

I often wonder what women today would think if you told them you wouldn't want to get legally married, but you'd still do the wedding (simple gathering) and non legally binding vows in a ceremony. You can even take it a step further and go on vacation after (honeymoon). Would they still accept that or do they need validation from the government that it's real?

My guess is that it still wouldn't be good enough if it wasn't "official". As if a legal document makes you love someone more. How's that for romance?

F9R · 2014-09-09T16:07:36+00:00

"Men on Strike" by Dr. Helen Smith explains all of this perfectly.

87GNX · 2014-09-09T16:13:27+00:00

"because of the state of our legal system (in the USA), marriage is completely off the table for him until it's fixed"

This guy may or may not be RP but I gotta respect how up-front he is.

FLFTW16 · 2014-09-09T14:10:54+00:00

I am heartbroken and I feel like our relationship is doomed now. Marriage for me is all I've really ever wanted.

How can someone actually write that and not understand how stupid they sound?

exit_sandman · 2014-09-09T13:33:04+00:00

Apart from the usual "you deserve better"-bullshit, I find it interesting that her supporters pretty much expect any guy to throw themselves at the feet of the woman, being elated to be allowed to marry her despite knowing her for far too few years to actually be able to make an informed decision about it.

I mean, seriously? One year and he should totally and utterly trust her? As if relationships got frozen in their honeymoon phase and never hit a rough patch or broke down for good. A friend of mine had an LTR with a young woman who seemed to be a freakin' catch in the beginning: level-headed, affectionate, hard working, mutually attracted etc. (and, because this little detail tends to get overrated here quite a lot: she was a virgin as well, and he was her first serious boyfriend). One year into their relationship, everything looked fine, but 5 years later, she was constantly emotionally abusing him, blackmailing him, disrespecting him, withholding sex (three times during their last 12 months together, yay) and what not. And had they been married at that point and had they stayed together, I'm fairly positive that she would also have had little qualms about totally fucking him over in case of divorce had she had the opportunity, considering the amount of resentment (which he didn't deserve, by the way) she had built up over the last years of their relationship. Okay, she has been in her early 20s in the beginning and in her mid-to-late 20s when they broke up for good, so odds are that the situation would have been vastly different had they met 5 years later, but that doesn't change the fact that people and their opinions and affections change over the time a lot, so any banking on the current state of events is extremely careless.

Getting married is a bet on your relationship working out and, if it doesn't, on your partner being considerate enough to not make you suffer as a punishment for you being unable to provide her with the life she thought she deserved.

merkmerk73 · 2014-09-09T13:05:35+00:00

Honestly even today most guys are willing to marry good looking women if they're high quality so I'm guessing she's a low value fat chick and the guys don't want to buy in on that and I can't blame them

CryptoManbeard · 2014-09-09T16:00:25+00:00

Two comments:

1. Prenups. Prenups are like minimum requirements. A prenup ensures that you the stuff you have before you're married stays yours. It can also potentially save you from spousal support.

However, you can still very easily get screwed in divorce. For starters, prenups are frequently thrown out for a variety of reasons. Second, judges have a lot of room for personal leeway in their rulings. "Well the man has all this inheritance, so I'll award the majority of the marital assetts to the struggling wife." It is also very easy to co-mingle previous assets with new marriage assets, making them up for grabs for divorce proceedings. Example, you have a rough month and your wife makes one payment on your mortgage on a house you owned before marrying, or spends money updating your house. Congratulations, now it can be considered a marital asset. This also ignores the fact that a successful man WILL lose 50% of his earned worth during every year of marriage. Last, the biggest issue with divorce, custody and child support, can 100% not be regulated by a prenup.

2. The whole "men are better after divorce" statistic. I love this one because it's true. 1 year after divorce, I am much better off from my ex. I make $90K a year and am on the road to financial recovery. I'll retire early and am 1,000 times better off than my ex, who is unemployed, broke, and with minimum wage earning potential. So yes, "I am better off than my wife because of divorce." But if you look at the divorce itself, I lost over $150K in assets, fees, and debts. My ex, who never made more than $10 an hour and had no prospects in life, was able to secure $50K in cash, eliminate all of her debts, and get $500/month for the next 15 years. So who really got the better end of that deal? Saying who's better off AFTER divorce doesn't take into account the financial responsibility of both parties. The proper statistic should be, "Who does better DURING and immediately following the divorce." That answer to that would be Women, about 80-90% of the time.

neveragoodtime · 2014-09-09T15:56:33+00:00

How come nobody suggests she just isn't marriage material and has nothing of value to offer a hypothetical husband?

Squabbles123 · 2014-09-09T14:41:24+00:00

What a crazy! The act of being legally bonded to another shouldn't be a big deal. Good luck lady, I know I'd never get married in todays legal system, fuck in my state if you live together for like a year you become automatically married, I'm considering playing "address games" to avoid that ever happening.

Frozen_Tundra · 2014-09-09T15:01:01+00:00

I would link to the Men on Strike book and discussions on youtube etc but I know I would be banned within seconds of clicking save in that sub.

Eventually they will figure it out by themselves.

[deleted] · 2014-09-09T19:37:58+00:00

Top response is a rare example of sense coming from women on the subject of marriage. If you translate it and remove the sugar coating, it's A) evaluate why you're marriage crazy, is it because you actually want to contribute to a household, or do you just want to get support, validation and money?

B) Offer a prenup and basically acknowledge that marriage is a massive financial risk for men (and therefore represent him risking the past 5-10 years of his work and the time he put into earning that money). There is nothing unromantic about not being a gold-digging whore, he will appreciate the gesture and this could ease his concern with marriage.

C) If you are one of those girls who wants a wedding, not a marriage (aka most of them), just go get the ceremony done. If you aren't looking to juice him for $ and have him be legally bound to hold you up to his standard of living, then this gives you all the dorky dream fulfillment that you've been wanting since you started watching Disney.

D) Unlike how you thought it would be, you have to compromise. If marriage gives all the power to the woman, while spinning you as a plate gives all the power to the man, then perhaps try for a solution in the middle of the road. Not all the way towards your side of the spectrum.

I think you both might benefit from disseminating why and why not you would want to get married, because this isn't an all-or-nothing deal. If he's worried about a possible divorce down the road then a prenup could be the solution. And please don't listen to the people saying that worrying about that means he's a bad catch or has doubts about your relationship. He's just pragmatic. As unromantic as it is, sometimes it's just sensible to look at the practical side of things. I've always said that I'd want a prenup when, and if, I ever get married. It's the same reason I've got a will - you might not want to think about it but if you don't plan for it you could eventually cause a lot of problems and anguish that could've been avoided.

Another possibility would be for you to look into why you want to get married. If it's because you want the wedding day or simply be able to call yourself man and wife then maybe a non-official wedding might be an option? If you're both religious then you could look into getting married "before god" but without the legal paperwork.

What I suggested might not look like very good options, but I wouldn't give up on finding a compromise or talking it out. The relationship is the most important thing after all and it sounds like that is going well.

Fallout99 · 2014-09-09T21:56:09+00:00

"Honestly, if his main reason for not wanting to get married is that he'll get screwed in the divorce, that's a really sad statement on his view of life"

Yeah what an unfounded view, it's not like 50% of marriages end in divorce and women initiate 70% of them /s

kick6 · 2014-09-09T21:38:53+00:00

/u/cheetah_swirley is my new RP maths hero. He nailed why the stats are wrong. Although, there are other reasons as well.

Entrefut · 2014-09-10T01:53:26+00:00

Honestly that first comment was pretty solid.

NakedAndBehindYou · 2014-09-10T03:58:10+00:00

Notice how she completely ignores the fact that she could live with her boyfriend and have a happy family life with him for the rest of their lives without the legal contract of marriage. But she doesn't care about living together and being happy, she only cares about the legal assraping that she can inflict upon him by getting him to sign on the dotted line.

[deleted] · 2014-09-10T07:06:55+00:00

Hey, not-getting-married is a dealbreaker for me I'm not going to bring this up for SIX YEARS then act surprised and break up with you.

~hamsterwheel breaks the soundbarrier~

NoLongerSisyphus · 2014-09-10T15:11:28+00:00

You must first be married in order to get divorced. As I never want to get divorced, best not to get married.

cali_gunner · 2014-09-09T14:40:37+00:00

This top commenter "timguin"... my god what a meek and mild faggish moniker he's chosen for himself. He is the friendly man penguin there to be a sensitive shoulder for the hamster to cry on.

Title	Girl hamsters on 2xC about boyfriend not wanting marriage. Gets not so surprising replies.
Author	Styrm
Upvotes	53
Comments	86
Date	September 9, 2014 11:25 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2fwby6/girl_hamsters_on_2xc_about_boyfriend_not_wanting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/girl-hamsters-on-2xc-about-boyfriend-not-wanting.228247 https://theredarchive.com/post/228247

Comments

1. Prenups. Prenups are like minimum requirements. A prenup ensures that you the stuff you have before you're married stays yours. It can also potentially save you from spousal support.