How to avoid possible attraction killers?

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June 6, 2019
89 upvotes

Last two dates ended up with the same phrase - "we can see each other but not in the romantic way/more in the friend/buddy way".

I translate that as 0 attraction. What is the way to correct this? Dates assumed that Im good looking, intelligent etc. On the other hand, there were remarks that the date felt as an interview at certain points - maybe I was trying way too hard to keep conversation going?

Please be honest.

Edit: Got useful insights, thanks to everyone who contributed. Gotta do a lot of improvement.


Post Information
Title How to avoid possible attraction killers?
Author Dexter_EX
Upvotes 89
Comments 125
Date 06 June 2019 06:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/240989
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bxk7r1/how_to_avoid_possible_attraction_killers/
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Comments

[–]rpsheepdog89 points90 points  (20 children) | Copy

dude you have to give more context that this...

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 17 points18 points  (19 children) | Copy

What other info would you need? Im open to share, so hit me up.

[–]rpsheepdog27 points28 points  (18 children) | Copy

The context with which you met the girls, how many dates prior, why you think there is no attraction, etc.

It doesn't have to be a wall of text, but there are essentially limitless reasons why a girl might not be into you so we need some direction

[–]SnivelingCoward22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

A guy like this who has no bearing on what girls find attractive wont even see his own mistakes, he wont know what details to give us.

Most likely it was his demeanor/personality. Specifically what in those categories? We wont know unless we are there in person to meet OP

[–]babybopp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

personality of a wet blanket

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 12 points13 points  (15 children) | Copy

Context - both were Tinder dates thanks to my improved "online" game - soon after we match Im able to get an offline date; I generally have the stupid fear of losing the topics to talk about on the first date - I tend to shoot questions and then the date may seem like an interview (not unless we "click" --> we have the same interests/hobbies/views); As already mentioned I also tend to speak quickly/fast.

From my point of view to combination of trying too ahrd on the conversation together with "questioning" may be the problem/attracion killer --> chicks may just sense that I guess.

[–]BustaSlug39 points40 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah. When I fuck on the first date, I usually didn’t ask questions like that. Partly cause I’m so full of myself that I don’t care about her family and goals or w/e. I’m making it about being fun and crossing boundaries

[–]send_it_for_the_boys5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve seen on here multiple times that it’s better to ask the girl questions to make conversation and let her do most of the talking, which is what I do and can confirm that it works for me. But I’ll throw in some jokes and teasing about what she answers and talks about seems to get somewhere.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed[🍰] 16 points17 points  (8 children) | Copy

Tinder... Already proved attraction. Try to fuck her, not interview her.

Shooting yourself in the dick.

[–]EvolvedVirus-2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy

Well I doubt a "let's fuck" is going to work on a first date. Just being quiet and touching her is also going to look creepy. So you kinda have to ask questions.

[–]Look_Ma_Im_On_Reddit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"let's fuck" can definitely work on a first date.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed[🍰] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

A date is not a binary event, even if the end result is.

I just wrote PIE in another post.

Too mellow and she loses interest. Too pushy and she loses interest.

Calibrate from her reaction but push.

[–]EvolvedVirus-3 points-2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Too calibrated and you're boring. I mean it's easier said than done. Some women are just ridiculously picky and they are jumping from guy to guy.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed[🍰] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sure. That's why you polarize early. Saves wasting your time on women who wouldn't fuck you.

[–]EvolvedVirus0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Some women are not easy to polarize, unless I dunno, you start discussing politics and religion.

[–]lookoutitscaleb4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly for what it sounds like you're looking for. I'd say look up some RSD videos on youtube.

See how successful people interact on first dates when and why they do what they do, etc.

[–]YallmindifIhitthat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you have any specific resources for where you learnt better "online game"? Im the opposite atm. physical dates go well for me but i struggle to set up offline dates before they loose interest/get a probably newer or better match. as for my two cents on your scenario it sounds like you are getting all the small talk done on the app so when you continue to do it in person you come off as boring. maybe working more on your teasing game as well as trying to masker her laugh a bit more during the date will yield better results for you rather than continuing the "so where you from/what do you do/where did you grow up?" line of questioning.

[–]ShockFalcon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bruh don't learn up topics just talk about random stuff any two strangers would talk about and ask her alot of questions about herself

[–]Slut_Slayer90000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah here is the problem, your tinder game isn't congruent with your real life game. Because it seems like your real life game is nonexistent. You need to go on many more dates, and you need to fail and learn from them. That's how you get better. The key is you want the date to be fun and lead to sex. If the conversation isn't doing that then you're having the wrong conversations. #1 thing you can do is stop caring so much. Caring won't make the date go better it will actually just make it worse.

[–]rendezvous19936 points37 points  (8 children) | Copy

there were remarks that the date felt as an interview at certain points - maybe I was trying way too hard to keep conversation going?

Been there, done that.

Only way you can do something about it is by practicing taking pauses when you get pumped up while speaking.

The calmer you will be while talking, the lighter the conversation will feel for both you and the woman.

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy

Seems legit, Im generally not a "calm" person --> it sometimes even scares people. And I also tend to speak too fast at certain points.

[–]BusterVadge17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

And I also tend to speak too fast at certain points.

That can convey nervousness. Could be part of the issue.

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

One possible killer identified then. Thanks.

[–]Aidsagain2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you stutter or stammer words sometimes? This can be a definite turn off.

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, it happens.

[–]Teto30011 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I need this. How can i practice being calmer? I know the question is dumb but i'm fcking lost.

[–]rendezvous1992 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Read - Read TRP books and once you've started reading the book, make sure you finish it. Must read: The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida,
  2. Meditate - A good start is to meditate for 10 minutes each day, usually after waking up and hydrating yourself. Stay present and pay attention to all the noises around you (birds, car horns etc) and within you. If you get into a thought loop, observe your thoughts and write them down after you're done meditating. Read your thoughts and see how you began that loop and you'll be put on a path to self-awareness.

I've been this over-excited, overwhelmed guy throughout my whole life until I started meditating and reading TRP books.

[–]fds_1 1 points [recovered]  (28 children) | Copy

POLARIZE Call her on bullshit, challenge her views (this of course doesn't mean ask her politics, NEVER talk about politcs or religion on a fucking date), tell her about weird shit you do that seperates you from the others. Fuck, even insult her, whatever you do, don't be forgetable.

[–]TuhTodayJr18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was just thinking this then I scrolled down to see this. But this. Polarize. Be someone she wants to validate her opinion for. Also sexual tension more eye contact. Comment on how she eats. When you hug her or tease her tell her you notice the smell of her shampoo

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy

Weird shit I that separates me from others - I do have an unusual hobby for instance, but still, when I talk about it, it just doesnt seem to polarize. Any suggenstions hownto "sell" it the proper way?

[–]iiiamamused0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

What hobby do you do?

[–]Dexter_EX[S] -1 points0 points  (12 children) | Copy

military reenacting + militaria collector + oldtimer possesor. uniforms tend to attract chicks at some point.

[–]Mustafa_K_Redditurk 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Don't talk about this. No offense but you might as well pour cat litter in her pussy because it's going to dry up that fast

[–]SnivelingCoward40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy

That shit got me dry and i dont even got a vagina bro

[–]That_Deaf_Guy5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is in the same category as stamp collecting

I dunno man, I told this girl to come over and check out my stamp collection today... we fucked.

A comment on reddit said it doesn't matter what you say, just give them plausible denability; that's been my favourite line, since!

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten24 points25 points  (3 children) | Copy

That's a pussy dessicator my friend. Stfu and talk about normie shit.

Polarize which means force her to like you or hate you, hint they'll like you because you don't kowtow to their shit.

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. Didnt know about this + Im proud of things I do but will definitely avoid to talk about that then.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a pussy dessicator my friend. Stfu and talk about normie shit.

LMFAO 100%

[–]_DonDraper_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

dessicator lol

[–]SnivelingCoward12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro.. this is some grampa hobbie type shit

[–]Project_Zero_Betas11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

uniforms tend to attract chicks at some point.

No girl of any value has ever been turned on by your pasttime of reenacting the War of Northern Aggression. Trust me on this one.

[–]Aidsagain5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

But he dresses as a Condfederate slave turned soldier with a vendetta.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

LMFAO okay Quentin

[–]novalentineforyou1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Real uniforms, not costumes lmao

[–]PristineSleep 1 points [recovered]  (11 children) | Copy

Fucking lol at insulting a girl. Why the fuck would you date someone that is okay with getting insulted?

I’m a mentally strong dude, and I only date high SMV females that would never accept an insult from anyone.

Agree with you on the other points though.

[–]SnivelingCoward16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy

I think he meant "negging" but anyone who purposely negs is a PUA robot. Naturals dont neg, they may accidentally insult a woman by being honest/"good" type of asshole. This is what women respond to, not the former,

[–]PristineSleep 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

Obviously being non-agreeable, challenging and occasionally being offensive shows confidence and masculinity. Purposefully insulting someone (male or female) is stupid. Doing it in attempt of getting sex is hilarious.

You hit the nail on the head with doing it in a natural way.

[–]EvolvedVirus0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Therein lies the problem, these women have no opinions, so it's very hard to naturally just find something to disagree with them on.

You can tell stories, they're not challenging you. You're telling opinions, they're not challenging you. They're been super agreeable, what is there to challenge about her?

This is much easier with some women who aren't shy and might give out some opinions.

[–]PristineSleep 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

There is no problem. If the girl is THAT agreeable, back to my question, why the fuck are you dating her? She is obviously boring as fuck and has no opinions of her own.

Oh, you want to fuck her? What if I told you that you can fuck her without insulting her on your first date?

[–]EvolvedVirus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well you're right, I was bored, so I want to fuck her. I don't mind having a very agreeable person to have dinners with. It's better than constant drama like my last one.

Well I didn't insult her at all. That's my point, there are trade offs to every decision and attitude you take as a strategy.

What are you trying to tell me?

[–]Project_Zero_Betas4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fucking lol at insulting a girl. Why the fuck would you date someone that is okay with getting insulted?

It's called "negging." The key is for your insults to be so outlandish that she can't possibly take them seriously and be actually offended. Getting LOLz is an easy way to wet panties.

[–]teveza11-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I've seen a lot of people try to intellectualize conversation topics, they use the term "negging."

I never do that shit, I just talk to them, ask like my typical narcissist self, and it works fine.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm using it in the context of teasing them.

[–]Slut_Slayer90000 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not exaggerating when I say this but the last 5 girls I've fucked I've roasted the fuck out of them the entire date and they were like "I'm never been roasted like this my entire life" meanwhile she is laughing the whole time.

I only date high SMV females that would never accept an insult from anyone.

This is where you are wrong, its such an utter and complete shock for these types of women to get roasted that instantly you are catapulted into a category in their minds no man or very few men have entered into. Its not the what insulting her or roasting her is doing that makes her panties wet for you, its what the act of doing so sub communicates. Which is you're better then her and you aren't afraid of losing/offending her. This makes her want you more, plus she is curious about a guy with the balls to act like that to her.

The only ones that get made at you for doing this are the ones that deem your SMV so beneath them its an insult for you to even attempt doing that to them.

[–]PristineSleep 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I've roasted the fuck out of them

I like to pick my words carefully, throughout your post (which I agree with) you are using the word roast and not insult.

The line between roasting and insulting someone lays in the amount of rapport built between you two. However, there are some lines you don't want to cross. It's very easy to insult people.

Many conflicts start off as light roasts, until someone crosses the line and shit hits the fan.

Just because you aren't afraid of losing someone doesn't mean that you should intentionally insult them.

Tease, study the reaction, adapt, repeat. But never think that the point is INSULTING. It's teasing.

Making fun of someones dead relative will never be considered teasing, that's purely insulting. But hey, I'm sure no girl will forget you if you do so. Polarize, right?

[–]Slut_Slayer90000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, but like I mentioned this works for me. I have a gift for building rapport extremely quickly with people. So it comes naturally for me. But to your point for the less socially inclined I can easily see the nuances of this backfiring. My goal is to make sure all parties find what I say enjoyable and are laughing. Because at the end of the day I'm trying to have fun and I want the people I'm with to be having fun PERIOD.

[–]MetalstepTNG17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

OP, three things,

1) Develop a more positive mindset of yourself. Even if that means making some personal changes (for yourself, not others).

2) Stop trying to get the approval of others. Don't worry about unattractive behavior. Worry more about seeing yourself as attractive, and worry the most about whether you find someone else attractive or not. Qualify them for sex/relationship/whatever, not yourself.

3) Don't be nice because you think someone else will like you more, and learn to be unafraid in being offensive.

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, I guess you just identified areas I do struggle in/I personally see as problematic. What would you suggest to do in order to improve in number 3?

[–]lookoutitscaleb8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read:

Models by Mark Manson.

AND

No More Mr Nice Guy

[–]iwviw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go in the for kiss if you want it that’s my only suggestion. Don’t chicken out on going in for the kiss

[–]lookoutitscaleb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid advice .

[–]Don_Draper278 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're listening to their words and not their actions you're already losing!

[–]0io-9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

With online dating, Tinder especially, assume that they're looking to hook up. I wouldn't be doing a lot of talking other than to find a place to go make out or have sex.

These girls are looking to get laid and instead you're interviewing them.

Try not getting to know them better until after you've had sex three or four times. Evaluate them for friend or romantic potential after you've already established that the sex is good.

[–]BaronIncognito4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have the same exact problem. In for replies.

[–]thenewyorkmind4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Talking fast is a sign of nervousness

[–]Vyergulf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And in my case, common for people with Tourette’s 😬

[–]Eminencemiddle2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're entering her frame, and making her the prize. Read the sidebar.

[–]1walawalawa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the Mystery Method. Understand the structure. It works. Without knowing the details some common mistakes my gameless friend who is younger and good looking makes:

  1. Doesn't understand the Mystery Method so if he's lucky enough to spark attraction instead of going to Comfort he launches into Rapport asking her about her work, talking about his job etc. Attraction killer.
  2. Talks too much and then runs out of things to say so he hangs around staring. Attraction killer.
  3. Doesn't sexualize properly or at all...so the girl sees him as a nice guy not a sexual guy.
  4. Without realizing it he pedestalizes girls. Example: Come over and I'll cook you dinner= attraction killer. vs "If you promise not to burn down my kitchen, come over and let's cook dinner..."
  5. Doesn't understand kino escalation so comes off as creepy uncle when he touches girl.

There's probably more possibilities but those are some common ones.

[–]littlesaigon2212 points13 points  (15 children) | Copy

Make it known that you are sexually interested "sorry, but you're really fucking hot" , etc. 50-50 shot you'll be seen as a creep and the date will end, or she'll be into it and reciprocate. Either way it's better than being seen as a non sexual friend type.

[–]BusterVadge16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Polarize early! That way you know right away and if the date ends early cool... you're not wasting your time at least.

[–]SnivelingCoward22 points23 points  (10 children) | Copy

  1. Dont compliment them.

  2. Dont say "sorry" for no reason.

  3. Agree on polarizing right away, but this is done via sexual vibe/non verbal not compliments that validate them

[–]Dexter_EX[S] 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

  1. Dont say "sorry" for no reason.

This. Another one identified (generally I do "sorry" too much in day to day life).

[–]SnivelingCoward6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wipe it out of your vocab. At most, say "my bad" casually.

[–]teveza111 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

True, compliments are attraction killers, so is apologizing.

Anyone who has watched in TV in the last 20 years is programed to constantly apologize and compliment women, because that is what works on movies and on TV.

[–]geo_gan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hugh Grant movies 😖

[–]littlesaigon220 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Meh I disagree. I'm not saying to profusely apologize and shower her with compliments. I mean saying it in an offhand way.

[–]SnivelingCoward2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Does it work? Yea. Does not complimenting them work even better? Yup. Just tryna up your game player.

[–]littlesaigon220 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So what's your advice on establishing a sexual vibe non-verbally?

[–]SnivelingCoward1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You gotta know how to use your eyes. Also start commanding/ordering them around after building a little rapport. This will spark up some major alpha tingles in her little meat wallet. And then capitalize on that with some kino. And your golden.

[–]mrmaika101 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Adding on, I’ve found that first dates tend to go better if we’re somewhere that I can break the touch barrier easily. For example, if I pick her up from her house and we go to a casual restaurant, I’ll opt to walk to a dessert place rather than drive so I can hold her waist, hip, etc. this establishes the sexual attraction early on without directly complimenting her.

[–]teveza110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So what's your advice on establishing a sexual vibe non-verbally?

I've done this over a dozen times. I just kiss them or take their hand. If they like you, they respond.

I've had two girls who didn't respond initially, but 10-15 minutes later we were kissing or holding hands.

If they shy away, just stop. I've had this happen too.

But I know that I tried and found out if they were attracted to me in that way or not.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Make it known that you are sexually interested "sorry, but you're really fucking hot"

Terrible advice. They met on Tinder, and are already on a date, she knows he finds her attractive. That's beta-territory game. If you're going to compliment her, do so on ANYTHING besides her physical appearance.

[–]littlesaigon221 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks Virginia

[–]Project_Zero_Betas6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

At least it's not WV.

[–]7Fig 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

There is a section in "The Book of Pook" that speaks perfectly to this. Men too often setup dates where the point is to talk and get to know each other. The trouble is this is the same behavior women use to make friends. A typical girls night is immersed in talking about everything and FEEEEEELing.

However, action is reserved for potential mates. Doing something on a date is far better than talking. Who gives a shit where she is from or what she likes. Show her through action that you are fun and a good choice of a potential mate.

[–]Vyergulf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. I’ve never had issue with talking and getting to know her date.

[–]Aidsagain-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah bro..tickle her pussy without even touching it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re a geek and a square. Find other square chicks to vibe with and you shouldn’t have this problem. You guys can eventually re enact your military war scenes together.

[–]Greaterbird1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have the wrong mindset. Don't look to impress a girl. Look for a girl who sees your world as is and wants more. A girl who sees you as a 10 is the best thing ever, and will worship the ground you walk on. Nothing else compares.

[–]Neymars_Lawyer_AMA1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dates assumed that Im good looking

No they are tinder dates so they find you physically attractive. You are just fucking it up talking.

[–]geo_gan-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Called “snatching defeat from the jaws of victory” 😄

[–]fatbloop1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 100% sure you don't physically escalate and play it safe.

Stop asking interview questions, and start making cold reads, polarize, push/pull, deep dive into who they are and fucking KINO.

There's no way they'll look at you as a friend if you are physically escalating.

[–]kayfab2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Its insane in 2019 how dating as gotten ridiculous, i am older 47 and have not been on a date in 4 years, i used to go online.. how those women have so little to offer, and are so shallow.

Its looks bro all about looks..... sucks but its what this world as become.

Below average women thinking they are entitled to get the chad.... they grow older refuse to change there standards and die alone.

[–]Greaterbird0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's insane how many pretty women have nothing else going for them than their looks. No skills, no hobbies past instagram and phone games. What a waste of a good life.

[–]kayfab2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am 47 and i was seeing this 33y old escort, i used to be a regular from 2013 to 2015 amazing body, i saw her again 6 months ago and she complimented me, said she was attracted to me and wanted more. I played the game, made her think i wanted to invest in a relationship, like you said for her age she is hot, but past that 0 nothing......i got free sex but at what price...

We went for coffee a few times before going back to her apartment, she does not have cable tv, dvd player, music, internet and a pc.... she as a smart phone... she also work in another job......

The only thing she talks about is her clients that she banged for money, and the fact the she is close to hitting the wall and wants to find a good man to fall in love... yet she is so mixed in her pea brain head.

I talk about travelling, Mexico, Cuba, Cruise etc hiking or hell even when i was younger and going out every weekend.... she never did that either.... she started escort at 26 and never stopped...

Last time i saw her i was bored out of my mind, i just could not take it, she is so dumb beautiful but so damn stupid... its been a week and we have not texted each other email etc... and its all good.....

Being with someone like this is super depressing even just to get free sex.

[–]yallareweak0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's all they need really

[–]teveza110 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That has happened to me.

Usually its because I bore them. We engage in conversation, I act like a nice guy. I repel their interest.

I remember a hot girl that I instantly crushed on asked me to go the park with her. I was just staring at her with a dumb grin on my face, real shy and didn't make a move.

The next time we were going to go out, she wouldn't answer the phone when I called. It was her way of cancelling the date.

OUCH!

The good thing is, I learned and it has happened much less often ever since.

Its better to initiate or put yourself in the position for physical contact to happen sooner rather than later.

[–]geo_gan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I did similar shit. Hot girl in work who normally went running in park asked me if I ever went running. I said not really. Only later I realised it was maybe her way of meeting me outside work and I would have got to see her in gym gear too. I was too stupid to see it at the time 😖

[–]TheStumblingWolf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need 2 things: social skills, and flirtation (polarization, push/pull etc.).

That it felt like an interview indicates to me a lack of social skills. As I see it, flirting is a subset of social skills so I would rank social skills the highest in importance.

Here's a video that explains flirting in short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHlM0zsYk6U

[–]uptimex0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, failed too many times to not know it. Solution is very simple, you have to keep in mind the following statement "Yes I want to bang you, yes I want you and I am not hiding it. I am honest with you. If you want someone more friendly (in a friendly conversation way), go meet your beta loyal orbiters.". Boom!

Always assume that if she feels your desire, she will want it to happen in return. Because she will get wet.

Main non-verbal part is eye-contact in a manner like she is a miracle and you want her as a squirell wants a nut.

[–]Cryptoguru7770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Here's a tip for you, let her talk. Ask questions. Give as little info about yourself as possbile. Mystery is what raises your SMV to her. The best dates are where you spent an hour and she still doesn't know jack about you. Don't fear silence.

You don't have to sit like a mute but keep the focus there.

Only open your mouth when your words are better than the silence.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I translate that as 0 attraction

Actually two things are happening here.

Firstly: not enough attraction

Secondly and less obviously: you are doing provider behaviours, causing her to want to continue to see you (to get the provisioning) but not fuck you. Provisioning behaviours (listening to her, supporting her, paying for things, being committed to her, obviously wanting to see her again) kill attraction and result in wanting to see you again but as a friend.

Friend = orbiter, to be clear.

You need to: be more attractive, and be less committed, more of a chooser, more detached, less interested in her (while still moving the date forward).

Physical escalation is highly recommended too, this gets you out of the nice-guy slot and into the sexual-guy slot. It attracts girls who want to fuck and alienates time wasters. Double win.

there were remarks that the date felt as an interview at certain points

Girls are often shit at chatting and flirting. They hate interview questions, but for their part go right ahead and ask them.

Don't ask questions / demand answers / mostly talk about stuff you and she are interested in / laugh off her interview type questions as stupid and boring.

Be less nice. Behave in such a way that women sometimes walk out on you. Be happy that women sometimes walk out on you because then you know you're being bad enough.

[–]RedHoodhandles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Raise your smv.

[–]Slut_Slayer90000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP you actually have to "seduce" the women, that's your job. Your job isn't to interview her or ask her 50 questions. Your job is to make her have a fun time with a hot guy she wants to fuck. If the questions you ask won't deliver that result don't ask them.

This is what I do, but this will not work for men who have dull personalities. I will spend the entire date roasting the girl, and at the end of it she fucks me. I have about a 95% success rate doing this. The key is you need to do and say things FOR YOU, not for her. I roast her because I find it amusing not because I am trying to make her laugh, thats just the by product. But at the same time there is some nuance to this strategy, you can't go full scorched earth and start making fun of her appearance (like her body), clothes are fair game. What you say needs to be light hearted and something both parties would fine funny. But once again this works for me. Whichever strategy you employ needs to be congruent to who you are.

[–]bigXboi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can try friendzoning her XD

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's simple, you didn't escalate enough. No polarization = friend zone. You might've also talked too much, smelled bad, who knows.

[–]red__Man-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

you sound nice

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

"we can see each other but not in the romantic way/more in the friend/buddy way".

This either means "I'm not into you, wanna be an orbiter?" or "I like you but I'm playing hard-to-get".

maybe I was trying way too hard to keep conversation going?

Conversations shouldn't feel like an interview if there's attraction/rapport. Sounds like they weren't interested and mentally checked out. Keep a couple jokes and short/funny anecdotes ready but there's no need to try to entertain her/open her up if she's stonewalling you.

[–]teveza110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had a girl tell me this once AFTER we made out.

She said it was a mistake and we should just be friends.

I told her "okay" like nothing, didn't get upset or anything (even though I was burning inside because I liked her a lot).

She called me two days later and invited me to an apartment, as soon as I walked in the door, she started kissing me.

[–]Dexter_EX[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This either means "I'm not into you, wanna be an orbiter?" or "I like you but I'm playing hard-to-get".

Yep, this was exactly the first thing coming to my mind after I heard those words. Is there a way how to find out which from abovementioned scenarios is about to happen? Anyway, I nexted both right after the date just to avoid the orbiter thing.



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