Let's get this out the way.....I'm prolly the biggest faggot on here...
Me - 41 yo, 203 lbs (Lost 30 in past month), army veteran, no friends/social circles,
Her - 41 yo, 190 lbs (I think), army veteran. Total Alpha. Totally unhappy. Says she doesn't know why she feels the way she does about me (cause of MRP, I now know why). Not stable (childhood dysfunctional), previously married.
Together 7 years to single mom (she had 3), married 5, we have one kid of our own. I've never been good with responsibilities (bills, hygiene...you name it), and I'd say that I've had an addiction to porn. While dating she found out about the porn. Told her I'd quit, but it would resurface again which would result in lies and more lies. Trust and resentment established due to the porn. Eventually married and have our own little girl. Wife has health issues...Adrenal Gland hemorrhage and autoimmune issues. One day her libido totally cuts off, and she stops saying "I love you" and being intimate. I start being a real bitch and do everything to please her. Was working at a known bank here in NorCal, but because she was making good money at her job she told me I should quit and look after the 4 year old. So without an absolute doubt, I have been in her Frame from the very start and even more so now that I'm not working. We do not communicate well at all. Arguments on the regular.
Changes as of late:
PMO (Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm) - 2 months ago I realized that Porn has majorly fucked me up. Stumbled on Reddit on the whole NoFap Sub and I've been 2 months sober and feeling the positive effects of not jerking off like a bitch. Confidence has rocketed.
MRP/AskMRP - Was directed here by NoFap member and it truly opened my eyes of how much of a fucking faggot I am. So far I've read NMMNG and currently reading MMSLP. Wife knows I'm reading "Something". Been working on new nutritional plan, appearance and hygiene. Been going to the gym and lifting as much as possible (No serious Gains as of yet, but improving). She's insinuated that I've been cheating on her. Starting to see the payoff of improving MYSELF. Women are looking at me, staring me down. She's gained a lot of weight and very agitated that I'm invited and getting compliments and what not.
Sex - Wife came home from the New Kids concert the other night and gave me head, and then got on top. Let me just add this was after a 7 month drought.
Shutting the Fuck up!! I suck at it! I'm such a defensive baby. For example, I walked in the kitchen and grabbed her and pulled her close to me. Her response, "Why can't you just hug me?". Then my normal routine kicks in and I start defending myself, "Well you always grab my dick when you want". It's usually me describing how she can do something but I never can't. My voice goes up 2 octaves and I sound like a whining bitch. I am extremely Argumentative. I did pass my first shit test yesterday, and she even came up to me and apologized for acting crazy.
Also, Half of me knows that I have to do this for MYSELF, but the other half is still doing shit to please her or get attention/affection out of her. Sometimes I realize I'm sitting/standing around her HOPING she'll touch me, then I'll snap out of it and do something constructive.
She doesn't trust me with finances or anything adult, so hey, I get it....What Woman in her Right Mind would Want Me???!! She's consistently complaining about being stressed from her job...blames me for everything. I'm learning to do shit that needs to be done rather than have her to tell me to do it. My plan is to start looking for a job and work on working my debt (college) down.
Manning the Fuck Up - Do any of you fuckers know if there's any SPECIFIC tools for guys that have Peter Pan Syndrome? I'm sure I'm not the only dude on here with this issue. Like, I was babied while growing up and always had people do shit for me. I don't question basic issues regarding finances, bills, vehicles...they were never a priority for me....especially now that she's in control of everything. It's like I'm underdeveloped or stuck and the idea of me EVER being a man who has his shit together is just out of reach, however I do feel like I've just begun to start the journey of change since being on MRP. Just tired of being a deer in headlights when it comes to being a Man.
Anyways, have at it fellas!
ANY input will help.