TRP: How unheard of is it for guys on an American college campus to have a sexless college experience?

gideonrakthor · 2014-11-08T19:22:36+00:00

80% of guys aren't fucking.

And the ones who are are not yakking about it all day.

Its simply two spheres of social environments, one is much more fun to portray on T.V. than the other.

pha111 · 2014-11-08T21:53:22+00:00

I was an engineering student. People had sex in college?

Icecoffee965 · 2014-11-08T19:40:46+00:00

The truth is that the wild hook up culture is restricted to a few select groups (best looking males and females, sororities/frats and athletes). The 80/20 rule is very much in effect. There are plenty of college guys who rarely or don't ever get laid.

I know college is often portrayed like a non-stop fuck fest in the media and popular imagination but that's only a reality for some men. Women of course have an easier time getting laid, but it's much more difficult to secure commitment from guys they want.

FeelLikeFlexing · 2014-11-08T19:07:04+00:00

Well, in general, if you are around a lot of drunk and drugged up women you are going to have a lot of sex. You find most of these women orbiting free alcohol and drugs, and they find them. And those things aer found at frat houses where athletes and frat boys resides.

ibuprofiend · 2014-11-08T20:07:05+00:00

On college campuses, a shortage of men

Jayne Dallas, a senior studying advertising who was seated across the table, grumbled that the population of male undergraduates was even smaller when you looked at it as a dating pool. “Out of that 40 percent, there are maybe 20 percent that we would consider, and out of those 20, 10 have girlfriends, so all the girls are fighting over that other 10 percent,” she said.

Needless to say, this puts guys in a position to play the field, and tends to mean that even the ones willing to make a commitment come with storied romantic histories. Rachel Sasser, a senior history major at the table, said that before she and her boyfriend started dating, he had “hooked up with a least five of my friends in my sorority — that I know of.”

... “On college campuses where there are far more women than men, men have all the power to control the intensity of sexual and romantic relationships,” Kathleen A. Bogle, a sociologist at La Salle University in Philadelphia, wrote in an e-mail message. ... Women on gender-imbalanced campuses are paying a social price for success and, to a degree, are being victimized by men precisely because they have outperformed them, Professor Campbell said.

If You're A College Man Who Hasn't Shared His Bed, You're Not Alone

BERLATSKY: Well, when I was in college I slept with no one, never ever - not even a little bit. I didn't kiss a woman until I was in my late twenties when I met my now wife. She was determined and thank goodness. There's so much discussion about young men and sex that you might think that my long sexless stretch was aberrant or abnormal. Certainly it felt that way at time. The most painful part of being a virgin wasn't so much that I wasn't having sex nor was it that I was lonely since I had plenty of good friends. Rather the painful part was that I felt like I was not being a man in the right way that I was a failure. Futile crush blurred into futile crush and I just sat there doing nothing. Men were supposed to do things, men were supposed to have salacious anecdotes, men were supposed to have sex, I wasn't having sex - so what did that make me?- Some-not-man-thing wrong and broken and ashamed. But the truth is, it's just not that weird to not have sex in college. A 2011 National Center for Health Statistics study found that a full quarter of 18 and 19-year-olds, of both genders, hadn't had sex even among 20 to 24-year-olds more than 10 percent remain virgins.

Guys opting out of the game

I think this is the single biggest factor in men checking out, more than the economy or feminism or porn. They just don’t know how to do it. The social skills for interacting with the opposite sex in a productive manner are just not being taught to the new generation – it’s been replaced with a lot of “just be yourself” bullshit – and the structures to funnel good dating prospects between the sexes don’t exist – they’ve been replaced with turbo-charged meat markets where sex is on the table from the word go.

Young men today have a tactical problem and a moral problem when it comes to meeting girls. They just flat-out don’t know how to do it, and they don’t know if they should want to.

The skills weren’t being trained when I was young for sure, and we’re seeing the fruits of it. I grew up in the era where the active, forward nature of male sexuality itself was criminalized from youth onward. This caused a great period of questioning for many young men who were not born with the charm that makes it OK to be a sexual man. The sexual marketplace is in the thick of a divergence, with attractive naturals getting the lion’s share of women’s attention from a very young age, and the rest of them falling further and further behind as the old expectations of mutual commitment are torn apart and the scene goes fully feral.

Seuguh · 2014-11-08T22:21:49+00:00

You seem to forget that television is not real. It's not real. He movies are made up, and come from the mind of a person, it's a fantasy brought into reality through acting. Acting is pretending, it's not real.

Be careful of what you decide to watch on TV because it will shape your reality. Case and point, you expecting college life to be Sodom 2.0, when in reality, it's not. Again, be mindful of the things you let into your mind. Whether it is TV or music, be mindful.

LennyHayek · 2014-11-08T19:08:45+00:00

It isn't unheard of at all. I know plenty of guys that don't have a lot of sex in college (more than one or two partners in 4 years, sometimes none). It definitely happens. Obviously the whole college sex narrative is blown up in media because, well, "sex sells."

I want to make something really clear about college though, because a lot of people seem not to want to accept it for some reasons like jealousy or frustration:

Athletes and fraternity guys almost always have more sex than anyone else in college. If you're still in high school, remember that. Don't buy into the Greek life hate spiel everyone will try to give you before graduating. I'm a fraternity brother in an extremely popular fraternity in a D-1 southern school and I can tell you it has fundamentally changed the ease I have bagging good looking women regularly.

2014-11-08T20:22:23+00:00

I was in Engineering and there were 90% people around me who were not getting any. Me and another guy got into pickup and got a lot of hate for actually trying to improve social skills.

magicalbird · 2014-11-09T00:23:05+00:00

Top 20 get majority of the sex.

Next 20 get some sex from monogamous girlfriends or lower quality women that can't end up with a top 20.

The remaining 60 get nothing.

2014-11-08T19:48:44+00:00

I was beta. My success in that department was OK but couldve been 100x better if I had found TRP before I graduated. If it wasn't for this place I almost surely wouldve been the BB instead of striving to be the AF.

The way society conditions men to be BB is truly insidious.

MGTOW_player · 2014-11-09T03:15:39+00:00

If you want to get laid the most at an American college, you should be:

Athlete
Drug dealer
Frat bro

Not in order of importance and also don't be afraid to combine them.

iluminatiNYC · 2014-11-08T19:31:37+00:00

During my college days in the late 90s and early aughts, I saw both realities. For background, I did my first year as an engineering major, then switched out to Biotech for the balance, with a Comp Sci minor (which I didn't graduate with for reasons not important to this). In addition, I wrote columns for newspapers, so I spent a lot of time around liberal arts majors. The reality is that both are true. There is a subset that is getting laid like tile, and it's bigger than you think. If you have an easier major, can spend a lot of time partying and aren't otherwise tied down in a LTR, you can have a LOT of sex.

On the flip side, if you're in a STEM major, particularly engineering, you just aren't going to have the time to commit to social activities without a bit of, um, pharmaceutical help. I remember during my engineering days doing 4 hours of sleep a night on the reg. In a way, it leads to a bit of a social death spiral for those majors, because the more social types either switch majors to accommodate those activities or end up dominating the little social life STEM majors end up having.

I do think there are a lot more relationships in colleges that people let on. No one wants to look like they aren't that stud/bad bitch, so they play the role while averaging a relationship or two a school year.

All said, it's not a simple picture. There's a wide swath between the heavy hookup crowd, the LTR bunch and the virginal types who suffer from the death spiral.

bcbm · 2014-11-08T20:23:32+00:00

Most guys and girls are having some kind of sex/dating life. But the media portrayal of everyone fucking like it's the end of the world is most definitely false.

FaithfulJinn · 2014-11-08T20:52:46+00:00

I probably had 7 or 8 one night stands during college, I also had a 1 year LTR. However, my roommate was a solid alpha and had at least 50 one night stands while we were living together. So I felt I was far less than average. Was this less than average? idk..

ForgotMyNameGG · 2014-11-09T00:55:34+00:00

The movies are a gross exaggeration of the campus sex scene, but I would consider it unheard of to have absolutely no sex at all during your 4+ years in college.

I was in Engineering, so I guess I can see where the "lonely virgin types" come in. But if you at least go out for some fun, and don't spend your entire undergrad studying / playing video games, it's fairly easy to hookup with some chicks.

2014-11-09T01:07:21+00:00

Speaking as an engineering major, out of my friends circle (~20) only 1 has a girlfriend/has gotten laid. That's 5% of my group.

Obv not a representative or unbiased sample but yeah the whole "college = get laid" thing isn't necessarily true, especially depending on which college/which major. This is also in part because the girls my type would have a chance with (aka no white/black/hispanic girls and not most asians either) are not really interested in sex/relationships, just grades.

sheeshmobaggins · 2014-11-09T02:24:23+00:00

Seriously dude, just walk around campus and take a long hard look at all the guys on campus. Literally 60% of them are overweight, scrawny as fuk, shit posture, shit style/clothes, acne all over, etc.... no girls are gonn fuk those guys. 80/20 rule is real.

2014-11-08T20:52:23+00:00

I was a non-stem major my first 2 years of college. I was exposed to a lot more women than I am now, and through no effort of my own, there was at least 1 or more attractive women attracted to me in each class. However, I came into college as a socially anxious type who did not know what he wanted to do with his life. I didn't pursue or have sex with any of those women, even though they were making it easy for me. To top it off, I don't drink due to my family history, so I missed out on a lot of the partying.

By Junior year, after taking a programming class, I decided to go into computer science. I didn't truly love CS, but that it was the most enjoyable thing I had tried thus far. My mood improved greatly at the prospect of having a reasonably secure, enjoyable, high-income career. I gained quite a bit of confidence and even started to feel like I could approach women who shot me signals. Ironically, however, there were no more attractive women in any of my classes, and my classes began taking up so much time I hardly even think about women in times of heavy burden.

I really don't know which is worse. A sexless college experience or not having a decent future ahead. If I had grown some balls and gotten laid my first year, would it have changed me enough to pave a trail without a stem degree? Luckily I'm such a pussy anymore and I've got another 1.5 years left due to having declared late, so maybe I've got some time.

So yeah, I think it's easy for some guys to have a sexless college experience. Especially if they're stem majors and they haven't really started becoming men yet. And I'm not even unattractive. Women were and still are interested in me even though I don't do much about it. Imagine how it is for those clueless guys who don't know how to dress and don't know how women think.

I also believe that all the college partying and funtimes is something unique to the previous college generation. All our parents had to do was get a degree and they were good to go. Plenty of time for partying and general screwing around. Nowadays, if you want a degree that maximizes career prospects after college, you've got to go STEM, or work your ass off on your OWN time in liberal arts. It seems that success is simply more time consuming in an increasingly competitive world.

jbaum303 · 2014-11-08T23:59:46+00:00

I am a sophomore at a big "party school" and couldn't agree more with the 80%/20% rule of thumb. Fraternity guys are getting laid multiple nights a week, (not difficult with these whores.) Thursday and Saturday night the top fraternities and athletes all get laid while everyone else is sexless, or in LTR.

2014-11-09T05:59:08+00:00

For people who are there to actually get meaningful degrees and take it seriously, its very common.

agmatine · 2014-11-09T03:12:54+00:00

I went to an engineering school...so not unheard of at all. Got my master's degree as well. I was too focused on school to even think about women. I assume plenty of other people feel the same.

sociologist098 · 2014-11-09T15:38:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

reddiforlove · 2014-11-08T19:35:22+00:00

Not unheard of at all.

Alpha fucks, beta bucks, period.

wheyapartment · 2014-11-08T22:41:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

batfish55 · 2014-11-08T20:43:52+00:00

It depends on the circles you run in and the major you choose/chose, which, admittedly, can be closely related.

Myself, I went STEM. No time for 'dating' or parties, and damn few females in my major to begin with.

Transmigratory · 2014-11-09T02:08:45+00:00

Opportunity cost in my case, though I'm in the UK, I believe the same applied to the US: have an amazing sex life in college... or study and get an amazing resume from uni.

A good chunk of people paying a shit ton of money to be in the university tend to prioritise the latter above the former.

Ududude · 2014-11-09T08:08:58+00:00

The answer is an unequivocal no. Don't take what TRP says for granted. Look at statistics.

http://news.discovery.com/human/life/how-much-sex-are-college-students-really-having-survey-says.htm

86% of the respondents have had between 1 and 10 sexual partners, with 10% confessing to more than 15

10% of college students have had more than 15 partners. That's 10% including those who have lied that they've had more than 15 partners. That's 15 partners including those from high school. And also, 15 partners for both men and women.

So the maximum amount of men who have sex with more than 4 women a year? Less than 10%. Probably around 5%.

So, no. A statistic will always trump an anecdote.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/average-number-sex-partners

This column asserts that more than 80% have had one or fewer.

sociologist098 · 2014-11-09T19:26:14+00:00

There was a lot of truth in this TRP, now I can live better with myself knowing that I was probably not in the minority by finishing college as a virgin. That said, I do want to take a step in going back to college (or living near a college campus) and sleeping with as many college girls as possible to make up for those lost years and satisfy my ego. I never had the chance to party and get drunk due to my major but now that I have a decent career going, feel like I have more free time. Getting wildly drunk, partying with college kids, and screwing college girls is definitely on my bucket list. I am still in my 20s fortunately.

OhYouPoorSOB · 2014-11-09T02:58:33+00:00

I would say that if you can't get laid in college, you're pretty much fucked for life.

I was beta as hell in college and even I got laid quite a bit with girls 6+ in attractiveness. Girls are DTF in droves in college and expectations are still low.

The guys who can't get laid in college probably end up marrying their 3rd girlfriend. That girl would have had 7 boyfriends before marrying, told you she sucked 7 dicks, but in reality probably slept with closer to 15 guys (remember only boyfriend dick counts, ONS, dicks on that backpacking trip through Europe/Africa don't count!

needless_pickup_line · 2014-11-08T20:23:53+00:00

The issue is that plenty of guys want to brag and talk shit about getting laid (whether accurately or not), but if people are striking out they keep that shit to themselves.

My freshman year I got placed into the "party" dorm. It was the closest to the Greek row so everyone who wanted to join a frat or sorority signed up to live there. Almost every girl who decided to rush found a sorority, but it was an even split between the guys with half getting bids and half getting nothing.

The difference between these two groups was like night and day. The Greek guys were tall, fit, and wealthy, while the frat wannabes that couldn't get bids were short, geeky, and out-of-shape. Tuesday to Saturday nights would be pretty much empty in the dorms. All the girls and the frat guys would be out at the frats while the non-Greek guys stayed in and played Mario Kart while drinking beer. At about 2am everyone would come back and get rowdy before going back to their rooms to fuck.

I was an athlete so I didn't join a frat. I was usually in the gym or at practice so I didn't really hang out with either crowd. But the few times I was with them playing videogames it was...depressing. All they could talk about was the girls and parties they weren't having. I tried to get them to come to the gym with me or come to an open tryout, but they weren't having it.

Eventually most of the scrubs got together and took over a charter and started their own frat, where they got the dregs, fatties, and uggos that no one wanted at the other parties.

Many guys think they can just waltz into college and get laid like nothing, but as always the 20/80 rule applies.

Realworld · 2014-11-09T01:38:57+00:00

It depends on your BMI.

Most of us were clueless virgins but 14 of the 16 on my dorm floor got laid. Of those 2 exceptions, one was blindly fixated on my beautiful lab partner, refusing to move on. The other was my very good, fat friend.

He was the only fatso. He tried hard but no girl was interested.

For the rest of us clueless idiots, the girls just kept ramping up their game until someone eventually got through.

Artemisnotfowl · 2014-11-09T06:29:44+00:00

Highly unheard of in the Greek Life crowd but it happens a lot with the lower tier fraternities (TEEKs and ones with a bad rap on campus). Among the common student population, it happens but I've seen nerdy looking science guys with girlfriends so even the STEM guys get laid.

Some of the shit you experience in college is unreal though, especially if you are in Greek Life. Go watch Neighbors, so many parties are like that except you don't live near a bunch of old people. Life as a frat boy in college is so fucking easy if you get a bid for a top house. You already know which girls want you and all you have to do is get them alone which is really easy to do. Date nights and Formals are the shit!

Nothing you do in life after college will rival that when it comes to women and sex.

2014-11-09T06:55:28+00:00

I don't know about you fellas, but I got a LOT more pussy in high school than I ever did in college.

5 years in law school and I only fucked 2 women. I can make excuses like I had a girlfriend for 11 months and then we continued to have sex on and off for another 6 months, that for 2 years I was working on saturdays and that killed my Friday night, that in the last year my only focus was to beat the competition to be able to secure my job,

but the reality is that my game in college was a complete, utter failure. Only 2 meals in 5 boring years.

I had 2 meals in the last month of high school alone. My college years were really dry, and if you compare them to my last 2 years of high school, they look like the Sahara.

2014-11-09T07:16:53+00:00

I think this had more to do with redpill mentality then anything else.

I went to a college that was mostly made up of athletic, social, well-to-do guys. Most were hopelessy bluepill, had long term gfs (of which I was jealous, I was a tard) and got married immediately afterwords. I was a walking disaster and was always the second guy to snag a chick anywhere after the guys who were 4+ years older, taller, better looking, more experienced, charismatic etc. At least thanks to the manosphere I can make some sense of that shit.

But these guys couldn't even get laid by their longterm chicks after big fancy balls and events. I would do better then most by getting out once or twice a semester and getting wasted. The 'college experience' just didn't exist for most of them. And barely for me.

In contrast to the community college where all the dumb people lived in dorms and fucked randomly. Except the complete omegas. Idiots seem to find plenty of idiots to breed with, so this isn't terribly surprising.

I assume, without any real thought given, the stereotype is to make men feel inadequate, or to encourage girls to slutiness. Or maybe it is projection of the part of women working in Hollywood.

2014-11-09T17:46:50+00:00

If you're decent looking and don't radiate toxic levels of thirsty beta emissions, at least one drunken hookup is a sure thing. I had offers that I never followed up on (still being a clueless blue-piller) that if I could go back and pursue, I would have.

It is however a far cry from the nonstop drug-induced orgy that it's portrayed as in popular media, which is usually just rose-colored nostalgia glasses on the producers' part. Movies and TV have as much grounding in reality as your average Looney Tunes cartoon, with exceptions I could count on one hand.

PookIsLovePookIsLife · 2014-11-12T03:01:37+00:00

I read a recent university figure that read approximately 50% of undergrads at a top 10 American university had not been sexually active in their lifetime. This study surveyed both men and women.

So its not altogether uncommon. I'd guess the statistics would be different at a less academically prestigious university.

sociologist098 · 2014-11-08T21:15:06+00:00

Fully agree with the others. I had a ton of sex but only with my LTR. If you're in any real major you have no time for socializing (if you're doing it right) and you're perceived as nerdy, so you're double-fucked.

Most women in college are there to fuck around (vast majority of them get bullshit degrees), and the men who are also there to fuck around do most of the fucking.

It's important to realize that most of the people living it up in college (including the vast majority of the frat boys) and in their 20s ultimately end up losing in life in the long run. They get mediocre jobs that they hate, and live for the weekends. That's all fine but then they hit their late 30s and 40s, get married to some cunt, have kids, struggle to pay the bills or get by okay but nothing special. Of course there's the exception who makes it in business and becomes rich, but they are few and far between. This is a boring life to anybody with intellect and curiosity.

My recommendations:

If you're interested in enjoying your youth, forget the hard work and focus on getting pussy and having fun. But, when the shit hits the fan when you're older and your life sucks and you make shit money, don't bitch and complain for handouts from the rich. You made your bed, now lay in it.
If you want to have a GREAT life, delay gratification. WORK YOUR FUCKING ASS OFF while you're young. OUT-COMPETE as many people as you possibly can in your achievements. Focus on a career that has good money-making potential, and out-compete your fellow employees. Prove that you are better than the others and acquire as much power in your field/company as quickly as possible. You'll have more say in what gets done and therefore live a more fulfilling life and make more money (probably become a millionaire if you choose the right career). As far as girls go in this situation, there's not a lot of time. My advice is to find a cute, goal-oriented/nerdy girl. They're much lower maintenance, often super horny and great in bed, busy (so demand less of your time), and more appreciative. It's the best way to get regular sex while minimizing effects on your goals. Just be careful not to get oneitis or make her think it's too serious (if she's actually a decent human being and contributing member of society, it's not really right to fuck her over. That's for sluts). To keep things from getting too serious, find a new girl every 6-12 months. You can always blame it on having to study more/work harder.

behindtheline40 · 2014-11-08T22:40:58+00:00

I dunno, I go to a school that has a 7:1 girl:guy ratio.

I get laid pretty often. I'm sure it helps

tenpointsix · 2014-11-09T05:14:49+00:00

Go find some statistics and then come back and share. Come on.

Title	TRP: How unheard of is it for guys on an American college campus to have a sexless college experience?
Author	sociologist098
Upvotes	66
Comments	122
Date	November 8, 2014 6:59 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2lp14o/trp_how_unheard_of_is_it_for_guys_on_an_american/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/trp-how-unheard-of-is-it-for-guys-on-an-american.24517 https://theredarchive.com/post/24517

Comments