Downplaying Academic Success As A Woman To Avoid Being "Emasculating"

RubyWooToo · 2019-07-29T19:15:32+00:00

Your Mom’s approach of hiding her degrees and accomplishments is actually designed to attract insecure and emasculated men, not repel them.

Also, men are going to be instantly turned off by and suspicious of a woman who thinks lies and omissions—even seemingly innocuous ones supposedly made for his benefit — are acceptable in a relationship.

Lastly, I’m skeptical that her education and success is the sole or even primary reason she’s been unlucky in love... it seems more like a self-serving excuse that doesn’t require her to rethink how she chooses men or how she behaves in a relationship.

Vellore992 · 2019-07-29T10:16:59+00:00

Do you think it's a good idea to "hide" your academic achievements from men so that you don't come off as emasculating or intimidating?

No. Good, strong men are not intimidated by achievement. You don't want the ones who are.

This is not to say that men are sexually attracted to achievement either, though. For some men it will be a bonus - my husband loved that I was educated and had a career because it meant that I slotted seamlessly into his family and social circles, and that we could talk at length about complicated topics. Other men couldn't care less. I don't think there are any valuable men out there who would turn you down because you're educated.

FluffyLlamaPants · 2019-07-29T20:06:08+00:00

Never dull your shine for anyone, period. As many already said - a weak person, man or woman, is intimidated or scared of someone with more education, strength, experience, wealth, etc.

A man who is worth all you can offer would not be scared to take you on board, but will recognize your strengths and abilities, and use them to lead you both where you're going. No good captain picks a number one who's incompetent for fear of being bested. A great captain picks exceptional crew, because anything less is beneath him to command.

Shine on, humbly, but shine on!

sonder_one · 2019-07-29T22:07:13+00:00

"B-b-but I met a guy once who WAS intimidated by my career!"

"And I know that I care about our relative salaries, so I assume that he does too!"

If we could eliminate projection and decisions derived from interactions with unwanted men, this sub might not need to exist anymore.

Guywithgirlwithabike · 2019-07-29T20:47:33+00:00

She shouldn't hide them, but if her education comes up in conversation it should be mentioned in passing, and not become the focus of discussion.

That's not because it's "intimidating", or "emasculating", or any of the other reasons given by feminists that amount to nothing more than resentful rationalization.

It's because a date isn't a job interview; it's a marriage interview.

tinybrightlight · 2019-07-29T16:54:32+00:00

Speaking from experience, I agree that it’s better to be truthful about your background and that most high quality men will be interested and want to know more if you’re educated or have a career. Starting out truthfully allows any relationship to grow (professional or personal) and also helps conversations to develop. From my experience, it’s more of how the woman presents herself when talking about those qualities. When I first met my husband he pointed out when I would subconsciously act extremely haughty and proud about my education and how it was a big turn off to people. My husband loved that I traveled across the country for my education and the experiences I had but did not like the lack of humility I developed because of it. I’ve since learned how to talk about it without sounding snobby and have learned that most if not all people will show some sort of interest. I hope this helps!

HB3234 · 2019-07-30T00:47:00+00:00

Is your mother asking for your opinion or feedback? If not, I encourage you not to offer advice. Focus on your own betterment; the best examples are shown rather than told. It can be tricky giving advice to elders even when it is requested, as it's easy for them to dismiss any truths they are not open to.

Nrmn90 · 2019-07-30T01:17:37+00:00

Men who feel emasculated by a woman's degree and academic achievements are already emasculated.

edwardcaptain22 · 2019-07-30T12:57:44+00:00

maybe she's just humble and sophisticated. lots of successful men hold their cards close to their chests, too.

peacocktoast · 2019-07-29T13:01:21+00:00

I don't think any valuable men would turn you down because of your academic achievement, and I also don't think high quality men would be "intimidated" by it. But I can also tell you that I have several female friends with medical doctorates that are having trouble finding LTRs with the high quality men they're after.

An extensive education in itself does not decrease one's value- it probably raises it! Rather, women who spend their twenties in academia emerge in their thirties with less of their youthful beauty. Amazing, handsome, alpha, accomplished men can probably get whatever girl they want, right? As it happens, those women are usually a bit younger. Also, an accomplished man who may want children doesn't have much use for a second salary; if he wants children, the odds are that he'd prefer a woman to help raise them. In that case, being a doctor or what have you takes you farther, still away from the ideal, unless you're prepared to leave behind your career.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-07-29T19:56:10+00:00

I would not hide them, per se. But I would not shout all of the credentials right off, either. Mentioning you have a graduate degree is enough to weed out the men who are intimidated by educated women; but a woman with 3 masters' degrees is a red flag for MOST men.

Not because of intimidation, but because of what it says about her: that she's seriously career/credential-oriented, and likely has no time for anybody who isn't as intellectual as she is. Her dating pool is microscopic, and the likely personality traits of a woman who pursues three Masters' degrees are... unlikely to be positive in a romantic/relationship setting.

aussiedollface2 · 2019-07-29T22:32:08+00:00

I find it’s the highly accomplished people who are the most humble. Men can get away with being braggarts but women can’t xo

renthefox · 2019-07-29T23:37:32+00:00

I suppose of what you want from a relationship is psychological visibility, sharing and reveling in your interests with your partner would be of the highest value.

Unfortunately, psychological visibility does not always take priority or overrule other relationship priorities, conscious or otherwise. Sometimes people conclude not put all your their relationship needs in one basket, so to speak, especially if one’s needs seem unique and your experience with past partners sets a limited expectation.

Personally, I find it very attractive when a woman passionately expresses intellectual prowess, regardless of the subject. And at the same time, how would any woman ever know that unless some match-maker made this shared knowledge?

RedPillMissionary · 2019-07-30T01:43:04+00:00

If the academic success brings along a haughty attitude, it may impress other women, but probably have the opposite effect on men. Good men should be filtering for intelligence, yes, but they are still biological males with archaic attraction patterns. Ive interviewed so many millennials with outrageous debt for useless degrees, I personally have little faith in academic success outside of STEM.

FeminineEnergy01 · 2019-07-30T02:40:39+00:00

You shouldn't hide it, but if you're not talking specifically about education it shouldn't be the focus of discussion either.

Education is just one tiny part of who you are, you're way more things than your major or career.

He's likely interested in getting to know you, your hobbies, likes, dislikes, things that make you laugh, places you've wanted to travel, favorite foods, etc., definitely not your resume/cv.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2019-07-30T18:18:11+00:00

I don’t think any secure man will be intimidated by a woman who has a good job or multiple degrees.

Is your mom single? This seems very bizarre to me. Seems more like a couple times experience that caused her to take extreme measures.

TradiWaifu · 2019-08-02T13:14:28+00:00

Absolutely not! There are so many ways to build men up without knocking yourself down.

SlyGradient · 2019-07-29T21:01:40+00:00

Just stopping by to make an analogy, cause I see a lot of non-TRP advice in this thread:

I don't always tell women I am dating every little detail of all my inner feelings, because 1) it turns them off, and 2) she probably doesn't really care. Telling them can only hurt me, not help me.

Same thing with women and education. It's nice if a woman has it, but most men don't care that much as long as she is atttractive, and at worst it may turn them off. It is just evolutionary psychology 101. TRP is about seeing the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.

aidsgoblin · 2019-07-31T01:34:56+00:00

"Intimidating" is a buzzword you women abuse to sidestep the fact that you were rejected because you're generally not equipped with handling or even acknowledging rejection. Men are not intimidated by female achievement because we don't see ourselves as competing with women, which is not to say we don't respect it. Women are something we provide for and something that gives us purpose as men, and if you're already providing everything it's hard for us to find a place in your life so we may preemptively reject you in order to save time before your inevitable rejection of us due to female hypergamy. And this is not inherent in men. It's learned behavior. Men are highly reactive and we're now very, very aware of hypergamy.

jfiscal · 2019-07-29T12:19:31+00:00

Your degrees are irrelevant. There is literally no reason to try and brag about them to a man because they don't matter. Not even a little bit.

But the fact you feel it's brag worthy can negatively affect his perception. The type of acheivement can as well. There are vanishingly few situations in which a woman will get ahead by providing this information (childhood development or culinary are all that comes to mind).

I'm glad your mom was able to attain the level of education needed to provide for her self so well.

But maybe those guys are actually intimidated, which is weird and gross

Title	Downplaying Academic Success As A Woman To Avoid Being "Emasculating"
Author	Blexit2020
Upvotes	18
Comments	60
Date	July 29, 2019 9:09 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cj8qo9/downplaying_academic_success_as_a_woman_to_avoid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/downplaying-academic-success-as-a-woman-to-avoid.247234 https://theredarchive.com/post/247234

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