I'm pretty sure I'm going wrong, need some advice gentlemen.

johneyapocalypse · 2019-09-06T12:54:24+00:00

Get out of the house more.

Adjusting the relationship dynamic with her is but 1/20th of what you should be doing.

RPeed · 2019-09-06T12:48:04+00:00

Found this somewhere in the middle:

I couldn’t see a way out of not answering these without making her more insecure.

Learn to stay out of people's heads. Let people wonder what's going on in yours. Everything will get easier.

andyturbo2000 · 2019-09-06T13:26:35+00:00

The key issues you highlighted : she feels pressured into more sex.

This is the nub. She’s still no way near in terms of submissive. She’s doing it for you, not because your RP behaviour is making her. She’s going through the motions because she hasn’t quite made her mind up what she wants to do (stay/leave) yet. She’s complying AT THE MOMENT due to uncertainty. She probably never initiates - am I right?

I don’t think you’re much past baby step one really. She isn’t begging for you because you still don’t have enough value, she doesn’t want to lose you because she’s comfortable where she is although it wouldn’t take much for Chad T to come and whisk her away. Similarly, you’ve been quite comfortable for too long and now you’re going Rambo it’s quite a shock.

Imagine a car that’s done 50 miles an hour max all it’s life in the hand of an elderly man and then given to a young man who then asks it to do 120 all day long on the motorway - it’s a big ask.

In essence, I can’t really offer much in the way of advice except use Dread game and take it steady. There will be a point at which you will need to talk about your wants and needs verses hers if the sex does not increase. Maybe she wants off the hook and will agree for you to fuck others? Maybe you agree to separate?

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-09-06T15:25:38+00:00

“Seems like she’s having trouble letting go of the fact that I don’t want to be her beta bitch anymore”

Of course, why wouldn't she?

Women have a dual mating strategy: alpha fucks, beta bucks. She found her beta provider (you) and doesn’t want to risk losing all the shit you provide ($). She had her fun fucking Chad when she was young. But she knows Chad wouldn’t make a good husband for her at this point in her life. You, on the other hand, are perfect for her: you come home everyday on time for dinner, listen to her feelz bla bla bla all fucking day long, take care of the kids, care about her happiness, and are fine with the slow drip of sex once a week. She likes that because she doesn’t have to try that hard to keep you. You aren’t the Prize, she is.

You’re also increasing your SMV, she knows it. She doesn’t want you becoming more attractive to other women. She’s programmed to keep you beta- to keep you so unattractive that no other woman would ever want to fuck you. That’s why women betarize their husband. Would a hot woman want to fuck a husband with a dad bod whose holding a purse outside a store at the mall?

Dude, you did fine but shut the fuck up. It’s normal. Don’t get sucked into any more conversations about it. At one point, she’ll start telling people you’re having a mid life crisis, watch. Just go with the flow. AA. A big comfort test is also on the horizon - watch out for it. Don’t mistake it for a shit test. Mmslp discusses this scenario.

Don’t listen to what she says. Keep gaming her. The line about needing more time between sessions, take that as you need to get better at the gaming.. women have responsive desire, need a build up first.

You need to fuck her mind first before her body. She’s not getting the tingles ^tm . Remember, she wasn’t attracted to you before. All your supportive and provider traits were great for comfort, but sucked for attraction building. She doesn’t want to fuck her provider. Women are programmed to reward their alpha male - their prize - with sex. You aren’t there yet.

She may or may not get on board. It’s not your problem. Keep working your ass off. Yes, it will be hard because other women will start giving you IOIs long before your wife will ...because they don’t have the faggot reference points of your old beta self that she does. Give her some time to get the slack out of the 1000 foot rope. Or start banging other chicks if you want. I don’t give a fuck which you choose.

Sepean · 2019-09-06T15:18:11+00:00

As predictable as her responses are, so are yours.

My post on 10 ways to fail hits several of your mistakes https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bsxtu5/10_ways_to_fail_at_mrp/

And here’s one to make you understand how girls see you explaining your vision and plans https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c87gt3/do_you_like_my_dissected_boobs/

Get out of her frame. Stop caring what she thinks. Stop explaining stuff to her, she’ll never agree anyway. Accept that this is a process that takes time - it is not just her that has to get used to the changes and realize you truly have become alpha, you also need to strengthen your frame, it takes more than just reading about it. Go as hard as you can with your improvement, but roll back your expectations on how quickly she will come around.

ReddJive · 2019-09-06T12:55:49+00:00

I had to stop reading half way through then go to the bottom where the question was.

OP....dear gawd. There is a search bar. You can just flick back on the pages of the sub. It’s all right here. There are also other webpages out there of men who have collectively written notes on what has gone on.

Rambo. DGAF about Rambo. Too much is made of him and hardly any of you actually understand the reference. Rambo is a cool dude. He gets his life and moves forward unashamed. Rambo in the moment is another issue. This guy rages then goes, omigod did I do that?

Here’s a “rambo”. Corey Worthington threw a party. He Rambo’d the fuck out. And doesn’t really give a shit about it. He is undeniably Alpha he probably gets or got laid. But he’s a dick. Doubtful I would ask him over he’s likely to get my cat pregnant and leave the toilet plugged. (Credit to Rational Male but I can’t be bothered for the web site link)

The point of this is to stop worrying about her. This is about you and getting your self respect back. Fuck you are even worried about her being unhappy. Where’s your concern about your happiness? Where your life is going. Your boundaries, what you are and are not willing to accept in YOUR life. Never once have you thought about that other than I WANNA fuck. Yeah yeah got that.

You shouldn’t worry about being Rambo, in fact I give you permission to be Rambo for a fucking day. Stop being such a pussy.

Stop worrying about what a man is and just fucking be one

UEMcGill · 2019-09-06T13:08:28+00:00

The levels of dread are caused by emotion not information. So look at her space and position and ask yourself how does she feel?

When she says "I need time to get horny" is she really saying "I need to feel horny?"

Post romp is a great time to communicate emotions and feelings. Oxytocin is running rampant and you've just done a very intimate thing. Instead of pushing your agenda reward her for her efforts. Tell her how awesome you feel because she was such a good girl. Tell her how irresistible she is and it's a wonder you can keep your hands off of her. Don't reinforce the negative "yeah if you don't fuck I'll find someone who can"

Remember fucking her good is as much about emotion as the physical. If you haven't read The Sex God Method goodle for a pdf version. She's been out of the dirty slut mode for awhile. Lead her back into it.

Rifleshoot · 2019-09-06T13:21:44+00:00

Idk, I would think that you shouldn’t tell her you are changing, you should simply show her. The fact that you tell her you are changing puts it in her mind that you are making a conscious effort to do things differently rather than simply believing that you are now different. It’s the difference between the dancing monkey and the actual alpha in her eyes. She doesn’t want to know that the captain is on a self improvement plan, studying to become a better captain. She just wants to see a badass captain at the helm, guiding his ship through the storm.

mrbadassmotherfucker · 2019-09-06T12:59:34+00:00

shut the fuck up about what you want right now. Lifts look good but slow down. You can go too fast and bring on comfort tests and shitty comfort tests that will push your non existent frame. You will say a bunch of gay shit that will make you more unattractive and rapey. I know from experience.

You probably are making her insecure, it's normal. Typically new guys get all Rambo and try and take with force. This is worse when you have some of your shit together but are still a beta faggot with no frame.

Going slow will get you better results with less pain and agony. You want sex right? Become a man worthy of great sex.

I used to be similar to you but less gay. I would beg for sex and I would negotiate desire. Worse, I would talk a lot. My wife begs me for sex now. She follows me around looking for dick. Be a man of value and the sex will come. Get to work faggot.

RisingUpAgain · 2019-09-06T12:49:53+00:00

In general “I,” statements are comfort tests while “you,” statements are shit tests

Yeah you’re going way too fast, you’re talking too much. Be ready for the pushback in a couple of weeks.

STFU, act don’t talk

CrazyLegs78 · 2019-09-06T13:02:37+00:00

First, make sure you want the sex for just the sex, not some kind of validation.

Then, understand that sex for women is an emotional event most of the time. For your wife, with you, it's as much about feeling close to you, feeling attractive, feeling something...as it is about getting off. See all those feelz right there? Are you meeting those needs? A little effort here goes a very long way, but be sure not to do it in a beta way.

InChargeMan · 2019-09-06T13:29:32+00:00

I see the word "try" a ton in your post. Work on that. Don't try to do things, do things. Yoda has some wisdom on that if I recall...

In general you seem to talk too much. This isn't a team effort, it is you unfucking yourself and through guidance and trickle down you will hope to see improvements in those around you. If those improvements don't meet your standards and timeline, then you will remove/reduce exposure to those people from your life. If you are not ready to remove/reduce exposure then those standards you supposedly have are bullshit.

You might find value in the post I did a while back about my story, also in a lot of the comments. Not that you need to copy me, but it might give you a glimpse into the concept of frame, OI, and guiding your family.

SBIII · 2019-09-06T18:17:04+00:00

Mrp is a sexual strategy but don't get trapped up in thinking it's all about the pussy.

Keep improving, keep developing, keep lifting, developing frame, working on your mission, moving forward.

Do that and the pussy will follow.

You've made a good start but don't make pussy the prize - make yourself the prize.

BarracudaRP · 2019-09-07T12:45:28+00:00

I made it through your wall of text, more than once. My situation was a lot like yours when I started MRP about two years ago.

> it’s really fucking hard to keep this slow paced,

Yes and if your lifts are any indication, you're no stranger to disciplined, delayed gratification - and that will pay off huge here.

I don't think you're going Rambo. You're talking too much (remember what DEER stands for - and don't do those things), but I don't think you're doing damage yet, you're addressing the changes that your wife is seeing, and you're also telling her about your vision for you and her (and your family). When men start unplugging, it seems like there has to be one conversation where we communicate overtly to our wives - saying things out loud to make it clear what we will not accept. My conversation with my wife was very similar to yours, including my needs for not just sex, but passion, desire, fun. When my wife pushed back on some of my needs, saying that I was asking for a 'double standard', I had to tell her overtly "There will absolutely be standards that I expect you to keep, that I will not be keeping myself." That was a HUGE turning point in my marriage, and she complied. I think it's important that these long, overt conversations only happen one time - every time after that, we need to be a broken record, not getting sucked back into a lot of words and emotions.

> “I need time in between sex to build up to be horny”

It's clear to me that you know this is bullshit.

> Do you normally get these kind of tests where she calls you out on the changes you’ve been making?

Yes. Be prepared for other bullshit, such as: "I liked you better when you were nice", "You've changed and I don't like it", "You killed the guy that I married", "I like it when you are a little chubby, or have a dad bod", "You're treating me like a child, and that's wrong", "I don't know how I feel about our marriage", "You need to talk to me more" and other lies The Hamster tells. We all hear these phrases when we are moving away from being purely the provider/beta/wimp. Watch her actions, not her words - her actions will tell you how your relationship is changing. This was a really hard lesson for me to learn and it took me a while. I had to learn that my wife doesn't fully grasp her own emotions, wants or needs a lot of the time, and the things that come out of her mouth are often changing are frequently as her emotions are changing. So it's not like she's lying, she's just telling you the things she things are true at that moment. As men, we don't really operate like that.

> I’m in her frame. This I know

You are building escape velocity. Keep going, keep working on your internal frame, and start selfishly working on you like it was your favorite hobby. We don't need to destroy her frame, we just need to make your frame so big and awesome that she always wants to live there. Of course you want it to work out, you want to stay with the mother of your kids - but what happens if you can't do that? What if it's not your decision? The answer of course, is that MRP saves the man, not the marriage.

savageinthebox · 2019-09-06T18:39:11+00:00

Like others, I couldn’t get though that wall of text so I’ll just respond to the points I caught. #1, you’re a month in? Dude it will take a year at least before you get real results. Even if YOU changed completely in 30 days there’s no way your wife has had time to take in and internalize your change. After years of being a BP faggot you expect your wife to bow down to your manliness after 30 days of holding frame? No way. Not to mention the fact that there’s no way you’ve unfucked yourself in a month anyway. I’ve been unplugging since February and just barely starting to see a change in my woman. Now you might have faster results, cause I’m a fat ass and you’re not, but you need to slow the fuck down. And what the fuck are you doing having the “Ive been making changes and you need to give me more sex now talk?” This is like the 10th stage of dread, have you done the first fucking 9? Not in a month! And your bullshit words about your change mean nothing, she needs to SEE the changes, and you need to STFU about it. You have a long way to go faggot.

BobbyPeru · 2019-09-07T04:01:19+00:00

You’re one month in. She shouldn’t notice any changes. Get out of Rambo mode because you’re not ready for the consequences it brings... not even close to ready.

Read the entire sidebar, STFU, keep lifting, and take the dread levels up slowly.

One more thing- quit fucking talking so much... particularly about how you are going to demand more sex going forth. You’re not attractive to her yet. When you become attractive to her as a result of better frame, sociability (get out more), sidebar... Etc, you will get laid whenever/wherever you want. Trust the process and be patient

RickTickTickyshaw · 2019-09-06T13:11:31+00:00

Sounds like you can slow down a bit, she's starting to see your positive changes. You are in her frame for sure. Worry more about getting some outside hobbies, and let the process take it's course.

umizumiz · 2019-09-06T13:52:19+00:00

She's trying to test you to see if you'll stop improving, to see if you are truly a man or not.

mrpthrowa · 2019-09-06T15:14:07+00:00

Shut the fuck up dude

red-sfpplus · 2019-09-06T19:11:11+00:00

How can you be 1” shorter than me, 40# less and have nearly the same BF%?

I really wanna see you do a full set of Dips with 3 plates and a quarter hanging from your cock.

My guess is your height and weight are the only things you are telling the truth about.

Other guys handled your other faggotry.

redditguy61 · 2019-09-07T01:12:19+00:00

Is your mommy, errr... wife older than you?

gettingmymojoback · 2019-09-07T10:45:00+00:00

You’re treating her pussy like it’s the prize, instead of being the prize.

The thirst is overwhelming in your post. If we can smell it from here, imagine what the stench is like for her. It’s called abundance mentality for a reason.

Women don’t like being chased by thirsty losers, they want to chase the prize. Be the prize.

Work the sidebar and STFU.

friendandadvisor · 2019-09-13T09:22:52+00:00

Stop spilling your guts about your new plans and what you want. She will either use it against you or it will slow down your recovery time.

Just say "Well, this here action sounded best. What's wrong with it?" Don't mention RP principles, just make her come up with good reasons. Turn it back on her. If her reasons conflicts with your desire, say as much, and leave it at that.

STFU is stressed for a reason.

Masterzage · 2019-09-06T22:21:49+00:00

Imho your wrong on so many levels. Me I'm a lurker and recently took red pill about 6 months ago. I would tell you this: she does not like or even hates when she has sex with YOU and therefore she is only having sex with you out of duty, and shes scared of destabilizing you. She sees, feels your very unstable, that your changing, she can detect your shaky frame is non existant and doesn't respect you.

Ok fine so be it. Time to get to work like I did as I was in your shoes not too long ago. I still am in many ways....

I know you want her to desire you. Real desire. If that's what your looking for (I'm not btw, I couldn't care if my wife desires me, she is a calculating harpy bitch to be honest), you must STFU, lift and read sidebar. Chill out. Stop such communication with her. Sloooooow down. ACT.

DO.

STOP discussing shit. STOP IT.

Chill out. Vent somewhere. Scream like a motherfucker in your car. Get it out. Every day if you must.

Calm yourself.

Calm.

Go to bed. Try to sleep.

Now from here on in carry on like if nothing ever happened. No conversation was had. And reset the next day.

Now STFU, lift, side bar.

Do not talk about anything other than logistics, or casual banter. You have no verbal skills, you can't pass tests, you will fuck this up. All this "red pill knowledge" you've read must be absorbed with time. Right now you can misinterpret the most minor of things into something more than it is. Your "untrained" in the ways of MRP. Recognize this. Your newly found "sight" needs to be gotten used too.

Until you absorb and understand this knowledge you have acquired (it will take you months), and until you've built up in yourself the badass motherfucker bastard you are, and done this slowly so that's it's TRUE, congruent, and real, you need to calm down. Calm. Breathe. And lean into the pain. Feel the pain. It sucks. Dive into it. Feel it. Consistently train your mind, side bar. Read. Read. Absorb. Train your body lift. Lift. Keep training like a padawan. Your not a jedi yet. Your raging. Calm.

Now keep STFU, lift and sidebar. This is going to take months of work to save YOU.

Title	I'm pretty sure I'm going wrong, need some advice gentlemen.
Author	mrbadassmotherfucker
Upvotes	26
Comments	77
Date	September 6, 2019 12:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/d0fzmz/im_pretty_sure_im_going_wrong_need_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/im-pretty-sure-im-going-wrong-need-some-advice.252131 https://theredarchive.com/post/252131