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Agree and Disclose

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September 8, 2019
9 upvotes

I'm not sure if what I'm getting are shit tests, comfort tests, or shitty comfort tests, but they all have a general theme of negativity or wrongness. Doesn't matter what I do or say she has to correct me or criticize. One example when taking my son to practice and grabbing a propel drink. "Is that for you or him" "him" as I'm walking out the door. "He doesn't need all that sodium and sugar!" I just keep walking and shut the door. I didn't even have time to respond. The thing that ticked me off was just two weeks before she said those would be good for him since he sweats a lot. So it's clearly some sort of test.

It doesn't feel right for me to agree and amplify here or in any of these negative responses. Agree and amplify would be like, "yeah all that sodium will probably make his kidneys fail" or sugar diabetes... agree or fogging and disclosing may work better in these negativity tests. "You may be right but I believe they're good for him."

I've worked my ass off tonight cleaning up after a party I had last night but I'm sure she'll point out something I did wrong. In this case I could agree and amplify "yeah the house looks like we had fun last night!" Which isn't bad but agree and disclose seems like a good go to that doesn't require any wit (which can end up back firing if my wit sounds retarded) "I still have some things to clean up but I'm happy with what I've done so far."

Thoughts on "negativity tests" "something is always wrong" tests?


Post Information
Title Agree and Disclose
Author miIkisforbabies
Upvotes 9
Comments 64
Date 08 September 2019 11:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/252530
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/d1ir0c/agree_and_disclose/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
A&Ashit testcomfort test
Comments

[–]2ndalRed Beret15 points16 points  (34 children) | Copy

definite shit tests and it sounds like you are failing them

walking away is better than engaging when you don't know how to engage, however

you need to stay one step ahead of her. don't take her questioning so seriously. who says you even have to answer it? when you know it's a shit test, treat it as such and cut it off before it even has a chance to become real. this is especially true when what she is saying contradicts her thoughts from previously. she is speaking from emotions, not logic -- always. as such, give her an emotional response, not a logical one, and you will pass the test.

her: "is that for you or him"

you: "it's to pour over his head after he scores a goal!"

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] -1 points0 points  (33 children) | Copy

Your example is why I'm leaning toward agree and disclose instead of agree and amplify. It avoids any sarcasm or wit that come come off as retarded while at the same time maintaining frame. "It's for him." "That's too much sodium" "it may be but I think it's good for him."

Or maybe not even agree and disclose simply disclose calmly and leave it at that. "I disagree".

[–]tspitsatgp8 points9 points  (22 children) | Copy

Nah mate, the example was loads better than yours. But I am guessing you can’t deliver the line with a smirk and a twinkle in your eye. If you engage with the shit test then you turn into a DEER.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] -1 points0 points  (21 children) | Copy

Ok so perhaps I should preempt shit tests? Instead of answering questions directly go over the top until she reveals her intention for asking the question?

This is another example of an issue I've noticed. When I ask questions I want the literal answer and I make conclusions on my own. So I'm seeking for more data.

So I should either go over the top or ask a question to get at the underlying reason for her asking before I answer.

[–]2ndalRed Beret4 points5 points  (17 children) | Copy

Quit trying to figure her out.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy

I'm trying to figure out how I should respond. Yes it's autistic but I have to start with training wheels.

[–]tspitsatgp8 points9 points  (15 children) | Copy

No, you don’t get it.

You stated in your OP that a couple of weeks ago she said that these drinks would be good for your son because of the sweating, etc. Now she’s giving you attitude when you get that drink for your son.

What’s changed?

I am guessing that the only thing that’s changed is her mood / feelz. Hopefully you are starting to put the pieces together.

Let’s go deeper and imagine two scenarios:

  1. You take her shit test and make a joke about it with a smirk and a twinkle in your eye as you walk out the door. End result is that’s probably the end of it because she actually didn’t give a fuck - she was just in a mood.

  2. You take her shit test and DEER. You say you disagree, or you say he needs it for the sweating, or whatever. Your probably mention that two weeks ago she thought it was a good idea. She doesn’t take well to your DEER’ing and becomes even shittier because for fuck sake you are a fat useless prick don’t you dare tell me what I said two weeks ago I am just trying to keep our child healthy so he doesn’t develop diabetes and why haven’t you taken the trash out yet you will forget like you always do if you don’t do it right now while I am watching you god can’t you do anything without me telling you to do it... you get the drift.

Understand?

You are still trying to win the argument / confrontation/ shit test by engaging in it. But that’s not how you win... you win by not playing the game of shit test.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Got it. Thanks.

[–]2ndalRed Beret3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

/r/tspitsatgp nailed it.

the only thing I will add is do not try to disappear her shit tests. they will always happen, assuming your woman still has a shred of interest in you. (if they go away, be wary.) so not only should you keep from engaging in her shit tests in a logical way - the way you would, say, problem solve a challenge with a buddy of yours... but you should learn to expect and love her shit tests because they give you an opportunity to hone your abilities to be a man of worth. (silently) thank her for them.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Thanks. I seem to notice shit tests at work as well. Not from everyone but from people close to the pecking order who is slightly above me in the social ladder. A boss who is the same age and his boss who is not much older than us. It's like they want to keep reminding themselves who is in charge. I could care less. I'm just here to get shit done. But it is annoying.

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

you win by not playing the game of shit test.

this. without too much info for dox'ing myself, but did a very unique thing last weekend for a special occasion with wife#1. The night before leaving town she dropped a nasty uncalled for shittest specific to our trip. I didn't un-invite her, but thought, fuckit, gonna go for broke. vowed to A&A/AM like a motherfucker on any more tests on our trip, figuring, if I piss her off and she bails, fine with me.

I got 2 small shittests over the multi-day trip, blew them both up with very cocky aggressive responses, with a smirk and a wink. "slap my face in the old days" levels of nuclear responses from me, in my replies... and shocker of shockers, she would giggle and touch my shoulder and kiss me like I quoted Shakespeare. Neither response was even directly tied to her tests' content, just truly outlandish as a pattern.

I swear to god, this shit boggles the mind sometimes.

[–]peaceandlug0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Dude, you need to post those responses that you gave!

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

ok. so we're at B&B on this trip, no kids.

Shittest #1: at a group dinner we were sat across/by rando's which we didn't know before this event. One (single) younger lady who sat across from us worked at a company one of my friends use to be at, so we talked for a bit off/on throughout the dinner; all the while intertwined with other polite group conversation. But it was obvious the more she drank and the more I knew about her esoteric industry the more IOI's she threw at me in front of my wife. I was polite/neutral/non-encouraging. Total gentleman. The next morning, at breakfast with only my wife, after I was normal polite to the waitress my wife randomly drops: "so you gonna ask her where she's worked and talk her up for a few hours, too?" bam. ok. me: "good idea, I've already got her number but not much background on her, thanks for keeping me on point... miss!" and i call her back to our table, my wife tenses, and I just ask for 2 drink refills. Wife smiles and shakes her head. Never again the rest of the trip mentions the single younger woman from the first night's event.

OLD ME: i have no idea pre-RP what I would have said, but some DEER i'm sure ("what are you talking about, i was just being polite!" or "we didn't know anyone around us so I was being social!" or whatever). here i just A&A'd and used the attractiveness of the waitress as a cludgel to throw up my SMV in her face and tell her to stfu, since after-all, i did choose my wife to sleep with last night and we woke up together, that's her reward.

Shittest #2. 3rd morning in bed, she slept underwearless, she never does at home due to many kids in house; very good sex night. Anyways, I wake first and I am doing some stretching/focused breathing in bed. She wakes and rolls to me. I say: "I'm gonna go grab a cup of coffee, should I bring back two?" her: "of course." me: "ok, i need a little motorboat nuzzling first" and pull her chest towards my face... She rolls away, deadpan: "nah, I don't want coffee that bad". bam. ok. me: "don't make me go find another set of tits to nuzzle, because I will" (said with a devilish grin). She squeals and covers my face with her tits, playfully. WTF.

OLD ME: would have been butthurt that she wouldn't be playful, didn't want me nuzzling her, didn't see a fair trade of tits-in-face for i-get-coffee covert contract.

both times i simply acted like a guy who did not give a fuck, from a position of abundance and with an outcome indpendent mindset. and like clockwork, both times she was giggling or smiling, and I maintained frame and furthered my game, in both dread, sexiness, and self respect.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Instead of answering questions directly go over the top until she reveals her intention for asking the question?

Rarely a question out of the blue is a genuine question. AWALT. Do you think she was going to be satisfied with any of your answers?

[–]Ninja_toker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Uh huh. That is all that needed said. You think way too much.

Jesus christ

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So I'm seeking for more data.

the answer isn't found in MORE DATA it's in not giving a fuck what she thinks and following your own compass.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

Agree & Disclose is just another way of saying Agree & Explain. DEER some more.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

I don't think so. WISNIFG includes several examples with disclosure. You reiterating your oak like position. Broken record etc. sometimes even share additional info about your position. Not to explain or rationalize your position (as if you needed to defend it) but to communicate your position. I.e. this is where I am on this issue. I am right here. I also am there.

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Your problem is not mechanics. Your problem is mental. You crave validation from your wife and can't imagine telling her to shut the fuck up and knock it off.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You're right. If you can offer any advice to my OYS I would appreciate it.

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The answer is hard, not easy. You need to let go of the emotional attachment and finally realize that you are alone. You were born alone into this world, naked and screaming because it hurt so bad and guess what? You are probably going to leave the world in the same way. Your wife will not be there to comfort you. You only have yourself and if you were raised that way, your faith.

You rely on your wife for validation but she will never provide it- until you no longer need it.

It's only when you have lost everything that your free to do anything.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Ninja_toker0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Not for you

Fucking joey app.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What?

[–]Ninja_toker0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Replied to some one else, well tried to...

Started using joey app on mobile, ended up replying to you

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ah gotcha. Why not use the standard reddit app?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

What about this says comfort to you? Comfort she says "I feel" and shit test is "You did" All I see is normal bitchy woman behavior. Do you fuck her good? If you don't regularly fuck the crazy out of them it creates problems. You kind of sound like a pussy to me but I don't know enough about you. If you are a pussy she doesn't respect, that could be why she is acting shitty.

Also, you posting in OYS thread or just coming here and asking a bunch of dumb shit when you aren't doing the work. I bet you are fat too. You got titties?

[–]Flynnjacklepappy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You got titties?

Fuck, this had me laughing hard.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Could a comfort test be phrased as a "you did"? Seems she isn't vulnerable enough to express any "I feel" and everything comes out as "you did". She doesn't feel the kids are safe, "have you done x,y,z? Imma remind you when you failed to do z."

[–]2ndalRed Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

your woman is not special. trust us when we say shit test.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"have you done x,y,z? Imma remind you when you failed to do z."

AWALT. I can guarantee we all have heard this shit. A(fk'g)WALT!

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you read any of the sidebar?

Start with “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” because you give way too many fucks. You are even worried about a conversation that hasn’t even happened yet.

Start ignoring her questions.... for example the question about the drink, keep heading out the door and Say “gotta run.”

What about lifting? No mention of it which usually means you’re not only unattractive due to no frame but you are probably a fattie also.

You have a long way to go. Don’t even try advanced stuff like a&a yet. Hit the gym, STFU, and quit DEERing. You are DEERing in your examples.

Oh, and they are not shit tests. They are just plain disrespect. There is a difference

[–]aherrns0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking gold. I apply this to me.

[–]Redpillbrigade174 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit tests. Classic manipulation to establish mommy’s (her) boy (you) dynamic, whether intentional or subconscious. Are you fucking her good?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

> "Is that for you or him"

Me, I'm pre-loading in preparation for the marathon fuck session tonight.

[–]NMMNG_11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jedi level game. Impeccable.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You win the internet

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not joking, this is what I would say.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Amused Mastery with a relaxed "father knows best" feel is my go-to in these situations. I don't let the insecurity, anxiety, and emotions of my wife or anyone else affect my frame or my confidence in the shit that I own.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This needs to be higher up or even in the sidebar. There's tons of long posts on frame but autists like myself need a one line reminder like the equivalent of LIFT.

Father Knows Best. FKB. This needs to be repeated regularly for noobs whenever DNGAF is mentioned. It's not enough to not give a fuck. You have to give a fuck about something and that something is your own opinion because you've done the research and have your shit together. DNGAFBFKB. Do not give a fuck because father knows best.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your opinion has been duly noted, then do what you want.

[–]IRunYourRiver2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look, you are the captain. What's your opinion of Propel? That's the right opinion. Not sure? Do some homework and decide. How do you know when the house is cleaned up after a party? Because you decided it was done. Think more needs to be done? Then do it.

At the very early stages, passing a shit test can be as simple as acting like you didn't hear a word she said. Double points for maintaining a shit-eating grin while you do so.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So it's clearly some sort of test.

Yep. Clear shit tests.

It doesn't feel right for me to agree and amplify here or in any of these negative responses.

Look inside yourself, why don’t they feel right? What you’ll likely find is that you care what she thinks. You’re in her frame.

Her tests are supposed to test that. A weak framed faggot will find it important to explain to her why you do what you. Someone with strong doesn’t give a fuck if he makes sense or if she understands him.

This is what you’re trying to convey with your answer, that you don’t give a fuck. You are fine that she doesn’t understand, you’re fine that she feels you don’t take her seriously, you’re fine she’s angry.

So you say some bullshit back to her.

"You may be right but I believe they're good for him."

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does this signal you care what she thinks? Are you looking for consensus?

I've worked my ass off tonight cleaning up after a party I had last night but I'm sure she'll point out something I did wrong. In this case I could agree and amplify "yeah the house looks like we had fun last night!"

There is no amplify here.

Which isn't bad but agree and disclose seems like a good go to that doesn't require any wit (which can end up back firing if my wit sounds retarded)

It’s not required to demonstrate wit, that’s not what you have to demonstrate with A&A. You want to demonstrate frame. Don’t worry about sounding stupid. Lots of good A&A is really stupid.

"I still have some things to clean up but I'm happy with what I've done so far."

Wtf is this, sounds like giraffe speach.

Thoughts on "negativity tests" "something is always wrong" tests?

Yeah, exactly what the sidebar says about shit tests.

Surprise, neither you nor your wife are special snowflakes. Do what worked for everyone else.

[–]red-iron-man2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She probably did some research on Propel after the fact, and now she's using it as part of her shit test towards you because she's annoyed with you about something unrelated. Just doing a quick Google search and you'll see https://www.isitbadforyou.com/questions/is-propel-bad-for-you

Who bought the product? If it was her, you need to tell her to stop purchasing it because it would be better the family to drink water.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn. Thanks for this. She bought it for herself originally but I'm throwing it out.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Hey look, ill let the other men set you straight on your wife..

But stop drinking that shit and giving it to your children. I dont know what it is, but it is either sweetened with sugar that is going to give him diabetes or with some fake sweeter that is going to mess up the chemical balances in his body.

Do NOT drink calories.. and be MORE suspicious of any drink that has 0 calories and doesnt taste like black coffee or water.

Get your kids used to drinking water only. Apple/Orange juice is a TREAT and should be treated as if your giving them a chocolate bar... not a healthy fruit

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

This is good advice for adults and it's good to train kids with good habits they'll need as adults. I have mixed feelings though. I've heard stories of people being deprived of sweets as a kid and they go crazy once they hit college and have some freedom. Same with alcohol or whatever.

We don't give them soda but I give them juice. It is just like pop as far as sugar content and insulin but at least it has some vitamins and antioxidants.

But you're right about fake sugar. I should cut that out for the kids.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Treat your kids to some sweets but make them understand that things that taste this good arent good for you. They are going to 'eat their feelings' in college due to poor emotional development because of two bad parents FAR more than a structured family that taught them good vs bad food.

Juice; the vitamins and antioxidants are being suffocated by the liquid sugar that our body is not meant to absorb that quickly...

Its like telling me its OK to let your kids smoke cigarettes because the tips are dipped in vitamin D.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I remember reading a study that people's blood had high inflammation markers after drinking soda but not orange juice. But yeah I need to make the kids rely on water. I drink mostly water and coffee.

For sweets I make them earn it so it's a reward.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Study was most likely funded by the Orange Juice company.... I joke... but not really

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Could be

[–]2wo2wo3hree2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

“The thing that ticked me off was just two weeks before she said those would be good for him since he sweats a lot. So it's clearly some sort of test.”

Nothing should be ticking you off. Being ticked off by it is the quickest way to fail a shit test. Remember your frame. Anything outside your frame is amusing.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know this intellectually. Just have to know it emotionally. That comes with work.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

All shit tests.

“sure she'll point out something I did wrong.”

STOP walking on egg shells. Own your kingdom and who gives a fuck what she thinks.

The negativity is coming from resentment. You took the back seat like a homo and put her in charge - now she hates you. You can’t do anything right. You have no track record of it. Will take time to undo the faggotry of your past.

Go through the program - she’ll get on board. If not, you’ll be able to fuck other women tm.

Also:

“I worked my ass off”

No one gives a fuck. That’s a man’s job. Suffer in silence. Take pride in the fact that you own your mother fucking shit and the kingdom you built.

You made her like this- a bitch. A woman will treat you as shitty as you allow. Don’t look to mommy for validation. Mommy criticized you and now you want her to see all the hard work you do. Bla bla bla. Shut the fuck up soldier.

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You nailed it. Thanks a ton.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Autism level: 11

Fucks given: Far, far too many.

You take her way too seriously. Why do you give any fucks what she says or thinks? Why is she in charge of you? Why is she in charge of your son?

The answer: because you let her be, because you want her to be. You should see to that.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

because he needs mommy's approval

[–]miIkisforbabies[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The real answer is because I'm autistic. These tests are just annoying as fuck and they're wearing me down after years and years of them. With your guys help I'm seeing them as a positive and an opportunity.

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are not autistic. Spergy, but not autistic. Join the club.

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree and amplify is the clowns method of dancing monkey strategy. It works, provided the tests are not constant. It works because redirects her and shows her she is being ridiculous.

In your case you have an uphill climb. These are not typical shit tests. These are challenges to your authority and leadership. The only way to win is to...WIN. You have to break through her shitty, critical, bitchy attitude. Sometimes you have to call her out directly (DON'T AGUE!) and sometimes you have to ignore her and stonewall. Sometimes they will stop- but usually they continue nagging, critical bitching until you divorce her or blow your brains out.

Alternatively, you can generate actual, credible Dread and she will stop- but only because your hot side piece will finally give you the courage to shut down the criticism. Then, in most cases after a period of time huffing and puffing your rebellious First Officer will realize that she is no longer safe on the ship but is flailing in the water while the ship sails away. This almost always exacts a change in behavior.



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