[Q4M in LTR] How do you cope with sex and looks getting worse in your relationship?

MellifluousMaple · 2019-03-04T15:05:24+00:00

23 male here. It does not affect me at all, because I am primarily attracted to my partner's intelligence, kindness, and the shared life we've built. Commitment is a turn-on, and that only grows with age - more than balancing out any wrinkles or sagging.

Barely-moral · 2019-03-04T15:34:34+00:00

My age 30. Her age 28. No kids. 7 years together.

I don't care about looks that much, I developed wife googles. Once I started feeling/thinking that miss moral is the best I am able to find her attractive in pretty much all circumstances (I am sure I can find exceptions if I look hard enough but that is not the point.)

I do value the commitment she gives me and every way she improves my life that isn't sex-related. To be honest, those things are as important if not more important than sex to me.

Has your level of commitment and involvement diminished, or do you feel like you're giving more and more as time goes without significant return that you care about?

I give her my all as long as she does the same. I do get the return I care about.

Has your wife taken measures against this, or has changed in a way or another (RMV wise for example)?

She tries to be a better partner. She sometimes comes up with ideas/activities that we can do together. Most importantly, she respects how much I need the routine. There are a few things/gestures during the day that I need to be happy, she understands that.

Have you taken measures to make sure to motivate the sexual aspect of your relationship: entertaining and seducing your partner more, taking care of your body more, employing MRP principles to make her feel more comfortable in her role...?

I do take meassures to keep her attracted to me and to keep our sex life alive. If things are going south in that department even after I double my efforts I talk to her about it. Usually we can fix that after we talked.

Or simply are you comfortable with the decline and do not care?

I understand that things go up and down. Unless things get to some specific level of bad, I don't care that much about the normal changes in a relationship.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-03-04T14:38:03+00:00

Gym and diet. I really loath this attitude that many women have where they think they are free to gain weight once in a relationship and especially after their wedding. I don't stand for it.

SeemedGood · 2019-03-05T13:00:06+00:00

I actually love my wife, though I have to suppress the feeling lest she discover that and lose attraction. So the fact that she has aged significantly during the course of our marriage has in no way diminished my sexual attraction to her. On the contrary, it has increased as she has aged out of her youthful appearance into grandma territory. This is not because I have a thing for grandmas (I don’t), it’s because my sexual attraction to her is rooted in my love for her being.
Unfortunately as I have become more experienced with women generally, and her specifically, I have come to understand their nature better and why they enter into relationships. This new understanding of what our marriage is to her (and to women generally) has significantly diminished the value of it to me. I married to be in a mutually loving relationship with a woman whose being I love, not to exchange financial, emotional, and sexual utility over a long term with the best available fit to my desired specifications for a utility provider. So, I don’t value the commitment much at all because as far as I can discern women (my wife included) are unable to actually love anyone other than their children (and not always even their children), and commitment for the sake of the utility I provide isn’t worth very much.
As far as comparative “value” goes, aging women have a much steeper decline in value than aging men and our case is genetically exacerbated. Though we are the same age, people regularly assume I’m 15-20 years her junior. This doesn’t matter to me, but I have noticed that she is uncomfortable with it and has reacted by becoming more sexually aggressive than she has ever been and more generally respectful and “loving.” All of which would be great were they rooted in actual love as opposed to the radical change in our relative SMVs.
Our relationship has improved as I have come to a better understanding of women through RP philosophy. In large part because now that I understand her better, she doesn’t frustrate me. I realize that she doesn’t love me because she is incapable of actually loving anyone other than our children, and that must therefore be enough.
Though they been difficult and somewhat dismaying to accept, I do really appreciate the lessons that she and all the other women with whom I’ve interacted have taught me. Next time around, however, I will neither marry nor enter into LTRs.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-03-04T18:34:47+00:00

I'm 41, we been together 16 years, married 6, we have 2 kids, 3 and 5.

My wife stays in shape training for half marathons in the summer and she does a gay group fitness class in the evenings in the winter. Because I diet so hard for the summers we have zero junk on hand to snack on. It really helps.

Myself , i work out early in the AM. Its the only way to make it work with 2 people and kids. One person has to do mornings.

I'm still attracted to my wife, shes actually leaner now then when we first met and shes had 2 kids.

my marriage and sexlife with my wife was a complete disaster before I found MRP and a few of the things I learned there have turned it around. Once you have a rock hard sixpack your initiation success rait approaches 100%.

I have sex with her twice a day if the boys don't wake up and cock block me. Nobody is expecting a performance when we have that kind of volume. My wife dosent care if she dosent have an orgasim every time and to be honest, once i stopped caring about it myself our sexlife really took off.

I try and keep it new and fresh. My wife bought a book of 365 sex positions but some of them require some flexibility that we just dont have anymore and laughing for some reason prevents me from climaxing. It's all good fun, and that's how it should be.

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-03-04T17:26:26+00:00

42, 18 years, married (only 9 years of 18), 2 kids

How do you cope with sex and looks getting worse in your relationship?

I don’t see any need to cope in any way. Wife goggles mean you don’t have to (for her), and the female preference for males their own age means she doesn’t have to either (for me).

Does they get worse at all?

In an objective sense for other people, yes. For us subjectively ? Not really at all.

Do you value commitment she gives to you equally and think all this is a fair trade?

More or less, yeah. We did our deal. We’re both sticking with it this far. We both intend to stick with it in the future.

Has your level of commitment and involvement diminished, or do you feel like you're giving more and more as time goes without significant return that you care about?

Wut ? No. Levels of commitment have gone UP over time as we progressed through dating > bf/gf > engaged > married > parents.

At each point you get out more than you did previously just as much as you’re putting more commitment in.

Has your wife taken measures against this, or has changed in a way or another (RMV wise for example)?

Not really. She goes to the gym a bit now.

Do you think your sexual value decreased equally or worse, and that there's nothing to cope about?

No. My open market value has gone up every year we are together (so far). Hers has gone down every year.

But I’m not interested in our open market values. I’m interested in my wife and family.

Have you taken measures to make sure to motivate the sexual aspect of your relationship: entertaining and seducing your partner more, taking care of your body more, employing MRP principles to make her feel more comfortable in her role...?

Yes. Much more so 4 years ago when discovering RP than today. But still today as well. I go to the gym now in a way I’ve never before, for example.

Or simply are you comfortable with the decline and do not care?

What decline ? I’m still getting more attractive to women in my age range every year. Why would a guy experience any decline ?

You seem to be assuming I’m a chick, which is weird for a Q4M.

I’m probably not as attractive to 21 y.o’s as I once was.

I’m definitely far more attractive to women “my age -10 years and +2 years” than I ever was.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-03-04T14:51:31+00:00

I'm 33. Bisexual male in LTR with a gay man. I've known my partner for almost 20 years. We've been an item for about 15-ish.

It has only gotten better for me. There's less pressure to "reaffirm" our sexual connection any more, so I guess we have less quantities of sex because the "novelty" side of sex has faded, but that's partly because we no longer feel pressure to have sex if one of us isn't feeling it for the day.

In its place is much, much longer explorations into foreplay, into experimentation, into trying out new things, without the pressure to "seal the deal" immediately. I mean like... recently, we downloaded the NC-17 sex mod for SIMS3 and immediately began a sex dungeon to torture wayward teens in lol. Sometimes we'll fuck if we play for too long, sometimes we get bored and wander off to do other things. It's all good. They still love when I grope their ass on the elevator and in changing room.

There's all kinds of weird perverse shit two pervs can get up to together. We never get bored, and the more we share our private interests, the more it feels like we melt into each other when we have sex. They give me the sort of euphoria that makes men weep at rainbows. I want to descend into horny hysterics when I think of them. Casual sex doesn't tend to have the same punch, tbh. It's still FUN! Just not as fun.

We have an open relationship, and I haven't even been interested in finding casual sex outside of it in years. I'd rather spend time and energy on him than on a stranger.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-03-04T17:01:35+00:00

I mean, so far, if anything, it's only improved. Kinda natural given we both were pretty inexperienced when we began dating and also started dating at 19/18. She definitely looks better now than when she was 18 imo. I'd say we both are significantly more attractive now vs. prior to dating if I am being real. We are both far more confident in general which is a huge part of that.

In general I'd say that our relationship had only improved over time as we both have grown, so I'm extremely happy.

We are 23ish now, dating for 4.5 years, currently living together (and just renewed our lease, and adopted a big chungus of a fluffy cat), planning on proposing to her at some point in the next year or two, pending her parents being ok with the concept or her getting married. No kids and we don't want to deal with that for a while. I can't say I view our relationship as transactional really. It's kinda a rising tide lifts all boats situation. That could change in the future, but I see no reason to worry about something that I have seen no indication of. Plus she is also just an awesome companion that I absolutely love being around. There is a reason I view her as an amazing life partner.

ScootsScoots · 2019-03-04T15:43:17+00:00

Both of our looks will get worse over time. That's just age.

Sex getting worse absolutely will not be tolerated. I'll replace her and she knows it. It's really that simple.

I expect and deserve her holding up her end of things. She wouldn't tolerate a lack of boners on my end as I will not tolerate a lack of good sex on hers. The blowjobs should be sloppy and the sex extra sweaty and smelly. It's no surprise that happy couples fuck a lot.

The decline that many men experience comes from both people getting tired as they go and not continuing to date each other. Kids can cause this. Increased responsibility at work. Just getting older etc.

But you're the man which means you have the burden of leading. She reacts to the world you create for her. Are you a renaissance man who moves through life with ease and joy, always trying new things and having fun? Or did you become dull because work is just oh so hard?

Littleknownfacts · 2019-03-04T14:23:22+00:00

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rpsheepdog · 2019-03-04T15:20:11+00:00

28m, no kid, 5 years together- pretty much passive dread, that and my wife takes pride in looking good so she has a pretty good drive to keep herself looking nice

[deleted] · 2019-03-04T15:36:58+00:00

Well the sex only gets worse when her looks fade. My current gf had a bit of weight gain and I just kind of told her I wasn’t attracted to her anymore and she needed to lose some weight. The sex improved after. Just because she is in a relationship with me doesn’t mean she gets to slack off, I sure as hell don’t do neither should she.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-03-04T18:30:23+00:00

How do you cope with sex and looks getting worse in your relationship?

I told her if either of these things happen I would leave her. Originally she was upset but eventually she saw it my way.

Do you value commitment she gives to you equally and think all this is a fair trade? Or on the contrary do you think it is becoming a bad deal over time because you think commitment is something you give to her and the contrary isn't really in your interest? As in the commitment she gives you back is mandatory for the commitment she wants to be functional, but that state is something you only accept for other reasons.

What?

Has your level of commitment and involvement diminished, or do you feel like you're giving more and more as time goes without significant return that you care about?

No.

Has your wife taken measures against this, or has changed in a way or another (RMV wise for example)?

She wants to start going to the gym together so that she can get thiccer.

Do you think your sexual value decreased equally or worse, and that there's nothing to cope about?

No? What?

Have you taken measures to make sure to motivate the sexual aspect of your relationship: entertaining and seducing your partner more, taking care of your body more, employing MRP principles to make her feel more comfortable in her role...?

Yes.

Or simply are you comfortable with the decline and do not care?

I don't care to an extent.

State your age and the duration of your relationship, status and presence of kid, for accuracy. :3

25 . About a month. Neither of us have kids.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-04T20:42:24+00:00

Gym, good diet, good clothes

CamoWoobie100 · 2019-03-04T16:20:29+00:00

Cheat

mwait · 2019-03-04T17:45:07+00:00

33yo in a ~2yr relationship with a 26yo.

I like thin broads. My gf knows this. She stays thin for me.

The reality is that I get hit on all the time and I think she is terrified that I'll replace her if she puts on weight.

sadomasochrist · 2019-03-04T19:25:59+00:00

30s, 15ish years, 3 kids so far.

She's aged very well and fucks me extremely proper and frequently. So much so that I barely ever consider using my hall pass.

Aging is something I take very seriously, because almost zero women look good in their 40s unless they're in very good shape and keep themselves up. It's a focus of conversation right now within the household.

And frankly, she needs to be appealing enough to make provisioning worthwhile and not make it a strictly functional relationship where sexual needs are primarily met outside the house. This applies to both of us.

Has your level of commitment and involvement diminished, or do you feel like you're giving more and more as time goes without significant return that you care about?

This is basically what causes men to unplug, realizing that there is an expectation that isn't bound to any duty on her part.

Your post

You sort of missed the real take away and point here. Women make agreements they aren't biologically capable of enforcing.

Sure, she says she'll love you forever and never wrong you etc.

But that's while such a thing is biologically convenient. She doesn't share a male's wide arousal window.

That's what you should really be looking at. Is not only is what you're getting, in terms of product, generally spoiling (and you are too, but just at a much later date), it's not bound to a duty of performance like yours, and the whole agreement is inadvertently a sham.

TRP is about taking that forward interest and asking for it up front. Banking on interest in the future is a covert contract.

I've followed the Heat rule for a while now, and I believe all men should, and that includes your kids. Your entire relationship should be structured so that if she decides "the spark is gone" or whatever social script she pulls up, which absolves her of responsibility, starts getting used, you can move in with your life.

But you have to be REALLY honest with yourself. What EXACTLY do you want, that doesn't involve any degree of fantasy.

And that's that. Be willing to make that exact reality, your reality. And don't engage with women who you are certain that reality can't manifest itself.

Title	[Q4M in LTR] How do you cope with sex and looks getting worse in your relationship?
Author	Eastuss
Upvotes	9
Comments	89
Date	March 4, 2019 11:29 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ax63wz/q4m_in_ltr_how_do_you_cope_with_sex_and_looks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-in-ltr-how-do-you-cope-with-sex-and-looks.256920 https://theredarchive.com/post/256920

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