Have y'all be able to stay friends with a Unrequited love?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-02-11T18:31:39+00:00

why would i bother. "unrequited love" lasts til the next dude comes down the pike anyway, why schlep people through your life who cause you pain

EchoZeroEleven · 2017-02-11T18:33:08+00:00

No.

If either myself or a friend experiences unrequited love, I cut them off.

I protect my heart.

And I don't give false hope.

wtknight · 2017-02-11T18:49:49+00:00

No, I wouldn't be able to do this. It would be too emotionally painful for me.

Ascimator · 2017-02-11T17:57:33+00:00

Well, the most I've felt for one person is friendship plus endearment plus lust, and I'm fine with only getting two out of three my way.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-02-11T18:31:04+00:00

I want you

I need you

But there ain't no way

I'm ever gonna love you

Now don't be sad

'Cause two out of three ain't bad

Honestly, I just accept that they don't feel the same way. But when I really love someone then all I truly want is to see them happy, even if that means not being the one who makes them happiest. Maybe some people can't do that.

...I'm more confused by the assertion that someone can't have friends of the opposite sex. All of my friends are, and it's hardly rocket science, lol.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-02-12T01:32:09+00:00

Yes, yes I have.

neofau · 2017-02-12T07:41:41+00:00

Why would you want to be friends with a girl who rejected you? Because eventually that person will be dating and/or fucking someone else. The safest option is to disengage.

wub1234 · 2017-02-11T18:04:10+00:00

The unrequited love of my life got married to someone pretty unattractive and then moved into a house just down the road from my mum.

I call that downright inconsiderate, personally.

[deleted] · 2017-02-11T17:59:34+00:00

Oh shit me right now. Last night found out my big huge crush is finally dating one of my friends. I mean tbh I am overfriendly with someone I really like and have romantic feelings for. I actually listen to them and ask them about their life and laugh at their stupid jokes. I also try harder to and spend lots of energy trying to say the right things. When I get rejected after a period that interest dies down and we tend to just become "friends" at a distance.

Typically I am barely listening to what someone is saying and we only remain friends because they think I'm funny. People who catch on to the fact that I am a bad listener and relatively caught up in my own thought and don't like that tend to distance themselves into being "friends" but not close.

lel tfw also in a sexless marriage and its going bretty good but that is more complex. I know that my attention span and personality traits make it hard to remain very close to unrequited love

shogunofsarcasm · 2017-02-11T19:03:39+00:00

Yes, both situations took a couple weeks to a month to cool off, but I am good friends with both of them still. I am also good friends with a guy who loved me and I turned him down, but that took over a year of work.

[deleted] · 2017-02-11T19:36:40+00:00

I wouldn't call it love, but I don't really like my friends enough to keep contact if they put me through that.

[deleted] · 2017-02-11T20:45:41+00:00

Could only do it once, and only after a long time (years), and only after putting a lot of distance between her and me.

goatismycopilot · 2017-02-11T22:04:56+00:00

I would not see the point, if I was in love with somebody who did not return my feelings I would hold not ill will toward them but I would cut contact. Being around them would just create pain and it would take much longer to detach from my feelings.

yurtyybomb · 2017-02-11T23:38:16+00:00

Currently in this situation. It's so hard to tell what the right move is. My head says to cut off contact, but my heart wants to reach out.

I can say that I rejected her many months ago and she continued to have deep feelings for me. Basically she was friend zoned, then found someone, and I got super jealous/realized I had feelings too. So she was able to stay friends with me and even flirt with me, but I can't do it. Then again, I never once told her (as she did) that I didn't want to pursue anything romantically with her.

Anyways, that's my soap box. I think it's probably healthiest to cut it off when it's truly unrequited. However, it's hard to tell when it's truly unrequited unless you straight up ask.

lollygagyo · 2017-02-12T03:00:08+00:00

Not unrequited, but I am still very close friends with my ex-fiancee and 1 or 2 Fwb. Just because the relationships didn't go anywhere in the end, doesn't mean there wasn't a lot of love there.

My feelings usually change from passion to familiar love, over time. They're now all bros -- we seem to have all put each other in the 'friendzone' very firmly, which is funny given that we've had sex.

wvj · 2017-02-12T07:36:41+00:00

I've had both outcomes. In fact, I've had situations where it was both outcomes with one person, at different times (liked a girl, couldn't really own up to it, she dated other people, I felt like shit and stayed away, eventually we hung out again and ended up fwb for a bit and friends long term).

I imagine it really depends on the initial relationship. Time/distance can help, or any other distraction. Love feels eternal and all-encompassing in the moment, but there's no such thing as 'the one,' exclusive of any others. Doubt I have to tell the TRPers that, though!

Carkudo · 2017-02-12T11:26:18+00:00

Nnnnope.

Papasmurf143 · 2017-02-12T15:42:05+00:00

My best friend is the love of my life. I sometimes feel pained knowing that we can never be, but to not have her in my life would be more painful. I love her. I want to spend time with her and do things for her and be there for her when she needs me because she is way too nice for her own good. The pain lessens after a while. More and more I stop thinking of her sexuality and just find it easy to enjoy her beauty in the abstract. I don't want to live life without her, so I have to

SpaceWhiskey · 2017-02-12T18:16:42+00:00

I have, been on both sides of it. First the person hung up on the other needs to get over it. Then yes, you can be friends.

ElfFey · 2017-02-12T18:31:46+00:00

No. Run away. And in my experience, if the person is willing to stay friends with you when they know you are interested and pining after them, they are no real friend to you. They like the attention and stringing you along. They are nothing but a space in your life blocking you from potential partners.

despisedlove2 · 2017-02-13T19:30:07+00:00

I have never accepted friendship with any woman that I have desired.

[deleted] · 2017-02-11T20:08:04+00:00

If I don't have side options during the chase, then the friendship is over. If I have options, then it's kind of like a free lottery. Spin every now and then to see if I win, then get back to more important investments.

[deleted] · 2017-02-11T19:12:06+00:00

Yes, but I think from the other side. I personally don't develope strong feelings for others (even if I'm dating them).

However, I've been told several times that I'm pretty clueless. I hung out with a girl all last summer as friends, then other gf told me that this girl actually had a crush on me. Then a few weeks later the other girl said she wanted to move in with me. So I think it's mostly a female thing

Title	Have y'all be able to stay friends with a Unrequited love?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	55
Date	February 11, 2017 5:47 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5tgbbn/have_yall_be_able_to_stay_friends_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-yall-be-able-to-stay-friends-with-a.270129 https://theredarchive.com/post/270129

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