Q4All: What are the characteristics of men that have difficulty talking to women platonically without being seen as creepy?

MisgenderedCactus · 2016-11-06T23:35:17+00:00

A lot of Omega-type males, especially on subreddits like r/ForeverAlone, have trouble talking to women in a platonic manner.

Truth.

This is sad.

Yup.

Are there any personality traits that these types of guys have that make it so hard for them to talk to women, even when sex and relationships are not on the table?

Yes. I have gone on dates with these types of guys, with the upfront knowledge that this is not to start a relationship or get sex, to help them get used to talking with women. (I even dressed up in feminine clothes.) They all had 1 big trait in common besides general nerdiness:

Pedestalization of the female sex. Like, hardcore thoughts of "women are all super oppressed goddesses who are so lovely and shouldn't be sullied by having sex without tons of chivalry and romance first". Forget the Madonna/whore complex...They only think about the Madonna aspect of it.

And yes, this is sad.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2016-11-06T23:21:18+00:00

Staring inappropriately is a major one. It just makes people uncomfortable even if they don't try to approach them at all, and when people get uncomfortable they think of people making them uncomfortable as creepy.

Not understanding other people's boundaries is another. Being physically too close to someone, for example, not knowing proper distance.

Doing things that are typically unexpected. Human brains tend to be wired towards seeing things that are unexpected with suspicion, even if it's harmless. For example, if someone goes into an elevator and faces the back rather than the front towards the doors, people might find it creepy even if it's a harmless behavior.

A large percentage of my friends group would be people that aren't exactly popular Chads. None of them have been seen as creepy because they're respectful of others' boundaries and don't make others uncomfortable.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-11-07T00:39:27+00:00

Dunno, never noticed them

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-11-06T23:17:55+00:00

It's the same thing that keeps them from making friends in the first place. People, especially young people, can be cruel.

Also, fear and disgust are contagious. If you're passing those emotions around, you'd better give people context for them, or they'll provide their own.

Also, some don't bathe.

EsauTheRed · 2016-11-06T23:22:40+00:00

Unless they're future serial killers they're generally ugly or have some kind of anxiety disorder. Anxiety is what stops sexually underdeveloped men from being able to talk to women, but once you've had some experience that generally goes away, and it becomes a general anxiety about socialization. Ugly guys never get the little boost that good-looking guys do from just being good-looking.

despisedlove2 · 2016-11-07T00:26:25+00:00

Men who pay too much attention to women, and don't respect themselves enough.

Just treat them like you would any other stranger. Most people grow out of the "opposite gender is a weird species" juvenile stuff by 16.

Is it that hard to respect yourself and be normal?

buttlollipop · 2016-11-07T13:19:40+00:00

The funny thing is, I've seen guys from foreveralone or incels post photos of themselves (obviously not that many) and the ones who post photos are rarely ugly. Maybe they're average, or slightly awkward-looking, but I know guys who look that way who have girlfriends. I'm not saying looks don't matter- these guys might have a hard time attracting very hot women. But I hung out with a huge group of nerds in college, and trust me when I say there were love triangles and hookups between short, skinny dudes with glasses, girls with acne, overweight people...like they all just had the same amount of sex and relationships within their own slightly awkward circle, and now in their late 20s many of them are happily married.

So anyway, now that that's out of the way, I would venture that what causes these men to appear 'creepy' isn't that they're ugly (they're rarely as ugly as they think they are) but the fact that many of them are on the autism spectrum and may have minor (but significant) "quirks" that freak people out. Remember when I said I knew tons of awkward guys in college who had girlfriends? Well, I also knew a guy who was awkward...unattractive, but not deformed or anything, slightly overweight but not obese. He TERRIFIED women. I'm sure he thought it was because he was ugly, but that wasn't it at all. The first time I met him, I thought he was a decent person. I was in a relationship and not attracted to him, so I wasn't thinking about dating him, but as a human being, sure, decent guy. Within minutes my view changed. He didn't listen to anything I said, he just stared at me. Later that day I realized that the only reason we were sitting at the same table for lunch was that he would just sit down next to whatever woman was eating alone and start a conversation with her, again and again, until the dining hall closed- I'm sure he ate like 5 lunches per day doing this. Soon after that I learned that he had followed women home at night. If you were walking past him on the street, he wouldn't just smile and say hi. He'd completely change his path and just walk in whatever direction you were going, following you until you had to leave. He would stare, he didn't really ever laugh...there was just something extremely off putting about him.

As it turns out, he had a pretty severe case of Asperger's, which he later brought up in a blog post I think, where he detailed how he had no idea why women were so afraid of him. I felt bad for him because he genuinely didn't realize what he was doing that bothered women (and for the record, men also talked about how creepy he was but I don't think this bothered him as much). I don't think he was going to hurt anyone, but I couldn't blame people for having their danger censors go off. And unfortunately, he probably thought it was because of his looks which was like the last reason on the list, bordering on irrelevant. He could have looked like Matt Bomer and still would have freaked people out.

anitapk · 2016-11-07T07:34:26+00:00

Being socially awkward: not knowing how and when to tall, how to look at people, not understanding personal space, acting very needy and clingy like I ask you to come out once with our group of friends and you're all over me not talking to anyone else and messaging me constantly

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fuxdpus · 2016-11-07T03:37:11+00:00

Why would you want to talk to women in a platonic manner?

Ultramegasaurus · 2016-11-07T04:14:40+00:00

Being ugly

alcockell · 2016-11-07T11:07:38+00:00

1 Physically unattractive, but have the naive belief that they are capable of pulling an attractive woman who sees past their physical unattractiveness.

2 Lack of social skills and self awareness.

3 Following on from point 2, they are invariably from a sheltered upbringing which make them struggle to form anything other than a knee-jerk understanding of social and sexual dynamics.

4 They have huge hang-ups about expressing their sexuality. They are embarrassed about accepting and talking about their sexual urges, so go on the extreme end of suppressing this to make themselves out to be some ''pure'' monk.

iponi · 2016-11-07T13:32:02+00:00

In most successful platonic friendships between men and women I've seen, one of the following applies:

One or both are homosexual.
Both are in a relationship.
The man is significantly more attractive than the woman, and therefore not sexually interested in her.

The problem with the ForeverAlone types is that they are the precise opposite: desperate, therefore unable to be platonic.

rulenumber303 · 2016-11-07T23:14:00+00:00

"Does social marginalization and friendlessness really give off vibes that are that strong?"

Yes. Yes it does. Friends help keep you normal. If you aren't being laid and don't have friends, you need to realise that your friendships were the canaries in the mine, when you started to have far fewer friendships than even your least social acquaintances do that was the sign you were in big trouble.

Title	Q4All: What are the characteristics of men that have difficulty talking to women platonically without being seen as creepy?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	98
Date	November 6, 2016 10:58 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5biodd/q4all_what_are_the_characteristics_of_men_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-what-are-the-characteristics-of-men-that.271976 https://theredarchive.com/post/271976

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