Is it misogynist for men to want to give women sexual pleasure?

your_mom_on_drugs · 2015-12-21T11:27:58+00:00

Faking orgasms is really a bad way to deal with this, if a woman is too immature to explain to her partner that what he is doing isn't working for her and to try something different or explore a bit then she shouldn't be having sex at all. And if a man is too immature to explore and play around when a woman doesn't immediately succumb to his efforts to pleasure her instead of going off in a strop thinking it's an affront to his masculinity that she's not squealing like a pig, then neither should he.

ozymandias271 · 2015-12-21T20:55:48+00:00

I relate to this article.

I don't know how many times I've had this argument:

Boy: I want to eat you out!

Me: No. I don't like it.

Boy: Come on, I'm good at it, not like those other guys.

Me: Look, I've given it a fair shot, and I honestly don't like it.

Boy: You don't have to feel ashamed about your body!

Me: ...I don't... I just don't like being eaten out.

Boy: How about we just do it for two minutes?

Or this argument:

Me: Meh, I don't think it's happening tonight.

Boy: I am a FAILURE.

Me: ...No, my clit is finicky. I had fun.

Boy: How do I KNOW you had fun if you didn't orgasm?

Me: Because I just told you I did.

Boy: We have to keep trying!

Me: Honestly, I'm done now and I want to go to sleep.

Boy: NO! I care about your pleasure so we're NOT STOPPING UNTIL YOU COME!

And, like, if I were having those conversations about anal sex or blowjobs or BDSM, everyone would realize that was incredibly fucked up. But because it's supposed to be for my benefit, because they feel like they're doing me a favor and being good feminist men and caring about my pleasure, suddenly they feel totally comfortable ignoring what I actually want. It's fucked up.

itoadasew · 2015-12-21T10:21:48+00:00

I think that both partners should want to give each other pleasure, while receiving pleasure themselves.

midnightvulpine · 2015-12-21T11:32:38+00:00

The only thing I'd agree with in that article is a part of #1. And this is something I'd assume most would at least somewhat agree with. The focus on a woman's pleasure can be a bit of a pressure on me. If you're not making her ecstatic, what's wrong with you, after all? Why aren't you good enough? That sort of sentiment can be toxic to both.

How a woman reacts to pleasure can be very bound up in a man's thought process. Which, in a perfect world, it wouldn't be as much so.

maxbrooksmacbook · 2015-12-21T10:28:28+00:00

I don't really agree with the article, none of my bfs ever complained about getting a BJ. Sex is about both people's pleasure (generally) and I don't think getting a sense of achievement from pleasuring your partner is wrong. If you don't get pleasure from pleasuring your partner, oral is basically duty sex, which isn't very hot imo.

The boasting about loving to give women oral is rare, and can come across as a bit of a boast, but I don't think it's particularly misogynistic.

PS. If any of my exes is upset about having gotten BJs I am so sorry for being so misandrist.

wtknight · 2015-12-21T13:54:30+00:00

The article is stupid and is part of the men can never win no matter what they do rhetoric that comes from radical feminism and that mirrors TRP's women can never win/AWALT/treat all guns as loaded rhetoric. It just shows that a radical feminist is going to criticize a man no matter what he does in bed, whether it's fulfilling her needs or not fulfilling them, and to twist what he does into some form of misogyny.

macsenscam · 2015-12-21T14:45:38+00:00

Feminists are obviously running low on things to complain about.

Prometheus720 · 2015-12-21T12:13:26+00:00

In my experience,the cunnilingus-boasting comes from younger guys. The whole, "Doesn't that make me awesome?" comes from their misguided perception that oral is not something which people enjoy. That it is duty sex, or something done as foreplay but not "real sex." That might come from porn or from the words of the great philosopher William Clinton. Who knows.

Point is, when guys feel good about themselves for being into giving oral, it's because they think other people aren't. It's not, "Wow, look how indulgent I am. Look how generous I am. Aren't I a great master, lowly woman?" It's more along the lines of "I genuinely get off on this and I'm glad I do because most women appreciate it."

And let's be honest. Oral IS a slight imbalance, even if you like giving it. It's more for the physical pleasure of who is receiving it than who is giving it. Being a little proud that you enjoy it is fine. Enjoying who you are and what makes you happy is great to feminists, unless you have a penis. Then it's toxic and narcissistic.

As for all these bits about "pressure," well that's not completely his fault. If you feel "pressured to perform," welcome to our world. I'll admit that's a bad thing for a guy to do, even accidentally, and we should try not to do it. But if she fakes her orgasms or pulls shenanigans instead of being honest, that's her fault at that point.

Not to mention the irony of the whole article--it talks about how pleasure is for both partners(grudgingly when it comes to men), and yet none of the advice offered to men has anything to do with how men should think about themselves for their own sakes. Everything is couched in terms of "how can you not be so fucking shitty? Here are a few tips."

Yet another example of people pretending to be inclusive when really their camp is just for a certain demographic. "Feminism is about men AND women!" "No, we think ALL lives matter, we're just more scared for the black ones!" Whatever you say, sugar.

It's one thing to have an article which is strictly about a problem with men. It's another to make that exact article, PRETEND it's helpful to men or addressed to men, and then couch it like it was feminism's great idea to address some "toxic masculinity." Fuck you, this is shit that was explained perfectly well to me by older males in my life, only they didn't make me out to be a moron.

[deleted] · 2015-12-22T06:03:45+00:00

Awesome! I hate pleasing women!

mrcs84usn · 2015-12-21T14:07:39+00:00

The comments section largely disagreed with that article, which is at least somewhat reassuring.

Illuminati_salesRep · 2015-12-21T14:42:00+00:00

Breaking news: It is misandry for women to not wear kneepads everywhere and suck every man's penis who is over 18 years old in a given day. If they say no, how will we ever progress as a society?

madethisfortaleden · 2015-12-21T15:20:14+00:00

First off, I think it's important to note that the article doesn't say "misogynist," it says "sexist." The words aren't interchangeable, and based off what I read, they're using "sexist" as in "adhering to unequal and untrue stereotypes of gender," like the tired old trope that the man always has to be the active, in-control party and give his girlfriend a screaming orgasm or else he isn't a Real Man(TM). That's not the same as being misogynist.

Second off, I think that the crux is the man's motivation. If he wants to give his partner pleasure because he likes knowing that they feel good, and it makes him feel proud to do so, that's not what the article is discussing. It's talking about guys who make their partner's pleasure all about their own feelings, usually feelings of inadequacy, which is pretty selfish and puts undue pressure on both the woman and the man. I also liked how the conclusion addressed things that men and women can do to address the situation, and how it advises men to ease up on themselves and that being perfect doesn't mean you aren't a good partner or a good lover. Accepting yourself, being kind, and communicating can make you a better lover than you were before.

TL;DR - Article points out that some dudes make their partners' pleasure all about their own egos rather than, you know, their partners, and urges that dudes not be so hard on themselves and take some of the pressure to perform off their mind. Ends with constructive advice for both genders to increase communication and satisfaction with each other, without condemnation. Meanwhile, whiny manbabies think that advising anxious, performance-driven men to relax and be kind to themselves is the Worst Thing Ever, because a feminist said it.

exit_sandman · 2015-12-21T14:45:39+00:00

I think we should embrace misogyny more.

I am a misogynist if I don't care about a woman's pleasure. I am a misogynist if I do care about a woman's pleasure. I am a misogynist if I don't want to closely consort with women at all. It's a joy for me to know that whatever I do, I am victimizing women.

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2015-12-21T12:50:42+00:00

According to many feminists anything men do is inherently misogynistic.

You can twist yourself in to knots trying, and failing, to appease them or you can ignore them and just treat women as equals.

They'll screech for a bit but when they realize it isn't working they'll move on to an easier target.

They're bullies who use tears and faux outrage instead of fists.

powerman7000 · 2015-12-21T11:46:50+00:00

Wait. What? What the hell kind of mind fuck is that? What an ungrateful bitch, that even PLEASING HER doesn't make her happy. I guess to this cynical woman, people who volunteer in a soup kitchen helping the homeless are being selfish.

Well, if she doesn't want to be pleased then I guess the only alternative is for her to go make her man a sandwich. Don't call me a misogynist for saying that, because the woman rejected the alternative.

... or maybe this woman should just be alone forever, because I bet she'll never be happy no matter what a man does for, to, or with her. She'll just try to twist it into some form of "misogyny" in her own mind.

SteelChicken · 2015-12-21T14:02:26+00:00

We need a new phrase that takes "jumping the shark" to the next level, because Feminism has gone WAY past reason.

exit_sandman · 2015-12-21T14:49:32+00:00

It's a pretty minor critique and I disagree with it. If people here want to discuss it, I think that's great.

I don't think it's a reason to get your panties all in a bunch or go Captain Caps Lock as so many RP guys are doing in this thread. Less feels guys, more logic.

Illuminati_salesRep · 2015-12-21T12:19:54+00:00

God fucking dammit, some of this shit is so mind blowingly stupid. Holy fuck. JEEZUS CHRIST fuck feminism FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK feminism. Dude they used to throw molotov cocktails at mustachioed men and demand to vote, now somehow eating pussy one way or another and making her moan 2 octaves lower than normal should be filed with the cops. THE KICKER: they told men to become effeminate, many did, and now they don't get to know the feeling of ripping her panties in half with one hand in lust and boning her till she has wobbly legs.

these pussified men; I pity them and their retarded overlords, whom all abide by a set of rules so contradictory it makes studying shit like modern RSA or ROT13 cyber encryption easy. Give me 36 hours with a note in SHA256 and 15 fem articles, and ill be closer to deciphering the 2056 randomly syllallibized note

Edit: ehem. I feel as though they are perpetuating misogony in many unbelieveable ways, i.e. "Don't cunnillingus that vagina too well or your a rapist which u r already cuz u licked that clit left right and sideways". Bill Burr was right, let's give Ebola a chance to burn through just one time. Maybe some of these ridiculous, stunted and editorialized dissertations about gender relations would go away

wub1234 · 2015-12-21T18:40:07+00:00

What a load of complete and utter self-serving tripe. I would be embarrassed to write that down and put my name at the top of it.

Has any women anywhere ever been disappointed when a partner took the time and effort to make her orgasm?

It's one of the great pleasures in life to give head to a woman. Absolutely you enjoy it. I don't see how anyone could possibly suggest otherwise. But obviously you want the recognition and validation of knowing you've done it well and satisfied your partner that an orgasm entails.

How this could be viewed as a selfish process, I have no idea. Fucking ridiculous.

Gnometard · 2015-12-21T19:48:37+00:00

It's not hatred not a system of oppression based on penis + power. No.

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2015-12-22T03:31:11+00:00

"my-soggy-knee" is just another bullshit feminist buzzword that has a constantly shifting definition and is thus useless.

[deleted] · 2015-12-22T22:31:31+00:00

Absolutely nothing is misogynist unless a man consciously does it because he hates women. Stop reading feminist articles. They hamster everything so that they can complain about it.

That's one more example. A man wants to please a woman - it's the opposite of hating her - still they find a way to turn it around and describe it to be misogynistic.

Title	Is it misogynist for men to want to give women sexual pleasure?
Author	Namkcalb
Upvotes	3
Comments	58
Date	December 21, 2015 9:57 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3xoqbw/is_it_misogynist_for_men_to_want_to_give_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-misogynist-for-men-to-want-to-give-women.277668 https://theredarchive.com/post/277668

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