[Question for women] What can I do to meet women?

[deleted] · 2015-12-07T20:31:27+00:00

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downunderit · 2015-12-06T23:33:43+00:00

Take up a cool hobby that interests you and is a good place to meet women.

Met my partner at volleyball.

Also make legit friends with women. My nerdy friends all met their partners through me. Women are a great place to meet other women and if you are interesting with interesting hobbies and don't relationship zone your friend you will get opportunities.

johnsmith66 · 2015-12-06T23:42:25+00:00

I've never really lifted in my life. I'm not very tall or athletic. I'm not resistant to lifting weights, but I don't want to have to change who I am in order to attract a woman and get laid.

I'll never understand how people equate 'becoming physically fit' = 'fundamentally changing who you are'.

Be the best version of yourself you can be. That tends to involve physical fitness. You don't have to get ripped.

My other concern is that a few of your statements sounds like a parody of the Nice Guy^TM stereotype.

There's not much constructive feedback we can give without seeing what you look like/how you actually behave. All I'll say is that you should become more open to the notion of change and not see it as a form of giving up. Changing is a good thing. Personal growth is a good thing, and a lot of personal growth is about acknowledging shortcomings and addressing them in a rational, productive fashion.

ozymandias271 · 2015-12-06T23:57:05+00:00

Why are you assuming that meatheads aren't nice guys? A lot of gym bros are really sweet.

[deleted] · 2015-12-07T01:50:09+00:00

You seem very bitter that women are attracted to good looking men. Do you really mean to tell me your attraction to women isn't largely based on looks? You're just labeling them "meat heads" out of jealousy, this is no different than a fat ugly girl whining about how men are only attracted to "bitchy bimbos" .

andrewisgood · 2015-12-06T23:23:11+00:00

Just to make a quick comment, damn, this is why people think of the red pill as a terrible place. A guy come and says, hey, women, got any advice to meet other women, and then red pillers come in and are like, women give terrible advice, they are retarded, they are the worst, like, some people don't think The Red Pill isn't misogynistic or filled with misogynists. Geez Louise, this also shows why the blue pill exists, like, some of the responses here are almost comical and if people didn't know better, they would think they were trolls and The Red Pill is just a bunch of poes trying to make the Manosphere look bad.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2015-12-07T02:47:27+00:00

I don't want to have to change who I am in order to attract a woman and get laid.

youve already lost.

demerera · 2015-12-06T22:47:12+00:00

Join social groups at uni to meet people - I don't know what your hobbies and interests are but there are clubs and societies for pretty much anything. Meet friends of friends and grow your circle of aqua instances. Keep approaching women- I think it's kind of a numbers game so even though rejection hurts it's good to keep going. Try to look good, dress well, have good hygiene etc. Maybe at a part time job?

[deleted] · 2015-12-07T08:39:30+00:00

Why are women attracted to meat-heads who take steroids but not attracted to nice guys like me

oh wow a genuine example of /r/niceguys.

First of all you shouldn't view people in such weird manner. When you see a guy that's in better shape than you, more physically attractive, why do you assume they're meatheads while you're a "nice guy"? What do you know about them that makes them dumb and not nice?

I don't know what university you go to but student athletes make up a small part of it. Plenty of people outside of it get laid all the time.

Also don't take it personally when someone doesn't want to entertain being hit on by you. They're not wronging you by walking away.

EmpressofMars · 2015-12-07T16:08:51+00:00

Hi there! Lady and fellow engineer reporting for duty.

First of all, I'm gonna be honest with you dude, you sound kinda bitter. Like really, really bitter. You claim to be a "nice guy" but then stereotype athletic guys that most women are attracted to as "meat-headed jerks on steroids." That's not very nice, now is it? You need to learn to let go of that bitterness and understand that getting angry, especially at half the population, won't really get you anywhere. In fact, it'll probably do more harm than good.

Secondly, most people are sort of biologically pre-programmed to seek out mates that exhibit qualities of health and youth, such as clear complexion, tall athletic build, symmetrical and balanced features, etc. And while this isn't exactly fair, it's just how the reptilian parts of our brains have worked for the past several million years in order to evolve and advance the species by passing down desirable traits. Does it suck? Yes. But you can't exactly be upset at people for not being attracted to you. A good portion of the population (myself excluded) wants to fuck, and while there is always a spectrum of preferences and attraction, it's safe to say many people want the same certain qualities in a partner they find sexually attractive.

In addition, you claim women tend to be "mean" when you approach them. While in your anecdote the woman who dismissed you certainly was rude by rolling her eyes, it's safe to say that she wasn't interested. You can't exactly force attraction, sexual or otherwise. It doesn't work like that. So even though the eye-roll was not the most mature response, you can't really blame her for not being attracted to you.

You claim that women are uncomfortable when you're romantically interested in them. Well, that's kinda par for the course if someone you're not attracted to is attracted to you. I've had guys that I'm uninterested in show interest in me, I've been attracted to guys who aren't interested in me. It sucks on both ends. Rejecting someone is awful and awkward to a level I'd judge to be on-par with being rejected. And then seeing that person, knowing in the back of their mind they either want you and you don't want them or vice versa, can be VERY awkward. So them being uncomfortable is kinda to be expected.

Finally, this is kinda difficult to explain, but you might just be giving off a bad vibe. Sometimes I see/meet a guy and something about him just strikes me as bad/off, so I avoid him like the plague. These people usually have a bit of an odd manner of behavior/speaking, look unkempt/unwashed, and generally just give off a creepy/mean vibe. And before the TeRPers come after my ass claiming "You're just stereotyping them because you aren't attracted to them!" that is NOT the case. I've seen many guys that my female friends have fawned over because they were attractive that I avoided entirely because they set off so many red flags in my head. Most of the time my instincts are right. Example: There was a semi-handsome, semi-intelligent, absolutely JACKED guy on our wrestling team in high school. Many of my friends were attracted to him. He just gave me such a bad vibe though, I avoided him whenever possible. My instincts were right: it turned out he was beating his girlfriend. He barely graduated and last I heard he was a drug addict.

OK so now that we've gotten all that out of the way, here's some stuff that might help you.

Let go of the bitterness. As we've established, you can't force women to be attracted to you. Being angry all the time will only serve to repel people from you. So just take some time to let go of that anger and stress. Your past failings do not define your future.
Be confident. From your post I can tell that you're at least semi-articulate, and the fact that you're an engineer shows that you have a good head on your shoulders and a good work ethic. Your story about the bar tells me that you also have both friends and a social life, which is a lot better than some people. You have a lot of good qualities already.
Remember you're in college. Most people are only looking for hookups and flings at this point, not serious relationships. College is called an "experimental phase" for a reason, ya know? So if you're looking to get a serious girlfriend, realize you might not have much luck.
If you want to change, do it for you. Changing yourself for anyone else, especially an imaginary "dream girl" will only leave you unhappy and unfulfilled. By becoming someone you're not you'll only be left with a crisis of self, and eventually everything will come crashing down on you as your facade becomes harder to maintain. Focus on you, and what makes you happy, not pleasing others.
If you do want to change, realize your limitations. Unless you're genetically predisposed to look like Mr. Universe, you're probably not gonna become Mr. Universe. While lifting and physical fitness can certainly improve athleticism, mood and confidence, even at your peak you're probably not gonna be the fastest/strongest/most fit guy on campus. In addition, as an engineer you probably have a pretty big course load, so a goal like going to the gym every day could cause your grades to suffer. Shoot for realistic goals, and if after a month doing something isn't making you happy, drop it and do something else.
Be kind. Nobody likes a jerk, despite what RP might say. Just try your best to be a good human. Smile at people, offer to do favors/help others out, be polite, open the door for people, say please and thank you, etc. Now, this doesn't mean you should become a doormat. My motto is "Do no harm but take no shit." If you suspect someone is taking advantage of you, cut them out of your life and if they ask why, explain how you feel. NOTE: THIS DOES NOT APPLY IF THE PERSON IN QUESTION'S ONLY "ERROR" IS NOT BEING ATTRACTED TO YOU. NOT EVERYONE IS GONNA BE ATTRACTED TO YOU, BEING KIND TO THEM IS NOT A BAD THING. THEY ARE NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU BY BEING YOUR FRIEND AND NOT BEING YOUR GIRLFRIEND. That being said, if you're the one always giving/helping and the other person is not being kind in return (that's being decent/friendly/helping you, not being sexually attracted to you), cut them out of your life. You are not owed sexual attraction/favors by being kind, but you are owed basic decency and respect.
Meet more people. This could just be talking to people in class, at the store, in clubs, etc. Making more friends and meeting new people will help increase your confidence and self esteem. Keep in mind that not everyone is gonna like you, but I suspect many will and you'll find yourself with lots of new friends and opportunities.
Talk to women. We don't bite! Despite what some might say we aren't lying, scheming harpy lady bitches. We're gasp PEOPLE! We have thoughts and feelings! We like things! We have hobbies and interests, some even in common with you! AMAZING! Sarcasm aside, seriously just talk to us. Not all of us are gonna like you, but the fact that you mentioned having female friends proves that such relationships are not impossible.
Don't pressure women. If you want to ask a girl out, do it in a casual manner. Ask if she'd like to grab coffee or go out to dinner. Suggest fun things you could do together, if your college is anything like mine something fun is always happening. The key here though is to not leave her feeling pressured or that you explicitly want sex. Due to this I advise against trying to ask out girls in bars and clubs if you don't want to be rejected, as those tend to be situations where sex is much more implied.
Roll with the punches, and don't sweat the small stuff. You're 20 and in college, you have your whole life ahead of you. If you get rejected don't let it get to you too much, it's gonna happen. Rushing to settle down or snag a girlfriend now will only add to your stress and unhappiness. Not everyone meets "the one" in their college years. Not everyone even has a boy/girlfriend in their college years. But it will probably happen eventually. My own parents didn't meet until their 30s and are still together 26+ years later.

OK so I know this is long AF but I really hope this helps you out.

TL;DR: Stop being bitter. Be kind. Be confident. Be true to yourself. Meet new people and make new friends. Make dates/asking out low pressure. Don't worry about finding a gf too much, you have your whole life ahead of you.

coratoad · 2015-12-06T23:13:09+00:00

Put yourself in positions of authority where women are forced to interact with you on a regular basis. Even a small amount of authority helps. Here are some examples:

Teaching or learning assistant.
Fitness instructor.
Bible study leader.
University club president.
Resident Assistant.

your_mom_on_drugs · 2015-12-07T11:16:04+00:00

Never show interest in a woman before you know she already likes you. They will get scared and run, unless they're sluts and then you'll probably just catch herpes.

Develop yourself (hobbies, skills, interests) in social ways (don't try and teach yourself a skill at home, go to a class. Don't just practice your guitar on your own at home, join a band etc) and don't be shy, talk to the other people in the class, make an impression, and if you get a chance definately jump at the chance to play teacher - women are turned on by authority so if you're the teacher or tutor she's going to start wanting to impress you and get your approval and then you're half way there.

goatismycopilot · 2015-12-07T15:36:48+00:00

I don't know maybe you are weird or have crappy social skills, it is almost inevitable that the minute somebody describes himself as a "nice" guy he usually is not, he usually has very little self awareness, he usually is bad at conversation, there is no reason not to do an athletic activity to be a better version of yourself. You sound pretty trollish give that you do not want to have to change who you are. You probably do not even know who you are or what you like or don't like because you have never even thought about it.

whirled___peas · 2015-12-07T02:04:09+00:00

It seems that all the women at my university are attracted to meat-head jocks, like the football and baseball players.

Ok first of all, this is false. This is an excuse you are using to not improve yourself at all. Because if the girls are only going to go for the jocks anyway, then why bother right? Stop using that as a reason to justify why girls don't like you. In college, I knew like two girls who actually ever dated/slept with an athlete. I highly doubt that no one but the jocks are getting laid at your school. Dropping the 'woe is me' attitude is the first step.

I have female friends, but it seems that women are uncomfortable whenever I express any kind of romantic interest in them. What am I doing wrong that is pushing women away?

I would guess it's by not being very attractive, and/or being socially inept.

I don't want to have to change who I am in order to attract a woman and get laid.

This is your problem. Finding a relationship is all about selling yourself. Just showing up is not good enough. You don't need to completely alter your personality, but you need to be the best version of yourself. If your're unattractive, then change the things that are within your control. Get in shape. Wear stylish, flattering clothes. Style your hair. Be well groomed. You can't change your face, but this stuff makes a huge difference.

Charm is an acquired skill. Work on it.

[deleted] · 2015-12-06T23:51:26+00:00

Something's not right here. There's a lot of nerdy, geeky and also highly intelligent girls at uni who are not just attracted to meat heads.

Seems you're leaving out quite a bit of info.

redmachines · 2015-12-06T22:55:45+00:00

Are you hot, OP? I ask because at uni one of my roommates was an engineer and he spent a good proportion of his time complaining about the lack of women in his life, how bad he was with women, how no one women liked him etc. And he was hot af and had literally no clue. I used to get weak-kneed just standing next to him. So step one is make sure you're not actually hot and socially inept like that guy.

Step two would be figuring out why women aren't reacting well to you. Maybe you're not hot? Not-hot women don't get a great response from men, either. If you're not hot and you don't want to become hot (or, as hot as you can become - most of us can improve on that front) then I don't know what to say. Your pool of eligible women might be smaller than it is for some dudes.

DrunkGirl69 · 2015-12-06T23:29:25+00:00

Join a kickball league, it's super fun.

[deleted] · Sun Dec 6 23:35:13 2015 UTC

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scallopkid · 2015-12-07T02:15:00+00:00

I am a woman. That shouldn't make my advice more valuable to you, but since it apparently does, my advice is to go to TRP and read the sidebar and the top posts, and then read them again.

[deleted] · 2015-12-07T00:51:31+00:00

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[deleted] · 2015-12-07T00:08:15+00:00

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neptunesunrise · Mon Dec 7 18:43:55 2015 UTC

Why are you only attracted to hot, dumb women? Are you above the rest or something?

Don't date kids then ask why they do kid things.

Title	[Question for women] What can I do to meet women?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	97
Date	December 6, 2015 10:36 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3vpqew/question_for_women_what_can_i_do_to_meet_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-women-what-can-i-do-to-meet-women.278060 https://theredarchive.com/post/278060

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