BP Women: Are you thinking about the possibilities of hitting the wall in your mid to late 30s? For those who are there, have you found that the concept of the wall exists?

[deleted] · 2015-12-04T13:21:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

damaskrose · 2015-12-04T01:35:53+00:00

The dating/marketability aspect of wall-hitting isn't something I think about, since I married pre-wall.

At 26-ish, I realized I'm not going to get any healthier, fitter, stronger, or more attractive unless I really work at it. So I started eating a plant-based diet and exercising every day. I've also been trying to improve my social and emotional skills, since I've heard that the older you get, the harder it is to meet people and make friends.

To me, there's no point in worrying about aging since its inevitable. You can't stop time; you can only control how you age - with grace, dignity, and good health - or with self-neglect, bitterness, and regret.

whirled___peas · 2015-12-03T22:35:50+00:00

I mean of course I'm aware that I won't always be as young and attractive as I am now. But I'm not concerned or dreading it or anything. Everyone ages and everyone gets less attractive at some point. I'd much rather take that than the alternative.

If I were the type of person that feeds of the attention of strangers, then I guess I would be nervous about that. But I'm assuming that I won't be living some miserable, meaningless life just because I won't have a bunch of rando guys hitting on me in the bar in 25 years.

[deleted] · 2015-12-03T23:50:53+00:00

I am 31 and don't think about it much. I am solidly average looking so I've never based my self worth on looks. I know getting older is much harder for women who view themselves as above average looking. Also, I'm married and we chuckle about getting old and gross together. (He does comment on appreciatively on the effort I put into self grooming. We're gonna be that 80 year couple in pressed clothes, shined shoes and fresh haircuts.) The only thing I do think about is fertility as we're still waffling on kids. Adoption is an attractive option to both of us if my eggs are all old and dried up once we decide on kids. I think we'd both view it as a sign from the universe that we are supposed to be parents to one of the many kids who need a home. I've been privy to the women at my office choosing IVF and it's just not for us.

[deleted] · 2015-12-04T08:35:31+00:00

How many young women out there think about the possibility that one day they will desire all the cliche "traditional" aspirations society says they are supposed to, even when they are currently perfectly happy living the single or dating life?

I've always wanted a life partner, although that's never been all that I wanted. I'm 26 and engaged to a phenomenal, wonderful man. We both want a family in the future.

Am I thinking of "the wall"? Sort of, insofar as I'm hoping to finish having kids by 35 (fertility rates and all that jazz). But having kids is on the back burner for both fiance and I right now since we're working on opening a business together. We'll need all hands on deck for the next few years at least (and I'm excited about all that work. Yes!)

As to the rest of it, no, I'm not scared of aging. Aging is a part of being human and it's better than the alternative. I view my life as a progression. Staying static is death. As I age, I grow and learn and accomplish things. I still have so much more to accomplish and I am looking forward to working hard to bring those things about. I am looking forward to one day growing old and gray with my partner.

Life is a great adventure. Why fret about the fact that I won't be a 20's hot young thing forever?

cravenravens · 2015-12-04T08:59:27+00:00

I'm not really afraid of the wall, but I know I will become less physically attractive - just like men. I don't care how often people say men age like wine, I don't see it.

My mother, 58, started online dating a few years ago, and she was overwhelmed by messages from men of all ages. Admittedly, the very young ones just wanted sex. Now, I would never call my mother ugly, but she looks her age and doesn't color her completely gray hair. She went on some dates and now has a boyfriend who really is the sweetest guy, an athletic widower who's 7 years younger than she is. My father also found a girlfriend through online dating, a nice and fairly attractive woman his age and they're also very happy with each other.

Of course, they aren't looking to start a family anymore, but they found new happy relationships in their late 50s.

This does not mean I want a single/dating life for as long as possible, quite the opposite. I really like being in a relationship and sharing my life with someone.

mashakos · 2015-12-03T21:26:51+00:00

The wall exists. I was relieved when I hit it.

That said, hitting the wall does not mean that you turn into a hag. It does not mean that you are no longer attractive. It does not mean that you will no longer get attention from men. It does mean that you will be more or less invisible to men under a certain age. It does mean that you will not be paced by a bike messenger making elaborate gestures with his tongue while you are just trying to go get some goddamned coffee.

[deleted] · 2015-12-04T18:39:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MyronBlayze · 2015-12-04T00:32:42+00:00

Well especially considering it's over a decade away, 35 is really not on my list of worries. Same with hitting a wall. Beauty doesn't last forever in the first place, and I'm hardly beautiful at all (the best I get called is 'cute' other than by my SO). Also in a ltr of 4 years and I've been the one to pump brakes and say "No kids or marriage for at least a few more years" and honestly? He wants kids. I don't care if I end up having kids. He can't wait to be a dad, I'd be fine with never being a mom BUT So long as we are together, I know I will be a parent one day.

None of it really worried me at all. It's just life and the world's all sorts of superficial but that doesn't mean it's the end of everything.

[deleted] · 2015-12-04T05:25:49+00:00

I'm already with the person I plan to marry, and we don't want kids, so I'm not worried about it in either of those regards.

I am aware of the fact that my "hottest" years are probably behind me (I'm in my late twenties.) I was never that hot to begin with so I don't find that fact too devastating. I take care of myself, eat well, drink lots of water and stay active. I also have good genes on my side--women in my family tend to age well.

Overall, not that concerned.

[deleted] · 2015-12-04T07:14:50+00:00

At first I felt really greatful, then I realised that my family is gonna be asking when I am having kids even when I am 50. So yeah wall shmall.

[deleted] · 2015-12-04T09:04:32+00:00

As I get older adult reality starts to hit...it's not as swift if you were in the real world working...in University it is a soft wall. Like a sponge wall. Or foam. And what I mean by adult reality is guys start looking at you as long term relationship material. They see you as a partner...and want to start a life together. It's quite different from the carefree days...you know it's real when he wants you to meet his family and friends. Not sure if there will be a wall...it seems the older I get the more men want to be with me. Lol.

downunderit · 2015-12-03T21:36:57+00:00

I'm 34. haven't seen a wall yet. Won't be scared when it happens.

mashakos · 2015-12-03T21:57:52+00:00

I don't really think about it. If I find a man to marry then good, otherwise...well, I never wanted to live many years anyway.

Don't care either way.

[deleted] · 2015-12-05T18:31:54+00:00

I'm 30, and I haven't noticed any changes in how I'm treated. I'm probably not an ideal subject for two reasons, though - relationships are low priority for me, and I apparently look a lot younger than I am.

[deleted] · 2016-03-24T06:01:27+00:00

I'm 26. I guess the ideal stage to actually fall in love and start a ltr is in college. Afterwards, it is harder, I think. And you don't even know if you're actually in love with the guy, or just panicking inside because you're getting older and don't wanna end up alone :(

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2015-12-04T13:19:24+00:00

Plenty of women seem to be aware of this fact given how many articles I've read by desperate thirty something women who found their dating prospects have begun to shrink rapidly.

Comments