Can men and women be just friends?

shutayooface · 2014-03-15T13:20:11+00:00

There's a big difference (at least for men) in being in love with a girl, and simply wanting to bang her. For obvious biological reasons women have higher standards when it comes to sex partners than men do.

I have many female friends and would like to bang most of them. But I would like to bang just about any reasonably attractive young woman that crosses my path, so my sexual attraction to my female friends is just sort of "par for the course". However I have no romantic feeling for my female friends. THAT would make the friendship unworkable.

alphabetmod · 2014-03-15T05:11:26+00:00

What do you mean by just friends? Do you mean have a friendship without it escalating beyond that? Do you mean friends without either party having any sort of attraction or crush? Or friends with one or both parties having feelings but that attraction is not the ulterior motive behind the friendship?

I don't have a lot of friends and even less of them are male. But I have one male friend and we are mutually not attracted to each other, strongly. I've had male friends that I had a crush on but it wasn't reciprocated and I decided to stay friends with them. I guess the opposite may have happened. But I would still say we were "just friends" because the friendship evolved beyond the crush. My best friend had a crush on me in the beginning of our friendship, but she's disinterested now and our friendship is purely friendship. Even if there's one-sided attraction...does that mean the friendship isn't a friendship? Why?

Watching that first video...those girls have a pretty high opinion of themselves. I would never assume that a guy wanted to hook up with me. I don't walk around thinking I'm hot shit and every dude wants to bang me.

jellybeannie · 2014-03-15T04:36:52+00:00

Well, obviously they can. I've got a lot of guy friends (and a lot of girl friends too). I would say the majority of them, one of us had at least a small crush on the other at some point, but there are a few where that never happened. One of my oldest and closest friends is a straight guy (I'm a bi woman). We've known each other through multiple periods where we were both single as well as multiple relationships for each of us. We've gone on trips together, we've lived together, and we've slept in the same bed a few times. We are both fit and cute. And we've never so much as kissed or snuggled. We've discussed why we never got together a couple different times, and both admitted while we think the other is awesome we just don't feel attracted to each other.

So, yes men and women can be friends, whether they have no attraction, a one-sided attraction, or a mutual attraction, as long as they are mature people.

MissPearl · 2014-03-15T13:43:16+00:00

I'm bisexual, so apparently nobody can be my "just" friend by the logic of sex just getting in the way. :p

[deleted] · 2014-03-15T17:43:26+00:00

My experience is they behave like "nice guys" are said to - the eventually resent you and become nasty because you aren't making moves on them.

[deleted] · 2014-03-15T19:31:49+00:00

Pretty much everyone I know has both male and female friends so I just find it an odd question.

spechick · 2014-03-15T08:00:49+00:00

The vast majority of my friends are male (there are only two/three lady friends that I keep in regular contact with. I actually met my best friend through one of my male friends because she was dating him. Hurr)
And I'm pretty sure none of my male friends are pining for my love and affection.
But then again, I openly broach the whole "define our relationship" bit in the beginning of the friendship, because I'd hate for someone to think I was stringing them along.

[deleted] · 2014-03-16T06:11:54+00:00

Seldomly.

As I've grown up, I noticed that a among lot of female/male "friends", the guy pretty much drifted off immediately after they got a girlfriend while the girl tried to keep them around as long as she could and her boyfriend didn't object.

The only place I notice more male/female friendships is on the internet, and internet friendships are pretty shallow to begin with.

[deleted] · 2014-03-15T16:34:57+00:00

Yes, as long as they respect each other's boundaries.

mudra311 · 2014-03-15T17:14:12+00:00

I think people misunderstand the meaning behind "friend." I have two female friends that I could actually depend on to help me in a pinch, not including my current girlfriend. Conversely, I have about 5 male friends that I can depend on the same.

Interestingly enough, both of my female friends have a brief dating history with me in the past.

[deleted] · 2014-03-15T08:46:53+00:00

Yes, though that means nothing since friends is such a loose term. But if I'd had to bet blindly on an unknown man and woman who call themselves friends I'd put my money on one of them secretly wanting to be intimate with the other.

rhettdu · 2014-03-15T12:42:52+00:00

From my experience, the only times I've been "just friends" with a girl I didn't want to do, she ended up falling for me instead.

So no.

Theoretically maybe. I share an apartment with some girls. I don't talk to hook up with any of them. To be fair, I wouldn't be overly surprised if it turned out that more than one of them wanted to get with me though. :/

So the answer? yes. Men and women can be friends if they bottle up and hide their emotions well enough.

[deleted] · 2014-03-15T18:08:00+00:00

The answer to this question is obviously: yes.

There are examples in this very thread. Male-female friendships where neither party is sexually/romantically pining for the other exist.

People who answer "no" are answering only for themselves - they mean they specifically cannot be friends with someone of the sex they're attracted to. That's a valid answer, but it doesn't in any way meet the bar of "men and women can't be friends, ever, and that means ALL women and ALL men" because clearly, some men and women can be friends.

As a woman it usually becomes clear after awhile whether or not a guy is hanging out with me in the hopes of eventually getting sex or if he's hanging out with me because he likes hanging out with me. It's also possible to want to fuck someone you're friends with but to accept that it's never going to happen and not get bitter/resentful about it. I have a close male friend who regularly proposes marriage and swears up and down he'd mend his ways and settle down if I'd just give him a chance, but oddly enough it doesn't really interfere with our friendship. He is a total manwhore and gets laid very regularly so it's possible he'd be more - insistent - if that wasn't happening, but I don't know.

ilikeeatingbrains · 2014-03-17T00:53:00+00:00

Sure.

[deleted] · 2014-03-17T04:40:54+00:00

Yep.

Now, sometimes there are friendships that may start to cross the line from purely platonic. And then one needs to decide how to handle that.

But it's certainly not inevitable.

People that can only befriend one gender are limited, and are missing out.

slashetsy · 2014-03-17T16:21:20+00:00

Yes. The more open minded and emotionally mature you are, the better luck you'll have with more... advanced friendships. Seriously though, some of my best friends are women, life isn't about some binary system where you are either friends or lovers.

DevilishRogue · 2014-03-15T16:54:27+00:00

Yes.

GuildedCasket · 2014-03-15T16:54:46+00:00

Sure. I don't see any reason why not. To address the unvoiced question in the post, I don't think the fact that more often there will be one sided attraction means that they can't be friends. For example, I'm a bi girl and I'm study friends with a ridiculously hot redhead. I'd love to screw her brains out if I could, but I shove that aside because she's obviously straight and has a boyfriend: I just enjoy the view and keep my mouth forever shut. I imagine it's like that with some male/female couples: still friends, just one person is enjoying the view a bit more than the other. I also have a male friend who I've known since I was 7 - I think he had a crush on me when we were like 12, but at this point the idea of doing anything sexual with each other feels like incest. Neither of us has any desire whatsoever to be with the other, and he's probably one of my best friends.

May I also say I've seen this situation many times where the male is the wanted party and the female is "pining" after him?

It becomes a problem if the party that is attracted starts getting ulterior motives after it's clear the other party would rather not have a sexual relationship, but otherwise, of course there can still be friendship.

whatsazipper · 2014-03-15T07:38:22+00:00

Title	Can men and women be just friends?
Author	alphabetmod
Upvotes	10
Comments	69
Date	March 15, 2014 4:16 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/20gk4d/can_men_and_women_be_just_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends.286075 https://theredarchive.com/post/286075

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