Hello, first post here, very new to MRP. I have been in a dead bedroom for years at this point, something snapped in me near the end of August. Tired of who I was, where I ended up in life. the saying that a smoker can not stop smoking until he decided he can not live another day as a smoker, that was this feeling, I can't explain it any other way.
Since then I have lost 24 pounds, got a gym membership, started reading NMMNG, the Married Man Sex Life Primer and just ordered WISNIFG. Grow up, be a man, re-light that desire in my wife for me. that was the goal, but not doing it for her, doing it for me.
Fast forward a month later, I checked my wife's Facebook messenger and discovered she had an emotional affair with a guy about 5 years ago. I know exactly how I would have responded had this been two years ago or last year. I didn't feel much of anything. Sure a little sad, pissed and what not. But after a day, I didn't seem to give a shit. What I didn't know before that I understand now is AWALT, and I understand why she did what she did. It was because I had let myself go and became a beta loser and fat and worthless.
I started this journey with the goal of bettering myself so that my wife would find me attractive again, but now it's to put me in a better position to walk out the door for good when the time is right. And now is not the time, mostly due to financial reasons, but I'm just beginning the work and I still have a ways to go to get into shape.
As the Married Man Sex Life Primer taught me, a woman's sexual interest will increase when they are worried about losing their man to another woman, she knows that I could fuck off at any moment. As a result she won't leave my dick alone. After not sleeping in our bed for nearly 2 years. And I won't lie, the sex is QUALITY, of the quality we hadn't had in 10 years, but she is not doing it out of a place of attraction, perhaps a desire to keep me around, not desire for me.
My question after all of that... is it wrong for me to continue to fuck her brains out knowing I'm going to divorce her (by my calculation, around June of 2020)? I feel like I should be mad about the affair, but I'm not. It was my red line and she blew past it without thinking twice.
And of course the other option would be to work it out with her. I do love her, and we have two amazing kids together. I don't think I could trust her again, at the same time I wouldn't ever put myself in that position to be cheated on again. Not sure yet, but leaning towards the former.