TLDR: Wife found my search history, and knows I intended to divorce her if sex didn't improve. Now all sex is duty sex and she often asks after sex if I'm still going to leave her or if it's good enough yet to ensure I'm not leaving. How do I get out of "negotiating desire"?

•Mission: Utilize my God-given abilities to improve the lives of others and reflect Christ through actions and words at all times. Need a wife for support in the areas I tend to lack (networking, hospitality, and a good 1st mate in general). Also need a sexual outlet.

•Stats: body fat - 20% based on picture comparisons, I keep it all in the love handles and lower stomach baby. height - 5'11" , weight - 190lbs lifts - deads: 285x6, squat 235x7 this AM, bench 160x8 yesterday, OHP 115x8, chins BWx6, Dips BWx9 (time for weighted!). Style pretty on point too.

•Reading: Which sidebar content you've read (RPC and/or MRP) NMMNG, WOTSM, HTMFAIP, 100s, 200s.

•Finances: Relatively high earner in a professional field ($100,000 a year) -- working on a start-up in same field right now. Offered management position at current job but turned it down for now.

•Spiritual: Prayer daily with family, alone when I have time, church involvement regular including leading worship, improving as a real leader in the home.

Accidental Desire Negotiation Married 5 years, together like 9. Started my MRPC journey around 5 months ago. Wife was pregnant at the time, consistently rejecting my advances since she got pregnant and expressing zero sexual interest. Prior to starting, I had given up and withdrawn any advances. Decided I would follow a MAP that looked something like this: initiate confidently and DNGAF, improve passive dread through reduced daytime contact, regular haircuts, harder work at the gym, better style. Plug-in to church better to improve my value as a leader and a man who follows his convictions. Intentional increase of confidence towards her and in social situations in front of her. More leadership at home. I've been much happier as I've made these self-improvements. I decided if these wouldn't work I'd follow the BPP's advice and slowly escalate through the stages to the FUFM speech.

    Passive dread worked--sort of. I have been getting duty sex and/or hand jobs with maybe a 50% success on initiation -- she was post-pregnancy and and BJs are always a no-go (except when we were dating/and a bit early marriage).      While the dread hasn't yet improved the quality of sex much, it has created a lot of anxiety in her. 

A few months back, I wake up to her going through my phone -- combing everything (looking for evidence that I'm banging some coworker that I'm not even concerned with).

She finds that I had been researching sex, deadbeds, divorce, etc. Freaks. "You would consider divorcing over SEX? Wow". I was half-asleep but .. "OYS" right?

"I have been a poor spouse and leader in the past. I took a hard look and decided I need to improve myself. That being said, I'm not a good enough man to adhere to a vow of celibacy, and I am too good a man to accept cheap substitutes like jacking off to porn or cheating. So yes, if sexual denials don't end then divorce is absolutely on the table."