Always thought I never cared about other guys being beta...that is, until my beta friends got married.

isthatyourdaughter · 2015-03-29T14:33:54+00:00

Did someone tell you about how you needed to take the red pill and quit being beta? Or did you start with a vague but insistent feeling that something was undeniably fucked up, and that eventually led you to seek out answers, which brought you down the path that led here?

Rhetorical question, I already know the answer is #2. You can't force RP truths on someone else. A man has to be ready for them. It gets said a lot, but now you understand what it means and how true it is, because you're experiencing it firsthand. Your friend will eventually wake up, or he'll stay asleep, but it won't be because of anything you say to him.

Now, the exceptions do exist. A man with kids should stuff those truths down their throats, regardless of whether it's like pulling teeth. Teaching your kids the unvarnished truth about the way the world works is part and parcel of fatherhood. Or if someone else you know is right on the edge of unplugging, and you know a way to give him a little push, then do so.

And if you know some plugged in guy who you nevertheless hope to save, you're welcome to try. But it won't work. Blue pill conditioning is brainwashing, it's propaganda. It's a false religion. And for the men who are invested in it, there can be no acceptance of the truth until they detox and vomit out the lies. They must lose their (blue pill) religion, and this doesn't happen from another person's dropped hints and advice. They can't know what's right until they begin to understand that what they take for granted as "just the way things are" is unacceptable horseshit. Then they ask themselves, "If this is wrong, if this isn't how it's supposed to be, than what is?" That's when a man is ready.

By the way OP, I read your post titled "[Discussion] For the past several years I've wondered why I have trouble concentrating on what I'm reading. Now I think I know why." I'm having the same issue. I was always a bookworm, now I can hardly finish two pages in a sitting. I think you're spot on, there's something happening to people's wiring.

[deleted] · 2015-03-28T19:24:10+00:00

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abdada · 2015-03-28T16:40:59+00:00

Marriage is usually when my guy friends are no longer my guy friends.

Relationships are like that. We bond with people who are similar to us and have a useful place in our lives. They're married now, you don't have a place and they don't have a place.

As I get older, I watch many of those ex-friends come back once the divorce is over (or just beginning), but I oftentimes find that they are nothing like the men they used to be. I have no place to re-teach someone what they had once failed to appreciate.

There are no second chances. Not for women, and not even for guys who strayed with bad decision making.

monsieurhire2 · 2015-03-28T21:35:23+00:00

Take it from someone who knows from painful experience: it's NOT your duty, obligation, job, calling to fix other people's lives. Furthermore, the act of being interventionist can actually exacerbate the problem and lead to resentment. The more you do for someone, the more you also send the signal to them that they are weak and can't do for themselves, and then they associate you with their own weakness and self-loathing.

Give the guy his space. Make other friends. Focus on them. But first of all, focus on yourself. Maybe the guy will come around; maybe he won't. But at least you won't be wasting your time.

GREF_ · 2015-03-28T19:12:34+00:00

Your friend is gone, he'll come back to you in 2, 5, 10, or however many years once he gets divorced. He'll look at your bachelor player lifestyle with pure envy and regret the decisions he's made.

Add_Homonyms · 2015-03-30T11:13:40+00:00

A beta is a person who, by definition, subordinates themself in any intimate relationship. As soon as they're in one, they are no longer their own person. They have been consumed -- swallowed whole. You may think you see two people (him and her) standing before you, but that's essentially an illusion, psychologically speaking. Your friend is gone. They are now a fully assimilated component of "the couple."

They will not be their own person until such time their supplicating behavior destroys the couple or (in rare cases) they get their own wakeup call and take charge. And no, you can't be that wakeup call, no matter how hard you try. They are emotionally dependent addicts, and like any addict, you just have to let them hit rock bottom. They may be destroyed before that happens.

There are only 2 things you can control:

Do you like this new aggregate fusion known as the couple? If so, invite the couple out. Hang out with the couple in the proper social functions. If not, cut them off.
Do you want to be there for your friend should the couple disintegrate and a damaged version of him reappears?

That's it. That's all you can control -- your own behavior in reaction to this development.

Hell_Brake · 2015-03-28T23:48:08+00:00

I have a friend like this as well. Where his wife won't allow him to hang out with me, unless she is with us.

On top of it, she goes out drinking with her co-workers on Friday's, sans her hubby. Yet, hubby can't hang with his friend.

At 1st it sucked. But, he is on his own - since this is what he chose for his life.

If they ever divorce or he eventually wakes up and starts doing his own thing, I'll be there. I won't hold anything against him or shun him in any way. Some people want to go through a phase (or phases in his case, his past girlfriends did the same shit).

nomad-oz · 2015-03-29T11:54:37+00:00

The only time I've managed to help a married mate is via his wife. We were talking and she mentioned how calm and in control I was. I said I don't stress about things. She is a trauma nurse and ruminates over things that happen. When she tries to unload in hubby he literally runs away. He was raised in all female house and is 100% beta. Wanted me to talk to him to Man Up. They have an autistic boy that goes hyper and Hubby overreacts and she needs to calm them both. I told her I would think about it.

3 weeks later she visits my office. I say I have a plan. There are three issues.

1: Convert your theatre room to a padded safe room for you son to burn off his adrenalin rush.

2: You need to deal with your stress not dump it on Hubby. Identify your fear. Accept that shit happens. Believe you can handle it. Let go things you cannot control. You did your best don't feel guilty. Set aside limited time to debrief. Interact with smell, touch, taste to stay in the present. Have a mantra. etc.

3: I give her some Red Pill truths. You need a strong hubby of you will ruin your marriage. He wants you to be happy but he was taught everything wrong. After a short chat she is like "Wow you totally get it". The good news is he will do anything you say and is totally trainable. I ask her to recall a time when she felt safe. I suggest when her had held her. Step one when you get home get him to simply hug you and place your ear to his chest and listen to his heart beat. Make it calm you. Every time he does some strong reward him. In bead listen to his heart beat and you want to feel his hardness...wink. Give him a BJ as a reward. Ask him to pound you hard. Tell him you love it when he does that. I bet he will be a quick leaner because he wants to please you.

She said... It was so fukking obvious and loved my plan When she left she had the biggest smile ever.

BrunoOh · 2015-03-28T23:01:54+00:00

"I can't, wife just got home."

"Not a good time, helping my wife with blah blah."

"Let me ask the wife...sorry, can't tonight."

This isn't even blue pill. This is not having any self respect whatsoever. If this happened with any woman to pre-pill me I'd have thought "fuck that shit" and have laughed in her face.

batfish55 · 2015-03-29T00:10:01+00:00

First, if he really has gone hard BP, there's not much you can do. If it's that bad, the best you can do is wait for the divorce, let him cry into his beer afterward, and try to quietly nudge him the RP way. Softly.

On the other hand, as a guy who's had live-in relationships....when you're living with someone, unless you're a total cock, you need to take their schedule into account. It's the grown-up thing to do. "Let me check with the wife" might just mean "Dude, I can't remember if the wife and I had plans tonight." If that's the case, well, your boy has someone in his life. If his calls actually means, "Dude, I need my wife's permission to hang out with the boys," then, yea, it's over. Your post doesn't exactly make it clear whether that's what he's doing, or if he really is his wife's bitch.

sailorJery · 2015-03-28T19:53:03+00:00

Best way to help your buddy is to fuck his wife.

Christian_Kong · 2015-03-28T23:55:55+00:00

This shit happens all the time with people that are LTR's. Seldom do they step outside of their 2 person bubble. Im shocked you haven't seen this before with any of your friends in LTR's.

Upvote_To_The_Left · 2015-03-28T20:16:35+00:00

I have a best friend like this too. Not sure if he will ever be the same again. Maybe one day he'll wake up.

He has not motivation to do anything. Doesn't want go out, no weekend trips, goes to bed at 8:30pm...

therellikofthenight · 2015-03-28T23:24:05+00:00

I've learned that it's not my place to try to help spineless people. I tried once and after it flopped, we never really spoke again. He resented me and I had NO respect for him. Even when he was finally ready to squash it, I wasn't ready to speak to him. It's too bad I'm never gonna get the chance because he really WAS a good guy.

Waldo00 · 2015-03-29T02:01:13+00:00

So true. The late twenties and early thirties is learning about your friends true natures. They are lazy boring losers who were place holding their friends until they could turn into their lazy boring fathers who worked drank, watched television, and avoided any form of risk. You should thank that women for reminding you of what not to do and who the real friends are. I still ask myself if my friends are bailing in me or are just depressed.

[deleted] · 2015-03-29T13:42:14+00:00

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mickeymouseoutfit · 2015-03-29T03:12:56+00:00

The only time we have "hung out" in the past couple of years is when I'm helping him with something.

Sounds like she's roping him into all kinds of shit work and when he can't handle it by himself, now he's going to try and rope you into shit too. Once you're in that beta bucks mode that's all a woman is good for....roping you into doing shit.

You were smarter than that, or at least luckier. Either way you're above that shit. Dude needs to understand that his woman ain't your woman and you ain't got to do shit for her via your friend.

Or maybe I'm just reading my own experience into this. Let me ask you this...when you're helping him do something is it something she put him up to? Does he try and pass it off as y'all's bro time?

Rougepellet · 2015-03-29T03:59:51+00:00

He asks his wife if he can hangout? Jfc did he marry his mother?

chkethley · 2015-03-29T04:10:24+00:00

betas will be betas. It's a never ending cycle for them that neither I nor you can stop.

Massiveshitlord · 2015-03-29T10:51:02+00:00

Fuck, this hits too close to home for the worst reasons. Growing up(late teens-very early 20s) I was a fucking loser and basically thought I needed a girlfriend to be happy, which trust me, I know is absolutely pathetic now. Eventually I finally got a girlfriend and it was like everything was perfect and I was the same way towards my friends. Granted I never did any bullshit like having to ask my girlfriend to hang out with my friends, but still.

Anyways, not going to ramble on about how much of a loser I was and will instead end it with saying that's absolutely not the case anymore.

Hopefully you can convince your friend that he needs to get his shit together and start acting like a man again, and if he doesn't, I wouldn't bother with him, there's no point in wasting your time.

LordPorker · 2015-03-29T11:18:40+00:00

Ask him who is wearing the dress?

fnordsnord · 2015-03-30T01:40:45+00:00

I lost a great bro when he married someone else's leftovers. It was classic. She's gotten her two sons with alpha seed, but that playah was NOT hanging around to change diapers. She set out to find her beta-bux and did she ever. She got along great with my friends and I right up until the poor bastard put a ring on it.

Gradually, all activities that did not revolve around her family were squeezed out.

foldpak111 · 2015-03-30T10:56:59+00:00

He said let me ask my wife haha. permission boys

MajorStyles · 2015-03-29T04:32:41+00:00

What gets me is when they have children.

In public, Beta male can be seen two steps behind her at all times. He will usually have a look of panic on his face, and he'll be carrying a bag of diapers/baby wipes.

She is like Stalin, while he is like a destitute Jewish farmer, praying for a shred of mercy from the despotic overlord.

It's fucking pathetic.

TeflonDon3000 · 2015-03-28T17:10:17+00:00

You have to show him what being RP means, what's it like and how it can benefit him and his marriage. Don't point your finger towards TRP, but more express to him how he's acting is negatively affecting your relationship with him, as well as his relationship with his wife. If you hit him hard enough with the truth, he'll seek out and find TRP just as we all have.

Don't give up on your friend, believe in him and believe he can get his balls rightfully back in his sack from the cold grip of the BP.

Title	Always thought I never cared about other guys being beta...that is, until my beta friends got married.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	90
Comments	60
Date	March 28, 2015 4:22 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/30lyzc/always_thought_i_never_cared_about_other_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/always-thought-i-never-cared-about-other-guys.30742 https://theredarchive.com/post/30742

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