Public Service Announcement

Yesterday a woman came here and posted an interesting link. But the conversation eventually turned to women keeping their Ns low or even remaining virgins until marriage. Well, out came the talons:

Are you implying women should stay virgins until marriage? What about men? Should they stay virgin too? I mean, this is 2019 and all. A woman having premarital sex with a few partners shouldn't be a problem. Notice how I say "a few".

"A woman having premarital sex with a few partners shouldn't be a problem."

"Shouldn't."

Shouldn't.

Translation: You men do not get to judge a woman on her past sexual history. You doing that is wrong and illegitimate and not fit for orderly society.


Women want to decide for you men what you should want and think is attractive. Women want to dictate to you what criteria you should use to evaluate women. To women, there are appropriate evaluation criteria, and inappropriate evaluation criteria -- and they think they should be the ones to decide what is OK and what is not OK. And to women, N, or the number of men she's fucked, is never a legitimate basis on which to evaluate a woman.

It's worked for a long time. Women use shaming, feelings, tantrums, shoutfests, name-calling, and protests to subvert and substitute men's evaluation criteria for their own. You must remember: After rape, the worst thing a man can do to a woman is judge her and reject her, because that makes her feel bad. And making a woman feel bad is an offense that men are just never ever allowed to commit.

This isn't the way the world works, in practice or anywhere. Whether or not they're aware of it, men use their own internal criteria to judge women all the time. And more importantly, what pissed off our poster yesterday was that she didn't get to make the rules and set the judgment parameters.

Women do not get to decide what criteria men will use to judge them. Men get to decide that.

It's a fact of life and attraction that women get to decide how to judge men and what's attractive to them. Women get to decide what criteria they use to judge men and then decide which men get sex and under what circumstances. That's how it works.

By the same token, men get to decide how to judge women and what's attractive to them. Men get to decide what criteria they will use to judge women and decide how they will spend their time, money and resources. That's how it works.

Women are saying

yes, you get to judge women and decide how to spend your finite resources, but WE WOMEN get to decide what criteria you men can use to judge us. You men can make the decisions, but women get to set the parameters and calibrate the scales for you. After we put down the guardrails and limits and set it all up for you, then, and only then, can you start making judgments and decisions.

No. That's not how it works.

A man gets to set any parameters he wants, for any reasons he wants, at any time he wants. If he's OK with her having "a few" sex partners, then he is. If he's not OK with that, then he's not, and that's his call to make. No one else's. He can judge her based on personality, education level, socioeconomic status, social class, body type, cup size, height, hair color - whatever. And women can have whatever opinions they want about that, but what they cannot do is decide what criteria are OK and which are not.

It's your life. Others will tell you how you should live it. Don't let them.