Family vs. Freedom at 35+ years old (A question for older repillers)

FinancialThanks1 · 2020-12-15T09:01:56+00:00

When your situation changes, your values change. The version of you that has kids will value family over freedom

ZachMeadows · 2020-12-15T10:23:05+00:00

Man, at 35 you got a loving 22, you can marry her with a prenup to save your ass in case.

Besides that I wouldn't say family is a detriment to your freedom. Maybe a limitation. You cannot do anything anytime, but you can demand from time to time to have your space.

You can still hangout with your friends, have your hobbies, etc... Sure you cannot ditch everything and leave, but if you want to live abroad you can bring your family with you.

It's all about compromise and negociation. Like in work and business you cannot always have what you want how you want it.

And trust me having a kid is tiring but it is something you will forever cherish, if you take the time and effort to invest yourself in it.

daproest1 · 2020-12-15T10:18:27+00:00

Idc what anyone says. Good job on the 22 year old. Marry her before she’s ruined by friends, social media, co workers, etc. A girl if left to her own devices, is nothing like the 22 year old version of herself when she’s 29-32. That innocence, excitement, silliness, and cooperation is GONE by then.

35 is old enough. What freedoms would you be missing? Other chicks? Well ask yourself if you’ve had enough? I mean it’s all pretty empty at the end of the day. Here you have something real. Or maybe your soon to be wife wouldn’t mind. Kind of like a don’t ask don’t tell policy. A friend of mines wife is like that and they’ve been happily married 13 years. She’s actually honest enough to admit that the fact that other women desire him, makes her desire him MORE. But shes a unicorn. She thinks most girls are crazy.

oooKenshiooo · 2020-12-15T09:55:45+00:00

I am 32 with a 25 yo fiance.

We both have good careers, she is a high level business consultant, I develop software.

I annoyed my freedoms a lot before I met her, fucked about 20-30 new women per year until hookups became boring. I began to expand my growth mindset into my romantic relationships as well and I found a woman who shared my values.

My idea here is this: if you are a good leader, you will be able to shape your relationship according to your values. If you value freedom and personal space, you will be able to establish that.

However, a leader also provides benefits to those he leads. If you take a lot of freedoms for yourself, you need to empower those who you lead to be self sufficient without your presence and micromanagement.

That means your girl having a career and interests outside your relationship and family. Otherwise you will be her sole focus and she will be relying on you for everything.

smgtn · 2020-12-15T15:03:35+00:00

Looking at all those answers, it's as if this wasn't a Red Pill sub at all 😆

Seriously though, Red Pill or no, anyone who considers this is not thinking about the future at all, because if they did they would never go for it. Cohabitation, marriage, kids - it's all going in blind, because so many things can and will go wrong.

Even if you do everything right, chances are your wife will cuck and/or divorce rape you.
Even if you do everything right, chances are your kids will hate you in the end anyway, because while you may be Red Pill, the surrounding environment and society is not.
Your kids could be born with defects, stupid, gay, etc. A possibility of at least one of those is high.

It's highly risky. I would only do it if Red Pill was the status quo as it was for thousands of years until recently. In current times? Fuck no.

YallNeedMises · 2020-12-15T10:28:09+00:00

Do it, brother. Take the Dadpill, take your place in the Patriarchy, and when you do you will realize just how petty and meaningless everything in your life was prior. By no means will it be easy, but when has that stopped you from reaching where you are now? No one will challenge your frame, your fortitude more than your children, but this is your purpose as a strong & capable man, to be the rock in the lives of your children, to raise hard, honorable sons and soft, virtuous daughters, and nothing else will come close to giving you the same sense of fulfillment as fatherhood actively & enthusiastically undertaken. It's the role you've been building yourself up all your life for. You've got this.

SpicyYeetJuice · 2020-12-15T08:21:15+00:00

I am not 35+ nor I am I planning on getting married anytime soon but if I were in your shoes I would not start a family with a girl who’s 22. The difference in maturity is drastic. I believe the divorce statistics for that age difference is horrific. I believe there’s a sub for people who are TRP and married ask your question there instead.

But if you’ve been on this in the amount of time you realize that people on the Internet can’t decide your life for you.

IntrepidLawyer · 2020-12-15T14:04:22+00:00

Hell no, I'm happy I avoided that disease as hell before reaching this age and now I'm winning at life without any nagging wife holding some brat hostage above my wallet if I drop her old ass for some new girl who is actually hot.

You are just beginning to live the real life at that age, why throw it all away in advance even before you begin?

Grave_Heresy · 2020-12-15T16:23:00+00:00

Problem with marrying younger women is that they start to see their friends on the CC and get jealous.

They sleep around because they feel like they never had the chance. This case is a good example of it. The video is long but the point is made in the first 6 min.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XhbA5j9KADs

Don't end up like this guy. Not saying don't get married. But if you do I'd say know the laws in your country.

Get a prenup stipulating a payout in the event of infidelity.

Hire a PI and run a background check on her and her family.

Sign assets over to a relative for safe keeping to prevent divorce rape.

Also, I highly advise paternity tests on any kid that you have.

These should be standard for any guys marriage today.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-12-15T20:53:35+00:00

So how down is she to be a mom RIGHT NOW? She might be more into it at 25 or 29, and you might be more into being a dad at that age.

Next question, what are the terms or your relationship? Is it an OLTR? If it's a closed relationship, you are already sacrificing your freedom.

Since being a father, guiding, leading and raising your young is probably the most alpha, rewarding and important thing you can do as a man, surely a woman has to be part of that?

Who told you that? I mean, go have 100 kids if you want, but is it really the be all end all? Guys here will sometimes talk about wanting "their line" to continue. I always want to ask, "Who are you? Henry VIII?" I'm agnostic on kids, btw. If I get one past the goalie, great, and if I don't, great. N.B. I did a post on this and it busted everyone's bubble. There was much butthurt. Think about all the stupid people you know, all the assholes, drug addicts, criminals. A bunch of them had parents who thought having kids would be the Best Thing Ever.

It's not.

It can be super-rewarding of course, but having kids is like getting married; sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

Further Reading:

OLTRs: What They Are, And How To Manage Them

-Open on your side, closed on hers.

The Baby Trap

-Managing Your Girlfriend's Baby Rabies

The Problem of Marriage

-Don't Invite the Government Into Your Relationship.

Never Kids First

-Don't Be a Baby-Worshiping Diaper Sniffer.

ArgentinaMRP · 2020-12-15T08:41:16+00:00

Getting married to a woman under the age of 26 is fucking insane. If I'm not mistaken, there is a study out there that shows the numbers of divorce double for people who get married in their mid-twenties. There's nothing wrong with getting married and having family if that's what you want, but make sure you take your time when spinning plates/dating and being in a relationship.

Two_Percenter · 2020-12-15T10:53:52+00:00

I know I want to have a family. I'm 30. I'm looking for a wife.

RPU_mike · 2020-12-15T13:31:33+00:00

I never wrestled with the idea of starting a family. I knew what I wanted going in, and I married a woman who is a great mother. If you want kids and a family, you must prioritize leading them or it will fall apart.

If I could go back I’d do it again. I just wish I’d been a lot less of a faggot about managing my marriage early on, but that was before the red pill. Now I know better.

If you take good care of yourself and give out of abundance, figure out your personal mission, and embrace a leadership role you’ll be starting off on the right foot.

BlondeHornyElf · 2020-12-15T13:54:59+00:00

how old do u guys think is too late to have kids? 40?

KuritaT · 2020-12-15T14:33:11+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLCEUpIg8rE

CashSplash123 · 2020-12-15T16:44:09+00:00

Lol

Closing my eyes to this eventual dumpster fire. Wisen up and save yourself from you BP fantasy before you lose it all. Your 35 man. If you don’t get it by now, it might be too late. What you believe is alpha doesn’t make it universally so

Also what’s the difference between saying your fit and in shape?

Talinor09 · 2020-12-15T19:44:59+00:00

Great question.

For me my preference is settle and have a family/kids.

If for whatever reason the marriage doesn’t work out and you are civil and don’t get divorce raped then at least I’ve finally sired some offspring.

As much as the bachelor lifestyle is touted here on TRP, I can see there’s a point where i’ll no longer be able to pull women in their twenties at which point you’re stuck dating girls who are 30+ who’ve spent years on the CC or whom are ultimately single mothers, or worse damaged, which does not seem appealing.

marowitt · 2020-12-15T13:27:18+00:00

Being married is RP on hard mode.

By all means, do start a family but maybe not with someone so young, you need a partner that puts in the same effort as you do, both financially and time commitment.

That 22 year old still didn't have her party/freedom years, she might always resent the fact that she gave that up and might go awol at some point.

The question is not if you should do it, the question is did you find a woman that is worth doing it with?

KirthWGersen · 2020-12-15T09:21:22+00:00

There are many options when it comes to having children and being an excellent father.

Marriage or cohabitation simply don't need to be a part of that. You need an excellent mother. You don't need to live with her or combine your finances.

Also, as others have said, choosing a woman that young for and LTR is almost always unwise. Mentally and emotionally, men and women of that age are still basically teenagers.

If there is one thing we know about women it is that they are fickle; they change constantly. That is a wonderful thing. But it also means that the shape of your LTR will be constantly changing and young women change even faster than older women.

Also, a young woman with your child is much more likely to be dependent on you financially. That places you squarely in the provider role, which endangers your sexual satisfaction if you stay together and jeopardises your financial security if you split up (depending on the jurisdiction you live in).

Title	Family vs. Freedom at 35+ years old (A question for older repillers)
Author	thewrestler
Upvotes	9
Comments	39
Date	December 15, 2020 8:14 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/kdhrtv/family_vs_freedom_at_35_years_old_a_question_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/family-vs-freedom-at-35-years-old-a-question-for.499173 https://theredarchive.com/post/499173

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