I'm a women who learned of of this sub, been lurking for weeks, and currently trying to swallow the large, uncomfortable red pill that I've realized you've all smacked me in the face with; reality. I'm a goddamn hamster.

theubercuber · 2013-06-29T14:29:41+00:00

I think it's great you have become aware of your rationalization. Every time you think "What is going on in HIS head, why would he do this" is a step forward.

However, I personally feel that once a relationship has reached this stage it cannot be salvaged for marriage. Even if you can start getting along, you guys will always have this dark spot that will come up whenever you fight or argue. And it will haunt you.

I would recommend trying again with a new alpha and a promise to keep vigilant for the hamster.

CokedUpArmenian · 2013-06-29T14:36:11+00:00

First and foremost, I think everyone appreciates your very blunt honesty, and we recognize being so honest is likely to cause you quite a bit of mental distress/depression; so thanks for putting yourself out there like this.

My question is: have I beta'd my man with my feelings and emotions long enough to never get back the man I fell in love with? What could I do to remind him he is alpha ? (he is) How can I give him the red pill again?

It would take a long time to 'fix' him so to speak, since he's only got you as feedback. Other parts of his social life may not like him trying to re-become an alpha male; so not really an easy endeavor to pursue. All you can do is reinforce his good behavior and try not to give him shit tests when he actually attempts to be more masculine.

The problem therein, even if he became pussy slayer 2.0, since you been cheating on him, you will always see him as lower value. You've de-pair bonded from him, oxytocin is the main relationship building block, and that has been in effect against him now.

30303030303030 · 2013-06-29T11:41:41+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/

Jiujitsuismygf · 2013-06-29T14:48:25+00:00

Just leave him?

iseeyou1312 · 2013-06-29T12:41:24+00:00

This is female solipsism at its finest. It's his fault he isn't meeting your needs. He's the reason why you're a cheating whore.

Your entire post mentions nothings of his thoughts, feelings, emotions, aspirations but rather what you need to mold him into so you will stop cheating. And then you claim to be in a place of self loathing and depression? Crocodile tears don't work on this subreddit.

The relationship is dead, nothing can salvage it. If the two of you get married it will be a disaster.

Your problem is that you are very near, or possible past the wall, and father time takes no prisoners. Those men who you are cheating with now aren't going to want to know you in less than a decade.

Good luck.

redpillschool · 2013-06-29T16:28:40+00:00

The guys here are not wrong, but they are crude. The type of advice here you can expect are hard truths that require breaking yourself down and rebuilding from the ground up. You won't like this advice, but it's good.

Somebody else already suggested this, and I agree, head on over to /r/redpillwomen for some insight. They'll likely say the same things, but perhaps with more feminine finesse.

GayLubeOil · 2013-06-29T18:27:05+00:00

Something to consider: If the genders were switched TheRedPill would have no problem telling a man to leave his sexless obese wife, which I belive a man should do.

_whistler · 2013-06-29T15:52:49+00:00

I'll address a few things. Most of what I'm going to say, you already know, but I'm saying it to reinforce that knowledge. First, from the original post.

I have been with my dude for 7 years and he has slowly become beta, which I am no longer attracted to. I have sex on the side...

I "love him" and he is def my best friend.

I fuck men bc I need it and my partner is too depressed to give it to me.

This is a very good description of the average modern male/female committed relationship. It's common. Less common is that you seem to be genuine in wanting to take steps to fix things between your man and yourself. Maybe you do want to fix this. Maybe you can. But.

You "love him". Doesn't matter. You love your parents, your siblings, your friends, your dog. You loved those shoes you saw in the window last week because they looked super cute. Love is an ambiguous word. You "love him". Ask yourself what that means. It's difficult to truly evaluate an emotion, but try. Is this "love" you speak of desire? Do you desire his company? Doesn't sound like it; who desires to be around a fat, depressed loser? Do you desire his cock? Doesn't sound like it; you desire cock in general, doesn't have to be his. Do you desire his social status, or his comforting embrace that makes you feels secure, or his wit, or his confident demeanor? Of course not. He's a loser. Nobody desires a loser. So. Back to seeking a definition of this "love" you have for him. If it isn't desire, what is it? Nurturing instinct? Companionable affection?

There are a lot of possibilities. In the interest of not posting an entire textbook's worth of analysis here, I'll go ahead and tell you what I think you mean when you say you "love him". You are used to being with him. He's familiar. He's inside your comfort zone. You have a psychological need to be in a relationship with another human being, and the fact that he has filled that need in the past allows you to use his presence - not him, but his mere presence in your life - to continue filling that need. Except it doesn't. That need is unfulfilled. And so instead, you try to fill it with strange cock.

I'm not mocking you. I don't judge you. My heart goes out to you, lackadaisicalWhore. Because you know all of this already. You know you're a slut. You know he's not the Alpha you need. And you're afraid.

Now I said at the beginning of my comment: maybe you can fix this. I meant that the two of you, together, have a faint possibility of making this work. Probably not forever, but maybe for enough time that both of you don't come out the other side more broken than when you went into it.

This next bit is for both of you. It probably won't help him, because he's not the one posting in TRP, seeking a way to improve himself and fix his relationship. Nevertheless, here it is.

He stopped having sex with me several years ago unless we are on drugs.

He is very depressed and overweight...

Stop all drug use. All of it. Immediately. If you are an addict, get into a program if that's what you need. I don't just mean any of the hard stuff you two use, I mean all of it. Cannabis. Alcohol. Tobacco. These things can be fine for healthy people, as an indulgence. Neither of you is healthy. Cut it out of your life, and do it now.

Exercise and proper nutrition. Starting now. You cannot be psychologically healthy if you are poisoning your body through an unhealthy lifestyle. He's depressed? No shit. He's a fat loser who uses drugs and has completely lost control of his masculinity. He can either keep committing slow suicide, or he can grab himself by the balls, get his body into primal masculine mode where it's supposed to be, and then maybe his mind will follow. You should do the same. Strengthen and nurture your body, and the chemicals running amok in your system will have a better chance of normalizing.

Some other things, from comment replies you've posted.

He was crazy ambitious to further himself in his career

He was fit

I'm just like every other woman that gets bored with their man

I came here to be honest and say, I'm in the wrong an that I don't know what to do to fix my relationship.

I didn't mean to say or hamster my logic into saying that my cheating is his fault.

You blame him. Of course you blame him. Don't tell yourself you don't. Intellectually, you recognize you are in the wrong, but you have to also recognize that he is just as much in the wrong as are you. Rationally, you are both fuck-ups. And so irrationally, emotionally, you blame him. Humans do that.

Be honest with yourself. Get in the habit of calling yourself on your bullshit. This is a good start, posting on TRP. Keeping doing it, keep seeking accountability outside your own head.

Once you can be honest with yourself, start being honest with him. Honesty leads to trust. Trust leads to intimacy. Intimacy leads to the only way you can actually stop whoring out over strange cock, and have the alpha partner you desire.

I hope this helps.

projectself · 2013-06-29T14:49:19+00:00

There are only two types of women that cheat. 1) complete sluts 2) women who married loser men who are the cause of all their lifes problems.

I am going to guess which person the original poster sees when she looks in the mirror.

Your husband is not the cause of your misery, and likely you are not the cause of his. You both are codependant, and have each contributed to creating the relationship you have. If I had to guess, I would speculate he feels it is his job to make you happy, and is quite agreeable to whatever you want to do. I would guess that you are very critical and shameful of him in words and actions. You "love" him in the sense that he accepts you and loves you and provides for him, but that deeply you do not desire him or love or respect him.

After rejection after rejection his confidence has gone to zero. He believes you that he is the cause of your unhhappiness. He is not like you and does not know how to make his needs a priority. He wishes to make his needs small so that you will love him more because he is not a bother. t is a terrible strategy, but it's psychological and not his fault. When the strategy does not work, he tries even harder to be more supportive, be the good guy, do things right and just find that magic script that if he just gets it right and does the right things he will be loved.

That shit is a lie, it doesn't work that way but he doesnt understand that. His expectation that because he does xyz, he should get abc goes unfullfilled and he likely pushes you away when you try to get closer and clings to you when you pull away from him. It is a miserable life and miserable marriage.

If you love him, tell him you want a divorce. go to marriage counseling, get him some help for depression, be honest about being unfaithful. Work things out. Your marriage now is dead, bury it. You can begin a new relationship if both want it.

If you do not love him, tell him you want a divorce. Try to be kind to his already destroyed sense of self. But force him to open his eyes and find a new life. One with the love he craves but doesn't know how to get from you.

Big_Man_On_Campus · 2013-06-29T16:23:09+00:00

..I've diluted myself into thinking my BF is the problem, not me...I think I'm relatively intelligent,

If you can recognize that you can and have self-deceived, then yes you are intelligent. Congrats.

My question is: have I beta'd my man with my feelings and emotions long enough to never get back the man I fell in love with? What could I do to remind him he is alpha ? (he is) How can I give him the red pill again?

Just reading what you've written, I suspect your BF is likely straying, if not cheating himself. I think your relationship is done.

Zer0nation · 2013-06-29T17:57:51+00:00

Fuck it, advice?

Take the red pill, and shove it down his throat.

He's chubby, overweight, jealous, etc etc etc? Encourage him to join a gym. You could be a bitch about it and issue an ultimatum: Work out or you're out. Sounds like he'd give it a try because he's too scared to lose you. Encourage him to go out with his friends. Go out to clubs together and show him off. Make him love himself and feel wanted again. Go on adventures together, just as long as you're both out of the house. Find time to do it.

And when he's feeling better about himself, admit that you cheated. You'll have the upperhand because you can just pull the shame card afterwards "oh, I did all of this for you because I'd rather stay with you than bail for some hotter, younger, more independent and exciting guy". You win.

turnipslice · 2013-06-29T18:01:21+00:00

If you're going to cheat, tell the man. That makes you the female equivalent of a "beta" by sneaking around his back like that. (wo)Man up, and tell it to his face. Don't be that sneaky whore that everyone hates.

Maybe you didn't change him into a "beta", maybe he was always one and in order for him to pick up women he needs to act "alpha", and therefore it gave the impression that it's who he is. Many shy or introverted men will break out of their shell to pick up women, and give an impression that they are a strong willed man who can "take charge", because they know that's what women want. So maybe you just thought he was something that he never was.

[deleted] · 2013-06-29T13:41:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2013-06-29T17:45:26+00:00

I think I'm relatively intelligent, raised without religion and to believe I'm just as "good" as you all even though I have game and sleep around But...

You are not a good person, by any measure. You are selfish and you are cheating because you have problems, not because your man is beta. Do him a good one and dump him now, figure your shit out before inflict it on anyone else.

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2013-06-29T17:08:44+00:00

First of all, this post reeks of fake to me. People don't usually talk like how OP is talking.

Second of all, if this story is true, OP has barely understood the bare minimum of what TRP is. From what I see, all OP knows is that her soon to be ex used to be less beta than he is now, and that she likes sex.

Third, OP keeps saying that the guy was alpha. I don't fucking buy it. A 34 year old male still dicking around with a whore for 7 years? I could understand if he got with her when he was 20, but he was 27 years old when he started dating her. Any of you who are reading this and are 27+ y.o. TRPers will know for a fact that no whore will be able to tie you down in a million years.

[deleted] · 2013-06-29T21:41:34+00:00

If you loved him you wouldn't sleep with other guys without telling him. You would do one or more of the following.

Tell him you love him but are unhappy about the lack of sex.
Express desire to be in an open relationship so that you can have someone fulfill your needs as he can't.
Leave him.

ar10308 · 2013-06-29T15:24:50+00:00

When a man cheats in a relationship, the relationship is still salvageable, however when the women cheats it usually is not because how the female sex-drive works (see Athol Kay at Married Man Sex Life).

Expose your wanton cheating ways to him and let him end the relationship with sufficient anger that he maintains some self-respect. And you better give that ring back.

W-Z-R · 2013-06-29T15:07:14+00:00

Loving relationships lower a man's T levels, but increase it for women

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testosterone

Depression also raises cortisol which is antagonistic to testosterone

http://www.ehow.com/about_5162836_effects-cortisol-testosterone.html

I would guess that this is what has happened, I would say that to get the old him back he needs to raise that. So force him to discipline himself and get on the deadlifts, squats, oats, etc. Make him do manly shit, and he needs to stop smoking that damn pot.

Stargazer34 · 2013-06-29T16:26:43+00:00

You are the scum of the earth, I hope you know that. Return the ring and break it off or work on your issues, marrying him WILL NOT fix anything, it will only magnify it. If you care at all, that is.

jorgander · 2013-06-29T16:35:39+00:00

While not exactly the same, your post reminded me of this comic.

Others have said it, but I'd like to repeat that you are not completely in the wrong since he has let himself go. Sure, you are wrong to fuck around, but it sounds like he does nothing to encourage you not to. Monogamy shouldn't be just having to fuck one person, but wanting to as well.

To be honest he is lucky to have you, in spite of your cheating. If I were him I'd be hurt by it, but then if I only sat around playing video games, getting fat, and not dealing with my depression, but my GF dressed sexy for me, sucked my dick all the time, and wanted to fuck me and fulfill my fantasies, I'd say it's not a bad deal.

No advice really, just wanted to touch on those points.

ScalpelBurn2 · 2013-06-29T13:54:18+00:00

This is a huge troll.

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