Confident Vs Cocky

Robster25 · 2018-09-05T05:12:43+00:00

You should write more articles. I'm a very critical person and I believe many articles on here, even from endorsed contributors are written like absolute trash. This article is flawless.

Confidence isn't about winning. It's not about losing. It's an understanding that there are things you are good at, and there are things you are bad at. It's a relationship with the truth, its a truth you trust and know a lot about. It's being real with yourself and knowing when to quit, and when to commit. Winning and losing becomes the same thing, only a measure of what you did right, what you did wrong, and if you have what it takes.

Really well said! In addition I would've stated, that you have to work on a thing to become good at it. No one is confident by nature, but by failing over and over again until he/she becomes good at the thing they are practicing.

Jcorb · 2018-09-05T14:10:28+00:00

I think the problem I suffer with -- and by my estimation, a lot of guys here also do (or at least did) -- is grappling with a constant feeling of "not being good enough". It's a vicious cycle, especially when you come from a family that constantly put you down or even directly told you that you weren't good enough.

Say you see a girl you like. Well, you start assessing things. "Well, if I think she's attractive, so do other guys. Chances are, many if not most of them are more attractive than me. They have better skin, or take better care of their bodies, or make more money, or are smarter...". It can go on and on, to the point you paralyze yourself, because you've essentially weaponized "logic" against yourself.

I think it was Jordan Peterson who'd pointed out, that in our minds, we essentially pick a trait we don't like about ourselves, and intentionally compare that against someone who excels in that area, creating an impossible-to-win scenario in our own heads.

I'm 30 years old, and I'm only just now starting to realize that, you know, it's okay to want things. It doesn't make you "selfish". Or rather, you need to be "selfish" sometimes. Nobody is going to just give you the things you want out of life. No woman will ever fall in love with you "just for being you", you'll never land an awesome job just because you work hard (hard work is an ingredient for success; not the whole recipe), things like that.

I'm still not at a point I'm taking action enough, but at least mentally, I feel like I'm starting to "get it". I'm starting to actually realize, my family actually was really abusive growing up, and I don't deserve to be treated that way. It sounds stupid to say out loud I guess, but that stuff really does mess with your entire outlook on life.

chazthundergut · 2018-09-05T16:47:19+00:00

Confidence is when you have high value.

Cocky is when you act like you have high value.

Confidence comes from competence, experience, and repeated positive exposure.

Cocky comes from insecurity OR the self-awareness of your own high value

Both are a turn-on to women. You can get away with being cocky if you actually are as high value as you act ... you can't get away with being cocky if you are low-value acting like the king. But you can act like the king if you are the king. If that makes sense.

SasquatchMcKraken · 2018-09-05T04:46:51+00:00

I'd simplify it and say that cockyness is just the outer trappings of confidence. It isn't necessarily delusional, but it isn't deep. Since it's entirely external it manifests itself in very external ways, often to an obnoxious extent. It must be projected. Confidence can also be projected but it's coming from a much deeper base. A confident person you don't like you'll probably consider cocky, simply because the two have many of the same outward tells. Like a shallow pool versus a deep one, you can't really know the difference for sure until you step in.

salinorum · 2018-09-05T12:58:40+00:00

I’d say confidence is being secure and comfortable in your own skin. It is a willingness even to acknowledge that you are imperfect and lacking in some facets of life. It is being content in an imperfect world.

Cockiness I think is the exact opposite. It an attempt to appear comfortable and competent when really one feels insecure and lacking. Cockiness is thus a stress response to feelings of insufficiency. It is an attempt to mask over ones own feelings of worthlessness. And thus is it both fake and an overcompensation which others can read with too much ease

jonpe87 · 2018-09-05T13:03:32+00:00

You can say that confidence is passive "self-assurance", cockyness is a agressive one.

The problem is: most guys here are interested in those things to have success in life, woman a big one, so, in that matter confidence without a little bit of cockyness is useless to attract other people attention. Sometimes the wrong guy for the job gets the job, the wrong guy for the girl gets the girl for being cocky. Your post is good but is a "hamster material" for the guys that want a more blue pill reality.

atticusfinch1973 · 2018-09-05T11:33:57+00:00

For me the fine line between cocky and confident is simply this:

A confident person doesn't have to rely on insults or trash talking, they just get the job done. This in our circles is also known as holding frame. Cocky people aren't 100% confident that they can get the job done so they rely on mind games or trash talk to bring their own confidence up.

There's nothing wrong with that and it works for some people but it also always means that there is a part of that person that is afraid they are going to fail.

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2018-09-05T14:18:08+00:00

Change the article to confident vs arrogant and you are right on. It’s all about congruence. Cocky is a sexy thing to women. It becomes arrogance when it’s completely incongruent (this guy thinks he’s smart when he’s clearly an idiot, signaling hot despite being ugly, etc)

albino_red_head · 2018-09-05T14:25:21+00:00

Very true! I will also add something that I learned through David D'Angelo's dating/PUA series over 10 years ago: cocky comedy is gold with attracting women. Acting in a comedic/cocky way. It's basically coveying your confidence of any situation by being absurdly cocky. In fact last night at the bar I observed a new guy at the bar just chatting with a few local older gentlemen and the bartender couldn't keep a smile off her face overhearing this guy. At one point one of the older gentlemen said something to the effect of needing to lose weight as he pointed out his own gut. The cocky/comedy guy just says, "you and me both brother we all got it, it's no accident I've got the body of a Greek God". He obviously wasn't a lifter or fit, he was obviously being absurdly cocky, and the bartender obviously was digging it to some degree. Ultimately he was conveying confidence in himself by joking about it in a non self-depricating way.

In the end cocky comedy or being absurdly cocky ties back to this bit perferctly:

It's an understanding that there are things you are good at, and there are things you are bad at. It's a relationship with the truth, its a truth you trust and know a lot about.

Meta-h · 2018-09-05T15:09:00+00:00

Agree with most of this post. Baselining this:

Cocky - an arrogant, condescending dick that thinks he can do anything, even without a pertinent frame of reference or history to show he can.

Confident - a self-assured, trial tested man that comes across as highly capable because he’s proven to himself that he’s willing to commit to an endeavor to make it happen and has the tenacity to see it through.

zyqkvx · 2018-09-05T16:11:23+00:00

That's one definition of cocky, and with that meaning you made some points. Like in a Webster Dictionary there are more than one meanings to most words.

Another meaning is to be playful and witty, no personal defect required. I like that definition of 'cocky' better.

EdmondDaunts · 2018-09-05T13:14:14+00:00

The Four Types of Horses story is a compliment to this.

wobbleelbbow · 2018-09-05T16:14:34+00:00

I always viewed "cockiness" as a positive trait (in right amounts at least). Being confident is great, but being confident and cocky is better. It makes females wet, not just young ones (who prefer cocky dudes) but older women (who like confident men).

Being just enough cocky will open doors to most women's panties. Mere confidence sometimes doesn't do it. It's all about calibration though and it is easy to appear immature and pretty stupid when you try to force cockiness. That's my take on this.

medakulw · 2018-09-05T18:30:57+00:00

Cocky is when you talk about it. Confident is when you don't

owlsden · 2018-09-05T19:06:28+00:00

Confucius say man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

IvyExcess · 2018-09-05T19:24:29+00:00

Confidence gets you smiles, cockiness gets you blowjobs - my experience

PlzPunchMyFaceOff · 2018-09-06T00:08:44+00:00

Confidence is knowing that you don't have to announce how great you are at something because if anyone worth your time looks, they'll likely see for themselves... And if they don't, they're not really worth your time. :D

SlothOnRoids · 2018-09-05T11:41:48+00:00

My take on this subject is that being cocky is a behavior that’s typically displayed by a younger, immature individual. It’s more overt, obnoxious, and overdone. Confidence is a more of an aura that exudes from someone without them saying much at all. You can pick up on it from their body language, tonality, the way they carry themselves.

redwineit · 2018-09-05T08:41:37+00:00

Honestly love this post.

Probably not adding much here but your point about an honest relationship with failure and the truth really hit home for me.

When you push yourself at gym to failure, you think, 'this is good, I'm improving'.

For some reason there is a tendancy towards viewing failure as this awful thing in many areas of our lives. The right mindset goes a long, long way. And I believe the right mindset is 'failure is good, failure is learning, failure is progress'.

Set out to suceed, but don't fear failure. Expect it. Recognise it when it happens as a milestone on the road to success, keep going, keep failing -success will come.

Thanks for the excellent post OP.

Cheers.

Luckylancer96 · 2018-09-05T14:39:02+00:00

There is a thin line between bravery & stupitdity and cowardice & intelligence -Some dude in my history lessons

realryang · 2018-09-05T15:47:02+00:00

You beta bitch....

Kidding. Like what you wrote!

PuppersGoneWild · 2018-09-05T16:00:54+00:00

Also, Arrogance is cockiness motivated by insecurity

Aloongish · 2018-09-06T04:55:06+00:00

Success is really dependent on you and you only. If you blame the external factors, that would be cocky. When you are looking down on others, that would be cocky. “I’m the king of baseball. You’re nothing compared to me.” See “Ian Bernardo” on YouTube for what is cocky / arrogant.

When you blame on something, you’re just shifting your power to someone / something else. Confidence is like trying something fail or no fail, (trial and error). It wouldn’t matter what the end result is. It only matters on what you can take away from the experience.

pohlrich · 2018-09-06T10:35:09+00:00

describes cocky, describes confident, doesn't actually differentiate between confident vs cocky.

heartofgoldentendies · 2018-09-06T17:54:10+00:00

I've heard it put that confidence is believing you will succeed, and cockiness is believing you can't fail.

littleboyblu13 · 2018-09-08T03:11:25+00:00

It's integrating what you know into your being AND what you don't know into your being. There's always room to acquire wisdom so the unknown doesn't stay in the dark, but one person can't know everything.

Matthias_Foley35 · 2018-09-08T22:40:54+00:00

Beta bitch. Haha.

Seriously tho, that was a stacked analysis. Keep up the good work.

420KUSHBUSH · 2018-09-10T02:18:30+00:00

"Hopefully this clears things up. If not, feel free to call me a beta bitch."

A man of class I see

Chaddeus_Rex · 2018-09-10T17:28:28+00:00

Insecurity is not always about fear or hiding from the truth. Someone can have a relationship with the truth (ie confident) and recognize that they are bad at something and hate that fact. They want to be good at whatever they are bad at (ie getting girls) but it doesnt work so they become insecure.

Narcius · 2018-09-05T10:21:55+00:00

Your article is confidence. You last line is cocky, beta bitch.

beefthathasredmiddle · 2018-09-06T00:22:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Thaweed · 2018-09-05T08:47:36+00:00

Turns out im not that confident, im just cocky.

TheTrenTrannyTrain · 2018-09-05T10:06:53+00:00

Cocky is irrational confidence, but women can't differentiate between the 2, so it's better to be cocky.

undextrois · 2018-09-05T07:35:12+00:00

OP should read “double your dating by david deAngelo” so that he would not confuse himself. Lmao

ahab_dies · 2018-09-05T10:43:34+00:00

For me it's about perception.

Let's take one guy. One person will call him confident, the next person will call him cocky.

The difference? The second one dislikes the guy; the first one likes him.

omega_dawg93 · 2018-09-05T16:07:08+00:00

cocky is confidence that is tainted with ignorance, fear, & being loud to cover-up flaws.

pure confidence is remaining calm as your weaknesses get exposed while moving forward with your strengths down-played... silent during chaos but filled with (positive) action.

lehappyjuice · 2018-09-05T12:19:53+00:00

Cocky is when you are ugly not a chad top 10%. Confident is when you are top 10% in the looks department.

End. I look forward to your cope and downvotes.

Thunderbird93 · 2018-09-05T11:39:11+00:00

Great post. I think the answer is the Aristotelian Golden Mean. A coward is pusillanimous,a fearless one is foolhardy, courage lies between. Seems balance is essential. Nice read

dumbkidaccount · 2018-09-05T09:17:29+00:00

Chad = confident

Average Joe = cocky

Title	Confident Vs Cocky
Author	beefthathasredmiddle
Upvotes	592
Comments	68
Date	September 5, 2018 4:11 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/9d2x1g/confident_vs_cocky/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/confident-vs-cocky.52274 https://theredarchive.com/post/52274

Comments