Someone once told me that if I wanted to find something revolutionary in bodybuilding, read a book from 100 years ago. So I pulled out the old school PUA playbook and started calling girls whose texts had gone cold.
We live in an age of hyper-connectivity. However, actual communication is at an all-time low (I base this fact on absolutely nothing). I was looking through my texts the other night and realized that there must be 50 dead conversations in there from sluts who gave me their number over the past year and never bothered to text me back. Or, we had a short boring conversation and it died there instead.
What am I doing wrong?
I wouldn’t say that I am a master at text game. As a matter of fact, I hate it. I love people. Everything that I love about people is stripped away when I send a text message. There is no tone, no passion. That’s when it finally hit me…
I cannot generate tingles with a text message.
I’ve been alive for how many years? How did I never think to call women? I guess it’s because I associate my phone with work/horrible conversations with my parents about my day/”I’m a millennial whose too good for old school technology”. However, I was in for the night and looking for some fun, so I channeled my inner Mystery, picked up the phone and started calling.
CALL #1: Belle
Belle – “Umm, hello?”
TT – “Hey Belle, It’s The_Titleist. How have you been?”
Belle – “Who?”
TT – “The_Titleist, we met at [Other Local Bar] a month or so back.”
Belle – “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
Damn, that didn’t go well
The next three calls I made went straight to voicemail. I can only assume that they never saved my number and pressed the fuck you button as soon as they saw some random no named person calling them. This was a little disheartening at first so I made myself a rule. If the girl messaged “who is this” or a one word response when I messaged them initially they were complete no-go’s and deleted from my phone. How about Dana, she was fun to talk to for a few days
Call #5: Dana
Dana – “Oh, hey?! Haven’t talked to you in a while.”
TT – “I know! What a disappointment since we had such a good time when we met.”
Dana – “A good time? My friends thought you were the biggest dick bag they’d ever seen.”
TT – “Sucks for them if they don’t appreciate my humor, but you did.” (Read that with a sly smirk)
Dana – “Haha I guess so, I don’t give my number out to just anybody you know.” Now we’re getting somewhere
TT – “I remember you like martinis.” She must have had 5 of them when we first met.
Dana – “Only when they’re made well.” This girl is showing serious interest, lets go for it
TT – “You’re in luck, I can make a martini that would cause James Bond to burst into tears of joy.” Cheesy, but who gives a fuck
Dana – “Well I’d love to, but I’m at my parents’ house right now. Rain check?”
This is interesting to me because I cannot tell over the phone if this is a shit test or not. I wish I could verify it because it sounds like one, but she could just as easily be at her parents’ house. I proceed as if it were and respond with an agree and pressure flip. I did this because I want her to commit to something in the future and at the same time tell me if there is genuine interest there or not.
Back to the action
TT – “Ok. My offer Is good for 3 days.”
Dana – “Well, I get back home tomorrow, how about Sunday? That’s within your limit, haha.” I guess I passed this one
TT – “Cool, see you then.” I hang up the phone Gotta keep a little dread going.
UPDATE: She texted me today, looks like my date is still on
There might be something to this phone game
It turns out girls are responsive to guys calling them. I guess it’s the novelty of it since I’m now one for two. (I refuse to count the fuck you button) But, I’m still looking for right now. I continue going through my phone. Calls 6 through 11 follow a similar pattern to the one with Belle and I’m starting to lose hope. Past 830 were reaching into booty call territory and that has a bad enough reputation considering I’m trying to revive dead text conversations. I make my next call, to Cherry.
Call #12: Cherry
Cherry – “Oh hey, this is unexpected.”
TT – “There’s that phrase again.”
Cherry – “Again? Haha, I take it I wasn’t your first call tonight?”
TT – “Nope, you’re number 12 as a matter of fact.” Why lie? This bitch isn’t special, she stopped texting me back for Christ sake.
Cherry – “It’s nice to know where I stand on your rotation.” Playful banter, eh? Time to escalate
TT – “Nah, I’m more like Schmidt from 22 jump street.” Hopefully she gets that reference She had a good time when we met; I can use it with impunity.
Cherry – “Are you going to wear green tights and perform peter pan for me?” Sweet, she does.
TT – “Bring me some green tights and we will see.”
Cherry – “Aww, I don’t have any…”
TT – “Then bring some popcorn and we can watch him perform it instead”
Cherry – “I haven’t seen you in three weeks, though! We’ve only spoken for like an hour.” Shit test identified
TT – “All I remember is making out before your friend tore you away from me.” Respond with agree and amplify
Cherry – “You were pretty hot that night.” Shit test passed
TT – “You only have one life, what do you have to lose?”
Cherry – “Ok, but you better have wine there.”
TT – “Already ahead of you. See you soon.”
Cherry – “Ok, text me your address. Bye.”
TT – “Bye”
I need to make my bed…
Everything old is new again - I took a chance on calling a girl and it paid off
Calling girls instead of texting them is a lot more frustrating than it seems.
Red Pill Theory works - It works especially well when you can use timing, wit and tone to convey your meaning. Much better than through texting.
Supply and Demand - Demand for texting is low because supply is high. Therefore, calling a girl might just work out better.
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