Summary

This post is targeted towards men in their late teens/early 20's who are primed to be targets by women for marriage. Using a throwaway, I want to tell the downsides of being married so that you can operate from a better position of knowledge. For reference I am in what most people would call a successful marriage. My evidence for this is as follows:

*I am a man in his 30's married to a non-Western woman in her mid 20's.

*Both of us have good incomes, masters degrees, come from good families with no divorce histories

*We own a home on the west coast.

*As a man I have a BMI under 25, lift/climb.

*Have plenty of Sex.

*Rarely fight/argue.

Perfect right? Nope, not at all. Let me cover why I don't recommend marriage to any young man even in the best case scenarios.

Body

I've lurked this forum for a little over a year now as a married man. Unlike my peers who are incredibly dishonest about marriage and women in general, I find myself nodding along to the posts and wondering how people a decade younger than me "get it" when I was so naive at that age.

So you understand where I'm coming from, both myself and my peers are all comfortably well off (not rich). That means we have wives who work, little to no debt outside of a mortgage, live a nice lifestyle and don't have money concerns hanging over our heads. I don't mean this as a way to brag to strangers on the internet, I just don't want to be hand waved away as "bitter" if I don't say marriage is that great.

I recognize I'm in the top 10% as far as quality of marriages go (maybe much higher) and yet I would not get married again if I had a do-over.

This is why:

Point One: I was happier before I was married. Don't mistake this for being currently unhappy, I like my wife and life. But objectively I was the most happy when I was single. I would take being younger and riding a mountain bike on the weekends over doing an expensive vacation today. This isn't solely a factor of longing for youth, my most happy times these days are still when I'm with my friends. Nor is it a black/white issue, I have fun when I'm with my wife but for me nothing compares to the fun I had when single.

Point Two: There is a huge amount of pressure to always present marriage as a happy institution as long as you are willing to work at. I'm not "unhappy" but many of the men I know certainly are. Yet, those same men would tell anyone who would listen that marriage is overall great with a few ups and downs.

Nonsense, they are lying to you. I am just as guilty of lying in real life as anyone, barely a single word from this post would be uttered to most people I know in real life. Keep that in mind when talking to your father or married friends.

Point Three: Doing things together is not always that great. I love to occasionally take a few weeks off and do a long trip. But as you can imagine I can't do that without having my wife coming, which lessens the experience. The problem is that any trip at best is me doing what I want part of the time, her doing what she wants part of the time. Not a bad experience, but far from the amazing experience I could have single. Some might recommend a husband and wife spend time apart and do separate trips, but I think to myself "Do you want to get cucked? Because that's how you get cucked".

Point Four: You lose control of your time. Young single guys have more time than they know what to do with. They actually complain about being bored. Please young men, give me your time. I'd love to experience being bored again. There is always something to do when you're married, there's always some nonsense you're expected to attend to. Doing anything with other married guys involves opening up our calendars and arranging time like it was a business appointment.

Point Five: Women change when they are married. I can't say I have it bad, but before marriage my wife was much better. She would cook/clean all the time, would never say a negative word about me. Those traits are gone. The venom will occasionally come out, she will start fights from time to time, doesn't laugh at my jokes as much, and this is a woman who grew up without feminism being drilled in her head. I consider myself fortunate that these episodes are rare, but is being punched in a gut once a month preferable to being punched in the gut once a week or once a day? I'd prefer no punches in the gut, thank you.

Point Six: They get fat. My wife gained 30 pounds post marriage. She was as slim as any petite French girl you could envision when we were dating. Now she will chow down on any food she fancies. The fattening happens gradually so it's not very noticeable as a husband (1/2lb gain a month is hard to notice), until one day you see another girl who is slim in a skimpy outfit and you miss when your wife looked like that. The wall is very real and my wife is about to slam into it before she reaches her late 20's.

Point Seven: Divorce is always a risk in the back of your mind. I did what many would recommend in marrying a young woman with a low N count and a good education. This greatly reduces the risk I will ever get divorced, but far from eliminates it. I could never see myself filing for divorce but I am getting to that age when my peers are getting those separation agreements (all initiated by the wife).

I have no delusions I'm better with women than Donald Trump, Johnny Depp, or any of the other high profile guys who got taken to the cleaners. The divorce industry may one day come for me and it would hit me hard. Until then, I'll enjoy my relatively comfortable life. I just wish I were blissfully ignorant of the cold realities of the world.

Point Eight: You will end up buying a bigger house than you as a man need. When I add up the amount of space that I actually use on a daily basis it's maybe 1200 square feet (sans garage) and that's pushing it. As a single man I would be equally happy in a condo or small single family house as I am in a larger single family house. Also, you need to buy in a good school district which in many areas is over 2x more expensive than the marginal school districts.

Point Nine: Married men lose their financial agency by some degree. I do not have many expensive tastes at all, but I really hate that when I have an itch to make a large purchase I have to involve my wife. I "hold frame", get what I want, but the fact I have to hold frame at all is something I'd rather avoid.

Point Ten: Holding frame is tiring. I know holding frame is preached here, but many of the younger guys underestimate how fatiguing it can be. When you're dating holding frame might be the easiest thing in the world, but as a married man it is much harder because you lose the ability to walk away if she pushes you too far.

Point Eleven: You realize how popular culture, higher education, and the media are unfair to men in general. I cannot even watch a TV show where a working man is belittled by his children and wife without being agitated. As a married man you know how much sacrifice it takes to run a household, having that sacrifice belittled is grating.

Point Twelve: You can make more money as a household by marrying a girl with a good job, but you will spend more money as well. Following up on point eight/nine, even with dual incomes it isn't like you'll get ahead much faster. Double income is great, but women eat out more, spend more on furniture, buy bigger houses, etc. I think 20 years ahead, most women struggling planning past one month. They will spend anything up to the point you draw a line in the sand and say "NO". You have to set this boundary early and hold frame which is several orders of magnitude more difficult than dealing with a college chick who shit tests you.

Point Thirteen: Sex actually gets boring. Outside of her period, it is rare for us to go for more than two days without sex. But sleeping with the same girl for five years cannot help but become routine. Add to that the fact your wife will get less attractive every year. Most married men would never say their wife is less attractive, but I'm telling you, sans clothes and makeup they depreciate faster than you realize.

Point Fourteen: AWALT. I'm not married to an American but that doesn't mean my wife isn't solipsistic. It doesn't mean she doesn't do the same shit tests American women do. The only advantage I received from marrying a foreigner is she doesn't have feminism ingrained into her.

Point Fifteen: I miss sleeping with various young, beautiful women. It was like by the time I got to a point in life where I figured out the dating game I let myself get married. Those first weeks and months you spend with a new lover are such bliss, not knowing which way the winds will take you, it's tough to describe. Being locked down to one single women does take away the drama of dating, but it also takes away the adventure.

Point Sixteen: It isn't all bad. It's a mistake to take a hyperbolic approach and assume every marriage is constant fighting, fraught with disloyalty, and ultimately culminating in divorce. It's actually good most of the time. But the reality is that your life will likely decline in enjoyment when you're married. That's why you shouldn't marry.

Conclusion: Even if 50% of the points I brought up were to disappear, even if my wife lost those 30 pounds she gained, I'd still tell you guys never to get married. Of course there is almost no way to say marriage isn't great without being accused of being bitter/lying/unsuccessful by a person without a red pill mindset so I didn't bother phrasing this post in a way that would appeal to them. Besides if you say your marriage isn't happy there is no shortage of pseudo scientific advice from well meaning individuals, do this, do that, hold frame, etc. All advice coming with the best intentions, but all rubbish I could do without hearing.

I posted here because I think you guys will understand where I'm coming from. I feel like if I got married 100 more times I couldn't find a better wife. Yet I will still tell you guys, do not get married. Not because getting married is the end of the world, but because it will make you less happy. And if there is a better reason not to get married I don't know what it would be.