Not sure about this kink

frogswife · 2020-04-21T02:07:20+00:00

You're allowed to say "no that makes me uncomfortable"

HappilyMrs · 2020-04-21T08:09:50+00:00

If you don't want to do it, say no. If you are a maybe, research hygiene and safety. Each to their own.

uniqueeleni · 2020-04-21T08:10:46+00:00

I’ve done it to my boyfriend, he does it to me too. It’s a sensitive spot down there and we both enjoy the sensation. I don’t think I would do it with someone I wasn’t very comfortable with. But anyway, I get it’s not for most people. If you don’t like it, tell him it’s not something you’d be interested to try and leave it at that. I don’t think it will be a dealbreaker for him, that will be weird. Also, maybe, he is watching too much porn.

Anonymous_fiend · 2020-04-21T04:01:22+00:00

Thats a no from me too. If it would make you lose respect for him don’t do it. But if you’ve done it in the past I could understand him being hurt. What about a compromise like using sex toy/finger around the rim with lube or in the shower. That way he can enjoy it while you don’t have to degrade yourself either.

Islehaven · 2020-04-21T13:26:17+00:00

The first aspect of this situation, that you get to have your own boundaries and you don’t need to do things that you aren’t willing to do, has been well covered in other comments.

The other aspect of this situation you mention is that you’d lose respect for your partner if you did try. This is a different issue.

Our sexual interests are never going to line up perfectly with another person. That’s part of being in a relationship, sometimes you need to say “no” and your partner needs to be able to accept your saying “no”, and accept that we’re not going to get everything that we might want.

It can be a fine line to walk and can be hard to do, but you can have strong boundaries and say, “I’m sorry, but this is a limit for me and not an aspect of sexuality that I’m willing or able to explore”, while still respecting your partner, accepting that he has an interest in something you don’t share.

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-04-21T12:56:48+00:00

Hi OP, I've had to nuke a lot of comments in this thread because there has been more moral judgment and personal preferences than actual advice. The top comment is solid. You are allowed to have boundaries.

Everyone else, of you aren't telling the OP how to have this conversation with her boyfriend or giving her RP based food for thought then you aren't helping. To be clear: "I think it's icky" is not food for thought.

SonOfTheSerpent · 2020-04-21T13:30:36+00:00

Just tell him exactly what you’re telling us.

ddlon · 2020-04-21T13:54:23+00:00

To your point of not making him embarrassed - no need to "kink shame", just explain that you really, really are not into it. People are into different things and they don't have to match exactly 100%. "I'm sorry but that one thing I just can't do, it makes me feel bad. Would you like to try something else instead?" should do the job. You clearly state you can't do it (vs. not wanting to do it), you're willing to do stuff for him, just not that one thing.

The "no that makes me uncomfortable" could sound terse by itself, depending how you're used to talking and also doesn't stop him from trying to figure out ways to "make you comfortable" with it. The idea is right, but there are better ways to say it.

sunkissedpride · 2020-04-21T16:59:24+00:00

Please, say no.

It's okay to NOT explore every single perversion that comes to mind, especially if negatively affects your perception of your beloved.

Please, don't do it if you're uncomfortable. It's okay to say no and have limits.

There are a million other things to do to be intimate and share love with your partner.

TheLemming · 2020-04-21T17:13:39+00:00

Why aren't you just telling him "Sorry SO, I'm just not comfortable with that."? Sex is a two way street. IMO it's not even enjoyable if both parties aren't enjoying it.

WellIllbedipped · 2020-04-21T15:34:07+00:00

Out of curiosity how does it manifest that you would lose respect for him? I’m not judging I just can’t see my way through the logic. I mean if I cross a line and do something I don’t want to do, I lose respect for me, not the person who influenced me to do it. I may not hang with that person in the future to avoid being pulled into it again, but then it would still be up to me to choose each time. I’ve tried something once, decided it wasn’t for me, and never participated in that again. I guess I’m talking about personal responsibility and choice, and not seeing how that ends up being on him.

You can say no and feel comfortable with that if you’re taking personal responsibility for your actions good and bad, IMO.

eatschipsanddies · 2020-04-21T15:12:17+00:00

Why would it make you lose respect for him? Second, have you ever tried doing it on a man before?

If it would be your first experience with it, have him do it to you first. Ask him to show you how he’d want it done and in the process explain to you why it’s pleasurable to him. Not only is it a good way for you to connect sexually, but you may find that if you yourself enjoy and understand it, it would be less weird to do it for him.

alxjones · 2020-04-21T08:49:10+00:00

big no for me and my SO. we established early on that “the anus is not a sex organ”

perhaps a bit off-norm but prevents us from running into something like this. draw lines in the sand

loneliness-inc · 2020-04-21T15:45:29+00:00

I think it stems from porn,

Not necessarily.

If you've ever had your pussy or ass eaten out, you'd know that it's an extremely pleasurable experience. It's extremely pleasurable for him too.

Heck, oral is pleasurable in all kinds of ways and areas of the body.

Here's what you need to weigh:

On one hand, it's way out of your comfort zone.

On the other hand, it's very pleasurable for him.

Therefore, you need to ask yourself whether this is an absolute hard boundary that can never ever be crossed under any circumstances, even if it came to losing your relationship over it? (I'm not saying you're actually at that point right now).

Or is this something in which you can open your mind and try new things because you love him and you want to give it a try, just for him?

If it's the former, you'll have to set a clear boundary and be ready for a fallout. It might be a small fallout, it might be a big fallout, but there will certainly be a fallout because he put himself out there in full vulnerability and was turned down. A hard boundary means that the boundary is more important than any potential fallout that may come as a result of setting the boundary, even to the point of losing the relationship entirely (see the book called boundaries by Henry Cloud)

If it's the latter, open up to new experiences. Take it slowly and give it several honest tries. If it works, it works. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Either way, your bond will be stronger as a result.

skizzum97 · 2020-04-21T12:15:22+00:00

Sounds like you may be sexually incompatible. Any long lasting relationship is gonna have a lot of sexual exploration. We're sexual creatures and it's scientific fact that the male prostate is a pleasure emitter. It's almost like the male clitoris. Your guy wants to explore it and, while it's traditionally taboo, so too was cunnilingus for a time. Try and do research this is really not as uncommon as you may think. He very likely could have had an ex or prior experience with it and wants it again. You'll probably have similar kinky things come up in the future as your guy seems more adventurous. You can have boundaries but don't be afraid to push them once in awhile too. He will certainly appreciate it but if it's a deal breaker for you there are certainly plenty of women out there who are willing and eager to lick ass.

2020-04-21T11:54:23+00:00

If he flat out said to you, “I need anal play to be happy and satisfied in this relationship. If you won’t provide that, I will find someone who will”, what would your answer be?

dtbol · 2020-04-21T07:13:36+00:00

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Mandaj92 · 2020-04-21T14:12:33+00:00

Maybe ask him for one first?

Lorakain · 2020-04-21T15:23:20+00:00

What about trying it anyway? I know it might be awkward, even a little downgrading maybe, but on the other hand, what will happen to you when you see him superhorny? Giving pleasure without receiving direct pleasure back (or even being a little groced out about it) can still be very satisfying for you.

To give you an example, I'm not about analplay with/for guys as well. I don't get any pleasure of it, don't find it arrousing. But, and this is where it matters the most (at least for me), it makes me so so horny to see that the guy I'm doing this with/to is becoming hornier then I've ever seen him before. I don't like to be the Dom in the relationship, but I've tried pegging with an ex. For me it didn't do anything, for him though... Magic. So that rubbed off on me. I also enjoyed it, because he did.

So if I may give a piece of advice: talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and that you need to adjust to the idea (whiteout making promises). And maybe one day try it out. See how you feel about it then. Maybe it still isn't your thing, but if you can give him so much pleasure you might start to enjoy yourself as well.

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-04-21T06:22:25+00:00

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Coleoptera · 2020-04-21T10:32:34+00:00

Rather than a rimjob offer to peg him instead. It's what he truly wants anyway and you won't have to touch him there you can just use a strapon.

dtbol · 2020-04-21T07:05:23+00:00

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dtbol · 2020-04-21T06:35:36+00:00

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Title	Not sure about this kink
Author	dtbol
Upvotes	34
Comments	52
Date	April 21, 2020 1:43 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/g562ry/not_sure_about_this_kink/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/not-sure-about-this-kink.657060 https://theredarchive.com/post/657060

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