I broke up with this LVM and I felt ecstatic afterwards. It was a quick, straightforward phone convo, no chance for arguments or explanations. I showed him that I had mentally checked out of the relationship.

A month later, I made the mistake of responding to a text. Over the next few days, we talked about our relationship. He admitted his shortcomings and understood why I ended things. Part of the reason we broke up was his lack of accountability and I can’t lie, I suddenly felt slightly hopeful. We became very friendly again. He also brought up his mental health as a partial excuse for how he acted in certain situations and I started to feel sorry for him (I KNOW, I KNOW).

This is where it gets bad: I started apologizing. He guilt-tripped me with the mental health thing and started the whole “you never loved me/didn’t express your feelings enough/didn’t show me you cared enough” charade, and like a complete fool I started reiterating that I had loved him. I even started listing things that I had said to him, done for him, the ways I had showed him I loved him. It was pathetic. I broke up with him for a reason, yet here I was trying to validate myself to him.

He became cold and dismissive and I told him I wouldn’t contact him again, but before I could block him, he replied with something so ridiculous that I went straight back to responding and explaining and defending myself. I came across as weak and still accessible and he picked up on that. He then started pointing out my flaws and blaming me for the breakdown of our relationship. As a recovering pickmeisha, I could feel my defences lowering and the self-blame and regret creeping up.

His ego was destroyed when I broke up with him and he saw a chance to build it back up at my expense. He pulled me back into the situation, made me try to prove something to him, and then shut me down.

Because of my silly obsession with ending things on a good note and trying to be the “bigger person”, I told him that I’d always be there for him if he needed me (vomit). He was dismissive, of course. I knew what he was doing and at that moment it took everything in me to not cuss him the fuck out and remind him of all the ways he had still failed as a man.

TLDR: Basically, I went from ending a relationship on my terms to looking weak and letting him think he still had access to me and that I still cared. He essentially got a chance to kinda “dump” me for dumping him in the first place. Power play. Gotta hand it to him. A lesson learned.