For years I was only interested in sex because of a distinct lack of any man that wasn't low or moderate value where I live. Not one of these men ever tried to date me or mentioned having a relationship with me or even tried to lead me on to make me think they wanted to have a relationship. Because they didn't. They only wanted sex.

But then I had a big life change and decided that I really did want a relationship. I started telling men that I was looking for a relationship on the first date, when they asked me. Lo and behold suddenly every man that I went on a date with wanted a relationship too! And dumb me I thought "Wow! That's interesting, what a change!"

For a while I didn't think much more of it. But I realized fairly quickly that none of them were actually serious. They were just telling me what I wanted to hear. All just for sex.

They cheated, they went out looking for other women on the weekends at clubs, they were nasty, abusive and selfish, they would only see me on weeknights...

And that's the story of how I learned to never tell a man what I'm looking for. Always make him go first. Always make him pay. And never have sex with him until at least 2 months. And if he doesn't perform sexually and put significant effort into making you feel safe, comfortable, desired, respected, and thoroughly pleasured then he doesn't give a shit about you. Not one little bit. Move on.