Giving up sorry

MuffinSongs · 2020-01-08T22:29:24+00:00

Honey! Wake up! You are the prize!

Dusties are a dime a dozen. There are a LOT of LVM to nope. Keep noping them until you find the one.

Love has no timeline. You’ll find your person when it happens. You HAVE to love yourself, respect yourself and be ready for when you find your HVM. You don’t want to be yoked up with a loser and miss him.

Whateverrr_345 · 2020-01-08T22:41:03+00:00

I have a friend that would be considered ugly...like receding chin, big hook nose, sparse eyebrows and she barely takes showers and she's let be honest...ugly. and she's been engaged 3 times!!! Hasn't been single since we're 16!

Me and my friends have ALWAYS been bewildered by her. It's not all about looks. She was openly romantic, empathic and cared a lot about the guys she was with. And I could tell guys DID see something in her. Not just sex but a connection. Her first fiancee was literally crying for her after she broke up with him. And she's been with guys out of her league tbh. IDK how she does it but I just say, don't give up.

We all have to filter through guys that wanna fuck, guys that are lvm, guys that are trash, etc. Even the most popular celebrity women have been cheated on...jayz and Beyonce. Travis Scott looks like a cockroach but yet cheated on Kylie. Pretty doesn't and will never spare you from shitty men. EVER. Having the hottest body won't either. It depends on if the man is high value or not

goatismycopilot · 2020-01-08T23:52:34+00:00

Oh. No. Now is EXACTLY the time in your life to focus on yourself. You need the tools to learn how to love yourself.

First start with a self reflection. What are you REALLY struggling with? Are you bogged down by anxiety/depression/childhood trauma? That is usually what gets in the way of self love but the trick is to start small. Research some affirmations that speak to you. Consider journaling. If you can access affordable counseling do so. Find way to connect to yourself through mindfulness/meditation/yoga/physical activity.

Establish a self care routine. Again start small. Pick a few things that bring you joy that you can actually do ie walk in the park, get your nails done, draw, write,volunteer.

Find out really and truly who you are. Challenge yourself to only surround yourself with loving supportive people not people who bring you down or engage in toxic dramatic bullshit. We talk about the challenges of men and dating here but every woman is not awesome either.

You need to establish who you are, what your personal, professional, and spiritual goals are. You are struggling with self love partially because you are externalizing your validation and you need to internalize it. The one person who will be with you through your whole life is you.

I have lived with a man, been married, been divorced, moved across the country a few times, I have had moments where I had loving and supportive friends and I have had very dark moments when it seemed I had nobody and nobody gets out alive. Nobody.

You need to find the small Joy's and cultivate gratitude this is assuming your other basic needs are met.

Men. Men are always always going to be there. Even the good ones will let you down because they are human they have their own shit going on they are not always their best selves and sometimes they are awesome. But never base your worth on whether they are giving you time or giving you love or giving you whatever because they can really be half grown distracted puppies. Enjoy them. Bond with them. Make families with them but if you rely on their attention for live you will surely starve. Be your own garden young lady and learn to water because all of us can be unreliable at times.

Skyblacker · 2020-01-09T00:41:29+00:00

I did a quick history search and it seems like you are living in an abusive home, have grown up with abusive and narcissistic parent who has degraded your self esteem your entire life. You are now dealing with the mental health effects from that.

What you need if you want to get better is to find a therapist, do a google search in your area and look for affordable options. Make an appointment with your doctor to go over any mental and physical issues.

If you have a job you should look for an apartment and move out as soon as possible. You can never be happy if you are around toxic people.

Having a HVM will not solve your issue or make you feel better because your personal issues may sabotage the relationship. Write some goals on a sheet of paper (education, career, etc.) And figure out how you can achieve them. I wish you luck.

rainbowcatsurprise · 2020-01-08T23:26:34+00:00

First, remember that your first true love is always yourself. I think it is important for every woman to keep track of things that she finds attractive about herself. It is easier to be loved and to love others when you know how to love yourself. It’s also easier weed out guys that don’t treat you well and recognize the ones that do.

There is a kind of beauty that comes from within, even if you do not check all the aesthetic standards. Confidence and happiness is often reflected in body language whether you know it or not. The right body language is very attractive. Then there is attractiveness in one’s attitude, their talents and the way they treat others.

Then, there is attractiveness due to circumstance. You say that you’ve put a lot of effort into your appearances- which is a good thing! But you also have to consider whether the people around you like those features. I’m not saying that you should tailor yourself to the crowd, but you might just have to go where your features are appreciated. I’m a dirty blonde and I wear a lot of business casual clothes. I’m probably not attractive to someone in/looking for an alternative look or a “college girl” look.

Anyway, the point is, your worth is not tied to how many dusties you can attract. Most women are really only looking for one good man anyway. Worry not about whether you have a swarm. If you meet one that is right for you, that’s all you need. For men, it is a numbers game. Here, it is a game of quality and patience.

take1990 · 2020-01-08T23:25:16+00:00

Life is more than men, sis. Invest in yourself, your hobbies, your career, your friends. And build a beautiful life for yourself. When the right man comes along, so be it. But do not put your life on hold and be sad because you haven't found one yet. You have all this time to yourself, do things you enjoy!

jetpatch · 2020-01-08T22:58:35+00:00

You say you invest loads on your looks. How about saving some of that money and spending it on some confidence or life coaching instead. That's got to be a good investment.

CoolMelonade · 2020-01-09T00:10:06+00:00

Why do you assume it’s you and not that 20 year old men are mostly massive idiots and leeches?

mydevilsdoorbell · 2020-01-08T22:36:09+00:00

Until you can love yourself and are happy without validation from men, you won't be able to receive the kind of love you deserve. A bit of a paradox. If it makes you feel better, I'm 100x happier at 30 than I was at 20.

thesleeplesss · 2020-01-09T00:42:49+00:00

I know it's not what you want to hear right now, but you need to focus on yourself. Seriously forget men!!! Be kind to yourself, pamper yourself and date yourself. Buy yourself jewelry, chocolates, flowers, whatever you would want a man to buy you. Start journaling, make healthy female friendships, and please get rid of any toxic friends.

far_from_nowhere · 2020-01-08T22:48:22+00:00

Hey girlie , you probably are tired of hearing this but your true beauty and your true worth come from within ! There are plenty of girls who can be claimed as ‘conventionally pretty’ but with their nasty attitude they are ugly and horrible! They may ‘get the guy’ but they will never keep them! Also, a HVM will not only care about looks either so the men that are rejecting you are obviously LVM for being so shallow and not seeing what a beautiful person you are inside and out! If you believe in law of attraction by any chance you’ll know that building your self confidence and feeling beautiful within will reflect on your outside. People are naturally drawn to each others energy, by changing how you view yourself, others have to start seeing you that way! You will find a HVM I have no doubt! :)

drragonbones · 2020-01-08T23:58:32+00:00

when you allow other people to dictate your relationship with YOURSELF you will never be happy. loving yourself takes hard work, people don't realise. you have to consciously pick yourself up every day and put the effort in to value yourself. you can't just make an effort on the external stuff and expect that to make yourself better. there's a reason why people who get plastic surgery often end up wanting or getting more - it doesn't work for them. we're all hurtling towards old age and fighting it at every step.

4herlight · 2020-01-09T10:13:14+00:00

Even if you are unattractive, you still don't deserve to be treated with anything less than respect.

2020-01-09T14:55:06+00:00

Do what you need to do to be happy without a man first; therapy, friends, hobbies, education, career. Stop putting more energy into trying to find a relationship than you are in trying to find yourself.

candykitten20 · 2020-01-09T19:37:34+00:00

I know how you feel, you're doing what you can and feel like that's being overlooked. I do attract people it seems and I like to think I look better now than I did after putting in more effort and trying to level up but I was that girl back at school that guys used to ask out for a joke and if anyone had an insult for me, it would be based on my looks, I've been in situations where people have judged me, ghosted by a few dates or received low effort proposals or guys who just want to hook up which has bummed me out a bit. I'm not completely perfect myself either but I try to like what I see so the rejections and opinions of others won't really matter. The important thing is that I'm doing my best and it's better to keep trying to work with what you've got and take care of yourself than to give up completely, I've had many good experiences because I kept on trying.

I'd say take a hiatus from dating and shift your focus towards yourself and treating yourself as kindly as you can. Right now I only see a couple of people and meet with friends. I'm not on any apps or dating sites and I'm just working on maturing more emotionally, becoming more charismatic, setting boundaries and standards, eating better and going to the gym.

If you've done everything possible and in your power to improve your looks, maintain that, we may not be completely perfect but we are at least trying to take steps in the right direction and take care of ourselves, so keep it up but make your main priority working more on yourself internally and looking out for your own well-being - have a clear picture of what you want, take yourself on dates, treat yourself a little, meditate, read books that focus on improving yourself and your confidence, add to the effort you have made on the outside by being charismatic, funny, smart with a good head on your shoulders etc - and let any good character traits you have on the inside shine.

I know it's easy said than done but instead of giving up, treat yourself with patience and kindness.

Title	Giving up sorry
Author	Woahlunameditation
Upvotes	46
Comments	33
Date	January 8, 2020 10:23 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/em00b8/giving_up_sorry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/giving-up-sorry.685233 https://theredarchive.com/post/685233

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