What do you do when you’re already in a long term relationship with a LVM?

velocity2ds · 2019-12-17T04:30:10+00:00

You can’t raise a man. Do an honest assessment of what he brings to your life and how he makes you feel about yourself and what he does for you— then make a decision and it might be that leaving him is what is best for you

2019-12-17T05:32:15+00:00

I tried for years to turn my LVM into a HVM. Didn’t work. I figured, when he meets someone he really likes (instead of a pickmeisha like me), he’ll step up his game. Nope. Dude is a LVM always and forever. Dump and move on sister.

rftw2013 · 2019-12-17T04:30:07+00:00

Dump him. Walk away. Don't compound your error by continuing a relationship with a LVM.

wowthispostissad · 2019-12-17T05:50:20+00:00

Nothing. You can only dump.

PlatyupsCommittee · 2019-12-17T04:09:18+00:00

I think I've left a few men with enough new knowledge for them to become more HV after I ended things. Like - they learned some serious lessons from losing me, and there's one in particular who I'm pretty sure got his shit together once I ended things and became better for the next woman, who he married. We have an overlapping social circle and she seems pretty happy, and I'd like to think his relationship with me taught him some things about how to treat a woman and that these lessons are now benefitting her.

But I'm not aware of any situations where a LVM becomes a HVM while staying in the same relationship, aside from a few rare cases where both people were very motivated to fix it (usually because of kids) and they both got individual counseling as well as both going to couples counseling.

I'm sure it must happen sometimes, but I have not seen it.

extraacct1234 · 2019-12-17T04:42:49+00:00

Dump him

Meredeen · 2019-12-17T09:33:48+00:00

I think men are only capable of positive change after you've dumped them-- for good. They will never change for you.

dackaroo · 2019-12-17T04:07:55+00:00

Dump him.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-17T10:03:48+00:00

They never change. They will pretend to do better for a week or two, but they NEVER change. Good luck! Sounds like you're going to try anyway, so you're going to need it.

themissdaydreamer · 2019-12-17T14:33:18+00:00

short answer: dump him.

long answer: you know him better than us. if you realized he's a LVM it's because he doesn't show any signs on self-improvement over the time you've been together. to make things worse, he's used to be the way he is since that's how you accepted him at first place. that's why we're always told not to expect the man to change any of his shady behavior in the future, they assume you're okay with it. a man only changes when decides he must so - and even that, you need to consider if it's worthy to stay around to see the said change happen at all.

MyGilleyCat · 2019-12-19T04:59:10+00:00

Being low value is a choice.

Treating women and themselves badly is something they choose to do. Walking in and seeing the house work half done and sitting their ass on the couch instead of doing the dishes was a desicion that was made by a working brain. Not picking up the phone to make a dinner reservation without being asked , nagged, cajoled was something they didnt do because they decided it wasent worth it. Not pitching in to help with the kids more when they see their wife struggling with a baby and dinner and a screaming toddler, that was something they thought about and then thought "naw, not my job."

Basically LVM cant be "fixed" because they are not "broken". They arent in need of an education or someone to be patient with them while they figure it out. The motivation that it takes to level up comes from within not from a disappointed loving external force.

Title	What do you do when you’re already in a long term relationship with a LVM?
Author	ChiChiBoobie
Upvotes	24
Comments	23
Date	December 17, 2019 4:01 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ebqjwv/what_do_you_do_when_youre_already_in_a_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-do-you-do-when-youre-already-in-a-long-term.686801 https://theredarchive.com/post/686801

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