LVM won't genuinely uplift you

Rockymemorylane · 2020-03-08T14:27:54+00:00

Yeah...they also don't ask about you at all. Like, if you have expressed that you are working on a project buisness idea or something really important to you, etc. they never ask the progress of that goal you are trying to achieve. They never go into details about it. If it isn't about them, then everything else is meh.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-03-08T14:13:42+00:00

Yes yes yes! I was literally talking about this to my friend yesterday. I was saying how my recent ex LVM was never genuinely happy for me. All my friends think he was intimidated. I told him when I got a new job which was a $20k increase in salary (I didn’t tell him that part). And he went red in the face and said “that’s great!” Or some half arsed forced congratulation. Then said “well I got a pay rise today! It was only 30cents but it’s something.” And it ended with me congratulations him over his small payrise! Funny that whenever anything good happened to me, something great also happened to him that day that overshadowed it.

He didn’t even ask where my new job was or what it was doing. When we first started dating I was going to change careers and he offered to see if one of the girls he knew in that industry could get me a job, I politely declined - I don’t need to be indebted to a man I barely know getting me a job. And I’m so glad I said no now! I never would have heard the end of it!

My ex could sometimes fake happiness for me - but got back at me in spiteful covert ways, such as suddenly falling off the texting radar, or being too tired to catch up. It was his way of controlling me - he wasn’t particularly possessive outright, never tried to stop me from going anywhere, but controlled me through his spiteful backstabbing. Fuck lvms and their jealousy, and control issues.

surviveIIthrive · 2020-03-08T15:33:36+00:00

I have been thinking about writing a post on this. I think people tend not to realize that the LV/HV distinction isn’t the same as the redpill alpha/beta or chad/incel. Does a man consistently make your life better? Great, he’s adding value to it = HVM. Does he cause drama, isolate you from friends and family, and pull you away from your goals and hobbies? Sounds like he’s not adding any substantial value = LVM.

It’s like learning about the difference between financial assets and liabilities, not decoding some fundamental human heirarchy.

DundiesAllStar · 2020-03-08T14:52:58+00:00

Yep! My ex was always negative about my ambitions and achievements. The man I’m with now actively encouraged me to quit the career I hated, set up a business and is supporting me through law school. He’s always talking to people about how well I am doing and telling them and me how proud of me he is. He often talks about the day I’ll be able to get a job I want and he can’t wait for the day he can tell everyone I earn double what he does because of how hard I’ve worked. The difference is amazing.

2020-03-08T15:10:03+00:00

The only time he will is if it benefits something he wants. But he will also still resent you.

A friend of mine was the bread winner and supported her boyfriend when he was unemployed (because they moved for her job) but he was happy when she paid for things but resented her for it at the same time.

gooddogtoo · 2020-03-08T19:33:17+00:00

So true. I knew I had an LVM on my hands when I wrote a screenplay that everybody else insisted was amazing. He had to be urged to even read it and then had no comment. They resent you being good at anything and they want you to fail to in order to protect their fragile egos.

cptsaveabetch · 2020-03-08T19:38:06+00:00

This is SO REAL. My ex was seemingly charming at first, but that masked slipped. Here are some examples of the bs my ex would say:

"You don't really have to train today, just ditch it and hang out with me." After I told him I'm very serious about training and focusing on it so I can start competing.

"What's your research in again? My parents asked me when I told them about you but I actually didn't really know." When I definitely told him what the hell I'm studying and why. Asshole just didn't care to listen.

"Yeah I'm sure it must be stressful. I remember when I was in school writing this paper..." When he was comparing a college senior term paper of 10 pages to my fucking DISSERTATION. (He actually sent me that term paper because he was so proud and OMG it was seriously trash with so many mistakes my eyes bled.)

"Oh you won an award today? That's so cool. I remember when I got an award..." Proceeds to tell me about the time he won some mvp award while on his high school football team. (We're nearing 30 btw 😂)

He was also generally terrible at being compassionate and empathetic during hardships. I noticed he was SO BAD at consolation.

ilikesoy_ · 2020-03-08T14:49:25+00:00

both my exes to a t.

kept in contact with one of them and recently got a new dress that was honestly beautiful as fuck and makes me feel like an actual queen, i told him and goes "happy for u bb. but im playing arkham asylum so thats fun."

he did this the entire six months we were together. id have an accomplishment and hed just say "nice" and change the subject to whatever he was doing instead. when i was thrown in the mental hospital he said he was happy that i was, even after i called him every night crying and he knew i had nightmares everytime i fell asleep because of that hell. when i got in trouble for weed the only thing he said was "told you you would get caught." and then complained about how hard his life is and expected me to comfort him said go fuck yourself. i dont need that negative energy rn.

SpiderrG · 2020-03-08T18:58:08+00:00

Yes. So much yes. My ex never genuinely was happy or excited for me, his first concern was always how my good news would impact him.

modernmedusaa · 2020-03-08T23:37:01+00:00

This is very true

LVM will try to leech sympathy off you all day and use you as a therapist....if you so much as hint at an issue in your life they will quickly become disinterested and change the conversation- probs won't even be subtle about it and roll their eyes. The FASTER he changes that topic- the less he gives a fuck and the higher chance he's a serious LVM deep down. They do NOT like reciprocating anything to women (resent giving them anything- even an ear) because it makes them feel like a 'cuck' listening to you (female baggage oMg *rolls eyes*) and they don't do two way intimacy either . They feel entitled to leech endless amounts of emotional labour, support , advice & encouragement from women but have very limited capacity to consider her feelings or hear about her inner life. This signals a serious lack of intimacy and shows its a very one way relationship where he will benefit most whilst you are drained & left starving. He sees you as a servant/ 2nd mommy/ bang maid.

I agree HVM are very responsive and go out of their way to uplift you- if you're having a bad day they'll find a way to cheer you up or make your day easier. And he'll take genuine interest in listening to you as he cares about your welfare & wants to protect you. They want intimacy and to better understand you so you're both in sync- on all sides of the emotional spectrum. With an LVM everything has to be happy, light, fun and easy ALL of the time (emotional immaturity) or they get v disinterested- with a HVM really into you at a deeper level..he will catch you on your worst days/ moods too (emotional maturity- well rounded- understands life isn't always fluffy topics). They're mature enough and have enough depth to be vulnerable and handle that kind of bond. Its always a two way street with HVM and the main thing is that they will CONSISTENTLY behave this way- showing this is their character not a performance. There's a solid pattern of him proving himself. Showing they are SERIOUS about seeing you as a longterm partner that's willing to ride through the storm & figure stuff out together. That they're doing it out of genuine care/concern off their own back- not being nagged. They will be super responsive to wrap you under their wing- since they want to prove themselves to you. If there's too much hot and cold with this he is NOT a HVM. HVM are consistent- if there's issues...he wants to remedy them. He does NOT give you room for doubt- if a man is trying to marry you- he will really want to prove he's got your back 100%- whatever the issue.

But I agree with OP- don't get too excited over a man SEEMING introspective and supportive super quick- because he might be the charming type mirroring you to hook you in. However manipulators can't keep the mask up long (especially with savvy FDS types sniffing them hard & having high expectations longterm) - the initial effort will soon decline & he'll admit self defeat- because they resent doing this and only fake it to get in your pants. They do not want to be expected to keep that up. With the charming type - pay attention if he seems to be TOO good to be true (lovebombing/ agreeing with everything - very MrMeToo) and whether he is making a 'statement of vulnerability' fast...that's something a manipulator will use as bait to get your guard down- to fake some sort of intimacy. Make him look a good egg, so you emotionally invest & warm to him fast (throws scent off). This is ALSO where LVM get their main kick/ narc supply- by tricking you. HVM will not rush anything like that fast- they're sticking around for the longhaul & have time to peel those layers off before they reveal deeper stuff to you. They'd be scared to scare you off. Given how awkward / cautious men are with expressing vulnerable stuff unless they know you well- ask yourself why he is willing to show his cards that fast & whats the damn rush? Where's he going? Most LVM rush everything by lovebombing- because they just want to skip to the thrill of extracting therapy/sex & clowning you b4 moving on & they are NOT for settling down (hence the rushing of intimacy & seeming TOO good to be true- faked to get what they want). Ask yourself- whys he rushing to tell me such personal stuff if he's sticking around? He barely knows me? Does he really trust me that much already? Or does he do it with every woman for nefarious purposes? BIG giveaway he's faking it & using you (and he's not here for the longrun). LVM emotionally dump VERY fast

JasmineDragon110 · 2020-03-24T03:18:40+00:00

No. My psycho ex always uplifted me regarding career moves. Always told me I should believe in myself and conquer the world etc. He even paid to have my resume fixed to apply for jobs. He also treated me with zero respect and crossed all my boundaries.

Title	LVM won't genuinely uplift you
Author	greenappletw
Upvotes	178
Comments	37
Date	March 8, 2020 2:03 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ffcxb3/lvm_wont_genuinely_uplift_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lvm-wont-genuinely-uplift-you.693274 https://theredarchive.com/post/693274

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