How do you ladies view cohabitation?

jalapenopancakes · 2020-01-02T00:29:37+00:00

I personally highly recommend living on your own or with female roommates until BOTH of these things happen:

you have a ring
there’s a date for your wedding

This is to prevent becoming the forever girlfriend. Living with a man provides ample opportunity to start taking care of him like a wife would: don’t let him get this treatment without commitment to you. It is hard to extricate yourself out of a cohabitation situation gone sour with a dead end boyfriend.

chklcfybmoib · 2020-01-01T23:36:42+00:00

I feel a man should pay 100 percent of the rent if we are not married. If not, I would much rather live on my own so that I have my own space away from him and to do as I please.

My main reasoning for this is that if I were to get married and choose to start a family, I want a husband that can support my children and I on his salary alone. Men can demonstrate their potential ability to do that by paying for the rent on their own.

I just don’t see any benefit in splitting the rent with a man you are not married to. He will most likely expect you to do a majority of the cooking and cleaning but you are basically putting the same monetary effort that he is ? No. Fuck that.

You will also naturally fall into a more wife role without any of the wife benefits and let’s be real. He will feel less pressure to Marry you.

It’s a no all around. Get a roommate and have your own space until you have a ring on your finger.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-01-01T23:52:22+00:00

I’ve had the idea of living together only after engagement & serious talks of marriage years before FDS. Moving in together is a huge financial as well as mental risk. You might stay in this relationship for longer because you’re too scared to move out and are simply comfortable.

Worst case scenario, we have an engagement timeline: for example, he says he’ll propose in 2020. We move in. If he doesn’t propose by the end of the lease I move out.

This is just me. A lot of people are fine with moving in with someone, breaking up, moving out.

Regarding rent - I wouldn’t mind contributing 50% unless my partner has a significantly larger salary and/or doesn’t have student loans. I have student loans which take a large chunk of my paycheck.

blackopium777 · 2020-01-02T00:19:45+00:00

If he has the financial means, he should pay as much as possible. Men need to understand, that women have to save up alot of money, so they feel safe in their relationship. My husband paid for everything 100% when he got a huge job promotion (making three times the money he did before). Before that I only helped him with bills for our shared car and the insurance or like buying a dryer. He really wanted me to save up the money from my MUA work, so I don't stay because I have to. He also wanted that I had financial help if something happened to him.

vulture2112 · 2020-01-02T00:10:48+00:00

I personally required marriage for co-habitation.

rftw2013 · 2020-01-02T00:24:38+00:00

Hell, no, I'm not living with a man to whom I am not engaged to be married with a wedding date set, a ring on my finger, and the wedding expenses paid for so that he's not going to string me along by moving back the date. He also needs to be paying for ALL the household expenses. If he can't or won't do these things, I am content to remain on my own, run my own household, and be accountable only to myself.

If marriage is your goal, do not live with a man, ladies, unless you have a ring on your finger and a date set for the wedding. Men will waste your time -- months and years of it -- if you do not insist upon a ring and a date set. And he should be paying all your bills, because you are now probably cleaning up after him and doing more than your fair share of the housework, and cooking more than your fair share of the meals. Real men protect and provide.

Any man who wants exclusivity from a woman should be willing to give her a ring and a wedding date. Any man who won't do this is NOT serious and is just wasting your time.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-01T23:47:10+00:00

I ended up with a roommate situation with an ex who I just had to throw in the trash. It made the most sense to just live together until the lease was up. He paid ALL of the rent and I paid the utilities even though we got paid the same. We didn't even discuss it, he just transferred a grand to my account every month. I would insist on this again if I ever lived with another boyfriend. But I own my house now and I don't want anybody in my space again, so I don't think it's something I have to worry about ever again lol.

I should probably add that I think it's important to live together for awhile before committing to marriage. It lets you see what the rest of your life with them might be like. However, some guys completely change once they think you are STUCK with them and that is why you better make sure you are 100% happy with how things are before committing to marriage.

wowthispostissad · 2020-01-01T23:35:15+00:00

You should be paying 50% or less, depending on your relationship. If I am a 25 year old women without dependents living with a 25 year old man without dependents, we both have careers of similar pay, we are renting an apartment we picked out together, we do our own chores and housework and cooking, 50% seems fair to me.

If you are married with kids, you shouldn’t be paying anywhere close to 50%, even if you work. I would argue in some cases the woman should pay 0. We all know a woman’s sacrifice with pregnancy and birth. It changes a woman’s body permanently and we aren’t as strong afterwards. On top of that, women do the majority of childcare and housework in families with children.

Desperate-Nectarine · 2020-01-02T16:53:21+00:00

As someone who has cohabitated before with the assumption that it would lead to marriage (spoiler alert: it didn’t), I really advise against it. Here is an article that talks about the negative effects of unmarried cohabitation on a relationship, and the fact that there aren’t really any benefits to it.

Unmarried cohabitation is great for men. They can get all the benefits of marriage without any of the risks. For women it’s the opposite. Most guys, if you live together, will let you take on most or all of the housework and cooking. Even if they do pay most of the bills this is still unfair because if you didn’t live there, they would still have to pay all those things, but they would also not have any of the benefits that you provide. For me, I enjoy domestic tasks, keeping a nice house, cooking, and generally being a homemaker. However, if I’m going to do these things for someone else’s benefit, I have to be compensated for them in some way. A free place to live isn’t enough. I want half of whatever equity he’s building in a home, his retirement account, health insurance. Basically I want to share equally in whatever earnings he has during that time because I’ve made his life much easier by taking care of our home so he can concentrate on work.

It would be different, I suppose, if he did half of the domestic tasks, but in my experience, they never do. So if I’m going to do all of it, I want to be compensated accordingly. Don’t go move in with a guy, be his bangmaid for 5 years, and then have him leave you for some other woman and take all the savings he’s accumulated during that time with him. If he wants to trade you in for someone else he should have to give you your half of any wealth accumulated during that time. Marriage is the only way to make sure this happens.

whycantweallgetal0ng · 2020-01-02T05:02:03+00:00

Depends.

If you are double income no kids (or grown kids) and are not planning to have any, that could work out.

Don't do it if you want marriage and kids with a man.

iasminag · 2020-01-02T10:06:10+00:00

I moved in with my ex too early. Split everything 50/50 even tho he was making around 50% more than me. When we moved in I was unemployed so he shouldered most stuff, with my family sensing me some money. He held me accountable for every penny even if I was home to wait for furniture delivery, organised the whole house and tried my best through a mini-depression.

He would say “I view us as equals” after demanding me to put on makeup, policing how I dress, confiscating the cigarettes and giving me a cigarette “allowance”.

Cohabitation can start after a minimum one year relationship maybe? And only if you spend extended periods of time together (like multiple instances of one or two weeks together at a time). It’s too big.

PunnyPrinter · 2020-01-02T14:59:07+00:00

I have to live with someone, or at least spend extended hours of time with him prior to marriage. I can’t imagine moving in blindly with someone, not knowing their habits or patterns. This can’t be judged on overnights or even weekends spent.

I’m only moving in with a set date for a wedding or if he pays most of all of the bills. I see no benefit in splitting rent, and I’d take offense to paying half when I’m living with a man who will undoubtedly be making more money than I will.

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Whateverbabe2 · 2020-01-04T07:19:21+00:00

Lol if I'm living with a man I'm not paying rent

Title	How do you ladies view cohabitation?
Author	kaizentigerr
Upvotes	14
Comments	28
Date	January 1, 2020 11:30 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eipn1p/how_do_you_ladies_view_cohabitation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-ladies-view-cohabitation.694702 https://theredarchive.com/post/694702

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