My boyfriend may have accidentally ruined sex for me

391 points•348 comments•submitted by throwRAnomoresex to r/relationship_advice

My (21F) boyfriend (26M) and I have been together for 2 years and some change. We work and live together. He is the sweetest and most caring person I have ever had the pleasure of being with. However, a couple months ago we were having sex and something fairly traumatic happened to me. Apologies for the TMI.

We were having sex and he was going pretty rough. As we were going his dick pulled out and he thrusted hard and he ended up sticking it right in my ass. Hard. I immediately broke out in hysterical sobs. It hurt so fucking bad. I was pretty inconsolable for 20 minutes and he of course felt awful. My ass was bleeding and it hurt to sit. To make matters worse my ass was traumatized and I was unable to shit for like a week because it hurt so bad.

For the last couple months since then I have been really backed up and having serious stomach pain and I honestly think it was because of the accidental anal and now I have a hard time shitting because my subconscious keeps telling me that it will hurt when I have to shit. My sex drive also tanked after the incident because I was so afraid of it happening again. Anytime my boyfriend tries to initiate sex I just get a weird feeling in my stomach. We have sex like once a week now instead of daily/every other day like we used to. I feel bad because I know that he wants sex, and I do too, but I am scarred from that experience.

Flash forward to last night, my boyfriend and I got off work and as soon as we got home we initiated The Sex and it fucking happened again. Total accident, but I was left sobbing again. My boyfriend felt absolutely awful and was trying to hold me and console me. I know that he feels terrible, but anytime he does something that upsets me (or in this case, hurts me) he kinda throws himself a little pity party and then I end up apologizing to him for upsetting him with my upsetness.

He keeps saying he is sorry and I know he is sorry but I wish he would let me have some time to react to having a dick shoved into my ass (again) for more than 20 minutes before we’re cool again. I know that he is going to want to have sex again soon and I feel bad pushing it off and pushing it off but I can’t help that I am basically traumatized at this point.

I honestly do not know what to do and any advice would be appreciated.

EDIT: Thank you all for your comments. I already feel a lot better mentally/emotionally after being able to talk about it anonymously to strangers haha. I will talk to my boyfriend tonight about all the things that were brought up in the comments and hopefully things goes well