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Shit tests and asks

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June 24, 2020

In my readings of various sidebar material and their offshoots, I’ve come across a particular type of shit test that I thought I’d ask the sub about. There are different types of shit tests, but one that I’m having difficulty wrapping my head around is this idea that asking for a favor or a request to do something is in itself a shit test. The example I have seen is: “can you get me a cup of coffee?”

Now my wife asks me for a drink every once in a while. She can get it herself but she asks me to get it. I never really considered it a shit test and she always says thank you afterwards. But of course, she can certainly get it herself. So I’ve always interpreted this sort of ask as a comfort test because it’s not focused on me at all but on what she wants. But after some readings I’m not as sure. So any thoughts about a wife specifically asking for her husband to get her an iced tea from the fridge about 2-4 times a week, or more generally asking for favors period?

Post Information
Title Shit tests and asks
Author DanPaladin
Upvotes 14
Comments 35
Date 24 June 2020 06:55 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/700004
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/hf6yut/shit_tests_and_asks/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
shit testcomfort test

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando22 points23 points  (15 children) | Copy

Sometimes dudes wander in here, looking for help - it's usually something benign like how to deal with shit tests, but what they don't realise is that they are looking for a band-aid for a paper cut when they haven't noticed that their leg is missing and they are bleeding to death.

You - OP - are one of these dudes.

A post of yours from 3 months ago tells the full picture, but unfortunately for you, you are unable to see the picture, so here, I shall explain it to you:

My wife (31) and I (31) have been together for 14 years, since we were 17. Married for 6. Two children ages 2 and 5. She wanted to separate, and cited wanting more independence, control issues, drifting apart, not wanting intimacy with me because she doesn’t feel close to me. She has also told me that she feels like she has been in a relationship with me since we were children and has missed out on a lot because of it.

Women are at their sexual peak between around the ages of 22 and 26 - this is the age at which they are most desirable to most men. This is also the age when a woman can have healthy babies most easily. As a woman ages, her ability to have healthy babies decreases, by the time she’s 35 she’s lost about 40% of her fertility and from here, her chance of having a normal healthy baby declines dramatically. By 40, the odds she’ll be able to conceive naturally are very, very small and by 44 they’re next to none.

Since having children is a biological imperative for our species, men are programmed to look for the healthiest most fertile women, being the 22 - 26 year olds. Women on the other hand are programmed for hypergamy - that is they look for men who have the best genes (Alpha) and the highest status (money - aka Beta Bucks). Good (Alpha) genes mean good children and status (Beta Bucks) means that when she’s most vulnerable by being pregnant and having small children, her partner will be able to provide for her and protect her. So, women look for a man who will have a good mix of Alpha traits (good genes) and Beta traits (provisioning skills) as the perfect partner to settle down with.

However, while women are in their 20's - unless they are really fugly - they can attract the attention of CHADs and revel in it - and revel in it, they do. Since feminism tells them they can have it all, they postpone marriage and children to stay on the Cock Carousel as long as possible.

Until they hit The Wall.

Now, the age at which a woman hits The Wall can vary depending on her level of attractiveness, but an average would be around 30. That is the age when the CHADs, who remain attractive to women well into their 40’s, begin to lose interest since they can still attract women in their 20’s.

Why am I telling you all this?

Well, it explains why your wife told you that - because she has been in a relationship with you since you were both 17 - that she "has missed out on a lot because of it".

Yes, she missed out on riding the Cock Carousel and now - as she is hitting The Wall - she realises that if she is ever going to get a chance to fuck the CHADs, then she had better get her skates on, because pretty soon, her chances of attracting a CHAD will be over.

And - you know - if one of these CHADs turn out to be a better mix of Alpha / Beta than you are (which probably wouldn't be too hard), she can branch swing to him and dump your fat ass.

But she wouldn't cheat on you, would she?

No issues with infidelity as far as I know, and no reason to suspect.

Good. But.. wait - what's this....?

She moved into a small house about 10 minutes away that is rented monthly. She goes there after the kids are asleep and comes back after work

She is ... willing to go into marriage counseling.

I gather from your other posts that you are still 'together' - not sure if she still has her own place. But the one thing I am 100% sure of is this - she was / is fucking someone else. There is absolutely no fucking doubt in my mind about this.

If she isn't still fucking him, then the branch swing failed.

And if she is still fucking him, then she's still testing the branch.

Either way, she cheated / is cheating on you - and the marriage counseling just confirms that.. it means that if / when she jumps ship, she can say that she tried everything - inclduing councelling - but it just didn't work out - ie., it's not her fault.

So, there's the bigger picture explained to you.

Oh, and by the way - the type of shit test you're asking about is called a "Compliance Test".

[–]DanPaladin[S] 4 points5 points  (14 children) | Copy

Damn, came in here to ask about some iced tea. Didn’t expect to get ROASTED!

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

She gave you the ILYBINILWY speech, didn't she?

Not to be cynical, but she's been fucking other dudes, bro. Sorry. Explains the marriage counseling as u/SBIII said.

Ask us how we know.

[–]DanPaladin[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep. About 6 months ago. Add me to the TBD list...

I’m new here as of about a week ago but am working through sidebar (2 books done), stfu-ing, etc. Lots of learning to do, which is why I’m here.

She did not want to do marriage counseling; I did. I was a faggot and wrote otherwise on that other thread. She said she didn’t want to go to therapy, she just wanted me to be the man she fell in love with. That’s basically a quote. She knows I’m a faggot and wants me not to be. Didn’t really realize that until I came here.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get into the OYS thread. Main sub.

I knew she gave you that speech before I asked. You're not special. Thats why I wrote a whole fucking post on it. Sorry dude. You've been cucked.chucked.

Yoir relationship is over. You just don't know it yet. There is zero recovery from this.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hahaha, it's all so funny, we're all laughing, so fun, yay!

Get to work faggot

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Jesus, ICM, I haven't seen you so excited in a while, lol.

Fun, yay!

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I try to store up my emotions so I can let them out all at once. Usually all over my wife's back.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Please DM me her number and directions to the other house.

[Edit: Since everyone is so retarded these days, let me edit here to add: this is sarcasm to highlight why she has the other house. Don't DM her number or the address to me. Send that to /u/SBIII; he earned it.]

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've checked my inbox 16 times today. Nothing. ;(

[–]AlohaMaui8083 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't be a fucking idiot.

This is (or should be) a turning point in your life. You've just had your life laid bare, in the nicest way I've ever seen SB3 do it for anyone on this sub...

He just gave you a tremendous gift. Don't fucking waste it.

Now that reality is staring you in the face, are you going to accept it or keep burying your head in the ground? Are you going to react emotionally like a faggot and confront her, or get your shit together while Shutting The Fuck Up so that you come out of this situation ahead, with at least 50/50 custody of your kids?

Are you going to keep being a low effort faggot or start doing the hard work on your body and your mind?

Only you can fix you.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's not a roasting. Not even fucking close. I could have laid into you but in your case, if the truth isn't painful enough to wake you the fuck up, then nothing is.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yah, OP this is not a roast, this is some hard truth you are trying hard to ignore.

SBIII's comment made me curious, so I read your post history.

That's some really humiliating shit.

You need to butch up, man up, and look at the facts alongside your own sense of self-worth.

[–]En0der1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hardly a roast, it's a meaningful analysis of your situation. We've all been there and we well know what this all means (separate house? bro... imagine for what reasons you would move to a separate house and what you would do there), only u/SBIII sacrificed some of his time to dissect and lay out your situation in clear terms.

Now, if you're not yet ready to face the storm, here's some advice regarding ice tea. It's good and tested, but it won't solve your problems, just will make you feel less submissive and allow you to begin rebuilding your self respect:
Every time she asks you to bring her anything and you're still too afraid to refuse, do it and place it beyond her reach (eg. she's on the couch wants something from the kitchen, you bring it and put it on a table or a shelf 4 feet from her). Either she will recognize that asking you again to actually put the thing in her hand is damn too much or she won't and will escalate the demand (could be in a nice way, but still), in which case you smile, say politely "there it is, honey" and leave the room to do something else, even something simple like washing your hands. This way you don't confront her yet, but you show her that you don't like it and slowly regain your strength.

It's not a solution, mind you. Listen to what other guys say, they digged into your situation much deeper. It's just a tiny small defense technique I used when i was squashed, confused and felt powerless, because I did all the "right" things and nothing seemed to work, even walking on eggshells.

Maybe this will help you just a bit to get back on the right track to yourself.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're trying to treat the symptoms. Not the underlying sickness which is you.

Yeah sucks to hear you have faggotitis with a side of oneitis... it's curable but you have to do the work. It's going to take you a long time measured in months and years. First step is to recognize you are the problem, you always have been. Second step is to Lift, read the Sidebar mats, STFU to your wife.

On the iced tea bullshit - you're way in her frame on that one. I don't know... get her the iced tea and throw some ice down her shirt. That's always fun to watch them jump and squirm. If you're not being called a selfish asshole some of the time, you're doing it wrong.


No issues with infidelity as far as I know, and no reason to suspect.

Hahahahahah... so fucking delusional.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you want the truth or a bunch of strangers singing kumbaya?

Going to 'sleep' at a house rented on marital funds?

Wake the fuck up up. She's fucking other men on your dime.

Yes, you are that guy that everybody snickers at but then looks away.

Too many men here got the speech and then was gas lit and bludgeoned with strong emotion... "How dare you accuse me!". It's the go-to rationalization hamster script for cheating. You've been a shit-head, it's all your fault for the sad state of the marriage (she actually got that part right) and she deserves to have some fun while you grovel to her.

You are not special so get the the fuck over yourself, accept reality, and start working on yourself, for you.

This is all you need to know.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

It may be a compliance test. You will get less of these as you progress. I used to get these quite a bit. Super easy to handle. Don't be a bitch, but don't be an asshole either, you guys are on the same team. Do what you want to do.

I didn't even realize how many of these tasks I was doing initially. Of course I'm a nice guy and I want to be nice to my wife, so I should do little things for her right?

I didn't even get creative with passing blatant compliance tests. If we are both on the couch and she asks me to get up to get her something I just laugh and say no.

On the flip side, it can be fun to start giving these to your wife, just to observe behavior.

[–]En0der3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

> On the flip side, it can be fun to start giving these to your wife, just to observe behavior.

Once I started doing that, an unexpected thing happened. 1: she never complied, not even once. 2: she realized how asking someone to do something the requester is capable of doing herself is disrespectful - and stopped doing that.

Sometimes she forgets herself and old insticts activate, and she begins to say "Honey, could you please get me... oh, wait, I'll get it myself", and then she smiles, sometimes we laugh while she goes for whatever it was that she wanted me to bring her.

Funny that no amount of elaborate explaining how this was disrespectful behaviour would ever accomplish anything, while when I started uttering commands she learned very quickly what I had meant.

[–]the_man_i_want_to_be3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife surprised me by just...happily complying.

I only treat it as a compliance test if it's unreasonable. If I'm just sitting on my ass fingering my phone it's fair game. I should be doing something productive anyway.

WOTSM would probably have some quip about how that's her feminine energy noticing my idleness and seeking to prompt me back to action.

[–]redwall9214 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

This sort of request is exactly the type of thing that will work itself out on its own without any real focus on your part if you stick to the reading and work on yourself. You do you.

If I want to grab a drink for my woman (if she asks or not), then I'll do it. Her response is less important that my mindset. He acceptance or rejection of my time/attention is less important than my mindset in the doing of what I am doing.

If you spend your time spinning your wheels (your hamster) on whether or not each thing coming out of your wife's mouth is a shit test or comfort test or some 60/40 variant in between ... then you're going down the wrong path. Chuck the score card and the spreadsheet.

Have some fun in your life (invite her along for the laughs and the drinks if you want).

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is called a compliance shit test. When I was BP, my wife did these constantly, especially when there were other people around.

You are making it too complex. If it is more convenient for you to do whatever she is asking, sure, why not. But, if it requires more effort than her or equal effort, nope. So...next time she asks for a snack when you’re sitting together, keep it lighthearted and say something like “I got a snack for you right here.” Then, give her a snack on the butt. Her reaction will tell you a lot about where you stand. Laugh no matter how she reacts.

You are a faggot, so she probably will not react well. When she laughs along with you, then you know that you are possibly not a faggot any more

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Then, give her a snack on the butt.

That's way too advanced for this dude. Snack on the butt is at least level 4.5.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]2wo2wo3hree6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Can't remember where I saw it but it's a compliance test. It still falls under a shit test to kinda see where you stand as far as your frame. "Honey, do this! Because I want to see if you'll stop whatever you're doing for my request." and "Honey, Do this! Because I need your masculine to get it done because my feminine is truly incapable." Granting one builds frame, granting the other established her frame over yours.

[–]RedPillGlasses3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good response.

Man Job = On It, absolutely.

Woman Job = GTFO

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

if you're a weak-willed asshole kissing your wife's ass and begging for her honeypot then perhaps it is some magical dumbass test otherwise she'd probably just like a fucking cup of coffee

jesus fucking christ the ice tea

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All I can think about when someone says ice tea. SFW.


[–]coinbaserep1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The real question is Are you the prize ? Can you ask for something your capable of doing yourself and she gets it with a smile

I come home from a successful day at work and sit down and relax on the back deck and I can ask her to bring me fresh squeezed lime and ice water and she gets up and brings her king a cold drink

Now we have a great loving relationship and I will return the favor. But she’s not taking advantage and using her pussy as power.

The key here is for you to be the prize and make sure you are getting her to do requests for you in a sign of submission

Women want to please a man she deems a prize

I have had employees that saw her “serve me” and they’ve actually joked with her telling her not to enable me

She’s not enabling me by doing my bidding she’s being a good wife and providing me with value

If your doing all the bidding she’s the prize

[–]dll1421 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on YOUR frame of mind. My wife does the laundry at my house. She sorts it, brings it downstairs, washes it, dries it, and folds it. She sets the basket by the steps and says nothing. I always take it up stairs for her because I want to do it. I like doing it, but I do it because I give out of abundance. She always says thank you and appreciates it. If you're unsure of whether this is a shit test or not, then you're not where you need to be. Shit tests should be dealt with like breathing or hanging your jacket up when you get home. Passing them becomes second nature. The fact that you care about, or are overthinking this minutiae tells me that you're not there yet.

All women will shit test, it's just what they do. When your frame is where it needs to be, you won't even care about shit tests or even be conscious on one going on, you'll pass it without effort.

Think of it this.... what does it say about your frame considering the fact that you are asking this question? Focus here... OI & abundance mentality... getting these right naturally kills uncertainty, neediness, caretaking, taking responsibility for your wife's moods, etc. This is the secret to security and frame. All frame basically is a belief and value system that works for you and owning that.

[–]PillUpAss3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s a shit test, AM / AA accordingly. “Sorry my legs are paralyzed” with a smile usually gets them going. After she bitches about you no longer being her slave, follow with “I think my dick still works though - let’s find out!” Begin scene..

[–]FoxShitNasty83-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • Sorry my legs are broken
  • One of my legs was eaten by a shark and replaced with jelly.
  • I chopped my leg of earlier in protest against anti piracy.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Generally speaking, would you ask your boss or the CEO of the company to go get you a drink? Would you ask a subordinate?

Without getting into all of the weird one off scenarios where the above wouldn't apply and going with the 99% of the time when it does, does that make you the boss or the subordinate?

It may be a "mild" shit test, but she is still checking to make sure she still has pull in the house and that you are obedient. Once you start recognizing the shit tests for what they are your eyes will forever be opened. They happen more often than you think and I am also convinced that women don't even know that they are doing it. It is just built into their programming.

Just don't go full retard when you start addressing them.

[–]the_man_i_want_to_be-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

would you ask your boss or the CEO of the company to go get you a drink?

I mean, if he was by the fridge, sure

[–]the_man_i_want_to_be0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she's doing it while you are obviously busy or when it would be easier for her to get it, it's probably a compliance test.

If you're in an easier position to get it, she's busy, or she's exhausted...she probably just wants a tea, and hopes you'll do her the favor.

Don't overthink it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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