I'm never approached by men.

loneliness-inc · 2017-07-21T03:19:34+00:00

In this equation of countless men and you, the only common denominator is you. If a few men aren't interested in you, maybe you just aren't their type. If most men aren't interested in you, maybe it's you.

I don't know you at all but - as a man - I do know that I'd never approach a woman with your attitude, ever. Here are a few reasons why. I say this solely based on what you write here. As I said, I don't know you.

I dont mind being single, but what I just dont understand is why I'm not approached by men.

These two statements contradict each other. If you don't mind being single, you wouldn't be bothered about not being approached. If you wanted to stay single and just have sex, that's very easy for you as a woman. My guess is that you're bothered by being single.

Additionally, this statement (and the rest of your post) stinks of entitlement. "I just don't understand" means that you expect Men to notice you and come running. Why should they? What do you have to offer?

I don't know why I cant get a real MAN to just come up to me, start a conversation, sweep me off my feet, and ask for my number.

More entitlement right here.

Then you explain how the guys who did dare to approach you were weird. Again, with an attitude like that, why would any man approach you? If they weren't right for you, just say so. Why label them as weird?

Additionally, no one will sweep you off your feet. Real life doesn't work that way. You have to be active if you want something to happen. You need to send of vibes and signals of your receptivity to being approached if you want to be approached. We look for things like this before approaching. If this is your attitude and mindset, you're certainly broadcasting this message loud and clear without saying a word. This is why men aren't approaching.

In today's day and age, everything is stacked against a man. Therefore, if a man is going to take the leap and approach you, there better be something in it for him. What do you have to offer?

Cardiscappa · 2017-07-20T20:11:14+00:00

Eye contact and a slight Mona Lisa smile goes a long ways. Stand up straight, avoid Resting Bitch Face. Don't shuffle around like Quasimodo. Do a few or all of these simple things, I'm sure you'll see an improvement in approaches.

win_chelchel895 · 2017-07-20T22:00:42+00:00

My go to that seemed to usually work for me when I was dating was to find a guy I was interested in at whatever place I was at, look his way a few times till I knew that he knew I was looking, then if I caught his eye I'd flash him a smile. The goal was to invite him to approach me. If I was with a few girlfriends sometimes that can be intimidating if it's more than a couple so I would find a reason to be more alone like go across the room to look at something, or leave the table to get a drink at the bar etc. The key was that I didn't make myself alone and approachable until I knew the guy knew I was interested and welcome to the idea of his approach. I've found that this can work in most settings.

indianblanket · 2017-07-20T20:28:34+00:00

Meeting guys: Meet Up. Find something that looks like fun to you and would also attract the kind of guys you're interested in.

Attire: Dress simple, be clean, brush your hair, and wear enough make up to where you look at yourself and say "damn, I look good". You'll know it when you see it. "Natural" make up is my go to when I choose to wear it. Mascara, eyeliner in the top lash line and 1/2 bottom lash line (outside corner to pupil), with browns for shadow (light toward nose, medium for outer half, blend the two with a finger or blending brush). I don't wear face makeup, but maybe some blush/bronzer.

Expectations: Don't expect men to initiate. They're going to let you down. Be friendly toward everyone. Not everyone is going to be accepting - ignore it. The best way I got interaction from guys was by smiling and saying hello first.

You're already putting yourself on a pedestal by expecting them to want to talk to you first. Give them a REASON. Don't just assume you're exceptional, BE entitled to their affection.

FriendFrog · 2017-07-21T04:22:32+00:00

It sounds like you're trying to say that you're approached, but not by the men you want to approach you.

teaandtalk · 2017-07-20T22:16:51+00:00

Honestly, I'd suggest getting a throw away account and going on one of those hot or not subreddits for suggestions on how to improve your look.

En-Zu · 2017-07-21T00:07:10+00:00

How to passively get guys to go out with you is something I hear people complain about a lot on here and just in life in general.

I don't know if something has really changed in the way that we have relationships now than in the past but my mom always is surprised by the fact that people don't really casually date anymore they just start a relationship.

I think that that's true and it's pretty unnatural outside of the context of already knowing a person. When genders were more separate and didn't really interact with each other casual dating was a necessity. But now that they don't have divided spheres like they used to casual dating seems pretty superfluous and people are used to just hopping right into relationships. So when they leave a school setting (after ~22 years) they treat relationships how they always have and that's just not possible.

That really just adds up to the reason men don't ask women is just that there's a lot of pressure involved in it and because there's no culture of casual dating anymore and so asking someone out is the equivalent of asking some stranger if they want to be your girlfriend. Which is almost never going to happen for good reason. So guys catch wind of their pretty low chances of success and stop doing it. As much as you project a dgaf mentality being called a creep a few times by girls is pretty hard on the ego.

So what are you to do about it? I suppose just recreate the conditions that you're used to as a 20-something and look for co-ed opportunities that you enjoy and meet people incidentally. That way you already know people before they ever "ask you out" and it does a pretty good job of filtering people who have similar interests and provides a decent conversation starter. OR you could always try online.

Or you could try asking guys out. It's hard and you might (probably) get rejected doing that but hey we deal with that all the time and realistically your chances are a lot higher than ours.

youreallmeatanyway · 2017-07-21T01:49:04+00:00

You want guys to approach. Thats fine. But you have to understand that thats a lot of pressure for some guys. So try this instead: get into a position where they have an excuse to talk to you.

My last relationship started over a game of Cards Against Humanity. Not only is it a hilarious ice breaker, but with so many people laughing and having fun it eliminated any social pressure about talking to her.

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2017-07-21T02:28:05+00:00

Where are you expecting to be approached? General attitiude, eye contact, and looking approachable goes a long way.

bedaking · 2017-07-21T11:35:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HB3234 · 2017-07-21T05:40:30+00:00

You sound really insecure and I think that might be part of your problem. When people are insecure, their body language usually reads negatively.

Insecurity can read several ways in body language: as unsure or lost, as defensive or closed off, or as aloof/snobby. Even if you are objectively attractive, insecure body language can be very off putting.

The worst part is that it's a part of communication that happens at such a low level of consciousness that people won't even be able to articulate WHY they feel you're unapproachable. (This may be part of why your friends may not have much useful feedback for you on the topic. They see, know, and love a version of you that is more in her element.)

Why I say this:

It's not quite normal to be this utterly unaware about how attractive you are. Unless you live deep in the Alaskan bush and haven't yet saved up enough beaver pelts to trade for a mirror, you should be able to look at yourself and gauge your atttractiveness decently enough. Typically, people who don't know where they stand tend to be people who don't think highly of themselves at all and are trying to make sense of the compliments they receive.
Rather than up your game, your first instinct was to lower your standards again and again. You didn't discuss self improvement nearly as much as you discussed settling for the idea of less.

If any of this rings true, I can detail a list of little tweeks that can help you fake it til you make it with body language, but I won't hit you with a wall of text on that unless you feel I've got a reasonable read here.

MordorsFinest · 2017-07-21T06:26:57+00:00

Go outside or use tinder

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-07-21T14:48:30+00:00

I honestly have no idea if i look good or not.

There's your answer. Not to be harsh, but you should know. This is the number one thing that draws guys in. Get in shape if you're not. Get cute clothes if you don't have them. You can do both of these very inexpensively ( btw I just got some Hudson jeans at my fave resale shop!! $25!!) Get something that flatters but isn't too revealing. There's so many resources available to help you get your looks on point. Then once you do just sit up with your back straight, ankles crossed legs to the side and hit them with the soft girl smile. Mona Lisa smile. No teeth!! Lol.You won't be waiting long!! Good luck

TheSelfGoverned · 2017-07-21T03:48:19+00:00

As a relatively attractive male, I've been approached once in 2017...by a psycho. She made that abundantly clear on the first date.

So you should try approaching. Men are flattered by it and don't really care if the first 5 seconds are awkward. After all, we're used to approaching, so we understand.

kena333 · 2017-07-20T21:22:22+00:00

Perhaps it is your body language? Make sure your arms are not crossed and try to appear more open and receptive. Stand in ways the add curves to your body and make sure that your face looks pleasant when neutral.

Also make sure that you always look polished! I find that it is not about dressing up in heels and dresses that attracts men as much as showcasing your figure in a tasteful way. And of course, working out helps a lot. A lot of the times it is the body that attracts the men (they may see the general shape before they see your face).

Rivkariver · 2017-07-21T15:41:47+00:00

I had to learn that there's a middle ground between standing off giving no signals of interest, and actively chasing and pursuing. You might need to do things to show interest, things that might feel incredibly obvious to you...but that won't seem so to a guy. We women can give long eye contact and it makes us feel like we just went up and said "please ask me out," but the guy didn't even register it. Don't assume all guys are confident and self assured. You can make it obvious you're open to a date and he won't see you as desperate.

Boobear3 · 2017-07-21T20:54:31+00:00

It is much easier for attractive men to just go on tinder or meet girls when they're drunk, rather than do a sober cold approach, which could be awkward. If you notice a guy looking at you, try giving really obvious signals that you're interested.

NullIsUndefined · 2017-07-22T06:09:58+00:00

How much time are you spending in approachable places? Shopping? Public lunch tables/cafes? Waiting for the bus?

labelleindifference · 2017-07-22T16:39:09+00:00

Are you a friendly, open person? How do you relate to people in general? Do you smile and laugh (with everyone, not just men) to show that you are friendly and harmless? And do you take pride in your appearance in general?

I have a feeling that you might come across and closed-off and unapproachable. I think if you are able to answer yes to all of the questions above, eventually you will start to be approached by men. Guys are programmed to approach women when they feel like there's an opportunity, and a smile, shy look, giggle or thoughtful questions is enough to trigger that response in men.

And as an aside, why was your longest relationship less than one year in length? I am thinking that perhaps you might keep people at arms length in general and might have trouble opening up, but I might be completely wrong.

bellalanina · 2017-07-21T00:38:28+00:00

Lots of folks use online dating services. Maybe that cold be an option?

mwait · 2017-07-21T15:03:15+00:00

I don't know why I cant get a real MAN to just come up to me, start a conversation, sweep me off my feet, and ask for my number.

This post sounds like it belongs in the "where are all the good men" subreddit.

This is Red Pill Women. So you are posting here to get some brutally honest answers, right? Setting aside the unattractive female entitlement that this post reeks of for a minute, the actual answer to your question is that you are likely not attractive enough for the high value guys you desire to want to approach you.

You've been approached by guys you consider to be too low SMV for you to bother with. And when you are in the presence of these lower SMV guys, you likely have an attitude that makes you very unapproachable. Because you don't want to be approached by those guys. My guess is the only time you make a true effort to be friendly/feminine and not have RBF is in the presence of attractive HV men. However, your results seem to indicate that you are not attractive enough to be approached by those men.

Determining your "league" is really simple as a woman. On average, what type of man comes up and flirts with/hits on you? You know the answer to that question.

ragnarockette · 2017-07-22T15:50:51+00:00

Random note:

I was at the county fair last night with my girlfriend and it was nuts how few women were wearing dresses or skirts (and if they were they looked like this). Jeans and shorts are very, very in right now. As are monochromatic outfits with a lot of black and grey.

If I was single I would be rocking as many floral sundresses as possible right now. It would stand out as so cheerful and feminine in a sea of jeans and crop tops. Don't get me wrong, I love jeans and crop tops, but it would be an easy way to draw a man's eye in public!

GlitchyBlasphemer · 2017-07-22T02:38:29+00:00

Stop being a chicken shit and do the approaching yourself. You want to date someone, go up and say Hi.

Field_Of_View · 2017-07-26T02:20:12+00:00

I don't know why I cant get a real MAN to just come up to me, start a conversation, sweep me off my feet

Why should a "real man" do this? Seems like an extraordinary thing to do. Why risk his reputation like that? Why for you out of all the women he could have?

Title	I'm never approached by men.
Author	bellalanina
Upvotes	27
Comments	58
Date	July 20, 2017 7:59 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6oitsr/im_never_approached_by_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-never-approached-by-men.73152 https://theredarchive.com/post/73152

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