I Need advice

Kara__El · 2018-09-11T14:03:36+00:00

I hate n-count discussions and I know I'm not the only one. Inevitably, they lead to the one guy who insists that the number of men you've been with IS your worth as a human being and the free love girl who got lost on the internet and somehow ended up here, insisting it doesn't matter. In reality, relationships are just more complicated than that.

Stop sleeping with men without committment. As u/fumblesrpw said, this attitude makes you a plate. You're 20 and have a number of 7, so I mean it when I say take two years away from men. Don't give blow jobs at parties. Don't make out with guys you barely know. Don't date. Build your worth in other ways to the extent that it compensates for your number, in your mind and the minds of men. Work out, learn to dress and do your makeup stylishly, but modestly. Develop hobbies and excel at them, be they hiking or crochet. Read books, articles, political blogs, anything that will make you a more interesting date.

Then, and only then, DATE. However you do it, through church or friends or meetups or online dating apps, insist on actual DATES to get to know men. They don't have to spend money, but they do have to spend time. Share your core values and goals and political and religious views and when he calls you his girlfriend, introduces you to friends, takes you to family dinner, THEN have sex with him.

Some guys will never ask about your number. Some will ask early in the relationship and may not care. Some may not ask for two years and then they'll lose respect for you when they do. You have to feel men out individually to know who you've got and for many, seven might not be that big of a deal, but you have to STOP and work on yourself and keep it at seven until you're ready for a real relationship. You're not ruined, but if you keep this up, you may be.

grassfed-stoic · 2018-09-11T12:02:14+00:00

You don’t end up with them, you’re not passive in this equation. You’re choosing these men for a reason, have you questioned why?

raeonmon · 2018-09-11T12:54:15+00:00

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop sleeping with guys when you're not in an ltr. Like someone else suggested go into nun mode and sort yourself out. The best way to make yourself "not a plate" is to stop being one. Improve your style, hit the gym, improve your social skills, and decide what you want in life and the kind of man that will fit into that. Only when you start being the type of woman who guys want to date, will you find the right kind of guys. YOU are responsible for your actions, no one else is.

[deleted] · 2018-09-11T12:24:31+00:00

Take time off from meeting and getting with men. You need to sort yourself or you're going to keep repeating this pattern forever. Stop.
Read The Surrendered Single.
Lurk around here for a while.

The biggest thing you can do right now is close your legs and work on improving yourself. Find hobbies or interests to pursue.

AnnaAerials · 2018-09-11T12:27:37+00:00

Hey, you’re in a great place to learn. I know the situation you’re in feels definite and like things can never change but they can- read some of the posts here and the wiki to get a better understanding of RPW.

And I’ll be honest- the guys you see casually are selfish, they don’t care deeply for you in the way you need. One of the biggest things for you that you may find is hanging around better people, friends with better values (if all your friends always get drunk or do recreational drugs, you probably need new friends) Recognise that life as something that devalues you. Delete tinder if you have it and have a really honest conversation with yourself.

You are a female, some of our needs is to take care of a male and be with a male. We love the attention and their care- it’s amazing. But in casual relationships a taste of those amazing things is traded for sex- where in a healthy relationship it isn’t just a taste- there’s constant trust, safety as well as loyalty

I’m glad you found RPW. Ask questions, read, and be thankful that you’re hitting the “ I can’t do this anymore I feel like shit” wall at 20 rather than your late 20s when it probably would have been nearer impossible to change yourself.

There is hope!

Velvet_power · 2018-09-11T13:04:45+00:00

Of course you’re not forever a plate. In real life a lot of guys don’t care as much as the men on these forums. Personally mine is 2 and no one has ever cared. I’ve also got friends in successful relationships with half a dozen. One friend is 23 n count 25 and very much in love with her boyfriend. It’s not your n count it’s your attitude and personality

vintagegirlgame · 2018-09-11T16:03:22+00:00

Well... tell me about your father. Do you have a good, strong father figure in your life who guided you? If not, women like you tend to seek male (sexual) attention. I suggest you go into nun mode and do some intense self-improving by reading the suggested books and the posts from endorsed contributors.

If your attitude doesn’t change, yes you’ll be a plate forever and men won’t see you as wife material. If you want a fulfilling marriage down the road, certain behavior will need to be modified.

You attract what you are, not what you want. Be the women that men want to commit to. You’re 20 so there’s hope.

xelaandra23 · 2018-09-11T14:33:39+00:00

Take the lesson learned and stop now.

[deleted] · 2018-09-11T17:19:26+00:00

Easier said then done but I'll try

[deleted] · 2018-09-11T19:01:38+00:00

You want an alpha male that you think you can fix and take on a more provider role once you start dating. But those type of men usually won’t. He leaves and hurts you and the cycle repeats. You then justify it by saying well I guess I only attract those type of men. That’s how you rationalize it. But they’re are plenty of men that are provider types but you wouldn’t date them before an alpha because they’re just not as physically attractive. Maybe when you get older and say I’m done with those bad boys to signal to the men that have been waiting all those years to finally get a chance to date you. But I’m reality you’re really not you just know you’re closer to the wall and want to snag you a guy that’ll provide security. I suggest you read the rational male preventive medicine by rollo tomassi if you want to understand your nature.

MakeAmericaRichAgain · 2018-09-11T19:11:46+00:00

There's an old saying: "Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer".

With regards to men "treating you like shit":

If I was a young single guy, and I could get away with fucking you while still treating you like shit, then I would do that, too. Your problem here is that you don't demand special treatment, or even just basic kindness, in exchange for sex. It's likely that you're an above-average looking college student, and the males that interest you physically are brutish neanderthals who have no ability to treat you like a human being. You can reward them for that behavior, or you can tell them to fuck off and wait for someone who's actually nice to you. It's your choice.

With regards to "always being a plate":

If I had to take a shot in the dark, I'd guess that you feel badly about how many guys you've already slept with by the age of 20. I would also guess that you've enjoyed the act of sleeping with most of them, even though they might "treat you like shit" or "see you as just a toy" afterwards. When I read your post, I identify your problem as this: You enjoy fucking lots of dudes, but you're starting to see that it will diminish your value as a prospect for long-term relationships. If that's what you're thinking, then you're right. Fucking lots of guys makes you a bad candidate for an investment of long-term fidelity. Not fucking lots of guys makes you a good candidate for an investment of long-term fidelity. There's no "have your cake and eat it too" here. Those are the breaks.

Then, I see you make a comment about how being a plate is "better than nothing", and I have a new theory. My new theory is, the side of you that likes fucking lots of dudes is winning against the side of you that might want a long-term relationship one day. Because that side is winning, you're trying to establish that you're "too far gone", so that you may as well go full slut and put a dick in each hand every day for the next 10 years, because after all, you're already ruined. That way, you can go right back to fucking randoms and being happy right now, without having to worry about a pesky little thing like your future happiness.

The truth of the matter is this: You're 20 years old. That's old enough to decide what you want out of life. The decisions that you make can and will have consequences. If you continue fucking guys without nailing down a long-term commitment, you will find it increasingly harder to find a long-term commitment. If you take too long to find a long-term commitment, you will hit "the wall" - the age at which your looks start to fade, and all of those hit-it-and-quit-it "friends" you've made over the years will leave you and move on to the next wave of 20-25 year olds willing to sacrifice their bodies for attention. Your long-term value is already the lowest it has ever been. Every guy you fuck between now and 30 represents an additional decrease in your overall chances of finding long-term happiness.

If that doesn't sound appealing to you, then you can choose door number two. You can stop fucking guys that you barely know. You can attempt to talk to guys as human beings and not as walking dicks. You can have a little bit of self-respect, and only talk to guys who will treat you like an adult and not like a piece of ass. Doing this will increase your chances of finding a long-term relationship, but the tradeoff is that you have to stop riding around on the merry-go-round of cocks.

Those are the two options in front of you. Choose wisely, and be prepared to live with the consequences.

cynicalhousewife · 2018-09-11T20:40:54+00:00

How can anyone really give you advice if you don't provide any details? How are men treating you badly? Do you go for a certain 'type'? Are you just being idealistic?

Supercam10 · 2018-09-11T12:27:07+00:00

I'm a 22 year old guy, listen please stop sleeping with these guys if you want any chance at a successful relationship down the road. Men value a woman who's a catch, being so would mean you're some what hard to get in a sense. The minute you sleep with these guys, is the minute your value drops in their eyes. Your value IS YOUR N COUNT. I'm sorry that's blunt, but being easy isn't valuable, valuing yourself is... Therefor sleeping with numerous men, and not valuing your sense of self worth makes you low quality to these guys. Look how miserable you are even after sexual pleasure and numerous partners. You feel worthless again therefor something MUST change if you want different results... You're attracted to guys who are ass holes because there mostly come off dominantly, that's fine, it's on you to vet these guys better and look after yourself first until you can trust. Trust and verify!!! Continue to treat and act low quality and you'll get just that, low quality men and results! Wish you well!

Title	I Need advice
Author	Girlhavingfun1998
Upvotes	3
Comments	61
Date	September 11, 2018 11:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9ewt6r/i_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-need-advice.75131 https://theredarchive.com/post/75131

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