The Road to Recovery from the book Women who love too much.

lovetarie · 2021-04-26T16:17:36+00:00

"A woman who has overcome her pattern of loving too much is profoundly different from who and what she was prior to recovery"

this quote. we aren't just different. we are profoundly different. so much excitement and motivation!

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-04-26T20:02:15+00:00

So I can say from my experience, that the list is strikingly similar to my recovery.

About five years ago, I completely shattered. Bad relationships, poor coping skills, unhealed trauma, and no support. I won't go into details now, but it was really, really bad for almost a year - and I almost didn't make it through. It came to the point that I needed to invest financially in some major support (think: residential treatment). I entered into a program that was better than residential treatment imo. I had to face that I was broken and put my recovery first. This place had a community that was amazing at understanding me and my emotions. I had to be vulnerable and allow them to see me through my worst. I spent a year there and gradually healed and developed boundaries and my sense of worth. I specifically remember my NVMX texting me when I was there and I showed it to one of the counselors and she said "That's a hook!" and learned about games and manipulation.

My experience was extreme and my specific recovery was based on the help of this center and their community. I am a completely different person now, not perfectly healed by any means, but am doing loads better.

This is a really, really great reminder thank you for posting. FDS is an amazing community.

Gourmay · 2021-04-26T20:02:39+00:00

I got into a serious relationship (not intentionally but we'd known and liked each other ages and were finally both single) around the time I started this process (which includes therapy, several books and here) and although the relationship is super healthy, boy is it hard once you're on the other side of your past mistakes. I dated several men with NPD over just a few years, who wrecked my sense of what was normal or not. So now I question everything, am very jumpy and need to figure out how to regain peace. Someone on here pointed out recently that there's trauma at realizing you went through trauma and that's certainly the phase I'm in.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-04-26T22:34:42+00:00

Sory to be contrary but read the scathing critique of Norwood in Susan Faludi's groundbreaking feminist tome Backlash. Also read the deliberate "antidote" to WWLTM-- Men Who Can't Love by clinicians Julia Sokol and Steven Carter.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/351858.Men_Who_Can_t_Love

The problem is not that you love too much. The problem is that some people are loveless. Captor bonding is another issue. It's not love but a hardwired survival response to dangerous lack of empathy and ab.use. For that read Donald Dutton's The Bat.terer.

Throwawayrightaway28 · 2021-04-26T19:48:01+00:00

Wow. At first I thought I didn’t need this post because I’ve never really been a pick me for men. But the steps are going to be invaluable in separating some from my family. I love them, but they have issues

haunted_vcr · 2021-04-26T19:15:44+00:00

That book is phenomenal.

FDS helps us with 3&10.

Downtown-Temporary52 · 2021-04-26T20:46:09+00:00

I personally use step 10 to recover from a breakup! I wrote lengthily about what I have gone through and shared with people I trust including my counselor.

Trust me it works!

fdsThrowaway2021 · 2021-04-26T18:58:58+00:00

Which « games » is she referring to in no. 6?

BongSlurper · 2021-04-26T23:17:19+00:00

I’m currently trying to do some of these things now, particularly after reading women who love too much.

So far I distanced myself from my partner and we’ve been apart for a few weeks now. Mainly I’m trying to put the energy I’ve spent on the relationship on myself. I’m going to therapy, eating healthy, meditating daily, affirmations daily, going back to school, doing more at work, buying myself gifts, walking outside everyday, reading and journaling daily, etc.

I feel pretty good so far. Like I’m on the right path. Trying to re-focus my life around my goals and how I alone can achieve them. There’s still more I’d like to do though. Trying to psych myself up to try Alanon, and I’d like to get back into some more hobbies. As far as romantic relationships go, I’m just not even considering it. Probably won’t for a while.

jeniiiiiblue · 2021-04-27T02:16:50+00:00

I don’t think women love to much for a successful relationship to work there need to be a willingness to love And some vulnerability

I think the problem is boundaries and when people show us who they are we don’t believe them . When they have shortcoming we think we can change them or we are willing to wait when we should just accept that’s who they are And leave . The idea of women who love too much doesn’t sit well with me it gives off the idea of some powerlessness or the inability to have boundaries. All of this takes work but there is nothing wrong with loving and I don’t believe we love to much . Loving someone is not a handicap staying when u see the first sign of disrespect is. We need to work on ourselves love ourselves so we know our worth and boundaries .

lovetarie · 2021-04-27T16:02:51+00:00

If you read the book, this doesn’t only target women who love too much. It DOES acknowledge the fact that the men are unlovable and have their own issues. Each story literally talks about the men and his toxicity and it’s not a “it’s your fault you love too much”, victimizing the woman or even making her the villain.

Title	The Road to Recovery from the book Women who love too much.
Author	lovetarie
Upvotes	184
Comments	33
Date	April 26, 2021 4:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mz15v2/the_road_to_recovery_from_the_book_women_who_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-road-to-recovery-from-the-book-women-who-love.777160 https://theredarchive.com/post/777160

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