Seeking help

RichardMcCarty · 2020-10-09T20:26:46+00:00

Personally I will never marry again. There’s absolutely no benefit for the man. Fool me once...

MartyMcFly7 · 2020-10-09T20:26:35+00:00

I think your eyes were just opened to the bitter truth that most who marry will end up unhappy and divorced or unhappily married, but there are rare exceptions.

That said, it's rarely ever ALL bad. There are good days, weeks, years, and bad ones.
All one can do is enter into a relationship assuming it will have an expiration date, and plan accordingly.

akihonj · 2020-10-09T22:03:05+00:00

Your bitterness will go in time. Mine did and so did that for every other divorced man I know. What doesn't go is the aversion to marriage itself.

I say to people imagine you wanted to buy a car. You go into the showroom and the salesperson standing there hands you a contract of sale.

You read through it and see that after 12 months the car can break down any warranty signed, prenup, can be ignored at the discretion of the showroom, court.

To fix it will cost you dearly and can be as much as twice the cost of the original price for the car. After that it might still not work, and just to hammer it home at any point you shout expect the car to be picked up and taken away even though you've done everything right it can still be taken away.

You'll still have to pay for the car and if the car still doesn't work you'll have to go through a court to separate yourself from the car and if you do that you'll find your going to pay at least half the cost of the car for maybe another 4 years.

After about 20 years you should also expect another bill for the car for at least a good percentage of your income or pension.

Do you still want to buy the car.

lemmingsrevenge · 2020-10-09T21:56:40+00:00

You might not be for marriage again, but do yourself a favor and not become so toxic against it. Many people get married and are generally happy with that choice.

Use your experience to change how you view relationships. Be more active in discerning what actually is, and not putting on the googles that make you view the situation as what you want.

KissMyConverse- · 2020-10-10T00:20:16+00:00

I'm in the middle of the process, but I know I will never again. There is just no upside.

DeletedLastAccount · 2020-10-10T04:33:58+00:00

I dunno. Its been 4+ years for me. I've sworn off relationships completely.

My wife's leaving / infidelity etc... damned near killed me. I very nearly did myself in.

I'm not risking that again for anyone.

I'm resigned to dying alone.

infinityplus1 · 2020-10-09T21:34:48+00:00

Another vote for no to marriage.

Dating absolutely, maybe a LTR but no to marriage.

fnbob917 · 2020-10-10T01:13:34+00:00

Yeah, I sure as shit am never going to get married again. I’m getting completely eviscerated by my stbxw, and yeah, this forced renaissance kind of fucking sucks.

That being said, this, and any other things that people have a glowing white hot burning passion for (Vegan, CrossFit) I’m not going to carry an axe to grind for it. I’m gonna let people have their happiness. I’ll give him wink and Say you need to watch watch your shit, but I’m not going to be a bitter asshole about it.

ThrowawayAndstuff069 · 2020-10-10T00:54:48+00:00

Yeah, can’t say but don’t blame you for your feelings. I do believe in love but not sure I will ever legally marry again.

daedalis2020 · 2020-10-10T13:43:44+00:00

Sure, I’ll do it again... with a prenup and longer dating and cohabitating period.

I like having someone to care for, I just want the next one to give back and appreciate me.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2020-10-10T16:59:47+00:00

Does my bitterness toward the institution of marriage itself end?

Under the current ruleset, a man is a damned fool if it doesn't. That feeling and bitterness you are experiencing is self-preservation and something called logic.

Will I ever believe in the beauty that successful marriages have?

In the concept? Sure. Perhaps we all do. In the state-ordained reality? Shit no. Title IV-D, and the data around divorce initiation should, at the very least, trigger an intellectual analysis that sets aside emotion and hope. Many men (self included) compared modern marriage dynamics and laws to marriages that occurred when these things were drastically different. When grandma and granddad married, there was social shame for divorce and no paid incentives to be a single mother.

flyvefisse · 2020-10-11T07:00:38+00:00

Women wants to be entertained. Marriage is for losers. Plain and simple.

jazzy3113 · 2020-10-09T20:24:07+00:00

Once you meet the right girl, it will mend yours heart.

Till then, you’ll be angry.

YeTuMamaTambien · 2020-10-09T21:44:15+00:00

Marry again.. me? I dont thinkso

Just gonna leave this here. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7Lb9dq-JZFI

Title	Seeking help
Author	bigtony199077
Upvotes	11
Comments	19
Date	October 9, 2020 8:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/j86bqf/seeking_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seeking-help.817830 https://theredarchive.com/post/817830

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